At the end of A Christmas Story, our narrator states that his Red Rider BB Gun was the greatest gift he ever got.  What are some of the most memorable Christmas gifts you’ve ever received, either for bad or good?  Why?ÂÂ
Atlanta Journal-Constitution: We are all victims, now
 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
As the gift-giving and receiving season picks up steam, what’s the worst gift you’ve ever received? Do you suspect you were a victim of regifting? Did you pass the item on? (emphasis mine) ÂÂ
I received a bag of pretzles from my (then) soon-to-be-sister-in-law. They were jalapenos flavored so that took some of the sting off it. She actually wrapped the bag and put a bow on it. To this day I don’t know if she was trying to be funny.
Polyester anything from my GM .
Not for Christmas but for my birthday I got a steaming pile of horse manure.
I asked for it, of course, to spread on my garden. But it makes a good story.
One year, after my girlfriend at the time broke up with me on my birthday, I asked Santa for a one-night stand.
It took him ’til New Year’s Eve to deliver, but he came through for me.
Fortunately, he understood what I really meant too.
Either that or he figured it out after he spent seven nights tapping his foot in an airport men’s room, to no avail…
Best? Vacheron Constantin watch.
Worst? Oven mitts
My wife bought me a Leatherman Wave our first Christmas together, 14 years ago. It was a revelation, much nicer than the original …the best Christmas present I’ve ever received, and the single most useful [non-specific] tool I’ve ever owned (and I’ve used it many times daily since …I hardly ever go anywher without it).
…I’ve long since forgotten the worst ones though.
Didn’t Jeff Goldstein used to post at this website?
The best Christmas gift I ever got was my neighbor’s criminally beautiful 17 year old daughter (No, not last year – I was about twenty at the time).
I had been knee-melted about her since she was thirteen, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. My goodness! I still get all tingely when I think about it…Even if she is now over fifty and quite..ummm…plump.
Now THAT was a very merry Christmas!
When I was eight years old (back during the Bronze Age) my heart’s desire was the ultimate kid weapon called a “Johnny Seven.” That’s right, boys and girls, seven weapons in one!! Rifle, pistol, machine gun, grenade launcher, rubber knife and I can’t even remember the other two. I was king of the neighborhood war games that winter and spring. My “weenie boy” status is confirmed.
The worse gift was one of those $8 plug in alarm clocks that my wife’s aunt bought at a drug store. “This is so you will get up in the morning, go to work and support my niece.” This from a woman who covered all of her furniture in plastic.
Thanks, Aunt Katie!
That would be a Johnny Seven O.M.A., BJ, I had one too. The OMA stood for One Man Army:
http://www.stuffwelove.co.uk/johnny_seven.htm
Had me feeling all warm and fuzzy until I got to this bit:
“Even today these harbingers of doom fetch over £300 for a complete one on eBay.”
I knew I had thrown/given away my retirement when I got rid of my comic books, Matchbox and Hot Wheels, and GI Joes. I didn’t realize all that other stuff was worth a fortune now, too.
BMoe:ROTFLMAO!
One Man Army! I’m with you, dude. If I had hung on to most of the stuff I had as a kid, I’d be retired and playing folk music in coffee shops for tips.
Best. Pretend. Weapon. Ever!!! (wipes a tear)
Worst Christmas gift? I don’t think I’ve received one, but conceptually speaking the worst Christmas gift would be a compilation of articles, such as “How Dare You Be Happy, You Fat Greedy Materialistic Slob! Thoughts on the Meaning of Christmas by Liberal Clergy and Columnists”.
Something like that would be the worst gift.
My favorite was the Lionel O27 train I got when I was seven.
My Favorite Christmas present is a hand-written recipe book from my grandmother so I could cook all the foods that I had loved as a child at her house.
My second favorite was my Subaru Outback.
I regift my neighbor’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution to myself. After the crossword I regift it to the trash.
When I was about 10, my parents got me an air pistol that shot BBs, pellets, and little metal darts. (Yep, pointed [cone-shaped] metal darts.) My bedroom window overlooked the back stairs; I used the pistol to drive away tomcats who would come around and yowl on the back stairs when our female cats went into heat. (This would have been 1963 or so; truly a different era.)
My 2nd coolest Christmas gift was a giant alien beetle monster (about 12″ long and 5″ high) that would crawl across the rug (it seems as though it was pull-string driven, not battery-driven). It was part of a coordinated series of ‘alien/spaceman’ toys. The tragedy was that about 2 hours after I opened that present, I had it crawling across the living room carpet when my little sister (probably 4-5 at the time) reached over and made it stop by pressing down on it, stripping what were undoubtedly the cheap plastic gears inside. It never crawled again. Two hours. Sigh. ..bruce..
This one’s easy for me. At least in the non-adult Christmas’ to remember, anyway, wink wink. When I was thirteen, I came downstairs to find a gleaming, fluorescent blue Schwinn Varsity ten-speed parked next to the tree. I can still picture it standing there, kickstand out, front wheel jauntily angled to the left, with bright white tape on its racing handlebars.
I actually ate a whole fruitcake once. It was in my starving young guy days. I was so hungry I can’t even tell you what it tasted like. But now you know they are actually, in fact, edible.
Rocket Tubes! Best. Christmas. Ever.
Worst? Fiance telling me the engagement was off.
Best? A scale toy P-38, just a few years ago. It was great to get a toy for Christmas again, despite being in my 30s.
Ouch.
My father buys all us boys a real toy every Christmas, and we are all in our 30’s. Last year, it was a remote control Hummer. It is fun to still be a kid.
“Best. Pretend. Weapon. Ever!!! (wipes a tear)”
Weeellll, maybe…except for my battery powered ack-ack gun with the red flashing muzzles. 1957 or 8, I think.
TLD:
Did you miss the part about seven weapons in one??!! I was king of the multiblock neighborhood war games for 2 years! (’64 – ’65)
rob: That’s brutal! I know a guy who told his wife on Christmas day that he wanted a divorce so she shouldn’t bother moving out to California in January!
12 years later her anger still glows white hot. (He was an alchoholic womanizer BTW)
BJ – Those alcoholic womanizers sure can leave a path of destruction in their wake.
My wife outdoes herself every year. Last year she got me a beautiful leather swivel chair for the home office. Of course, I work in the city and she works from home. But it is a very nice chair!
JD: You really need to click on the BMoe’s link and then try to tell me you wouldn’t have wanted a Johnny Seven for the purposes of eradicating the other kids in the neighborhood.
That guy lied about there being another woman to all of our faces for weeks until finally fessing up. He ended up going through 2 more marraiges and didn’t even show up 2 months ago when his oldest daughter got married.
I believe the term is unrepentant asshat.
I had a BB gun and a pellet gun. Those faux weapons were no match for me. That was back when all of us kids had BB gun fights, and played tag with pellet guns. Could you imagine doing that today?
Hopefully, the unrepentant asshat will find help someday. Until then, stay as far away as possible. He seems intent on leaving a huge wake of destruction.
I had the BB and pellet guns when I was older. At 8 to 9 years old, Johnny Seven was DA BOMB!
BTW: I was nearsighted by age 11 so I learned pretty quickly what a horrible shot I was (this being reinforced by the consistent lack of dead furry or feathered creatures despite hundreds of rounds of ammo expended.) Fishing didn’t require the sort of eyesight necessary in hunting to kill stuff so it became the sport of choice.
We can attest to that. BJ is a horrible shot.
Sincerely,
The fish in a barrel
I had a Johnny Seven too.. I wont restate all thats already been said.. but it rocked..
But before there was Johnny Seven… There was Jimmy Jet (Christmas Circa 1966)..
Yes, I was coming in locked and cocked with snake and nape’..bringin heat on Red Russkie Commie asses, NVA regs & Viet Cong before I was out of grade school..
Top that..
JIMMY JET
Note: The company that manufactured Jimmy Jet went out of business before I could get Santa to bring the Blue 82/Daisycutter accessory pack (sold separately)…
A fact I’m pissed about to this day..
No good war toy is complete without the Daisycutter, or the MOAB.
Dammit! I wanted one those JimmyJets when I was nine and I was DENIED!!!
Still had the Johnny Seven, though…
BTW:JD: I was such a bad shot that the Order of the Arrow in Bor Scouts officially banned me from skeet shooting. I was crushed.
Remember those hand-held electronic football/basketball/soccer games, that used little blips of light to represent players? I loved those games, played them for hours.
And yet, 16 years later, I’m willing to give her another chance. Still not quite clear on what’s going on in her mind. It’s hard (for me, at least) to be just friends with someone you had every intention of spending your life with.
Ah, well. At least now I know what went wrong.
Rob: It sounds like a “trust but verify” kind of situation. I hope it works out for you one way or the other.
Are you still in limbo with the librarian? I feel for you. That cannot be fun. On the bright side, she has not said no.
At seven Santa brought me a Johnny Seven.. Thirteen years later I enlisted in the Army Special Forces… Cause and Effect?
Maybe the pacifists are right about guns and toys…
Funny thing.. My brother did a career as an SF NCO but his wife was very liberal and insisted that their kids not have gun or miltary toys so they wouldnt be raise in an atmosphere of violence (despite what Dad did for a living).. they just got (boring) educational toys… But I used to go over to their house and they’d all be running around with sticks and tree branches, aiming them like rifles , going “Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah” like a submachine gun… The pinched look on Mom’s face was totally gratifying..
(Meanwhile of course I was teaching my kids to shoot by starting them on my Browning Hi-Power..)
#36 JD: “Remember those hand-held electronic football/basketball/soccer games…?”
Loved those but obsessed on the Tetris handheld…
Ouros:
I call bull crap on the whole “no playing war or cowboys or tag or any other martial warmongering games.” A good friend of mine, a very liberal retired baptist minister, allowed his son to use toy guns and play war whenever he wanted.
The kid is all grown up, lives in Switzerland and is a die hard pacifist.
Overall, parents should just lighten up and let the kids play!
BJ, you are not allowed to use common sense when there are young psyches to be molded. Let them just play, the very idea!
The whole guns will corrupt kids concept is complete BS. My daughter has shot me with a teddy bear and a Webkinz. Might as well teach them what they are, what they do, and a healthy respect for them.
Ouros – Tetris. I have probably wasted, literally, a few months of my life playing that game.
JD: Me too.. It’s maddening, isnt it? I wish they’d re-release those original handheld units as a retro 80’s nostalgia toy… I’d be first in line at the local Toys-R-Us …
No good war toy is complete without the Daisycutter, or the MOAB
Those are fine if you’re just playing for funsies. For keeps, you gotta have the Davy Crocket.
That’s Crockett with two T’s, the well-known Dutch frontiersman.
Hmmm… maybe I should count the college friend who let me play “Doom” for most of the week between finishing my last final and graduating. It would count as a Christmas present because I graduated in December…
I won’t even mention all of my relationships that went kablooey over the holidays. It got to be spooky after a while. To this day, I hate Christmas. And now I don’t even drink, so I can’t do that, either. Hey, free therapy!
Craig C – Back in my single days, I used to break up with whomever I was dating right before Valentine’s Day, just to save us both the pain of making it through that horrific holiday.
I was going to say that being an alcoholic rock and roller/womanizer didn’t help, but I thought better of it. Whoops.
Yeah. Same here, except for the rock and roller part. That just got in the way of the rest.
We can buy Christmas gifts from online stores, but can take help in deciding the right gift for the right person. Get innovative ideas for Christmas gifts so that every time you can present them with an unusual present.
The best Christmas gift I ever got was in 2002, when my stepmother bought tickets for myself and my dad to see a football game between the San Diego Chargers and the Seattle Seahawks, and I enjoyed every minute of it. (Who wouldn’t?) The absolute worst Christmas gift I received was when I was two years old. The Shriner’s brought me this ugly-looking bear which they thought that I would like. I absolutely HATED it. But I kept it for a long time, for a better part of 20 years, to be more specific, before my mom suggested that I chuck it in the dumpster. When I did, I was glad to FINALLY be rid of it.
Thanks for the wit, iam only doing my xmas hardly now, got any ideas for this year?
I don’t normally leave comments… but I really enjoyed your post! I will be leaving a link back here in my blogroll! Thanks!
My favorite gift to give during Christmas day is a fruit basket with toys and gift certificates. they can really put a smile on someone’s face*`-
I really appreciate what you post here, very insightful and intelligent. One problem though, I’m running Firefox on Fedora and some of your site structure are a little misaligned. I realize it’s not a popular setup, but it is still something to watch out for. Just tossing you a heads up.
This article is really important, thank you for sharing it with us
Christmas is nearing again gotta prepare some great Christmas Gifts-”
sometimes i give cash as Christmas gift if i can’t think of a great gift idea-`~