June 9, 2006

The protein wisdom interview: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

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Ahmad Fadheel Nazaal al-Khalaylah (“Abu Musab al-Zarqawi” is his nom de guerre) was born in Zarqa, Jordan in October 1966. He came from a large family belonging to the trans-Jordanian Bani Hassan tribe, which is known for its loyalty to the royal Hashemite family. He grew up in the al-Ma’ssoum slum, was an indifferent student and spent most of his time in the municipal cemetery (located opposite his home), which served as his playground. He was known for being rebellious, got left back at school and turned into a juvenile delinquent, even spending time in jail.  The self-proclaimed al Qaeda leader in Iraq, Zarqawi was responsible for numerous attacks on Iraqis, Jordanians, coalition forces, and civilian contractors.  He was killed in an airstrike June 7 2006.  Which doesn’t matter, because the US has already lost the Iraq war anyway—and any celebration over the death of a terrorist thug is best left to the hooting natives, not to civilized journalists.

protein wisdom: “First of all, I’d like to thank you for taking this time to sit down with me, an infidel dog, and a Jew infidel dog, to boot.  But I think it’s important that we as Westerners try really to understand what it is that motivates people like you—21st century Minutemen, the Thomas Paines and George Washingtons of the new Caliphate, to hear some speak of it.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “…You know, because of the root causes and such…

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “And, like, blowback.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “– that type stuff.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “C’mon, man, you gotta work with me here.  Troops on Saudi soil?  Israel?  Cinemax After Dark?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom:Baby-back rib platters…?  I know you know what I’m talking about…”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Okay.  Right. I completely agree:  let’s leave politics and ideology aside and just kinda delve into the psychology of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi:  Who was he?  What made him tick, if you’ll pardon the pun…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “For instance, a question I bet a lot of my readers would be interested in hearing your answer to is, why did you target Iraqi civilians if what you were trying to do was win the hearts and minds of the Iraqi population?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “I mean, was it to try to foment a civil war?—which, if that happens, will likely happen thanks to years of brutal Sunni-Ba’athist oppression of the majority Shia and not because al Qaeda fooled anyone into thinking their attacks were anything other than pure barbarism.  Or was there something else involved?  Some other grand strategy?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “– Like, I dunno, maybe the real target of your attacks was the Western media, which has shown itself to be easily manipulated toward anti-war sentiment by ‘insurgent’ brutality.  Something along those lines.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Yes?  No?  Maybe…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Hello…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Or perhaps you’re one of those cats who just likes to blow shit up…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Which, this is kinda off topic, but I get that vibe from John Woo and Michael Bay, too.  And Tarantino.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom:

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Yeah, you probably aren’t all that familiar with their work—though I bet you’ve watched bits of Reservoir Dogs, am I right?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “‘Stuck in the Middle with You’…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “I don’t know about you, but I think Gerry Rafferty is one of the most underrated rock/pop voices of our generation…”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Baker Street’?  ‘Right Down the Line’?  That’s some sophisticated pop sound, man.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “And in fact, ‘Baker Street’ may be responsible for bringing the sax back into pop music.  Although I guess some people would point you to Springsteen—who for the record is completely derivative of John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown band.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Of course, not many people know that, because JC didn’t achieve any measure of fame until much later on.  With the Eddie and the Cruisers soundtrack.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “…Though, you’re probably more of a zither man, I’m betting.  Or pan flute.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “See, that’s what I mean:  we don’t know a whole lot about you or your culture.  About your ‘Otherness’—what it is that makes y’all have such a, you know—a hardon to kill us.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “—if it’s even a cultural thing to begin with.  In fact, this is a big debate we have here all the time:  are we fighting a battle of civilizations—or are we fighting what is essentially a fringe group that represents no more than just a tiny fragment of Moslem thought.  Which would mean we are seriously overreacting to what is, in reality, a very small threat.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Though those buildings collapsing in New York wasn’t particularly small.  Nor were the lives of those folks on those hijacked planes.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “But that’s just me editorializing.  And this isn’t about me—it’s about understanding twisted headloppers like you.

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “So.  Why do you want to kill us?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Because I’ve floated the theory that it’s a combination of heat and too much sweetener in the tea, but nobody seems to buy that.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “They tend to go with wrath.  Or envy.  Or pride—you know, the psychological canon of go-to animating motivations.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “—hell, come to think of it, they kinda map onto a number of Deadly Sins, too, huh?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “…Which, well, I don’t think I need to point out the irony in that to you.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “But be that as it may…”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “So.  What was the last thing that went through your head just before you went to your eternal reward…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Besides pieces of farmhouse foundation and bits of your sternum, I mean?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Because were it me, I’d be thinking, was it really worth it?

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “I mean, in an existential sense…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Like, for instance, the way Hemingway lived his life.  Because I won’t lie to you, I can see the draw:  power, excitement, adventure…”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “But shit, man.  You were a desert guy.  Why not just do battle with those giant flying radioactive maneating spiders you guys have out there?  Because those things are creepy.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “And when you kill them, people don’t get as miffed as when you saw the heads of civilians or blow up children.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Or else, why not just do some amyl nitrate poppers like everybody else?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “You know—fight a fucking bull, man!  Experiment with a male hooker!  Eat some day old sushi…!”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Eh.  Well, I guess it’s all academic now, right?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Your being quite dead and all.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “…Which, I’ve gotta know:  the virgins.  Is it true?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “I mean, are they hot, or…? “

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “C’mon, don’t hold out on a brother…”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “– Oh.  And point of art:  if you get your nuggets blown off by a 500lb US bomb on earth, can you still…you know, get the machinery working in the afterlife…?

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “These are the questions that keep me up at night, Abu.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Well, that, and why in the hell does Keith freakin’ Olbermann have his own talk show…?”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Yeah, don’t answer that.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Anyway, thanks so much for your time.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “…I’m off to play with my little boy.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “Enjoy the girls.”

al-Zarqawi:

protein wisdom: “And, you know—the dirt.”

****

update:  Man, I wish I could have gotten Abu to open up like this. I mean, I really wanted to know what he thought about Chris getting booted from this year’s “American Idol,” for instance.  But after a while I figured, what’s the point, you know?  I mean, he wasn’t as forthcoming as I’d hoped he’d be.

Probably had something to do with having bitten off most of his tongue when the bombs hit.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 3:54pm
79 comments | Trackback

Comments (79)

  1. You asked all the right questions, Jeff. Some people just won’t share.

  2. I’m kinda surprised Z didn’t have much of an opinion on Baker Street Sax.  Because with Zarkawi it’s all about ‘da arrangments..and ‘de composing.

  3. “I don’t know about you, but I think Gerry Rafferty is one of the most underrated rock/pop voices of our generation…”

    Man, are you lucky he’s dead.  That should have had him out of the chair making sawing motions with the headlopper knife…

  4. Dude, I can’t even fart anymore, I hoot.

    His just desserts.

    PW, Iowahawk, BRAVO!

  5. The Eddie & The Cruisers soundtrack is the third-best Bruce Springsteen album.

  6. PW, Iowahawk, BRAVO!

    I was having flashbacks while reading that interview.  Oh Allah, why have you forsaken us?!

    Damn, I miss that site.

  7. You know what they say, Jeff?  We’re professionals; don’t try this at home?

    Well, I tried to do exactly the same thing last night, but you’ve done it about 50 times as well.  Duh!  Serves me right for trying.

    Although I did kind of like the image of squeezing a lion’s testicles.

  8. Wow, flashing back.

    You always knew it was summertime in Philly when you’d hear John Cafferty or Journey on the radio.

    Eddie Lives!

    ol’ Zack there doesn’t.

  9. You realy commited to the concept.

  10. Wow, they really do get more powerful as martyrs, don’t they?

    TW: Keep.  I don’t think so, not in the desert heat.

  11. Too bad Zzz’s last words “indistinguishable”- but if he tried to roll off his gurney, he probably realized he was “Stuck in the Middle” of U.S. Special Forces.

    Last thought:  cosmic joke about the virgins.

    tw:  eyes

    glazed over

  12. Waaaaay to “gleeful”, Jeff.

  13. protein wisdom: “Hey, you want, like, a Kleenex or something for your face?  That looks like it’s gotta sting…”

  14. ROFLMAO!  LOL

    This one’s goin’ up in the muscle chick’s blog!

  15. Jeff – you really gotta ease off on the Klonopin poppers….. you do realize you just spent 20 minutes interviewing your Paxlon 5000 boxer shorts don’t you…. Shhheseesss

    (Zarqawi was unavailable for comment….)

    TW: Dat boys got ionterview…. FRESH!

  16. Why not just do battle with those giant flying radioactive maneating spiders you guys have out there?  Because those things are creepy.

    If Murtha finds out about those spiders, expect the cries for troup withdrawal to get even louder.

  17. Not as good as “Tucker Carlson’s Talking Bowties:”

    now that was comedy at it’s finest!

    But really–I’m just glad we can all relax and have a laugh now that the Insurgency is dead and The War is over.

  18. I wonder what Martha thinks…..

  19. But really–I’m just glad we can all relax and have a laugh now that the Insurgency is dead and The War is over.

    Yeah, that’s what we’re all thinking.  And saying.

    Strawman much?

    Still, I’m sure this will a central meme in LL land.  It probably already is.

  20. I laugh, but I always temper my laughter with contingency and irony, English Only.

    I’m like Richard Rorty that way.  And Tucker Carlson’s bow tie, come to think of it.

    Incidentally, if you’re not sure how this internet thing works, you’re not required to read this site. 

    Or maybe you are, I don’t know.  Is Greenwald giving out homework assignments now?

  21. Jeff,

    You’re being entirely unfair. I just spoke to my proctologist, and he assured me that it would be entirely impossible to speak when you’ve just had your larynyx blown out your anus.

    Did you try sign language?

  22. There is no way, he’d use sign language, just because it was “American sign language.” Now that “click talking” might work…

  23. Did you try sign language?

    t(-.-t)

  24. And you’re not required to answer my snark, but you did and I’m honored. Now call me a “Fucktard” and let’s call it a day.

    N.B. Have you thought of working up a schtick on Ann Coulter’s Cocktail Dress?

  25. Fucktard.

    N.B. Yes, in fact I have.

    English Only: “So.  What’s it like to provide cover for a Nazi bitch?”

    Ann Coulter’s Cocktail Dress: “Who said you could talk to me?”

    Ann Coulter’s Cocktail Dress: “Presumptuous little pissant.”

  26. The reason Zarqawi isn’t talking is because he has become the latest prize-winning recipe for Terrorist Surprise:  just grease, sear, and toss.

    And let’s hope the follow-up raids meet with similar results.

  27. Ha ha.  There’s the whipcrack Jeff G. humor we all know and love!

  28. I am going to toss an extra $20 in the offering plate, and maybe a little sumpin’ in Jeff’s tip jar in hopes that he gets to do an interview with the (oh please make him “the late”) Hekmatyar Gulbuddin…

    Not that it’s personal or anything – I am sure when his boys kept shooting at me, it was just business.

  29. You’re making me blush, English Only.

    Of course, it’s you I’m embarrassed for.  But don’t let that stop you.

  30. E/O,

    Why are Lefties such pussies?

    t/w: My money‘s on their complete lack of morals.

  31. Linked from Abu Musab al Zarqawi Is Still Dead Today Too. It’s a good day for gloating.

  32. re: DeepTrope

    “indistinguishable” and “short” are they key descriptors I remember.  I prefer to believe he muttered something that wouldn’t be appropriate to repeat in mixed company.

    Not that it matters much, but he went out like a punk and that’s good enough for me.  Though I am pretty suprised he came through two 500 pounders as (not) well as he did.

  33. Victory in Iraq was assured by 2008 even before the Zarqawi hit, and now it really is assured.

    With the laptop being scoured for leads, this is the gift that keeps on giving.

  34. Oh my god.  Usually a joke carried too far isn’t funny, but this just KILLED me.  I read it out loud to my boyfriend, using my hand as a sock-puppety thing for the silent Zarqawi.

    Awesome.

    Radioactive flying spiders!

  35. rigight on abuot gery rafterty! ‘home an dry’? ‘right down teh line’? ‘city to city’? clasiccs!

    i been telign peopople for yers but its like talkin to a damn wall.

    the man was a genias of historac porportoins. a days gona come whan alla you swine are gona be totaly all like ‘dude man yeah i was inta him all alogn’. but deep in ur harets ur gona be sweatin bulets hopaing nobody fninds uot the horable truth. an one day ur gona hafta face TEH LORD. whadya gona say then eh? not much thats what.

    so shitcan them foghat recrods an get your minds right bafor its to late.

  36. My educated WAG tells me that Zarqawi made it through two 500 pounders because at some point they heard it IN-COMING!!!! and dove for some kind of cover complete with his lemmings on top of him for extra protection to save their savior. It’s also possible that the building was fortified in some way and in some spots for just this reason.

    I have to admit it makes me wonder how he survived. Raised eyebrow. But I’m sure the whole truth “is on a need to know basis and right now you don’t need to know”. No worries. I’m still doing the happy dance sans firing the family HnK in the air.

  37. But what’s to become of the body, besides rancid and wormy?

    Does the home tribe get to claim it?

    Will the US military bury it sown inside a pig’s belly like we did to those Muslim flips we were fighting backing in ‘02 (1902)?

    Will it ever find its missing leg?

  38. Whitehall: and re q#3, if not, why not? wink

  39. Muscle Chick,

    No mystery involved. Have you ever noticed the kind of construction they use for a house? Not all that many trees around, and anyway it’s only North America that uses much wooden balloon-frame construction.

    Masonry—rock, brick, adobe, and now concrete—is the way to go anyway in that sort of climate. Not only are the materials readily available, it tends to last a lot longer and moderates the temperature variations somewhat. That house was probably darn near to being a bunker, not designed with that in mind, just the normal way to put a structure together. Amazing it only took a pair of 500-pounders to do it in.

    BTW in the “ways of the moonbat” category, on one of the blogs I was skimming one of the commenters was all teary about the fact that Z-man survived for a few minutes afterwards. Couldn’t they have given him decent medical attention? Too bad our forces all have nothing but poodleshooters these days. .45 ACP is a decent painkiller.

    Regards,

    Ric

  40. i haven’t commented in a while.

    i was blown away when that b-list movie guy was posting here. haven’t been back, i was so awestruck. and i got busy at work.

    this interview is very funny.

    it reinstituted my faith in humanity.

  41. Be nice now Ric… a Barretta 9mm can still admisiter a coup de grace quite nicely.

    Besides, I would rather have the extra rounds in the mag – stopping power of the .45 vs. having enough rounds with the 9mm… the eternal debate.

  42. Another fine entry in the “Conversations With Inanimate Objects” series.

    I’m really looking forward to Jeff’s interview with Osama.

  43. Those 500 lb bombs messed with Zarqawi’s head. Each took him by an ear and whispered “No, Allah’s testicles didn’t drop from the sky, but we’re here to help. We understand you want to be a martyr… ”

  44. Ray Suarez on PBS news wrapup tonight stressed the fact that Z was still alive after the blast–as if, somehow, we should have done something to try to save him.

    Frankly, Ray, we decided we weren’t interested in Z’s worthless life when we decided to send him two 500-pound Candygrams. If we had wanted to take him alive, we would have gone about it in entirely different way. If Z. was still alive after the blast, our only obligation was to finish him off. I can’t believe the left is so empathetic with a worthless piece of shit who savored spending 7 minutes cutting off Nick Berg’s head.

    tw: hold. Him. Down.

    Oh, English Only? Fuck off.

  45. Who knew Musab al-Zarqawi was a psychoanalyst?

  46. I’m holding out for Regis’ interview with the Z-man, that is after Regis finishes up with Mr. Malloch Brown.

  47. Hey we found he may still be alive and gave him some medical attention.

    Another 500 pounder!

  48. he wasn’t as forthcoming as I’d hoped he’d be

    On the contrary, I think these are some of the most profound statements Zarqawi has made.  Ever.

  49. Another fine entry in the “Conversations With Inanimate Objects” series.

    I’m really looking forward to Jeff’s interview with Osama.

    Posted by LagunaDave | permalink

    on 06/09 at 08:21 PM

    Aw, Laguna, are you trying to flatter me?  I feel like I am a lonely voice in the wilderness sometimes saying that OBL is/has been Purina Vulture Chow for some time now… it just seems that nobody has an interest in declaring him a stiff. The Coaliton doesn;t want to martyr hime and the bad guys don’t want to admit defeat.

    Example – an outstanding NCO, who happens to post here, has proclaimed that if he came across OBL alive, he zorch the MF’er and bury him in lime and tell no one.

  50. Note from above comment – being deep into the night’s second bottle of Ironstone Vineyards 2004 “Obsession” (California Medley) does not improve already poor spelling abilities.

    Oy.

  51. Who knew Musab al-Zarqawi was a psychoanalyst?

    Touché!

    At least now he’s a good psychoanalyst!

  52. PW, Iowahawk, BRAVO!

    Damn, no more quarterly progress reports from the Zarkman.

    tw: Unless by the sixth sense

  53. Major John,

    Well, I’m a little guy, you know. Compensation and all that–

    But they do say, technique is more important than size.

    The 9mm Beretta

    Is also great

    And will suffice.

    Regards,

    Ric

  54. Another fine entry in the “Conversations With Inanimate Objects” series.

    I’m really looking forward to Jeff’s interview with Osama.

    Yes but we’ll never be able to hear it, what with all the Moonbat’s heads simultaneously exploding and all. They’d need a new hero to hold up to demonstrate Bush’s failures then. They’re already in scramble mode now, losing this guy.

  55. I will add something I have said before.

    Happy Zarqawi Day.

    This all brings a sad smile, I know how hard

    so many have worked for this day.  I especially

    think of the Marines in Anbar, whose patrols down dangerous streets and alleys drove this killer

    out to his doom.  And again the courage of the teams that have been crashing through doors night after night and finally gota bingo.

    Thanks to all

  56. Yes but we’ll never be able to hear it, what with all the Moonbat’s heads simultaneously exploding and all.

    Yes, but imagine (if you can) the serene sound of the crickets chirping afterward.

    They’d need a new hero to hold up to demonstrate Bush’s failures then.

    No, I imagine they will insist that it’s a diabolical ruse to divert attention from the (still!) imminent Rove indictment.

    They’re already in scramble mode now, losing this guy.

    Hey, they’re not unpatriotic, they’re just on the other side.

  57. I for one thinks it is totally cool that MFer Zarqawi survived the bombing just long enough to see U.S. troops come to police up his still living but soon to die body.  That MFer knew we nailed him, and he knew that we knew he knew who nailed him.  The cat caught its rat.  Just too cool.

  58. alive long enough to see

    the faces of the United States Marines

    and the liberals

    say there is no God

  59. Radio Free Sauerkraut

    Ray D. (DMK) asks: “Some people have problems to accept that Zarqawi has been exposed to the fireballs of two 500 pound bombs without even having his moustache burned. Although I recognize the scientific bias I don’t understand it. Any idea? Sir?”

    Radio Free Sauerkraut: “Zarqawi’s moustache – and the entire head – are in good shape because we’ve only bombed his feet. One bomb for the left foot, one bomb for the right. It was a surgical strike.”

  60. Couldn’t they have given him decent medical attention? Too bad our forces all have nothing but poodleshooters these days. .45 ACP is a decent painkiller.

    I must object.  The expenditure of even a single round of 9mm parabellum at that juncture seems grossly exhorbitant given the minimal benefit and the subject at hand.  A simple ‘buh-bye now’ would seem most appropriate.  Although the more maudlin might have inquired as to the specific location(s) and extent of his pain, you know, for posterity and all.

    I for one thinks it is totally cool that MFer Zarqawi survived the bombing just long enough to see U.S. troops come to police up his still living but soon to die body

    Icing on the cake.

    t/w: Six, Z-Man got the deep six

  61. Z man may not have said a lot, but at least he was balanced and objective.

    We fucktards gets a thrill watching you fucktards run around playing Sid Vicious.  He was a seriously good clown.  So are you.

  62. Did that comment make my ass look fat?

  63. Rest in Pieces Abu.. rasberry

  64. I hope they do something cool with the skull like make it an ashtray for Dick Cheney or use it to pick up Barney’s dogshit off the lawn or encase it in a clear lucite bowling ball for the White House bowling alley big surprise

  65. Do you think that was *his* leopard print nightgown they found at the scene? 

    Jeff, this post was hilarious.  Thank you.

  66. Major John:

    Besides, I would rather have the extra rounds in the mag – stopping power of the .45 vs. having enough rounds with the 9mm… the eternal debate.

    The solution is obvious—carry both a .45 and a Baretta.

    But the solution is not simple—now you have to decide if you want power or capacity.

  67. Z man may not have said a lot, but at least he was balanced and objective.

    We fucktards gets a thrill watching you fucktards run around playing Sid Vicious.  He was a seriously good clown.  So are you.

    Nice to see that you remain as incoherent as ever, Bryla.

  68. Zed?

    *pause*

    Zed is dead.

  69. This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.  And that says a lot.

  70. Very Funny–good job

  71. Maybe I’m a little paranoid, but I got the feeling he was trying to send a message to sleeper cell members in the audience. I mean, these guys will stop at nothing. Was the AK47 on his left or right? I am glad you were able to keep his answers short and to the point. Not much help for his friends that way.

  72. Two 500 lb bombs on my head would have made my comments unintelligible too. It’s just a shame that the on site US ‘medics’ couldn’t have sawed off his head before he expired. Ah, well.

    And yes, looking forward to the OBL interview; bring a jacket, because I think he’s been in a freezer in Langley for about two years. We’ll find this out *just* before the elections…

  73. I know what you mean about Gerry Rafferty.  He’s one of my favorites.

    BTW, who is this loquacious al-Zarqawi you interviewed?  What a stiff!

  74. I know he din’t answer about the virgins ‘cause his unit did get injured and doesn’t work anymore. Men are always embarassed about stuff like that unless it does work then they boast like crazy. – No boasting so…

  75. To the mention of candygram, it reminds mr of when saturday night live was really a great show…imagine…two 500 pd. bombs explode…moments later a knock at the door…Z says “Who’s there”…response…”Landshark!”

  76. Man, here in Canada the National Post pissed off some people just by running a rather fuzzy photo of his corpse! I can only begin to imagine the effect this timely, and hilarious interview would have on those poor, sensitive individuals.

    Balanced & objective? What’s that bullshit all about?

    Oh right, he was balanced in that he didn’t give a shit how innocent his victims were, or whether they were men, women or children! I guess we should respect him for being an equal opportunity terrorist!

    From a beginning of selling drugs and committing sexual assault, to becoming a non-discriminatory terrorist. Who says a guy in the Middle East can’t rise above his roots?

  77. Joking or not, I liked Gerry Rafferty.  From his work with Stealers Wheel and, yes, that sax solo (Raphael Ravenscroft!) and slide guitar and “I was a boy scout; I had my own patrol” and just the cooliest frickin’ music ever and damn I wish I was back home on Panama City Beach driving my Land Cruiser and hollering at LA chicks–that’s Lower Alabama–and now I’m gonna got get some Moosehead beer and dust off the turntable and play “Snakes and Ladders” and “City to City” real loud and embarrass my daughter when she comes in from work and how can I even have a kid that old when I just got out of high school only a quarter of a decade ago and used to listen to music all the time and maybe call some old friends and just…

    Shit.

  78. That should be “quarter of a century ago.”

    Can’t blame that on the Moosehead.

  79. An elderly Iraqi man heard some commotion when the news broke, and was only able to make out snippets of the conversation.  He had to ask his son to repeat the news about Zarqawi’s death.  The next morning, he said “What’s all the commotion about Zarqawi?”, to which his son replied “I told you yesterday, father, he is dead.”

    The third day, he asked the same question, and his son seemed exasperated “Are you becoming senile?  I told you this already yesterday as well as the day before!  ZARQAWI IS DEAD!”

    To this the old man smiled, and replied “No, I remember perfectly what you told me.  And tomorrow I’ll remember it as well.  And I STILL won’t be tired of hearing you say “Zarqawi is dead!”

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