Dan Cooper’s steamy account of working for Roger Ailes has everything.
Rupert Murdoch hired Roger Ailes to brainwash America into thinking right-wing ideology is actually the political center. And he did. And, I’m ashamed to tell you, I helped him.I made a lot of money that year: 1996. I owned and loved living in an elegant cooperative apartment building on Park Avenue in Manhattan, just a few blocks from the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Guggenheim. The hallways were floored with inlaid marble. You placed your garbage in custom designed mahogany chests outside your front door. The doormen called me mister.
I was a Democrat. Meaning I was so important to right-wing News Corporation that I was given a piece of what they called “the heavy lifting” on a project of extraordinary importance to Rupert Murdoch  a key role in conceiving and building out the Fox News Channel. When I was done, Roger Ailes, Chairman of Fox News, “reorganized†things and had my job “eliminatedâ€Â. How come? Wait and see.
Soon to be a major television event? Well, judging by the way the egoism oozes out of the prose, you’d think so, wouldn’t you? Hilarious.
D-Coop. The Man.
UPDATE: Working title, “Say Mister for Me”
How come Rupert Murdoch is an evil Bond villain, but George Soros, who showers the American political scene with money as he goes, is as pure as the driven snow to these guys?
Also, wouldn’t have recent GOP wins in the election box (80, 84,88, 94 mid-terms) indicated that “right-wing ideology” WAS mainstream?
This story has a familiar ring to it. I predict that Cooper will be working for Media Matters within a week or two, if he isn’t already.
Knock me over with a feather.
I bet his middle name starts with “B”…
If I was a chick I’d bleed that pussy out also.
The eternal narcissism of the reactionary left.
“NO NO WE ARE THE MAINSTREAM WE ARE WE ARE!!!!!”
[holds breath, starts to turn blue]
I’m confused – I thought that the reason the Democrats took the House in 2006 was because of running more conservative (dare I say mainstream?) candidates in the South and West.
I see this a lot out here. Just a guess cause I have no idea what that guy does now but I’d bet it’s mostly just how the apex of your career has to be fraught with a lot of meaning and import, especially when after you’re still on the young side and you kind of realistically know that getting to that apex had really involved a lot of good luck and circumstances you’re pretty unlikely to ever really duplicate. You saw a lot of this in those Internet Bubble memoirs.
How’s yer head this mornin’, hf?
I’m listening to people in the building leaving and getting about their day and I really resent them. What’s good is I’m able to drink coffee which is usually a sign that I can shake it off by noon or so. So that’s good, but also I have to shake off that part where you just had a really cheesey evening on the west side at completely ridiculous expensive places that are still just so low-rent and trashy with those low-rent and trashy people in them and had to pretend it was a completely normal thing to do.
And I don’t really care how that sounds.
He really wanted to spill about those polo shirts and asics.
That was weird.
Hf – sorry about banging the table like Kruschov’s mother loosed up on potato snaps yesterday.
…I mean, just look at the guy. He wants me to point my breasts at him, and I don’t even have any.
Oh no – that whole issue is a tough one, if that’s what you mean. You’ve been I think braver about really trying to understand it than anyone – it’s just so real in a we probably all knew these families growing up down the street kind of way.
I took one look at the guy and marvelled how the word sphincter effortlessly came to mind.
Why does he look like FBI Director Skinner from the X-Files?
Dear God, may I please have those few minutes of my life back? The guy writes like a third-rate Mickey Spillane wannabe. That is, assuming it’s even him writing it. I’ve pretty well convinced myself that somebody’s having an elaborate joke at Danny’s expense. There’s simply no way anybody with an ounce of self-awareness could pack that much vapid self-incriminatory jackassery into a serious autobiography:
“My boss has a special account called ‘fuck over the smart guy’ (‘the smart guy’ would be me, for those of you not paying attention. And you should be paying attention, because I’m way smart)!”
“I wore my uniform — cheap cotton clothing with expensive logos on it.”
“My wife (who, btw, is TOTALLY HAWT!) totally walked all over me, spending my money and running up debts and flirting with foreign men over the Internet, but I didn’t care, because I was totally infatuated with my assistant (who was completely sexually unavailable. No really, I mean completely.).”
“I figured my meeting was important, so I totally cut off my neighbors who were waiting for cabs before me. Sure, they may have been mad, but they were lucky just to be able to live near me. Because I’m totally more important than they are. More important than you, too, my lowly reader. Have I mentioned there’s a PayPal button at the bottom of the page?”
“So then Darth Vader called my agent and told him to drop me. And he did! And he did it using his really annoying New Yawk accent that I’m going to inflict upon you now, o lowly reader. Well, screw that guy — I know he helped me become the Very Important Man I am today, but if he’s not willing to throw away his whole business just for me, well, SCREW HIM! And I thought we were BFF, Richard!”
And that’s just the first half. There’s more lack of sex and bad foreign accents to come! Honestly, if this is for real, we’re seeing the most obvious case of willful self-delusion and megalomania since Dr. Evil. It might actually be worth hitting his PayPal just to see what embarrassing shit he writes next. Whoever he is.
Er…he makes me want to point my breasts at him, that is. Probably wouldn’t have been funny the right way around, either.
This post is a lot funnier if you read it in a Dr. Doom or Dr. Evil voice. Take your pick
Meh. That stupid blog’s turning me stupider.
Shorter D-Coop: The only important things in this world are the D-Coop and the D-Cup.
And my PayPal button. Which I’m struggling to find a good D- name for.
Wow!
I pray to God the piece is a parody. Because if it reflects his actual personality I might have to abandon Christianity for a moment and run him over with a car.
Then back up and run him over again.
Yeesh!
I tried to read it (TWICE) but GAWD. He writes like a prick. I mean, pricks sometimes can be good writers, and you don’t know they are “pricks” so they still are entertaining. This guy takes the cake. Prick. Bad writer. I honestly had a hard time figuring out what he was trying to say through that enormous ego-writing. He should have just put up a picture of his cock and saved us the struggle.
Don’t kill him, BJTexs; he’s smart. Wicked smart. Between him and Hillary, the country might at last be saved.
He lived on Park Avenue and THAT was the best tie he owned? Something doesn’t add up.
You know what happened when they made kicking a dude’s ass illegal? No more John Wayne, no more Philo Beddoe, and this cheeseball gets to write about himself without someone, you know, beating him into a heap.
Is it just me, or does he look like a bald Greenwald?
Is there a good Greenwald? I’m going to want a link.
I swear, for the first half of this article, I thought it was a Hunter Thompson-esque parody.
But wait! Is this guy serious? I think he actually is! How many guys do you know who’s dick really does reach their ass? Add Mr. Clueless here. I noticed that he never gives any reason for the falling out. But of course, he was just an innocent bystander. I can tell by his style of writing that he is absolutely not an insufferable, egotistical asshole, and that the atmosphere around Ailes is REALLY different than any other office in the world.
The best part is, he is describing the MSM moch more deftly than he is Fox and Ailes. I have known since I was about eighteen (which was centuries ago) that our esteemed “news givers” are not only giving us the news, but also telling us how to interperet it. It was uncontested territory until Fox came along. The left CAN’T SATAND FOR THIS!
This guy is just another example of the arrogant egomaniacs who control the MSM. How DARE anyone question ANYONE who resides on the left side of the political spectrum? Asking a Democrat a hardball question is downright un-American! It’s just not fair! We have owned the conversation forever, and now some upstart Svengali convinces people that what they think in their own lives is okay! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! LISTEN TO ME, DAMMIT!!!
I think N.O’Brain had it right about all of these elitist pricks:
“[holds breath, starts to turn blue]” – that is the best way to deal with the fact that only about 20% of the people in this country agree with him.
I would be ashamed to throw a public tantrum like this idiot. But, as usual, subtlety is not a strong resume (Fr) point for the lefties. Anybody else notice how bad at head fucking those on the left are?
It seems they would rather immediately and completely expose their immaturity right up front – by throwing a screaming temper tantrum. I guess that’s because in a tantrum, facts are irrelevant.
And they call the right “fascists”! Ho, ho…
This is how this seems to me:
Here comes this dude. He says, “Hey, I’m a solipsistic weasel with a chip on my shoulder the size of Rosie O’Donnel, do you want to hear a story?”
And I say, “No.”
Really, the first and most obvious problem with his little narrative is that the MSM not only did not take a rightward swing, but in fact is at least as far if not farther left than it’s ever been.
Do they still identify R’s more often by party when there’s a scandal than they do D’s? Yep. Do they still cover D’s using more positive terms than R’s? Yep. Do they still play along with every D “interesting word choice” (like always calling a 5% increase in a program a “cut” when the D’s wanted more)? Yep.
And in a thousand other little ways, most major papers and networks lie in their little ways every day, in favor of Democrats.
And this little shit-for-brains comes along and says, “hey, you know they’re all right-wing operatives, and I helped make it happen!”
Well, frankly, y’all are doin’ a piss-poor job if that’s the case.
I read that whole damn thing. Someone owes me part of my life back. BJ – May I help?
Oh, it’s real. Dan Cooper Media Enterprises is real, too. Eat your heart out, all you big-boobed temptresses.
Who will never, ever get the chance to be the uninterested, unrequiting object of his reaction formations.
I should have captioned it, “More Ovaltine, please!”
Too much time on your hands, JD?
I wouldn’t have tabbed you as the masochistic type.
*snicker* Nice glasses, guy. They come in a men’s?
Hey, I totally feel this guy’s pain.. I can relate.. I’m pretty much stuck in the same situation.. hot ex-Miss America 20 years younger than me wife constantly bugging me for sex.. Stuck living in a luxury penthouse condo in the most expensive neighborhood with only other rich, beautiful people to hang out with.. Hot office babes constantly throwing themselves at me on the elevator, the copy room, the conference room.. wherever.. forcing their sexual favors on me for the tiniest hope of a chance at a promotion..
Cut the guy some slack.. Life sucks.
The United States of America has tended to be a slightly right of center country since it’s inception. You would think someone who claims to be as smart as this guy does would know that fact.
You know who is getting more tail than this loser? simon li, that’s who.
[Has anyone checked if he’s still prattling on on that thread from earlier this week?]
“You would think someone who claims to be as smart as this guy does would know that fact.”
Education Guy,
Smart? A man who boffs his subordinate and then puts his wife down for doing the same with “foriegners”? I think it has already been pointed out on this thread that this guy is as smart as John Conyer’s sphincter. Which, by extrapolation…(fill in the blanks)…
EEEWWWWWW!!!!!! What a thought! Stinky, stinky, stinky…
Correction, a man who boasts *he thought about* boffing his subordinate.
Like a Mr. Garrison viking.
I heard that simon li is part of a super-secret society of 4 or 5 world-travelers who each have sex with every single Miss Universe contestant before the pageant. They then tell the pageant director who will win. Then they increase their fortunes with the sub-prime.
Meanwhile, in some Lesser Being’s blog:
“Hey, that asshole just jumped the line and took my cab!”
“Aw, cut him some slack. He’s just a paranoid journalist. The voices in his head probably told him the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy would get him if he didn’t get across town right away.”
“What, is he some kind of political operative?”
“Only in his head. He’s really just some copy writer who caught a couple of lucky breaks, and now he thinks he’s God’s gift to journalism. I don’t think he believes his own hype, though. He’s really insecure and paranoid. Passive-aggressive with men, and lets women walk all over him.”
“You seem to know a lot about the guy. Friend of yours?”
“Not really. But you learn a lot about a guy when you fuck his wife every day.”
al – It’s simon li, not simon ri.
“al – It’s simon li, not simon ri.”
There was one?
The rest of the story:
November 10, 1997: My wife Gina was emailing strange men in foreign countries on the computer, a habit she seemed unwilling to break.
December 12, 1997: I waited patiently on my knees, naked, with my hands tied behind my back, desperately trying to hold in the warm soapy liquid. Gina would not be happy if she returned and found that I had made a mess on the apartment floor. Soon, I prayed, she would return with her latest stud. And then, if I was very attentive and paid close attention as he serviced her, she would let me relieve myself.
“Roger liked boy’s club meetings, five guys at the most, because we could all talk macho and compare the anatomies of women in the office. I was not macho.”
No shit?
“Correction, a man who boasts *he thought about* boffing his subordinate.”
Well, if he only THOUGHT about boffing her, why is he making such a big deal about it? I think about boffing “her” all the time, but it’s not even worth mentioning in my life. It ain’t gonna happen. It’s the Groucho principle, once again.
Why is this guy obsessing with this little blonde? Maybe because he did her? It’s a non-issue if he didn’t. I mean, business as usual is business as usual. Why make a big deal about some girl’s puppies pointing at you if you aren’t squeezing them (or been shut off from squeezing them for being such an egomaniacal prick)? Either she did him and dumped him, or he’s offended that she had the nerve to turn him down. And it’s also apparent to me (no matter what scenario) that she dissed him in one way or another.
I see hundreds of girls who make me wish I was 25 years old again, but that doesn’t change reality, and doesn’t make me have to hold them up as some kind of anti-trophy – (whether they are or aren’t). The days of wine and roses are over (fuckin’ receding hormones!) for me. I still look, but I wouldn’t put them in my autobiography unless they were really hot and I had “known” them. Which, again, I doubt very much is going to happen. I’ve had enough – actually, way more than enough.
Zipperless sex is something I am probably doomed to never know again, unfortunately. I admit, it was a lot of fun, but, eventually, reality intrudes. The day that, instead of seeing parts, you see who is carrying those parts around, is the day that your life changes radically. I mean, before that day, a “chick” could have had a Willie Nelson beard and a hair lip if she had a good enough body, and I would have found a reason to ignore the lip/beard (or even schizophrenia).
Now, all I need to do is wait two minutes for the “game face” (bar face?) to fall, to see who is really behind the “hotness”. It is almost invariably scary and disappointing. The mating ritual has become a very bizarre spectacle when you can see through the hormone haze.
Why is this guy bragging about this baloney? Insecurity, maybe? Why do I think that those on the left are the most insecure people to walk this planet? Is it because they are so “compassionate”? Yup. That must be it. (I am beginning to feel like an unauthorized Anne Coulter here)
Why is this self described “honcho” obsessing on a girl (woman) who he didn’t “do the do” with? I like to think that I am young at heart, but this bozo takes the cake. Whatever she did or didn’t do, it really pissed him off. If you want to stay in touch with the real world, egomania is not the best way to go.
Wanna hear my new song: “I’m Way Too Smart For The Rest Of You”?
I’ll tell you why this blonde is like Chinese water torture to Cooper. He wants his ex-wife to read this and feel bad (“that heartless bitch”). Take it from an ex-scumba.. (oops!) – ex-Lothario – those that know, don’t talk. Those that talk, don’t know. This guy is blabbing so much that I have to just about completely discount him.
Really.
If “What’s-His-Face” wasn’t boffing her (and then got dumped),or maybe she just told him to fuck off, she wouldn’t be the center of his attention. If he had dumped her, she probably wouldn’t be showing up in his “memoires” in the way she does. She probably wouldn’t be showing up at all.
God, I hate getting old. I have become almost rational…
And apparently orally diuretic(? That’s how SpellCheck told me to spell it, but I t doesn’t look right to me)…
See you later. I am off to the Cutting Room in NYC to make my acoustic “debut” tonight. Fourty Years Late…
Velly intellesting…
kelly – I had to take a shit. Reading room material. Had I known what I was about to read, I would not have done so. Once I started, I felt compelled to finish, kind of like rubber-necking at a car wreck.
His (ex)wife is an interesting character in this little melodrama, both tragic and heroic, stupid yet brilliant.
Addendum:
“Wanna hear my new song: “I’m Way Too Smart For The Rest Of Youâ€Â?”
As if you haven’t had enough of me, I screwed up the song title. It should be:
“I’m Way Too Smart For The Rest Of You, And Roger Ailes Is The Devil’s Spawn, And Karl Rove Is His Daddy”.
Thank you, and goodnight. Gotham, here I come.
People think or ever thought that the right was the political center? Who?
Huh?
Comment by Christopher Taylor on 1/11 @ 4:01 pm #
“People think or ever thought that the right was the political center? Who?”
Although you’re not very clear in your meaning here, I would have to answer the question I see as: “Me”. And about 60% of the rest of the country. Don’t be fooled by the Republican party in DC going insane and trying to out Democrat the Democrats. They got their asses kicked, and with good reason. Catering to the MSM is suicide.
Only little children (even though many of them look like “grown ups”) think that history has no bearing on the present, and that “playing nice” will solve all of our problems.
I know. I know. Love will solve everything. Which is cool, if you can only convince the Splodeydopes (my new favorite word, and I need to give credit. But I don’t remember who came up with this. Credit, anyone?) of same…
When you are taught hate from the minute you come out of the womb, it is hard to even conceive of love. Ingrained, white hot anger is not what I would call “positive” input….
My real problem is with my friends who have all the advantages of growing up in this country, who “consume” as much as everybody else, and still think that we are somehow the bad guys, and that we can live without oil. Especially America’s untapped reserves.
Boink! Boink! Boink! Boinkers!
Screw Al Gore and his lying cohorts. Climate Nazis! Yeah, baby! Fill your pockets with the lies you tell. It’s good for your soul…
Long live Michael Chricton! Science and perception are two wholly different things. At least for those with a half a brain…
I understand, JD.
You might have pulled of an existential two-fer, though. Because I can think of few metaphors more apt of taking a shit than what this loser wrote.
After having waded through that dreck, I now have a lot more respect for Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes.
Lost Dog, why would bring up the boffing thoughts while denying the boffing?
A:Because he’s a narcissist, and anything he thinks about must be very important to us.
B: he wishes to impress us with the high-end nature of his crushes ( on blonde big-boobed temptresses) who would point their tits at him and torment him out of career-guile despite their disliking him, which he declares must be so because he is so effing important to a girls ascendency to any sort of job of importance
C. He is kind of sexually ambivalent or insecure and if he talks about eating blonde girl legs he can ignore any of those unwelcome stirrings for the copy boy.
None of the above mutually exclusive, of course.
Holy shit! He’s the creator of “Pimp My Bride”! I love that show!
That’s nothing, Dan, to his Superhero apparell collection.
apparel, rather. Obama has quite the washboard.
So you think that a movement defined by not being center “right, left” is somehow center? The center in America is… apolitical, they don’t care about the topics or candidates, they don’t pay attention to anything except the loudest issues, they aren’t following all this nonsense, and if asked they wouldn’t be able to really define their politics. The right by definition can’t be the center, because then it wouldn’t be on the right any more.