Worst songs of the nineties (slideshow).  Most of them really are pretty dreadful.
No music, but earworm alert, anyhow.ÂÂ
Search
Archive Calendar
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | |
Archives
Categories
- A Government That Can Force You to Buy Health Insurance Can Make You Do Anything (3)
- a protein wisdom philosophy primer (3)
- academics (25)
- armadillo (8)
- Friday Fiction 100 Word Challenge (51)
- from the protein wisdom conceptual series (136)
- identity politics (33)
- If Republicans Win the Senate in 2014 (1)
- in which celebraties comment on current events (67)
- language / intentionalism (88)
- legal (6)
- My brief conversations with inanimate objects (130)
- NSA / FISA (46)
- One Term to Serve, the 2012 Revival (6)
- Overheard in a Fallujah bunker (27)
- Poems from 196x, Revised by the Ghost of Richard Brauti (27)
- protein wisdom's DNC coverage (30)
- protein wisdom's RNC coverage (29)
- protein wisdom: the movie Lists (20)
- Provocateurism (16)
- real-time empirical observations (51)
- red pills found behind the sofa cushions (42)
- Scenes from my driveway (61)
- Talking back to 80s music (41)
- The Martha Stewart Chronicles (58)
- The protein wisdom interviews (10)
- The protein wisdom original poems (142)
- Uncategorized (20,046)
- Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, abridged (34)
Recent Comments
- In The Mailbox: 02.28.23 (Afternoon Edition) : The Other McCain on Hey, longtime pw readers…
- In The Mailbox: 12.23.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll truly IS a sad, embittered psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- Danger on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
- In The Mailbox: 07.18.22 : The Other McCain on Patrick J. Carroll might be a psychopath
I was surprised at how few of those titles I recognized — and at least a couple that I did, had to be covers (the originals may have been among the worst songs of an earlier epoch).
I must have spent the ’90s listening to old music, perhaps including one or more of the covers previously mentioned…
Vanilla Ice is one of those lonely, unrecognized geniuses. He will only be appreciated long after his death.
Take heed ’cause I’m a lyrical poet
Miami’s on the scene just in case you didn’t know it
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
‘Cause my style’s like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step with this
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn
If my rhyme was a drug I’d sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it’s time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem yo I’ll solve it
Check out the hook while Shay revolves it
His lyrics ooze, like expensive hair gel, the pain of life on the mean streets of Plano, Texas. We all want to stand and say with him, “I am a lyrical poet.”
Take heed ’cause I am a lyrical poet. Vanilla Ice. One for the ages.
Vanilla Ice? The only “thing” that was more depressing than my life in the ninties. Vanilla fucking Ice?
C’mon. Let’s get back to the seventies, when this old geezer actually thought that life was fun.
Fucking moron (me), I must say. I will never have a high school cheerleader in my bed again, and I am old enough to think that that scenario is not a bummer.
Well, sorta..
Bummer (My eyes are not happenin’, but I think I might have put an extra “m” in there. Or is it an “n”? Who knows? Old guys get a break, right?).
I really hate getting old…
I gotta say. Vanilla Ice knocked MC Hammer off the # 1 spot on the charts for 5-6 weeks. That alone was worth the 8 bucks I spent on Vanilla’s CD.
And if you ask me, Rico Suave was the worst song of the 90’s.
Yeah, yeah.
Enough. From now on, only happy stuff…Regardless of the fact that Obama will be our next president.
“Every day is beautiful, in it’s own way”. Thank you, Joe Scarborough (sp?), or whoever it was that wrote that goofy song. Help me here. Joe “Whoever” also did “Walk A Mile In My Shoes”
Take my wife – PLEASE!
Thank you from Loco Tomas (or as they call me around here – Local Tomas.
Obama is going to be our next president ?
If so and you make over 75k a year I suggest the following :
a. immigrate to a non-extradition country.
b. Take all of your money with you.
c. do not, under any circumstances, return to the US until pretty much all of Obama’s initiatives have expired.
I’m surprised they kept the list so short. There was an abundance of really horrible music in the 90s from the start of the decade to the finish. Although I admit I still have a real soft spot for O.P.P; Hip Hop Hooray was their real steaming turd hit.
The list is bullshit anyway–a lot of that stuff that is mocked now was considered cutting edge back then, and the media praised most of it to the skies. It seems like they picked one band or artist from each genre of the 90s and designated a random hit as “bad”.
“I gotta say. Vanilla Ice knocked MC Hammer off the # 1 spot on the charts for 5-6 weeks. That alone was worth the 8 bucks I spent on Vanilla’s CD.”
Any white person between the ages of 27 and 37 who says they didn’t like Vanilla Ice is lying their ass off. 15 million copies of “To The Extreme” sold says they are liars.
This is so sad…
I still like the Macarena.
Please don’t mock me too much.
At least you didn’t like Mambo No. 5.
Ted- are you kidding ? as a white kid in the suburbs, I was all about robbie van winkle and his wacky (but fake) exploits.
I will say I stopped “Cool as Ice” (the movie) 10 mins in- and the chick i was with at the time was ok with swapping it for something.., I dunno – less disturbing. I think we went to see Silence of the Lambs.
The only ones I recognized were what were once, in an earlier era, called “novelty records”.
Nothing truly horrid, just lame.
No real earworms, either. That would have required a “Manilow Alert”.
Maybe I’m just old.
“I will say I stopped “Cool as Ice†(the movie) 10 mins in”
You should read the reviews of that movie on amazon if you want a good laugh. Everyone knows the movie is horrible, but it gets a bunch of 5 star reviews for the “it’s so bad, it’s good” reason. I have a feeling that if it ever gets released on blu-Ray, Robbie van Winkle is going to be swimming in royalty checks for the first time since Day-Glo pants were cool.
I admit I’m still waiting for the perfect opportunity to tell a girl, “Drop that zero and get with the hero.”
Rock-genre music offered poor fare in the ’90’s. A couple good songs from Nirvana, R.E.M., and Alice in Chains are still in my playlist.
Doesn’t surprise that of those three two lost their lead singers to untimely deaths. R.E.M.’s Monster I think was the best album of the decade.
I’ll still happily listen to “Tubthumping,” “OPP,” and “How Bizarre.”
In fact, I think I will.
#15 serr8d
Monster was good, but I haven’t played it in a long time. I still listen to Jar of Flies regularly, though.
Oh, serr8d , there was a lot of good rock music in the 90’s.
Social Distortion had their self-titled album with “Story of My Life,” “Ring of Fire,” and “Ball and Chain.” Screaming Trees had Sweet Oblivion, which is one of my all time favorite albums. Catherine Wheel’s album Ferment–you’ll probably remember the song “Black Metallic”–was brilliant. I liked some of Verve, Oasis, the first few Smashing Pumpkins albums, the first few Radiohead albums, the Manic Street Preachers, and My Bloody Valentine’s album Loveless.
Placebo was freaky but very cool. Madrugada’s album Industrial Silence is gorgeous (although even better stuff came after 2000 up until they called it quits this year). Queens of the Stone Age put out their first album in 98.
Mark Lanegan put out Whiskey for the Holy Ghost and I’ll Take Care of You–which, by themselves, make the entire decade worthwhile.
Have you listened to Daniel Lanois’ album For the Beauty of Wynona? And, while it might not be popular around these parts, U2’s album Achtung Baby has songs that contribute to my playlists regularly (“One” and “Acrobat” in particular).
Um, even to a far gone former Planotian your mistaken 411 felt like a haymaker to groin. Ice was from Carrolton or Farmer’s Branch, one of the two. I forget the name of his high school (it was RL Turner I think) and I refuse to look it up. But Plano was Northside of Vanilla’s white toast turf, besides, back in the day no decent Planotian would have been caught dead rolling Forest Ave. midst those lower middle-class greasers. We were notorious for OD’ing on street smack on the first try, maybe that’s where you heard of Plano for it was well regarded in the ranks of cities where teens committed suicide or OD’ed because they couldn’t handle the pressures of suburban teenage angst. 20/20 ran a piece on Plano back when that type of story was fashionably appalling. Upper middle-class white punks on dope, bang, bang, tsk, tsk.
OMC was cool. Turns out he’s Maori.
It may have been unintentional, but when “Rico Suave” came on, we cranked the stereo to 11. We all thought it was hilarious:
My only addiction has to do with the female species
I eat ’em raw like sushi…
I’m used to good ol’ fashioned
Homestyle Spanish cooking
If i try that I’ll be puking
Come on, now. That’s awesome. And, it teaches you Spanish!
No me gustan ternos, mi estilo es moderno
Si me enterno, you me enfermo
Mi apariencia es dura, vivo en la locura
No me vengan con ternuras
Which translated, means, “I’m a badass! Did you get a load of all these bandanas?” Loosely.
Much shorter list: songs worth a damn from the 90’s. Has anyone else noticed that musical creativity and talent sort of… tapered off at around 1995 and hasn’t changed since? The bands have new names, the songs have new titles, but they all sound the same as the stuff from 1996
Christopher: I’ll grant you the creativity aspect. Most musical acts have more talent than we like to give them credit for, but I also noticed how bland everything became around that time.
When Marilyn Manson was considered creative and edgy for essentially copying Alice Cooper, it shows just how desperate the media is to hype the next supposed “scourge of suburbia”. Very few popular acts(read, performers that most people have actually heard of) from that time forward could be considered distinctive because the industry has changed to package the product to the largest number of people, not necessarily to encourage artists to grow musically. It’s usually only when an artist gets a huge amount of stroke with their label that they can afford to branch out and try new things without committing career suicide.
One other thing I forgot to mention–the rise of the single in the industry will turn out to be one of the more significant developments that artists will have to deal with. In the 60s and 70s a band or singer could craft an album around an overall theme and still gain promotion through the release of singles. Now, thanks to mp3s and evidenced by the popularity of games like Guitar Hero, singles have become the whole promotion. I think in the near future we’re going to see artists focus their efforts on releasing simply singles if the overall sales continue to climb.