Amusement park operator Six Flags declared bankruptcy yesterday but says that it will keep its parks open, at least for now. According to the Washington Post, the company is carrying $2.4 billion in debt. Despite the fact that Six Flags reported 25 million visitors and posted record revenues in 2008, the debt is simply unsustainable, the Associated Press reports.
The Obama administration indicated that it will purchase a controlling interest in Six Flags, with 60% of the corporate stock going to the Teamsters. TARP directors will help the company determine rides that the American public will really wish to experience, such as The Big O! a merry-go-round celebration of Hope and Change, powered by carbon-free unicorn farts; The New GM, a roller-coaster hitting the incredible speed of 25 mph; Shovel-Ready, a Big Dig-inspired ride continuously under construction; Red America, the Deliverance-themed water adventure; and the thrilling Mr. Ayers’ Wild Ride.
A special offering for those 65 and over, or suffering ill health, will be the ride called Logan’s Run. The admissions of up to 6 members of a party including a person utilizing this ride will be refunded with a voucher at the exit.
Carnival foods such as fried dough will be replaced with healthy offerings, such as chickpeas and arugula. Dangerous foods “on a stick” will no longer be offered. Park admission will remain a flat fee, but each individual ride will require a surcharge, with families of more than four paying an additional amount. People of authorized color will be permitted to utilize fast access lines.
The creepy old dude from their commercial will now be the White House press secretary.
What’s worse, the hired a 45-year old unemployed technical writer who lives alone with two cats and grows flowers to oversee the bailout/bankruptcy.
Will the incompetence never end?
The only reason Six Flags could be considered for a bailout under the New Regime is that the six flags have been scrubbed of their historic meaning (not that it ever applied to Georgia anyway, AFAIK; that was Texas).
‘Cause one of those flags was <whisper> Confederate. </whisper>
I do love to watch him dance, but with the White House press corps and this president he wouldn’t need any moves. Put him in that spot working for a Republican, though, and watch him go.
As long as they don’t use that same music from the original run of ads he was in. I have to hum “Seasons in the Sun” to get that tune out of my head.
You joke Dan, this is friggin coming. There are Obama staffers taking notes and wondering who this Collin’s guy is, he obviously has some good ideas.
I don’t understand. But I have been in an old peoples home all day and I played Bingo.
PS. went to the 6-flags in my area for the first time last year and I thought it sucked and would never go back, does that explain things? If not I’m going back to my gramma’s home having a Sunday Sundae!
Well, considering that their latest campaign is “More fun than churning butter,” I think they might already have government employees running their advertising department.
I known what you mean, Tops. Six Flags Magic Mountain in Cali has been Gang-Banger Central for years.
Forget it. He’s a Joooo. And before you ask, Rahm is Borg.
I was scanning, and nearly reached the end of this entry before I realized that you were being ironic. THAT is how far from reality this country has come.
Six Flags? They’re still around?
Is the honeymoon over? Note the graphics.
Daddy, buy me an amusement park.
.
.
I WANT AN AMUSEMENT PARK!!
The kids are off-limits, aren’t they?
Forgot.
I notice the picture is of the old white dude, not Teh O!ne.
There is but one theme park and Walt is its prophet.
THINK OF THE LIONS, PEOPLE! And the butterflies!
You heartless bastards…
GIVE US YOUR MONEY! ALL OF IT!!
Yeah, you, get that wallet out, Gramps.
Wow. Either these guys really suck at their job or someone’s skimming the profits.
Way OT: 120,000 year old Micro-pickin’s from the Who Goes There? file.
Let’s call it Andromeda.