1. purchase chips
2. and maybe some hummus
3. (unless you aren’t really all that health conscious, in which case you may want to go with a jalapeno cheese dip
4. — though that won’t win you any of Mike Huckabee’s love.
5. except maybe if you really, really dig Jesus, that is.
6. because then it’s probably a wash).
7. Amen.
8. But I digress.
9. So, to recap: lay your hands on chips and some sort of dip — and a beverage (or several) of your choosing. Mine will have a worm in it.
10. then, do what the vast majority of the rest of the country will be doing:
11. watch “American Idol” and ignore this whole sordid cultural slide toward European socialism.
12. trust me. Like chicken soup for the country’s soul, that Paula Abdul is.
13. you’re welcome.
Bread and circuses, my friend. How long until we have federally-funded Idol prep courses so that “musically disadvantaged” kids can take a run at the show? Operation Headvoice Headstart is just around the corner…
Don’t think we’ll ever
Get our differences patched
Don’t really matter
Cuz we’re perfectly matched
We love it when people say “to recap.”
Dunno about this saving the Republic thing, but you just reminded me to go watch her “opposites attract” video again. Thanx!
14. Weep softly into your pillow as you realize that your choices for POTUS are Hillary Clinton or John McCain.
14. Unless you are a man.
15. In which case have another drink.
16. And stew in manly silence.
17. Like a man.
Oh, yay! I forgot Idol was on tonight.
I think I’ll get me a Hillary mask, head down to the Walmart parking lot and start mugging strangers. But I’ll only take HALF their money. For the Good of All!
Yeah, it’s “performance art”, Officer, honest…
BTW, Simon Cowell had the McCain phemonenon nailed without even knowing it.
Not even sure if the primaries are in my state today. But then again, All of my top three dropped out, so…
Shouldn’t that first “p” after the “1.” be a capitol ‘P’?
Has everyone else around here GONE CRAZY?
Doesn’t anyone around here give a shit about the rules anymore?
Ah, fuck it.
PIMF!!!!!
My last comment should have read “Ah, fuck it Dude.”
Stupor-Dupor Tuesday.
I’ll love Paula until Shrillary adopts “Forever Your Girl” as her 2012 re-election campaign theme.
There’s even a sax in it.
Huckabee’s love makes ugly babies anyway.
Hummus?
I didn’t know you were a sharia-loving liberal who ate the food of the enemy.
Hummus you can make your own really. Is really simple. You just have to decide whether to use chick peas or garbanzo beans.
I’m guessing hollering at one’s rep and senator like clockwork is a lost art.
During the Cold War, I sucked on potato vodka like it was the tit of Mother Russia herself, libarbarian.
What can I say? I’m a complicated dude.
I did that for awhile and found it to be a full time job. One wonders…
Ah, but today is also Fat Tuesday. There’s a table of really bad for you (and tasty) food here at the office, and I understand down in New Orleans there will be flashing, drinking, and more.
So, basically, I don’t care about Super Tuesday.
The hollering, I mean.
Once I hollered in New Orleans…
When I visited the USSR there were vodka stores. That’s in addition to liquor stores. So there was the basis for detente.
Other potential libarbarian quips, now forever seen as lost opportunities:
“Jalapeno cheese dip? Why not cut out the middle man and declare Amnesty for all illegals, beaner lover?”
“Paula Abdul? But she’s Black, right? And conservatives hate the Darkies!”
“You watch ‘American Idol”? Jesus, what a faggot. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
“Funny you mention hummus. Because that’s what my nuts smell like sometimes — particularly after I’ve eaten something heavy with garlic.”*
*”Oops. Was that out loud?”
I think I’ll have a bunch of those drinks that threw a sidewalk at Randi Rhodes. BECAUSE OF THE VEGGIES…and the danger.
I think that the libarbarian was being “arch.”
Left unexplored, of course, is just how libarbarian manages to smell his own nuts. And that’s for the better, really, in my opinion.
With the Hollywood writers strike having ruined most everything worth watching on TV I wonder if they are now moonlighting for the candidates. This whole election seems like a script from the discard pile of a forgotten West Wing clone.
I can’t watch any TV now as everything I liked is now in permanent reruns and the news shows are all running the script mentioned above.
It would be nice if I still drank or did drugs or something but I’ll have to go through this sober. Arrrggghhh. Rip Van Winkle had it good.
To hell with it.. I’m voting Ron Paul anyway… If he looked more like Paula Abdul and less like a ferret he’d probably be electable..
geoffb —
I recommend “Monk,” “Psych,” “The Wire,” “Human Weapon,” “HDNet Fights,” “Law and Order,” and “The Office.”
I also watch “Paranormal State” on A&E, but that’s only because I’m hoping to catch a glipse of a hot naked apparition.
I have willed myself to be willfully ignorant.
Tragically, it was both instinctive and easy.
huh?
Thanks Jeff G. I’ll try some of those.
Right now I seem to be down to “Forensic Files”, “Myth-busters”, and waiting for the start of the season of “Deadliest Catch”.
Happy Gras Mardi! They don’t vote in my state on Fat Tuesday and good thing it is cause I’d have trouble dragging my feets through the firehouse door to pull the lever for any of them. Except John McCain, my hope and prayer! If Bush got abused in certain venues and by the MSM, wait until McCain takes office.
For Super Fat Tuesday, I considered going to the caucus tonight. Instead, I’m partaking of mass quantities of chips and beer while watching my beloved Wild play the Red Wings.
I figure I’ll be watching my side get trounced either way, but the fistfights are better with this option.
“Pancake Day” is more fitting than Mardi Gras. Or “Fasnacht” fits better because it has that jackboots sound.
Early odds on most idiotic Super Tuesday news commentary:
Shep Smith 4:1
Anderson Cooper 6:1
Fred Barnes Even money
Hugh Hewitt 5:1
Chris Berman (trust me) 8:1
Eric Severeid Did not start (dead)
That’s totally what politics needs. Let’s do away with the Primaries altogether and just put all the candidates in a cage. The winner is the last one standing. The Maverick versus The Crier! The Huckster versus The Partisan/Non-Partisan Changer! Pay-per-view would eat that up.
I got 3:2 says Shep Smith gets in a Katrina reference.
ROBOSHEP!
Believe it or not, I would actually consider the prospect of a McCain presidency an improvement over the last few days I just went through.
Alternating between lying awake in bed because I can’t sit up without my guts wanting to fall out, and thinking when my wife goes out of the house it may be the last time she sees me alive —
Well, come to think of it, that only lasted a few days.
President McCain for four years?
I’m gonna need to think about this one some more.
Hurricanes should be the drink of choice for Super-Duper Fat Tuesday. For one, they taste like Kool-Aid (which is just appropriate on so many levels) and, two, you’ll be smashed WAY before the results start rolling in. For a proper one – you do need THREE types of Rum. Don’t cheat! Light, dark, and 151 on top.
Tomorrow, for Ash Wednesday, I’m gonna steal one of those Jewish traditions and not listen to any radio or tv all day. I believe I’m supposed to fast, and news of a Maverick victory will drive me to the Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey like nobody’s business.
“Barry Garcia”. Please.
I sucked on potato vodka like it was the tit of Mother Russia herself
Petrovka? Good shit, man. Leave that Stoli shit for the kulaks…
“Hummus you can make your own really. Is really simple. You just have to decide whether to use chick peas or garbanzo beans.”
Chick pee has many uses.
If Huckabee pulls out a win, Chunky Monkey will be legislated into Fit and Trim Monkey, Who Should Be Grateful That a Principled Social Conservative Stepped In to Save His Fat Monkey Ass from Itself, Praise the Lord.
Happily, that’s a longshot.
If Huckabee pulls out a win, watch your local news for a middle aged man that stripped himself naked, pulled his cock back between his legs, and ran around in a parking lot muttering to himself.
If Huckabee wins, I think I’ll be able to skip the whole Fasting-ash-on-the-forehead dealo, because – you know- Catholics aren’t Christians anyway.
Happy Paczki Day!
ur back???
well…..i guess that is a good thing…since u and brendon loy are the only blogs where i can still comment.
happyfeet, this is old history but i am banned at lgf, and at dkos, and at feministe, and at althouse, and banned by BOTH the esmays. how cool is that?
it made for good street cred on my griefer application.
“Fat Monkey Ass” would be a good name for a rock band.
If there were still rock bands.
I’m very pleased you came back. I’m disappointed though you haven’t been banned by Cap’n Ed. That kinda shows you’re not really trying.
hmmm…i may be banned there too….i kinda lost count.
Jeff i am so glad for ur occasional postings and deeply grateful for every word u write.
u can exact a boon of me….wud u like to me to behave better?
or use punkuation an caps at least?
That’s what I contributed to the office feast. Sixteen paczki’s. I ate one myself, and am now so wired on sugar and fat that I’m practically vibrating.
Paczki’s have about 700 calories per. That’s why I only eat ’em if I actually BOUGHT them, myself, at the Polish bakery in Hamtramck. Otherwise, they just taste like jelly donuts.
Of course, Hamtramck isn’t the same since you can now hear the call to Islamic prayer there.
I change my mind.. I’m voting for Huckabee.. I thought he was great in American Beauty and he showed great restraint and presence of mind under pressure when he backed off on strapping that underage cheerleader Angela Hayes even when she was laying there naked in full surrender mode.. He showed more self control than I could muster… Of course, one might correctly question if refusing Angela didn’t in fact mean he’s gay.. but I think he answered that question when he rebuffed Col. Frank Fitts when Frank slipped him the tongue and backrub… Plus he’s obviously cool with Pot decriminalization.. a plus in my book.
Then again… he might turn out to be Keyser Soze after he’s been elected.. At least he wont be Verbal.. Bush has a lock on that character..
Keyser Soze for President!
In re: “Psych”, “Monk”, et. al.:
I think USA Network is coming out with some of the most entertaining and compelling 1 hour shows at the moment, at least by volume. I’m hoping that the second season of “Burn Notice” delivers on the first season’s “A-Team + MacGuyver + James Bond” setup. I totally get “Burn Notice” spy muscles and begin thinking “I could totally start taking on secret agents in man-to-man combat.”
Plus, it’s got Bruce Campbell, which automatically raises its ratings in my book.
(No active airings of BN at the moment, as far as I can tell, but you can always
Torrent itbuy it off iTunes.)Believe it or not, I would actually consider the prospect of a McCain presidency an improvement over the last few days I just went through.
Hey. Now there’s an angle I hadn’t thought of. Vote for McCain, you pussy. Ain’t you man enough to handle four years of that prick?
This changes everything. McGehee, you’re a genius.
I wonder if Stephen Baldwin was channeling McCain for his role as Michael McManus?
GIVE ME THE FUCKING KEYS YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER AHHH YAAAH ARRGGHHH!
NTTAWWT.
Oh, I like watching American Idol! I find the audition more interesting than when the actual competition begins.
Personally, I can only handle so much of the pre-competition stuff. It funny for a bit – one or two episodes, but that’s my outer limit. I only watch the competition for as long as the interesting singers last. I’ve been known to give-up half-way through. Oh, and I don’t really watch the Hollywood episodes either (the mass of singers all trying out for the 20 spots.)
shit, I obviously know way to much about this show. But, its one of the few things I can watch with the kids.
24. Cozy up with a good book
25. Cozy up with that warm, feel-good, nanny-state socialism
26. Cozy up with thoughts of future McCain-Hillary debates/love-fest moments
w007! hummus! I bought some toasted wheat thins today so I can finish off the hummus I made last week.
happyfeet, for some of us the hardest part about making hummus is finding tahini. other than that, yeah, just throw everything in the cuisinart and viola!
Let’s not drag Viola into this, maggie.
Oh. I just use olive oil. Add black olives and the sundried tomatos and onion. I guess that’s kind of cheating.
Lots and lots and lots of garlic. And Viola.
sundried tomatos? oh well. my mom tells me the tahini makes it. I dunno, I’ve never not used it.
you’re right Dan, she’s kinda a pig. ;p
Now I want hummus, but my kitchen is full of workmen and covered in plastic.
One of the workmen told me McCain wants to put all the illegal aliens in jail.
MayBee, maybe you can find some of this?
anyhoo, I’ll probably be knitting and watching ST:Enterprise. speaking of which, JD, could you/would you mind emailing me your address? gwynnifer at gmail kthnx!
I think misbehavior is kind of encouraged here, nishi. Gets pretty boring otherwise. Personally, I would appreciate better grammar, simply because it is easier to read. Your slang gets really tiresome rather quickly.
I like the way nishi writes. It’s like having a super-smart tamagotchi but you don’t even have to feed her.
Oh yeah – we loves us some “misbehaviors”
I’ve always preferred chi chi beans, so I suppose John McCain and I do have something in common.
Chi Chi Rodruiguez? (slaps Less Nessman)
MayBee – Is your abode destroyed too?
Maggie – I just sent you the info you requested.
Are Barry O’Kennedy and Johnny Mac losing yet?
I’d go for garlic and chives dip! And ridges cheese. Paula Abdul’s outbursts come out of nowhere! She whispers something then all of a sudden is fighting with Simon. She’s a funny girl. But I do love her still!
I like watching American Idol. I enjoy watching it from the beginning until it ends. I’ve always watching it and waiting who will be the next American Idol.
I like it when they sing and then we make fun of them. Ha it’s funny but we don’t do it in a mean way well except for my Mom.
You’re welcome.
I really like watching America Idol. But, I’ve missed out the audition of the last batch. Well, it’s seems interesting who will be the next Idol coz’ they’re all good.