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Newsweek: New Star Trek Movie Not Progressive Enough [Dan Collins]

Terrible how Star Trek has decided to entertain, rather than lecture:

The latest film version of “Star Trek,” however, is more brawn than brain, and it largely jettisons complicated ethical conundrums in favor of action sequences and special effects. The film shows the beginnings of the Enterprise crew, tracing how Kirk, Spock and the others came together. All the character quirks are there, and the Enterprise is rendered more realistically than ever, but what’s missing are the typically progressive politics and moral dilemmas that made the original “Trek” more than a space-age adventure show and helped earn it legions of ardent fans. Where the series often condemned conflict and advocated forgiveness, the new film depicts a violent and war-torn future, reveling in big explosions and revenge. In one noteworthy scene, an offer of mercy to the villain by the Enterprise crew becomes an apparently pleasurable opportunity for retribution, leading to a screen full of twisting metal and laser fire.

Boo frikkin’ hoo. Could it possibly be that there is a message? Such as, the time comes when it’s futile to parlay and time to blow shit up?

I’m just spitballing here.

Oh, and Latina Counselor Troi for SCOTUS, obviously.

WARNING: Images below Not Safe for Breakfast!

I sense . . . a great nausea.

(Not safe for breakfast!)

Heteronormative Beauty Expert Perez Hilton Judges Miss Intergalaxia Competition

Heteronormative Beauty Expert Perez Hilton Frolics with Original Kirk on Set

171 Replies to “Newsweek: New Star Trek Movie Not Progressive Enough [Dan Collins]”

  1. Carin says:

    Yea, that’s just terrible. You know, it prolly would say something just horrible about American Society if the film does well.

    I’m preparing to be ashamed.

  2. Eben says:

    I’m holding every last damn one of you responsible for putting me in a pissy mood every damn day.

    From now on I want platitudes and rose tinted lies to start my day off, you fother muckers.

  3. Mr. Pink says:

    I guess the Star Trek movie will get a little sideways arrow on the “Whose up Whose Down” poll this week. If only they had put big gilded golden statues to Obama on the way into the Star Fleet Acadamy then they coulda had the up arrow.

  4. Carin says:

    Eben, you can always turn on Good Morning America or something. I’m sure ‘Bama and Wonder Girl did something super-totally-amazing, which no ordinary couple would ever THINK of doing. You know, like took their kids out in the yard to play.

    Really, they are so fucking inspiring.

  5. psycho... says:

    “This lycra-unitarded intergalactic fascist fantasy empire with no fat dudes isn’t gay enough.”

  6. SBP says:

    I was planning to go see it anyway, but but after seeing that review… I am SO THERE, d00d.

  7. Carin says:

    psycho has such a way.

  8. BumperStickerist says:

    Dan, you ethnologically challenged slut,

    Deanna Troi was half-betazed and half human. Her human father, Ian Troi, is non-Latino.

    Marina Sirtis was born in London of Greek parents.

    You’ll never make it in this post-Identity Politics world if you can’t tell the {highly offensive slur against Greek people omitted} from the {highly offensive slur against Latinas omitted} you {obscene participle deleted} douchebag {profanity included}

    .

  9. SBP says:

    From the comments:

    Also, how is having sex with alien women the “vice” you claim it to be?

    I get the sense that Marc Bain, the reviewer, considers sex with any woman to be a vice. Icky, icky vagina. Eeeeeeewwwwwww!

  10. SBP says:

    Funny you should mention that. I’ve often wondered why there are no common highly offensive slurs against Greek people.

    Every other racial and ethnic group seems to have one. Why do the Greeks get off so easy?

  11. Mr. Pink says:

    How do you seperate Greek men from Greek boys?

    With a crowbar.

  12. Abe Froman says:

    Every other racial and ethnic group seems to have one. Why do the Greeks get off so easy?

    Cuz they’re all in the food service industry and you don’t fuck with people who handle your food.

  13. geoffb says:

    “what’s missing are the typically progressive politics and moral dilemmas that made the original “Trek” more than a space-age adventure show and helped earn it legions of ardent fans.”

    Somehow this is not how I remember it but I do need more sleep so…

  14. Dan Collins says:

    I can’t wait for Captain James T. Kirk’s tell-all autobiography.

  15. Matt says:

    They should have had Obama play Kirk (I mean, don’t you think its time for a black kirk), Perez Hilton should have played Spock (gay logic is always funny) and like the surgeon general post, the ships doctor position should be left open. Rahm Emmanuel can play the jewish engineer, who’s constantly shouting “Oy vey, we’re screwed”. Uhura will be played by an african american handicapped transvestite and the villain, will of course, be a cranky balding white guy, who has a habit of accidently shooting his own crew with his phaser.

  16. LTC John says:

    “but what’s missing are the typically progressive politics and moral dilemmas that made the original “Trek” more than a space-age adventure show and helped earn it legions of ardent fans”

    Oh, that was it – not the special effects, action, adventure or hot chicks in tight outfits…nosiree, it was the progressivism that done made all those Trekkies Trekkers

  17. alppuccino says:

    “Where I come from, size, shape or color makes no difference.”

    Uh……that’s not a progressive sentiment.

  18. SBP says:

    Come on, folks… don’t you remember the subtle philosophical points made in this episode?

  19. Rob Crawford says:

    Yeah, the progressive politics. That’s what led me to play The World’s Second Most Complicated Board Game.

    Stupid question: is there anything in the life of a “progressive” that isn’t about politics?

  20. Mr. Pink says:

    I do not remember Kirk banging any alien that had size and shape problems.

  21. B Moe says:

    Don’t you guys remember the episode where as a symbol of good will and mad leet diplomacy Kirk jettisoned all his photon torpedoes and unilaterally disarmed during a stand off with a Klingon ship?

  22. SBP says:

    It was also very heteronormative, Mr. Pink.

    You never saw Kirk banging Sulu, as much as Sulu would’ve probably enjoyed that.

  23. Matt says:

    Kirk’s stable of woman was like the Rainbow Coalition of star fleet.

  24. Happy Hitler says:

    I remember that Frank Gorshin, half black, half white episode.Even then, as a kid, I recognized it as tediously and laughably heavy handed.It also seemed like it was 5 hours long.

  25. alppuccino says:

    What about the episode The Trouble with Libbles?

  26. SBP says:

    Maybe they could remake that one starring Obama and Slash from Guns ‘n Roses.

    I’d watch that one.

  27. alppuccino says:

    Different Strokes was also very progressive. Especially the very special Different Strokes: Fois Gras and Fried Chicken

  28. BJT-FREE! says:

    This sentiment from the googliest Obama lovers of the national news magazine set should come as no surprise and is completely in line with Hollywood sentiments.

    Tinsel Town may just be getting the “message” that “message” movies of a progressive bent don’t … whats that word … oh, yea SELL! Forgetting all of the anti Iraq war movies which collectively made about $1.78 while losing gazillions despite slavishly favorable reviews, instead consider the gold standard for such tripe : The Good Shepherd

    Mind numbing, boring, deep dark preachy, unwatchable, unsuccessful, despite a top notch cast.

    The films that do preach and achieve some modicum of success (think “Wall-E”) do so because they also … oh, what’s that word … oh yea ENTERTAIN! Or, maybe, they present a point of view without sledge hammering it into our cerebral cortex (think “Atonement.”)JJ Abrams hasn’t made his pile by plying a particular political point of view. He’s filthy rich because he can make a movie true to the construct of the story and wow audiences with great action and reasonable character development.

    But the narrative is all powerful and far reaching and damn that Abrams for taking out all of the Utopian mind sets of idealist Gene Roddenberry’s original series. How will that small cadre of Trekkies who have held fast to that ideal of the original Star Trek as the blueprint for a better world going to survive this wallowing in the morass of Teh Fun?!

    I’d suggest getting a date.

  29. SBP says:

    I liked the episodes where Kirk would, e.g., respond to the bad guys firing photon torpedos into a defenseless civilian colony by threatening to report them to the Federation Commission on Unauthorized Torping of Civilians.

  30. Joe says:

    William Shatner talks about how George Takai is a sick twisted bitter closeted homosexual and he pities him.

    Wow.

    This is almost as good as this classic.

  31. Lyndsey says:

    Okay, Jeff, I was NOT prepared for Perez this early in the morning. Where is the NSFW WARNING fer cripesakes….I think I threw up a little.

  32. BJT-FREE! says:

    That review sorta runs in line with a Philly Inquirer review of Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ.”

    “Too much Good Friday, not enough Easter Sunday.”

    I lurvs it when movie reviewers try to stamp their social bona fides while reviewing friggin’ movies.

  33. Lyndsey says:

    Sorry, I meant Dan–see what you did? I’m beside myself!

  34. Mikey NTH says:

    #19 Rob Crawford:

    Agreed. Nothing like a 500 page rule book, eh?

  35. Dan Collins says:

    Sorry, Lindsey.

  36. Rob Crawford says:

    Agreed. Nothing like a 500 page rule book, eh?

    Once lost a game because I forgot I could use fractional accounting.

  37. Joe says:

    Did you check out the Shatner interview post above? I thought it was a parody at first.

  38. BJT-FREE! says:

    The latest film version of “Star Trek,” however, is more brawn than brain,

    Thereby solidifying the progressive meme that Utopian preaching in Sci-Fi movies is “smart.”

    You dumass Rethuglican hick redneck squirrel plinkin’ bible thumpers!

    Now if young Kirk had refused to to have Spock mind meld (!TORTURE!) with the villain, even though the end result was the destruction of an entire civilization .. well, then …

  39. Matt says:

    “Have you ever kissed a girl ? Have you ? Ever ?”

  40. SBP says:

    Some people are beyond parody, Joe.

    They’re homoiconic in a sense (which has nothing to do with the way George Takei feels about Marilyn Monroe).

  41. Carin says:

    You know, sometimes I see gay men and think wistfully what a waste.

    With Perez Hilton? Not so much.

  42. BJT-FREE! says:

    Yea. Joe Shatner has always been a bit of a loon and a loose deck chair. It’s why, once a year, he Kisses David Kelly’s ass in Macy’s front window on fifth avenue a 12:00pm noon for handing him the Denny Crane roll.

    I also read that he used to drive the cast and crew nuts on the original series because he would never stop telling bad one liners during the shoots.

  43. Matt says:

    BJT- you raise an extremely interesting point. I remember the mind meld being somewhat uncomfortable for both Spock and the person with whom he was melding. Would that constitute torture ? How about the vulcan touch ? Should the United Federation of Planets and Nations prosecute Spock for using the forbidden touch ? The poor defenseless aliens never see it coming and then pow, they’re out like a light. When is Sean Hannity going to submit to the vulcan touch?

    I do not recommend mind melding with Michael Savage however. Scary place, his mind.

  44. Lyndsey says:

    Thanks, Dan. Now I can just close my eyes and scroll to the pic from the ST episode with the horned gorilla. There were few things as entertaining as the ST creatures…

  45. Joe says:

    Comment by Carin on 5/7 @ 7:51 am #

    You know, sometimes I see gay men and think wistfully what a waste.

    With Perez Hilton? Not so much.

    Excellent example of understatement!

  46. mcgruder says:

    I recall that star trek game. I think I got it when I was like 11. I spent three nights reading the rules because it had to be the only board game on earth that was not intuitive. It occurred to me that if I had to spend a week or two to understand the rules, playing this game with my learning disabled sister was not going to happen.

  47. Rob Crawford says:

    BJT- you raise an extremely interesting point. I remember the mind meld being somewhat uncomfortable for both Spock and the person with whom he was melding. Would that constitute torture ?

    Don’t you remember the episode with the stop at the Federation prison that had a program of “reform” that involved brainwashing with device that caused excruciating pain?

    As I get older, it gets harder and harder to buy the line that ST represented a utopia, and easier to believe it was just a cleverly disguised tyranny.

  48. Slartibartfast says:

    Deanna Troi was half-betazed and half human. Her human father, Ian Troi, is non-Latino.

    I must need more coffee, because I read this as: “Deanna Troi was half-betazed…”

    Don’t betaze me, bro!

  49. McGehee says:

    Huh. My wife actually suggested we go see this in a theater rather than (my preference) waiting until it’s available from Netflix. If Newsweek doesn’t like it though, I may have to rescind my “meh” and go drop some discretionary moolah in the till.

    Just to vote with my wallet, as we Outlaw! conservatives are wont to do.

  50. J. "Trashman" Peden says:

    In one noteworthy scene, an offer of mercy to the villain by the Enterprise crew becomes an apparently pleasurable opportunity for retribution, leading to a screen full of twisting metal and laser fire.

    Right, it sounds like they probably should have made these Progressives suffer a lot more first.

  51. BJT-FREE! says:

    Playing off of that, Matt, remember “City at the Edge of Forever?”

    Arguably the best of the original episodes it positeds the time travel moral dilemma of “save the peace activist girl and ruin the planet or let her die and win WWII.”

    BTW: Best story I ever heard relates to this episode, originally written by Sci-Fi great Harlan Ellison. Ellison (who was a manic lunatic at the best of times) had written a much darker story, full of drug dealing by crew members and the like. Roddenberry was having none of that, naturally, so, after several script meetings, Roddenberry took it upon himself to rewrite the script to be kinder and gentler, in the Star Trek tradition.

    Ellison found out about the rewrite and was none too happy about it. He showed up unannounced at Roddenberry’s office and demanded to see him. When Gene finally made his way out to the reception area, he came upon a wide eyed secretary and Ellison, standing on a chair, with a noose around his neck attached to a sprinkler head.

    “Please tell me that you didn’t completely rewrite my script.”

    Ellison survived, somehow. Both the episode and Ellison’s original story won Sci-Fi awards.

  52. Eben says:

    Re. #14, I can’t wait for Captain James T. Kirk’s tell-all autobiography.

    You’ll be disappointed to note that in the film they Young Kirk says his name is ‘James Siberius Kirk.’ Epic Fail.

    http://monkeyblogmonkeydo.com/2008/11/17/did-he-just-say-james-siberius-kirk-dont-they-do-more-than-one-take/

  53. Darleen says:

    “what’s missing are the typically progressive politics and moral dilemmas that made the original “Trek” more than a space-age adventure show and helped earn it legions of ardent fans.”

    uh…someone is totally unfamiliar with the original series. While Roddenberry had a “progressive” gloss to STO, most of the episodes were Kirk and Crew thumbing their noses at the Prime Directive.

    TNG was vastly boring inspite of the high production values and the talent of Patrick Stewart.

  54. smitty says:

    “Enterprise is rendered more realistically than ever”
    Recalls a Navy barracks in 1989 or so, walking by the TV lounge and hearing, of the current Trek flick:
    “_Real_ photon torpedoes don’t work like that”
    Look: it’s entertainment, m’kay?

  55. Darleen says:

    Eben

    I listened to the clip … it is a bit slurred but he does say “Tiberius”

  56. Techie says:

    The “charm” of the original series was the “Wagon Train to the Stars” aspect. Yes, they played up all the mighty and progressive Federation rules, ideals and whatnot, then had Kirk bending or breaking them every other week. That’s what happened out on the frontier.

  57. Techie says:

    That and lasers and aliens and hot green chicks w/ miniskirts.

  58. mossberg500 says:

    Heteronormative classics—And here comes mr. meatloaf

  59. happyfeet says:

    Boomers in space. Yay.

  60. Sdferr says:

    guilty of the vices it chastised

    Now why on earth would that be? No need to think it through though, Mr Bain, you’ll likely only end up right back where you didn’t start.

  61. Slartibartfast says:

    I liked TNG, although there were some episodes that were less good than others.

    The original ST was fairly chock-full of cheese, but it happens that some kinds of cheese age better than other kinds. Plus, I’ve never, ever been able to make that Vulcan nerve-pinch thingie work properly. Not for lack of practice, though.

  62. JD says:

    I have never seen a complete episode of Star Trek. But more chest torpedoes might make me revisit my position.

  63. Matt says:

    BJT- I remember that episode even though I’m not really much of a Trek fan. On a related note, I’m a sci fi buff and during some recent downtime, I picked up a book with the entire Ellison collection for about 30 bucks- it seems most of the bookstores don’t carry his short story compilations. I had read a couple of his more popular stories- I have no Mouth, a Boy and his Dog, Repent Harlequin, etc but this book is a goldmine of so much of his weird stuff. For example, there’s the Love Letter to Jerry Falwell, which made me laugh. He is definately warped but his stories are incredibly compelling.

  64. Carin says:

    Seems like as good a place as any to link this.

    I wanna live like common people … I wanna sleep with common people. Like you …

  65. Carin says:

    And, I’ll admit to liking that song way more than my stoner/nu-metal bone-fides should allow.

  66. Steve B says:

    I still have my Star Fleet Technical Manual because, yeah, I’m just that cool.

    Wait, that IS cool, right?

    Damnit.

  67. Happy Hitler says:

    I was endlessly entertained by the fact that conflict would erupt between the Enterprise and some alien baddies , both teeming with super futuristic, planet destroying weapons and the episode was resolved with an old fashioned old-west style fistfight.

  68. bh says:

    Counselor Troi? Not just latina but an empath. Well qualified for the Supreme Court.

  69. cranky-d says:

    Fistfights are much cheaper to stage than space battles, especially with respect to the original show and the technology at the time. Not that you didn’t know that already, of course.

  70. JD says:

    So, after BJ’s epistle on sci-fi geekdom above, I called him to make fun of him. Suffice it to say that only scratched the surface. He proudly wears custom latex Vulcan ears and period appropriate replicate attire for his annual trip to Gen Con. It is safe to say that it would not be possible to overstate his amore for all things Trek.

  71. JD says:

    That broach on her uniform is strategically positioned so as to force you to stare at the chest torpedoes.

  72. geoffb says:

    As was posited here by The Monster Obama and Kirk have similar rhythms to their speech.

    Kirk was no progressive wimp however. He had principles and the courage to stick to them. He didn’t throw his people under the Enterprise.

  73. Slartibartfast says:

    Gene Roddenberry married a pair of those chest torpedoes. That’s how destructive they are.

  74. mojo says:

    No no no…

    PICARD was the proggy-style worrier and hand-wringer – Kirk would rather kick some Klingon butt. The T is for Tiberius, for bog’s sake.

    Did these people ever even watch the show?

  75. BJT-FREE! says:

    Comment by JD on 5/7 @ 9:24 am #

    So, after BJ’s epistle on sci-fi geekdom above, I called him to make fun of him. Suffice it to say that only scratched the surface. He proudly wears custom latex Vulcan ears and period appropriate replicate attire for his annual trip to Gen Con. It is safe to say that it would not be possible to overstate his amore for all things Trek.

    JD is a serial liar and is hereby denounced as a Baracky wanna be. Instead, when he called me, I explained to him the difference between “Trekkies” and “Trekkers.” The later would never be caught dead wearing Spock ears or within 100 miles of a “Trekkie-Con.”

    Plus JD drinks white chocolate mochas and is serviced three times a week by gay midget Mexican wrestlers wearing clown make up.

    RHETORICAL SHIELDS TO MAXIMUM, SCOTTY!

  76. Rob Crawford says:

    He proudly wears custom latex Vulcan ears and period appropriate replicate attire for his annual trip to Gen Con.

    See, JD, that’s where you blew it. There’s no “period appropriate attire” for Gen Con. Gen Con’s a game convention. You can see Imperial Stormtroopers, wanna-be Xenas, barbarians, and run-of-the-mill geeks there.

    At least, that’s what I’ve been told.

  77. JD says:

    BJ also told me how he dreams about Michelle O as a French maid Romulan, chanting Nanu Nanu. At that point I hung up the phone.

  78. BJT-FREE! says:

    Your sex midgets are at the door, JD. I hope you hit the ATM today. Remember to reset your office chair to the lowest setting.

  79. JD says:

    Don’t make me remind everyone that you once told the story of your menage-a-lard with Rosie O’Fatroll and Michael Moore. If memory serves, you raved about Rosie’s Dirty Sanchez, and were able to use her backhair to get enough leverage to felch Moore at the same time.

    BTW, yes, you made me sick to my stomach.

  80. geoffb says:

    Geez guys. Anime cons were always more fun than the Trek ones.

  81. baxtrice says:

    JD & BJ’s back and forth are FTW. hahaha :P

    also, Kirk kicks ass. that’s really all I have to say.

  82. wolf says:

    The little son of a bitch just sent a classic Corvette over a goddamn cliff and people are complaining about his diction? Damn robocop should’ve kicked him over after it. “I got yer ‘where no man has gone before’ right here!”

  83. geoffb says:

    I just looked at the link to the Star Trek board game. Wow. I’d always thought Squad Leader set the standard for complexity.

  84. Silver Whistle says:

    Greeks, in Cockney rhyming slang, are known as “Bubbles” (bubble & squeak => Greek). Bubble & squeak, as you all know, is a popular dish made of fried up leftover potatoes and cabbage/Brussel sprouts. So, Marina Sirtis could be called Counsellor Bubble, which sounds kind of nice.

  85. […] critique via Protein Wisdom. Apparently the much-awaited prequel involves an inordinate amount of unwarranted […]

  86. JD says:

    And BJ buggers goats. Just sayin’

  87. West says:

    Dammit, I was hoping to never set eyes on that useless bitch again. The first one, not the second, although the sentiment applies to both.

  88. dicentra says:

    what’s missing are the typically progressive politics and moral dilemmas

    Ironically, nothing is so dated as Sci-Fi. ST:TOS is a time capsule of the sixties, where what was happening RIGHT THEN was projected into the future and made to seem all tomorrowish. That’s why you have all the hippie stuff in TOS but not TNG, which featured lots and lots of therapy and feeeeeelings.

    Maybe the fact that the newest Trek has more action than philosophy is also a reflection of the times. Put THAT in your progressive pipe and smoke it.

  89. TheGeezer says:

    Every other racial and ethnic group seems to have one. Why do the Greeks get off so easy?

    I believe they use an olive-oil based adult lubricant.

    No, but seriously…why are there no really cool insults for Belgians?

  90. dicentra says:

    For reasons unfathomable, I’ve been going through my old videotapes that I recorded off the TV back in the mid-90s. Lots of TOS and DS9. They haven’t aged well, alas.

    It kills me how TNG first devised to make the Ferengi the new EVIL dewds because they were out for nothing but profit, but they could never make the evilness stick, so they devolved into comic relief.

    When they created the collectivist Borg, however, THEY were scary evil scary.

    Just as they tried initially on M*A*S*H to make Frank Burns the evil religious-fanatic hypocrite and also couldn’t go anywhere with it, so Frank became nothing but a clown.

  91. TheGeezer says:

    Maybe the fact that the newest Trek has more action than philosophy is also a reflection of the times.

    TOS jumped the shark with that ghastly whale movie. This one may be, as you suggest, a reflection of the times, but I think it’s also simply smart producing (BANG POW makes money and dammit, I hope there are some very gratuitous Klingon tits in it somewhere).

  92. BJT-FREE! says:

    It’s not that hard, really. Why was “The Wrath of Kahn” the most popular of the Star Trek movies? OK, the whale one was also popular but that was more for the comic relief than the “oh, no, we killed all of the whales and now we will all die” narrative.

  93. McGehee says:

    …why are there no really cool insults for Belgians?

    Because it’s fun to speak Belgian. I can spell my name in Belgian.

    Not so much in Farsi.

  94. LTC John says:

    #77 – Gen COn? Never been to one… well, not for a number of years anyways…

  95. mojo says:

    why are there no really cool insults for Belgians?

    The French are too lazy to come up with any that don’t apply to themselves as well.

  96. […] let me be the second to say, Thank. […]

  97. Silver Whistle says:

    I’ve heard French folk refer to Belgians as “demi-Boche”, which isn’t very nice.

  98. JD says:

    Is demi-Boche anything like demidouche?

  99. Silver Whistle says:

    Only if you use abbey beer, JD.

  100. JD says:

    Ewwwwww … Speaking of, there used to be a video on youtube of a guy giving himself a beer enema, and then drinking the beer. I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth.

  101. Silver Whistle says:

    That would be a good description of what French lager tastes like, JD. Their animosity towards Belgies is entirely based on beer jealousy.

  102. happyfeet says:

    why are there no really cool insults for Belgians?

    “Belgian” or “you effing Belgian” seems to work for me. Or just say you’re never gonna be French, you do realize that don’t you?

  103. Silver Whistle says:

    you’re never gonna be French sounds awfully complimentary to me, feets.

  104. JD says:

    You’re never going to be French is a net negative isn’t it, happyfeet?

  105. JD says:

    Negative/positive … I denounce BJ

  106. Silver Whistle says:

    When les crapauds can come up with the likes of Karmaliet, Westmalle and Achel, then they can sneer.

  107. JD says:

    BJTexs is French. Just sayin’

  108. happyfeet says:

    oh. I know it sounds weird but if you tell a Walloon they’re not at all French it’s quite hurtful. They’re very very sensitive about how not French they are.

  109. JD says:

    Walloon’s sound like quite disturbed people. Who on God’s great earth aspires to be French?

  110. Silver Whistle says:

    One of my favourite Belgians.

  111. JD says:

    This silver whistle is good people.

  112. happyfeet says:

    Belgium is tenuous at best.

  113. Mikey NTH says:

    #77 Rob Crawford:

    yes – that’s what you’ve been told and, uh, so have I. Been told.

  114. Silver Whistle says:

    God bless you, JD. I lived in Belgium for 2 years, and go back to visit as often as I can, as my best friend is still there. I was last there about 2 months ago for a beer weekend in Brussels/Bruges. Between the food and the beer, it’s probably best I don’t live there any more, or I might be Michael Moore sized by now.

  115. Mikey NTH says:

    #84 Geoffb:

    I stayed away from Squad Leader. I had enough complexity dealing with SFB and Europa to add another rulebook that size into my life.

  116. BJT-FREE! says:

    The Belgians make good beer.

    I am not French.

    JD buys a gallon of olive oil before the Mexican midget wrestlers visit.

    And, no, he’s not making marinara sauce, if you catch my drift … or catch … something … like JD …

  117. BJT-FREE! says:

    I agree with JD that silver whistle is a good friend from over the pond.

    JD, on the other hand, emasculates hamsters just for the screaming.

  118. Silver Whistle says:

    You are all invited over to my place for moules, frites and tripel.

  119. kelly says:

    why are there no really cool insults for Belgians?

    Isn’t it insulting enough that their native language is Belch?

  120. JD says:

    Better than France’s native language kelly – felch(ing).

  121. kelly says:

    Was that teed up about right for you, JD?

  122. JD says:

    Almost as easy as making fun of BJ ;-)

  123. geoffb says:

    Mikey NTH,

    I never played it that much, took too much time. I still have it stored away along with the “Cross of Iron” add on. I mostly like the games for the history involved. Would read “The General” and “Strategy and Tactics” every month. Favorites would be Caesar: Epic Battle of Alesia and Storm Over Arnhem for board games back then.

    My friends and I mostly played a different game from Avalon Hill. Feudal, which was a cross between chess and board games which played faster, even when we would combine 4 sets into a monster set.

  124. Dan Collins says:

    Dear Reader: In case you don’t believe in intentionalism, I’ll just go ahead and admit that the interpretation of this post as an invitation to make jokes about French felchers is as valid as any other. Carry on.

  125. kelly says:

    Isn’t “French felchers” redundant?

  126. BJT-FREE! says:

    Felching is what JD does to those poor wrestling midgets, i think.

  127. JD says:

    Thanks for the clarification, Dan ;-)

  128. kelly says:

    The midgets are French?!? Sacre bleu!

  129. BJT-FREE! says:

    French-Mexicans, kelly.

    FOR THE JE NE SAIS QUOI!

  130. geoffb says:

    I thought this was the geek thread. Now being hijacked by the minions of Gaul. Where is Julius Caesar when we need him. He knew how to treat the French.

  131. Silver Whistle says:

    All Caesar left us was a salad.

  132. geoffb says:

    With raw egg, the fiend.

  133. Silver Whistle says:

    Should I get midgets in for this moules evening of ours, or not?

  134. Mikey NTH says:

    Geoffb:

    My first historical board game was Wooden Ships & Iron Men. I was about thirteen when I got that and it took some time for me to ‘get it’.

    Now, “Fire in the East” was just a monster – to set up and play. The sheer size meant that a turn for one side would take about an hour to execute. And trying not to forget where certain units were was a major headache. It took weeks to get through it. And playing solo?

    It’s a good thing I can concentrate, and have a good memory.

  135. geoffb says:

    Mikey NTH,

    Next time I see you I’ll tell you about my earliest war games and they weren’t with the plastic soldiers type thing.

  136. kelly says:

    Hey, can you guys try to stay on-topic? I believe the gist of this post is, in no particular order: felching, midgets, and insouciance. Geez…

  137. Mikey NTH says:

    Kelly – this post is on geekitude. Be glad we are not talking D&D, AD&D, Traveller, MERP, or GURPS. Thankfully, those topics are already claimed by AoS.

  138. Mikey NTH says:

    geoffb – miniatures? That involved more rules involving rulers and calculators than a convention of engineers and accountants could stand. The only one close to that I came to was Jutland, and the AD&D Battlesystem. An open basement where you could put masking tape on the floor to mark land and land formations was a necessity. The checkerboard squares of asphalt tile were also a godsend.

    And I really have said too, too much.

  139. Mikey NTH says:

    Wargaming makes model railroading seem sane.

  140. geoffb says:

    No, not miniatures. Though Anne’s first husband who was a friend of mine at the time had several thousand miniatures. This was something completely different, a system thought up by an older brother, high school age, of a friend of mine when we were in elementary school.

    But the Model Railroading did lead to computer games.

    Anyways to keep the geek going and not safe for work though not nudity. Femtroopers.

  141. router says:

    does anyone think a chia obama would make a good urn?

  142. RTO Trainer says:

    The “horned gorilla” is a mugatu.

    Roddenberry didn’t just marry a pair of those torpedos, he had a lot of “fun” with another pair at the same time.

    The aired pilot, “Where No Man Has Gone Before” is about the dangers of eugenics, and far from the only episode with such a theme–not nearly Progressive.

  143. Deanna Troi says:

    Ship’s Busybody reporting for duty, sir!

  144. router says:

    “Where No Man Has Gone Before” is about the dangers of eugenics

    i think olly holmes wouldn’t like it

  145. guinsPen says:

    I thought it was about Rosie O’Donnell.

  146. 67 — I like the Blue Fleet designs better.

  147. SBP says:

    Ellison found out about the rewrite and was none too happy about it.

    Well, there are two sides to that story.

    Roddenberry’s take was that Ellison turned in a brilliant script. Ground-breaking. Undoubtedly award-winning.

    The problem was that, as written, it would have cost about eleventeen quajillion dollars to shoot, while Roddenberry actually had a budget for each episode of about $4.95, two pop bottles, and a gum wrapper.

    So… changes had to be made.

    I don’t know which one of them has the straight of it. Probably a little of both.

  148. guinsPen says:

    felching, midgets, and insouciance

    FM&I RR “Route of the Begas”

  149. router says:

    i like the crescent of islam at hussein’s presser

    ?

  150. router says:

    g-d forbid “iht”

  151. B Moe says:

    …why are there no really cool insults for Belgians?

    Some friends of mine where giving me shit one night at a bar about being a hillbilly. A girl from Holland was hanging out with us and was confused at what was being said. We finally explained the concept of a hillbilly to her and asked if their were folks like that in Europe, and she said, “Yeah, Belgians”.

    “So what do you call them?” we asked.

    She just shrugged and said, “Belgians.”

    I must confess I felt pretty at home there when I later visited.

  152. RTO Trainer says:

    Roddenberry had a number of rules. For example he rejected scritps where the plotline was conflict between the primary charcters–that wasn’t allowed. Also Enterprise crewmembers would not engage in illegal activities unless there was, at least in their minds, a moral justification for it. The drug dealing included in Ellison’s original script broke that rule, and as I understand it, a couple others as well.

    Roddenberry’s respect for Ellison and the script is reflected in that he was willing to rewrite it to fit the rules rather than simply reject it.

  153. guinsPen says:

    Well now, the result of last week’s competition when we asked you to find a derogatory term for the Belgians. Well, the response was enormous and we took quite a long time sorting out the winners. There were some very clever entries. Mrs Hatred of Leicester Said ‘let’s not call them anything, let’s iust ignore them’…

    Sprouts.

  154. Slartibartfast says:

    Oh, but he came this close to letting Kirk make the beast with two backs with Uhuru. I can’t recall which episode that was, though.

  155. Kevin says:

    Now I’m normally heterosexual, but man, seeing perez hilton in blue hair with his grin on… uh… doesn’t really change anything. I’m more heterosexual now than I’ve ever been. Thanks Perez!

  156. Slartibartfast says:

    Hm. Perez Hilton is a highly goofy-looking guy, in a way that doesn’t bode well for his credibility as a drag queen.

    Unless he’s going for the we’re-laughing-at-you vote.

  157. RebeccaH says:

    Even more unforgiveable, this movie will probably make tons of icky money.

  158. RTO Trainer says:

    Slart,

    Plato’s Stepchildren? That was the first televised interracial kiss.

  159. SDN says:

    I stuck to PanzerBlitz and its’ several spin-offs. I always thought Avalon Hill’s Tobruk game was about as complex as I wanted without computer support. Individual weapons, fer chrissakes.

  160. David XXIII says:

    We used to play a version of Blitzkrieg called “ShitzBlitz.” Lose a unit, take a swig. After two or three battles, you would be sending in enormous stacks of kamikaze units to their deaths, just for the chance to drink some more wine…

    David

  161. Russ says:

    Regarding, the violence: wouldn’t the fact that this movie is a prequel be suggestive that some evolution is involved. Perhaps its only because some bad characters in the prequel paid a severe price for their misbehavior that it became generally understood that there was a better way to live. And that recognition lead to a more evolved life which resulted in far less violence in the sequels.

    If so, violently dealing with the trouble-makers early one was the right prescription for a more rewarding long-term future.

    If only the “progressives” would open their eyes to that existential lesson.

  162. SporkLift Driver says:

    The first wargame I played France 1940 it was his game so I had to play the French. We played the Idiots Plan scenario. This is not a good way to introduce someone to wargaming! My forces were mostly surrounded and annihilated and the Germans were now moving on Paris. I wanted to forfeit but then I had a crazy idea, instead of trying to form another line for the krauts to devour I used the troops retreating from the Maginot Line and the reinforcements to fill the space between the Germans and Paris with zocs. I didn’t lose ground any faster and only lost 3-4 divisions a turn that way. Actually won the game by not losing as badly as the real French did.

    After that I was hooked, got Panzerblitz and Blitzkrieg. We played the hell out of those games especially Panzerblitz. Ended up getting D-Day and Panzerleader. Then my family moved.

    Still played some solitaire and subscribed to The General. I remember first seeing Squad Leader in a toy store. I dithered a bit before making the purchase. There were five boxes on the shelf The art was the same except the sky was orange on one box and purple on the other four. Everything I could read on the covers led me to believe I only needed one box to play and there was no difference. I could have purchased all five boxes and I wish I had. I finally decided to purchase the orange box on the theory that if I was wrong there would probably still be a purple box when I came back. Found out years later that the purple boxes were a printers error and had acquired quite a value by that time as a collectible. Found the perfect opponent in High School. He liked to play the Russians and played them well. He also introduced me to Flat Top and D&D.

    The group we played D&D with played but never role-played if anybody went into character if was purely for laughs. We mainly did a lot of dungeon crawling and didn’t worry too much about character advancement. We concerned ourselves more with problem solving, killing and loot in that order. Our dm only concerned himself with enforcing alignment and realistic reactions to our nonsense from the npcs. Leaving for a dungeon with half a dozen of a villages young men hired to haul our gear and loot and coming back without them doesn’t win any popularity contests. who’da thunk it, right? Once when we determined that only an improbable layer of rooms and corridors separated a dragons lair and an orc colony above it (actually by our estimate the arch of the dragons lair overlapped the bowl of the orc colony by at least 20 feet) we decided to do a little engineering. We diverted water into the rooms causing the failure of the whole ill designed structure. I’m pretty sure two of these guys went on to become programmers and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that one or two became engineers.

    Played some of SPI’s stuff but it was hit or miss. Those guys were lawyers and it showed in the rules for their games. Whereas the rules for Pazerblitz or the original Squad Leader could be held up as examples of making something fairly complex fairly easy. Yeah I know Dunnigan designed Panzerblitz but didn’t John Hill write the rulebook for Avalon Hill? Found a D&D group and joined but got fed up when all they did was gay stuff like frolic in the woods with the elves. Stole a potion off the magic user that made me fast for long enough to nearly decapitate the Elf King’s wife and son. I don’t know why they kicked me out. Went to a couple of cons in Los Angeles, not much wargaming going on. Gave up Squad Leader when I couldn’t find anyone willing to play a fairly fast and dirty game.

    Became sorta obsessed with finding The operational wargame. Found some good games that were a little more abstract than I wanted and some valiant failures with the detail but not terribly playable. Finally came across the OCS from The Gamers and fell in love. Dean Essig is a genius. The gamers had a service to let other players know you exist. Found a player nearby and met others through him. I’ve been involved in playtests of games before they were published. I know some of those guys in the “Playtesting & Proofing” section of the credits of the OCS V3.1 and my name is in there too. How’s that for geek cred?

    Ever read the history of a battle and notice that a force doesn’t react promptly to events and then does something that would’ve made sense hours ago but is absolutely insane when it happens? The Gamers tactical games for WWII-Korea, Civil war and Napoleonic period let you enjoy all the fun of sending your cardboard command to die a pointless death. Big change from the “what if everybody did whatever made sense” approach of games like Squad Leader. Really gives an appreciation of a lot that went wrong in historic battles.

    Five years ago I first attended a MonsterGame.con in Tempe AZ. This is what I’d imagined a con would be like. As the name implies most of the games played are big. The con runs 5-6 days so you can play the monsters if you devote 12-16 hours a day.

    Hows that for geeking out?

  163. Baghdad Dewclaw says:

    Warhammer and Warhammer 40K are the standard bearers for table top wargames. The minis are about the best quality out there and the background fluff for the game is top notch.

    Damn…. my geek is showing. ;)

  164. Rob Crawford says:

    I just looked at the link to the Star Trek board game. Wow. I’d always thought Squad Leader set the standard for complexity.

    Ah — the world’s most complicated board game is, of course, Advanced Squad Leader.

    “Let’s see… you have a sergeant with that stack, so that’s a +2. However, (rolls dice), oh no! That sergeant just received a ‘Dear John’ letter, so that’s -4. Hmmmm…. Oh, yeah, it’s been two days since those troops have had a hot meal, so that’s another -2.”

  165. Rob Crawford says:

    Warhammer and Warhammer 40K are the standard bearers for table top wargames. The minis are about the best quality out there and the background fluff for the game is top notch.

    Bleah. The minis are well-sculpted and well-cast, but I hate the style and the background.

    Hasslefree Miniatures doesn’t have a broad range, but the quality is fantastic. Their primary sculptor, Kevin, is one of the best out there. Look at this (NSFW — nude, not sexual).

  166. […] post yesterday drew the usual excellence in commentary, including this gem… Comment by BJT-FREE! on 5/7 @ 7:21 am […]

  167. serr8d says:

    Huh. I could’ve sworn the most complicated board game was SPI’s AirWar (of course I was principally an SPI fan; for the two or three years I indulged in board games, SPI was at their pinnacle. Somewhere I do still have PanzerBlitz and of course Kingmaker, Avalon Hill games, but I savored the complexity of SPI’s offerings. I was done with all of ’em by ’82, so this commentary is obviously extremely dated.)

    Oh. I still play a masterful game of Chess. The game of Kings.

  168. jamie says:

    Saw it, hated it. The theatre was full of true older fans…we all left upset. The “new” crowd they were appealing too did not even show up.

  169. […] about a B between them. I disagree: it’s a C+ effort. Why? The reboot has no soul. Well, at least, neither said this: “Boo frikkin’ hoo. Could it possibly be that there is a message? Such as, the time comes when […]

  170. Mark says:

    Funny how people view things individually . . . differently.
    I never walked away from Star Trek with a political message. I always anticipated the action, the strangeness and the unexpected. Action and adventure is what I was looking for and, I’m talking from it’s beginnings in the 60’s all the way to the present.
    Here it is, Feb 2010 and I haven’t seen the latest installment because I feared I’d be considerably disappointed.
    Sir! You’ve moved me to purchase the DVD! I thank you for the review! :D

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