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Tubby on Furry Violence [Dan Collins]

A couple of commenters have obliquely alluded to the strange and disturbing practice of “furring,” which is described by Metro.co.uk this way:

Forget dogging – the new sex craze is ‘furring’.

The practice sees people dressing up in giant teddy bear or other outfits and meeting in woodlands and forests for sex.

Participants – sometimes called ‘furverts’ – also dress as rabbits, squirrels or cartoon characters.

One furry – known as ‘Paddington’ – regularly takes part in the activity in woods at St Austell, Cornwall.

In a development that is part fox-hunting and part Clockwork Orange, furries are suddenly under siege from “tubbies”–that is, people who troll furry sites to make appointments for furry trysting, only to appear in groups of three or four in Teletubby outfits and “accost” their victims in the woods. Like the furries, they use geo-location devices to arrive at the appointed sites; unlike the furries, the tubbies’ intentions are not amorous in the least. Beaten furries have thus far been reluctant to contact the constabulary.

I don’t see this ending happily.

51 Replies to “Tubby on Furry Violence [Dan Collins]”

  1. DaGall says:

    file under: There’ll Always Be An England.

    Meanwhile, Rosie O’Donnell continues to give fat pig-ugly dykes everywhere a bad name…

  2. Pablo says:

    I don’t see this ending happily.

    What’s not to like?

  3. N. O'Brain says:

    Animals!

  4. cjd says:

    Tubbies? So they’re dressing up as Oliver Willis? Yechh.

  5. Ric Caric says:

    Sounds like a David Vitter kind of thing.

  6. Spiny Norman says:

    LMAO! I’m dyin’ here!

    ::bangs head on desk::

  7. Pablo says:

    Sounds like a David Vitter kind of thing.

    How’s that, Ric? Are you sure it’s not a Karl Rove kind of thing? Booga booga and whatnot…

  8. Aldo says:

    Is the gay Teletubby implicated as well?

  9. Dan Collins says:

    Aldo–they don’t specifically mention Tinky-Winky.

  10. Spiny Norman says:

    He’s probably the ringleader!

    ;^)

  11. happyfeet says:

    it’s dark

    unfortunately the situation has worsened now again. including my best friend making fun of my fursona, it was REALLY insulting. anyway, one thing at the mmoment is that no-one else actually knows how far my problems go, they span from very serious (family problems – im adopted), to not really serious (i need parts for my bike, but have no money, which is bad because cycling for me is a temporary escape from things). so you see, it does get extremely serious, and death in the family hasnt helped either, i was off school for a week having completely broken down because my cousin had died of cancer (we were really close), and even worse was that i had important exams then. but i think not knowing my biological parents (i dont even know if they’re alive) has seriously affected me. shit my childhood was a mess. oh well, i realise that im kinda going on here, but the internet is the only place i can talk freely. and i NEED to talk about it. shit this is too much…

    really really dark

  12. SteveG says:

    Rosie doesn’t need a costume…. duh

  13. Bill D. Cat says:

    Just wait till the Oompa Loompas show up on their little Harley’s (sorry JD) and start busting heads .

  14. Dan Collins says:

    Smokey Bear says: “Practice safe sex!”

  15. Spiny Norman says:

    This “furry” thing isn’t new, you know…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ihuv5z6nqWw

    (can’t get a linky thing to work…)

  16. Aldo says:

    Gordon Brown may ban his ministers from using the words “Teletubby” or “Furry” in connection with this crisis.

    TW: this unite

  17. CochinoMarrano says:

    I’m just glad that H.R. Pufnstuf didn’t make a appearance in this story.

  18. mojo says:

    Wasn’t this a CSI episode?

  19. Muslihoon says:

    Forget sex. The Arabs are perfecting the art of using furries for teaching purposes. Namely: teaching hatred.

  20. Bill D. Cat says:

    Just to set the record straight , Tinky Winky may be gayer than a Florida ‘rest stop ‘ bathroom at 2 am. , it’s Dipsy who’s the sexual predator . That pointy thing on his head ….. he’ll stick it anywhere ….

  21. warlocke says:

    Not all furries are in it only for the sex. Some of them play paintball.

    Regards,
    Ric

  22. cranky-d says:

    Not all furries are in it only for the sex. Some of them play paintball.

    I didn’t know anyone did funny animal comics any more.

  23. Sean M. says:

    The practice sees people dressing up in giant teddy bear or other outfits and meeting in woodlands and forests for sex.

    Does anybody else feel like we’re watching the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire in fast forward? Because that’s the vibe I’m getting here.

  24. ronaldo says:

    The worst is when you settle in to watch a nice, wholesome bestiality video and it turns out to be nothing more than a strung-out runaway and two guys in a moose suit. My liberal sensibilities tell me that we need more government regulation to put an end to this type of fraud.

  25. McGehee says:

    TMI, Ronaldo. TMI.

  26. B Moe says:

    “…people who troll furry sites to make appointments for furry trysting, only to appear in groups of three or four in Teletubby outfits and “accost” their victims in the woods.”

    So thats what was going on in the woods behind my house this weekend! Had me a little freaked out for awhile there, I gotta tell you.

  27. Parker says:

    Smokey the Bear says:

    Only YOU can prevent forest furries!

    (Yeah, YOU, Tinky Winky!)

  28. Pablo says:

    My liberal sensibilities tell me that we need more government regulation to put an end to this type of fraud.

    My rugged individualism and sense of personal responsibility tell me we need more righteous Teletubbies.

    “No, YOU wear the Tinky Winky suit. I look much better in red.”

  29. JD says:

    Furry rodents going at it like ice weasels in the forest, with an outlaw gang of Oompa-Loompa Harley riders closing in on them. Brilliant. Comedy and horror, all in one mental picture.

  30. JD says:

    Didn’t The Bloodhound Gang do a video about this kind of stuff?

  31. BJTexs says:

    BMoe:

    “So thats what was going on in the woods behind my house this weekend! Had me a little freaked out for awhile there, I gotta tell you.”

    You being the rethuglican, warmongering brown people killing neocon blood for oil type of guy, I’m assuming you snapped off a few shots.

    Just for the principle of it…

  32. Aldo says:

    Has anyone considered the root causes of the tubbies’ rage? Were they driven to accost the furries because of US support for Israel perhaps? I’m sure that the stolen election of 2000 probably cheesed them off too.

  33. MarkD says:

    I don’t see this trend catching on over here. Some hunter would shoot a furvert on opening day.

  34. BJTexs says:

    Yup, MarkD. The next thing you know certain will be issuing hunting permits with nary a second thought.

    That scenario both horrifies and amuses. I think amusing is winning.

  35. alppuccino says:

    I’m stuck on 2 furverts in a horse costume and the guy in front had some 3-day-old bangers and mash. There ain’t no spring meadow that’s gonna mask that smell. “Sorry guvnah, but chin up, only 3 kilometers till we get to the woods. And that may be the last of it anyway.”

  36. BJTexs says:

    certain states

    I miss preview SO MUCH!

  37. Kirk says:

    I don’t see this trend catching on over here. Some hunter would shoot a furvert on opening day.

    Damn straight. Don’t try that shit here in Michigan in November.

    Hey, would a furvert need to be stuffed for a good mounting? Taxidermy could be, like, a breeze.

  38. TheGeezer says:

    I don’t see this trend catching on over here. Some hunter would shoot a furvert on opening day.
    and
    Wasn’t this a CSI episode?

    The former happened in the latter, with a furrie shot by a rancher accidentally because he thought it was the coyote that had been nipping his chickens.

    It was the episode that made me decide there were better things to watch…or was that the adult baby episode?

    PW von dramatists…I’ll say!

  39. RDub says:

    Oh – I saw the headline and thought it was more of Mike Moore vs. Wolf Blitzer.

  40. B Moe says:

    “You being the rethuglican, warmongering brown people killing neocon blood for oil type of guy, I’m assuming you snapped off a few shots.”

    Nah, my assault rifle was being fitted for a new hair-trigger, and I was too much of a weenie man to get within shotgun range. I trembled in fear in my closet hoping for a terrorist attack to distract me from the real threats of the day.

    Pretty much my normal weekend.

  41. BJTexs says:

    I was just thinking how contented and secure I would feel with one of those new 50 Caliber semi-automatic sniper rifles.

    However, my condo association would not approve. Probably…

  42. JD says:

    Screw the condo association. I was chastised, and fined, by my homeowners association for shooting a goose with a .375. Apparently blowing away Canadian honkers that shit all over your yard is frowned upon. Who knew ?

  43. Jim in KC says:

    Air guns, JD. That’s how I kill the @$#$ pigeons that turn up within my property lines. I like to leave their little pigeon heads on pikes as a warning to the other sky rats, as well.

  44. eCurmudgeon says:

    Eew!

    Eew! Eew! EEW!

    PS: Eew!

  45. JD says:

    Jim in KC – I tried using a pellet gun, but that did not kill them. Since there is a flock of about 60 Candian honkers living on the lake behind my house, the only ones that became conditioned to the pellets were the handful that I hit. I got frustrated and got out my M700 APR from a trip to Alaska a couple years ago, with a soft jacketed .375 ultra mag round. The first goose was a through and through at 50 yards, and for some reason, the second just disentegrated in a puff of feathers.

  46. JD says:

    So, this post got me thinking about the Bloodhound Gang, and I remembered that they have some of the greatest song titles. For instance …

    A LAP DANCE IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN THE STRIPPER IS CRYING
    FARTING WITH A WALKMAN ON
    THE BALLAD OF CHASEY LAIN
    I WISH I WAS QUEER SO I COULD GET CHICKS
    KISS ME WHERE IT SMELLS FUNNY
    SHE AIN’T GOT NO LEGS
    YOUR ONLY FRIENDS ARE MAKE BELIEVE
    YOU’RE PRETTY WHEN I’M DRUNK
    YUMMY DOWN ON THIS

  47. JD, have you thought about a border collie? some golf courses use them to herd geese. the birds get annoyed with not being allowed on the bank and will leave. or at least I think that’s how it worked.

  48. Jim in KC says:

    JD, Yeah, I can see where the pellet gun wouldn’t kill them at that range. My pigeon shooting is done at more like 6-10 feet. Of course, it helps that pigeons are kinda stupid and, for some reason, not nearly as scared of me as they should be.

  49. JD says:

    Maggie – Were I able to convince my better half that I could take care of a dog, that would be an excellent idea. As is, she claims that I am barely able to take care of her and our lovely daughter, much less myself, and adding a dog to that equation is likely a recipe for more work on her part. She may have a point.

    Jim – The geese have no fear of us whatsoever, so I plan on wandering amongst them, shooting them in the ass with the pellet gun. I will give it a week, and see if they learn, though I suspect they are about as bright as heet.

  50. […] Tubby on Furry Violence (Some cats picked it up and re-reported it) […]

  51. […] mean, what could possibly go wrong? I imagine there will be one for Furries, soon. Tweet Posted under: Macro […]

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