In a kind of follow-up to the animal skins hypothesis of Gaia rape, a new charge:
Women must stop admiring men who drive sports cars if they want to join the fight against global warming, the Government’s chief scientist has urged.
Have your say: Are the drivers of sports cars to blame?
Professor Sir David King said governments could only do so much to control greenhouse gas emissions and it was time for a cultural change among the British public.  ÂÂ
And he singled out women who find supercar drivers “sexy”, adding that they should divert their affections to men who live more environmentally-friendly lives.
His comments were greeted with anger by sports car drivers who insisted that their vehicles’ greenhouse gas emissions were tiny compared with those from four-wheel-drive vehicles.ÂÂ
In fact, he continued, women should lavish their affections on scientists–and the chiefer, the better.
Sir David: What a jag you are!ÂÂ
Ha – dimbulb nerds trying to find a new way to get laid. Sorry Professor Sir, but this won’t work. Alpha males, and all that.
*sigh* the Revenge of the Nerds.
I was a nerd, I know.
“was”? There’s no going back, Andrew.
Anything that helps the rest of the Nerd Brethren.
New Peer-Reviewed Study Finds ‘Warming is naturally caused and shows no human influence’
Let’s go for a ride, baby.
If I could find a cross between a gas guzzling SUV and a gas guzzling sports car, I would probably buy 2, just to piss off these kinds of people.
My wife encourages me to eat bean burritos. She’s both strange and hates the environment.
I want to hear the eco-commissars say the following:
“Women – I’m sorry, but no more jewelry. The processes by which precious metals and stones are mined produce so much pollution that they will have to be banned for the good of Mother Gaia.”
The body count after that announcement would make Stalingrad look like a tea party.
BJ – Stating that your wife is strange is a brilliant statement of the obvious. She married you, thus, there is a certain level of strangeness that has simply been accepted as a given.
Beans. Makes me think of Taco Bells bean burritos. Yum. My better half will hate you for making me go there.
JD: Strangeness is not the proper word. When referring to why my wife married me there is a far better descriptive:
Temporary Insanity
Thus whenever we have an anniversery she reminds me that “There but for the grace of Zoloft go I.” :-)
Something tells me the strong smell of patchouli isn’t a scientically-proven aphrodisiac.
Clearly the solution is to admire and provide sexual favors on men who ride motorcycles. Harley Sportster to be precise. Perhaps men with Sportsters who live in Kansas. Wichita, Kansas. Downtown Wichita, Kansas. Yeah, that’s the way to go to fight this global warming thing. Women, do your duty.
buzz – My better half, a tiny little itty bitty woman, rides a Sportster ;-) When are you going to get a real bike?
Isn’t this just a roundabout way of saying women are responsible for global warming?
If women didn’t like men who drove sleek (and polluting) sports cars, the men wouldn’t drive them, there by saving the world from global warming. Meaning, men only do things (aquire power and material goods) because women find it sexy. Thus, it stands to reason, women are responsibe for global warming.
That means women are also responsible for pollution, backhoes, the 70’s, nuclear proliferation, the war of 1812, and Michael Moore’s movies. Shame on you ladies! Especially for that last one.
I think Porsche has you covered with the Cayenne Turbo, JD. Or there’s the Mercedes ML63 AMG. Maybe the Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8. All gloriously overpowered 4x4s. Or if you’re willing to wait a couple of years, BMW has their version of the AMC Eagle coming out, the X6.
So they want the guy that drives the Prius to get more tail then the guy who drives the Porsche.
That is not any reality based community I’m aware of. Maybe in California ?
Kresh – Backhoes are cool.
Jim KC – I test drove the Mercedes G class, but my wife thought it looked ugly. I love the Cayenne’s performance, but it is thorougly unappealling to me. I am leaning towards the Saab and Volvo, which are a bit smaller, but pretty sporty in some versions. I wish I could find an Expedition sized gas guzzler with sports car looks. I am breaking down and getting rid of the Expedition.
Buy an Expedition and tow the sportscar of your choice wherever you go. You may attract a greater variety of women.
For an extra tweak of pseudoscientists’ noses, let the sportscar idle in neutral while you tow it around.
I agree with your wife about the G class, although it’s a purposeful sort of ugliness, kind of like the Land Rover Defender’s. Only things I can think of that approach Expedition size without actually being either Expeditions or maybe school buses are the really high-roller stuff like Rolls Royces and Maybachs.
JD – Hells yes, backhoes are cool. Gotta throw something positive in there. Can’t be negative all the time.
I like the G class, a lot, but my vote is outnumbered by her 10 votes.
I am sitting behind a Prius with a peace symbol, crunchy granola type driver, and a “what would jesus bomb” bumper sticker. I really want to drive right over the top of him. the Expedition must be fully utilized.
As if sexual preference were something one could consciously control and change as if an article of clothing.
HOMOPHOBE!!!111!!one!!!
BJ – That accouts for the wedding day. The tens of thousands of days since?
Saying supercars are a pollution threat is kind of like saying we’re poised to be overrun by illegal immigrants from Luxembourg.
I’m looking forward to the day when riding my bicycle guarantees my getting laid.
Resignation.
Sounds like a good idea. But only if you want to date lesbian tree huggers.
I could sell my car and get a Ford Fiesta and still get more tail than you Professor. Mainly becase I refrain from being an emasculated and ineffectual twatwaffle.
You remind me of another such Professor I know named Ric.
I think we should rename the UN. Call it IHOT.
Here ya go, JD! A cross between a gas guzzling SUV and a gas guzzling sports car: The Chevy SSR. And it’s a convertible. Cuter n’ a speckled pup.
I think I’ll get me a van. One of those 3/4 ton Chevys with the 454 (sorry, don’t do metric). And trick it out all 70’s style with a fold down couch in the back and some pink fur lining the windows. And maybe a fuckin’ Marantz 8-track quadrophonic system blaring out Innagaddadavida. That way I can burn a shit load of gas and fuck the professor’s leftovers back there in the stabin’ cabin.
– Would that be the same sort of twatwaffle that responds to boisterous laughter and pointing by tearing up and begging?
– See, these fur-ball brains actually believe woman buy into these underused trouser lizard ploys. Which of course basically screams all you need to know to understand, aside from WalMart hardware section wardrobes, and personalities like drying bean curd, they just can’t get laid.
Twatwaffle?
When these people started hating on cars, I found myself strangely attracted to NASCAR, although I’ll always prefer open-wheel.
I am helping a friend build an F Production Porsche 914 we plan to campaign in SCCA this year. I think that about covers my weenie man creds and then some.
Tim Blair has the perfect headline for this story: “Admire Only The Slow”
“Sir David King, obviously a genius, must be right about sports cars causing global warming.
The last warm period, several centuries ago was no doubt caused by all those sports car enthusiasts and their “greenhouse” gasses.
It is even recorded in the Bible where it says that, “Joshua’s triumph was heard all over the land.”
Posted by Dennis Hoines on December 16, 2007 6:33 AM
Perfect.
It’s a short step from here to banning motorsports as an offense against the planet. Would Europe allow Formula 1 and 24 Hours of Le Mans to be banned?
“Would Europe allow Formula 1 and 24 Hours of Le Mans to be banned?”
Highly unlikely, about on par with banning soccer. Formula I already run on alcohol, and I expect more forms of motor racing to move in that direction. Alcohol makes alot of sense as a racing fuel, everyday use, not so much.
And trick it out all 70’s style with a fold down couch in the back and some pink fur lining the windows. And maybe a fuckin’ Marantz 8-track quadrophonic system blaring out Innagaddadavida. That way I can burn a shit load of gas and fuck the professor’s leftovers back there in the stabin’ cabin.
No, no, no. It’s GOT to be a waterbed with tiger, or zebra stripe upholsterey with black leather trim and brass tacks. The tunes are righteous and the Proper Name is “Shaggin Wagon”. Don’t forget to install a glass bong.
It is even recorded in the Bible where it says that, “Joshua’s triumph was heard all over the land.â€Â
So, God is cool with straight pipes? Good to know.
Don’t forget the bumper stickers:
If the van’s a rockin’ don’t come knockin!
and
Gas, grass or ass- nobody rides for free.
– Hug Hooters, not trees –
Mom wouldn’t let me date anyone with a van
but it’s amazing what can be accomplished in the backseat of an AMC Javelin.
“My car runs on batteries, too.”
– They don’t call them “Javelin’s” for nothing.
Sadly (for me, too) the final examination for the Monks of Cool (see: Pratchett, Terry) is easily updated for the modern era.
“So, postulant, of all the vehicles on this lot, which is the coolest?”
“The one I choose to drive, of course.”
“Pass, new Brother.”
A cool guy is a cool guy (or “hot” in more nearly modern parlance) driving a Prius. A nerd driving a new Corvette, or a one-ton Diesel dually with lots of chrome, remains a nerd.
Darleen, you should look the guy up and whack him a couple times with a good-sized stick. Every vehicle produced under the American Motors or AMC names had reclining front seats! –damned useful, that.
Regards,
Ric
When my dad leased a new car and let my older brother have the old Dodge van, he may have hoped the parents of girls in our town would have that same attitude.
They did not.
One word Jim. UNIMOG. When you really want to piss off the ecoweenies.
AMC Harley’s are the shit !
Funny thing is, every woman I ever heard share an opinion on the matter said she believed men with flashy sports cars are all compensating for small penises…
That’s why I drive a crappy old Camry.
I love the Earth.
Is driving an Expedition in 4-wheel drive, low gear, at 85 mph on cruise control bad for the environment? Did I mention that I knocked off the muffler too and it sounds like a beast. I love the random puffs of black smoke and 4 mpg.
The day after my first date, my parents bought a conversion van. The week after my engagement was announced, they traded it in.
The summer after the engagement was broken off, I was working at a McDonalds, and the new owners brought it through the drive-through.
And, if I remember correctly, I learned something important in that van, something life-changing. Namely, that while I was away at college, Mom and Dad had sold the farm and moved to a new place in the suburbs. They hadn’t bothered telling me until I noticed we’d missed the exit we’d normally take to get to the farm…
No, but it may be bad for your axles and drivelines.
I was able to have fun in a Plymouth Horizon – just move the front seats forward, lower the back seat, and yeeessssss!
Is driving an Expedition in 4-wheel drive, low gear, at 85 mph on cruise control bad for the environment?
Our race engine builder wants to know where you get your valve springs?
Ric
Oh… I know about those reclining seats, but one also had to manuever the shift on the middle console and contend with rather large door windows…
the backseat windows were much smaller and the first to fog up
Darleen – If the car wasn’t in motion, as in driving somewhere, why did the window fog matter?
Good for concealment, daleyrocks.
Two words- Station Wagon! Looks geeky as hell, no bad connotations as w/ the van, and much room to ummm… get comfortable.
Trust me on this one.
Mike C and B Moe – I would not recommend doing that for an extended period of time. Actually, for any period of time.
Yeah, the only reason men drive sports cars is to get tail. Not because sports cars are fun to drive and look cool.
Sometimes, Ladies, It’s not about You.
Jaguar: For Men Who Want Oral Sex From Beautiful Women They Hardly Know.
Andrew: Since my ex-girlfrind left me, I’ve had two sports cars (heh; after she left, I could afford them), and have never had a passenger in either one….
Slarti – Isn’t that from Crazy People, with Dudley Moore?
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Comment by happyfeet on 12/19 @ 8:09 pm #
I love the Earth.
Me too!!
I want to drive all over it!