Immediately following John Edwards uplifting promise to protect our ports from marauding bands of corporate outsourcers, Susan Estrich pinched my ass and slipped her room key into my complimentary Pina Colada.  Which would have been flattering had the dirty little party girl not called me “Shep.” Incidentally, the cheap bastards at the DNC really skimped on the rum.  To the point where my complimentary Pina Colada tastes like tap water

Immediately following John Edwards uplifting promise to protect our ports from marauding bands of corporate outsourcers, Susan Estrich pinched my ass and slipped her room key into my complimentary Pina Colada.  Which would have been flattering had the dirty little party girl not called me “Shep.” Incidentally, the cheap bastards at the DNC really skimped on the rum.  To the point where my complimentary Pina Colada tastes like tap water

After I torched Sean Hannity in an arm wrestling match this morning, I heard him mutter something to Paula Zahn about his “lingering tennis elbow.” To which I say, whatever happened to personal responsibility, Hannity?  I mean, you didn’t hear Tony Snow making excuses when I pinned his ass, did you…?  You whiny little bitch.

After I torched Sean Hannity in an arm wrestling match this morning, I heard him mutter something to Paula Zahn about his “lingering tennis elbow.” To which I say, whatever happened to personal responsibility, Hannity?  I mean, you didn’t hear Tony Snow making excuses when I pinned his ass, did you…?  You whiny little bitch.

Breaking: Astonishingly, some people continue to take Howard Dean seriously.  More as I figure out how this is humanly possible.

Breaking: Astonishingly, some people continue to take Howard Dean seriously.  More as I figure out how this is humanly possible.

Overheard on the convention floor: ”Nothing here is real.  Nothing.  For example, Boston baked beans?  Not baked beans at all.  The misleading little candied shits.” — CNN’s Phil Hirschkorn

Overheard on the convention floor: ”Nothing here is real.  Nothing.  For example, Boston baked beans?  Not baked beans at all.  The misleading little candied shits.” — CNN’s Phil Hirschkorn

Newsweek’s Eleanor Clift—who’s been sitting at the hotel bar all afternoon, sucking down sidecars—is insisting I call her “Lola.” I have no idea why.  But I’m starting to get a really creepy vibe. update:  Should Eleanor Clift ever offer to show you her Tweety Bird tattoo, decline graciously and excuse yourself at once.  Trust me on this.

Newsweek’s Eleanor Clift—who’s been sitting at the hotel bar all afternoon, sucking down sidecars—is insisting I call her “Lola.” I have no idea why.  But I’m starting to get a really creepy vibe. update:  Should Eleanor Clift ever offer to show you her Tweety Bird tattoo, decline graciously and excuse yourself at once.  Trust me on this.