From the comments in the previous thread, happyfeet:
Jon Stewart is smug. It’s like an I’m a tv bimbo ha ha and you’re not sort of smug. But if he for real doesn’t know that he’s the Cramer of politics butcept on a less prestigious channel then his agent just hasn’t been honest with him I don’t think. That’s sad cause I feel like Mr. Stewart is foreclosing personal growth opportunity. Also he’s fruity.
Realizing he might be misinterpreted, he adds:
Fruity like those bouquets people send the receptionist what are made entirely out of fruit to where she has to get a pile of napkins from the kitchenette and everyone that walks up she has to say help yourself please please help yourself cause she doesn’t want it on her desk all day.
Discuss.
Related: Frank J. asks, could Obama simply be too awesome?
Would it surprise you to learn that Brooksie is the White House’s fair-haired boy among journalists?
A couple of Treacherisms:
jimtreacher Certain people make you feel happy just to be on the same planet. David Burge is not such a person, but he’s pretty good. http://tr.im/hlTg
jimtreacher Hasn’t found a church? He’s living in it! http://tr.im/hlRE
Smug? Oh, Jon Stewart is more than smug. He’s Keith Olberdouche with a goofy smile.
Well, if you’re going to make a whole post about it, I can’t really add to to my “Best of Happyfeet” thingie, can I ?
John Stewart thinks he’s a lot funnier and smarter than he really is. Smug is a shorter term, I guess, but I was trying to add something new.
Stewart can’t be fruity, fruit is good for you. Whereas Stewart is more like fruit-flavored skittles. Sacharine sweet, empty calories.
If you squint really hard, there’s a “going John Galt” message somewhere in there.
If I may speak for the fruits that frequent this site:
We don’t want to be included in the same group with that jerk. After about 2 minutes of his mugging and eye rolling, we’d have pushed him off a cliff.
Duly noted, Log Cabin.
At some point, Jon Stewart started falling a little too much in love with…Jon Stewart. I think it started right around here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFQFB5YpDZE
Yeah, he’s more like the “fruit-flavored drink” that you can buy in the warehouse stores.
Smug prick. He’s one of the few on TV that I’d be prepared to risk prison for. Him and that twatwaffle Maher.
Douglas Feith mopped the floor with him when he was on the show. The only time I saw the show, and boy did I luck out, apparently. Basically:
STEWART: Didn’t you Bushies lie and stuff to get us into Iraq?
FEITH: No, because [explanation….]
STEWART: Aw, c’mon. I was pretty sure you guys lied. Didn’t you?
FEITH: No, you see [explanation….]
STEWART: [Too befuddled to speak]
hard fruit like buckets rule…
‘twood poke an eye’
fatty fruit guy.
Why doesn’t anybody ask this twit what he does with his money. They pay him good coin, at that show, he’s not keeping in his mattress. Cramer’s a fellow who needs to kept on a thorazine drip, but the only one that
got the story even partially right was Peter Schiff, and he scares small children and medium size animals.
jonathan stuart leibowitz leftist assclown
jon/the stew/is art
im not a jew/
why the namey change?
[6 hail mary passes]
ohnoes. I don’t mean fruity like what would imply that Mr. Stewart has some sort of actual for real sexuality. He’s more an I get the top bunk like Josh in Big kind of guy I think. The space goes…
i onced left the house
mama
loo kin 4 an ounce
daddy
i got stabbed
i was sexual
before throwups
burp snot teen
my teeth are mine….
does john stewart ever make fun of maxine waters or bwarney frank?
i wrote a song
about a lighthouse keeper
went[drum /dear foal]
i want to shoot a litehouse keeper
or drown her
glub is the new black
‘twood be funny
if deh stewart was in a chair
a weee chair…
and he had to press a button..
a pd buttonn!
i’d give em a router..
or play with his sad feet…\
jack and [cough]
went uppa the[spit]
ui fucking race
ist
i likes me bend overs
frame teh narritived
bob….paddle
giddy up
i thought i wa-wa funny
my shit was wa runny
my dreidel did spin
as my guffaw turned grin
“that white sock
that white sock…”
point guard my ass…
gouramand….
bus boy..,.
wax my ass…
teddy green
FRUIT PICKING
These three men went out on this fishing trip, but as they we sailing along in their little boat, a storm picked up and swept them onto a rather small island.
Now the men weren’t scared at first, but when they saw these cannibals chasing after them, they began to run for their lives. The cannibals were much faster than they were, and so they captured the three men, and brought them to their King.
The King said, “I want each of you to pick 10 fruits. Each man must collect a different fruit as to that of the other two. Once you have done this, return to me, and I will tell you what to do.”
So the men, fearing their lives, run out and began to search madly for any fruit. The first man returns after a while with 10 apples. The King grinned wickedly and said, “Now you must take those 10 apples and shove them up your *ss without making any facial expression. If you fail to do so, I will kill you!”
The poor man gets up to number 8 and then screams, as the pain was so intense. The King killed him right then and there, and returned to see the second man coming back with 10 strawberries. The second man got his instructions, too, and was up to the 10th strawberry, when all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, he begins laughing hysterically. So the King killed him, too, just as he did with the first man.
Now the first man and the second man meet up in Heaven, and the first man asks the second man, “Why did you laugh? You were on your last strawberry, and you could have gotten away!”
The second man said with a little smile, “Yeah, I know, but I couldn’t resist laughing when I saw the third man coming back with pineapples!”
there once was a windsurfer from///
nantucket..
and a godly primp pimp hairdo [bow downn’ clown]
god- what a hair-do!
sorry/ i’m bam bam ozzled
ah..fuck…
i’m nod
restart..
ther once was an octo-mom
so groovy
she had a case
for a white face
extra cream in my coffee
and she did lick ur face
spit out ur …
Best aspect of ironic Stewartian interpolation? He’s a part of 90’s crap trivia.
Here’s my Stewart makes fun of his toaster:
Toaster:
Stewart: Two slices?
Toaster:
Stewart: So… just two slices, that’s your… [funny face, mug for camera] plan?
Toaster:
Stewart:
Toaster: You get paid for this shit?
I seem to remember his show had to close down due to the writer’s strike last year the year before whatever. Ellen Degeneris didn’t because she makes her own jokes. Rush didn’t, Hannity didn’t, Mark Levin didn’t. I’m sure there are more but you get my drift. He’s NOT funny without his writers. and even they aren’t so much funny as crude. Once kids get out of college they don’t think he’s so funny either. It’s strictly sophomoric humor if that. young people pretty much go center/right when they get older. They seem to not want the government in their pockets all the time when they are trying to make it on their own with their own money. Wow.. what an awakening it must be for these kids who get out of the brainwashing academy and face the real world, huh???? I remember very well…
seriouslly seriousoh god
i’m serious
oh god
i’m whack
sereious
peter o’tooler seriouspattercuban
[sigh] fuck[fart] delirious
ABBA
warm, pee
agrees w/ me!
cold hard facts
cool blue jeans
lukewarm chicen parm
cold beets
happy feets
trooly
i bee snoprtly
hugs?
brown fist bump?
aretha franklin death watch?
keef richards nod off..
i’m thinking
of blinkin.
371
u win!
Three Republicans went on a fishing trip.
They all died for different reasons, and none of them were even romotely interesting.
Three Republicans went on a fishing trip.
They all died for different reasons, and none of them were even remotely interesting.
Stewart is almost as funny as the dog puppet that is sometimes on before his show or the talking turd on Southpark. But he is fruity, in the way that only a really initimate dancing partner of Barney Frank could ever be.
As for his hit piece on Cramer, I doubt it would have happened if Cramer had not dissed President BO. But then again when your audience has the collective IQ of a cabbage what could you expect from Stewart?
Piss off, nipply.
(above directed at rageboi, if that’s not obvious).
By the way, fuck this twitter shit. ADD: it’s not just for retarded rich kids anymore!
But, hey, it’s popular. So, how about this? Twitter, too hard to figure out, there has to be a better way! Welcome to Grunt. With Grunt, you will be able to use poorly formed phonemes with aggressive hand gestures to show how tech-savvy and intelligent you truly are.
Too complicated? Introducing RockThrow…
” Yeah, he’s more like the “fruit-flavored drink†that you can buy in the warehouse stores.”
You enjoy the freeper threads where they call him “liebowitz”? Always a hoot, those freepers. The less sophisticated just come out with the ‘self loathing jew line’ For you spies.
Oh router beat me to it.
RockThrow got you down? Introducing Cellular Absorption, with Cellular Absorption you move towards a RockThrow with your cilia, vaginate your cell wall and…
Cellular Absorption? Shit, that’s the stone ages. Let us finally use technology to expand our creative nature.
Introducing Proteins. Bored with hanging out by a heat source because you don’t have cellular walls? Well, join the future, with AminoAcids, you’ll create shout outs to your friends, some will replicate, others will break down in heat.
my vagina..
voted …….
weeziee
i’m coming…
Molecular Order got you down?
Introducing Blah. When you don’t feel like containing, encoding or conveying information. Welcome to the zero point, the farthest reach of technology.
matrick my dick
easy blow…
‘snot a flow…
it’s a teddy bear x mas
[choke-y-riddle/joke/
Stewart has to look in a mirror every morning and realize “I am a cultural icon of THIS generation”.
Shower curtain rod and a skinny tie time, if you ask me.
the same page…
jimminy page…
snap…
once upon a puopon mustard crime
three nickels duet make a dime..
but then i watched steve nicks
twirl her ass in the sticks
i bet black
keef richards b/day/12/18/43
and i’m crazy
ha/ my ho-ho s are freezer ready
zzzzzzz
I know what you’re thinking. Blah is hard to use. Blah has too many keyboard shortcuts. Blah hangs with Windows Vista.
Breakthrough, welcome to the new age of Non-Accreted Energy.
With Non-Accreted Energy, you no longer message your friends. You are your friends. They are you. One. All. NAE. Join the future.
Existence. We once loved it. But is that as far as we can go?
No, it’s not. Using proprietary mult-threading NO (non existence) has conquered the final technological barrier!
Be. Or not. That isn’t the question anymore. It’s the answer.
Tweet!
You fucking retards.
Funny, I thought twitter was for people that couldn’t order their thoughts long enough to blog them.
Twitter: Because paragraphs are hard!
Twitter: because you’re too dumb to realize your friends only pretend to care.
Twitter: For socially conscious people who don’t have the energy to be seen any where.
#39
Comment by meya on 3/13 @ 9:59 pm #
†Yeah, he’s more like the “fruit-flavored drink†that you can buy in the warehouse stores.â€
You enjoy the freeper threads where they call him “liebowitz� Always a hoot, those freepers. The less sophisticated just come out with the ’self loathing jew line’ For you spies.
Oh router beat me to it.
To which I answer.
#41
Introducing Proteins. Bored with hanging out by a heat source because you don’t have cellular walls? Well, join the future, with AminoAcids, you’ll create shout outs to your friends, some will replicate, others will break down in heat.
Anything else?
Woah, woah now. I’m just a guy making fun of Twitter. This context shit is hard.
Hmmm, context is hard, maybe I should move to Twitter. Little known fact: in the original business plan it was tentatively called Sentence.
…and I kid because I love. Really.
Wow, you guys sure are way more smartinger than anybody else.
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
(Whoops, 10 characters over. Your turn, geniuses.)
Treacher, you? You I love.
Twitter? Not so much.
Still going strong baby!
Hey, where did everyone go?
Nothing can stop Twitter!
You enjoy the freeper threads where they call him “liebowitz� Always a hoot, those freepers. The less sophisticated just come out with the ’self loathing jew line’
HYPERINFLATION!
Awww… I missed SFAG regaling us with some of her “wit”.
BTW, SFAG: I had no idea that Stewart was a JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO until you mentioned it.
You keep lists of things like that, dontcha?
Stewart is just another hypocritical left wing shill…
When he dressed down Jim Cramer, saying; “I understand that you try to make finance funny…It isn’t fucking funny!…”
I guess that finance is such an important subject, one of such gravitas, that it is off limits for humor; kinda like the one!, or even politics and governance perhaps…
Well Stewart, I understand that you try and make politics and governance funny…But it isn’t fucking funny!…
And neither are you…
He derides all of the financial media for not covering the overleveraged banks and for not fully explaining the credit derivatives and swap instruments more clearly to the American people…
Of course, he doesn’t include the MSM, or even himself in that criticism. Nor does he choose to criticize the same players for not, you know, completely explaining who O! was before the election, or exactly what his record,or lack thereof, was up until then; not to mention pointing out the contradictory statements, hypocritical assertions, and over-the-top rhetorical devices…
I mean, c’mon, there’s nothing funny about the one!; he’s too cool…
Stewarts a lefty shill, and Cramers only transgression was his high profile criticism of Obama. And stewart is just doing his part in the whole Obama brownshirt, White house directed political assasination squad, politics of personal destruction…
You know, that new kind of politics that Obama was gonna bring to Washington…
The Stewart and Maher shows are to comedy what cackling is to laughter: not the same thing.
“I get all my news from Stewart and Maher” says a local small business owner with a B.A. from UVa. I just smiled and nodded. Like when you meet a retarded guy who comments about his poops.
#59
‘Treacher’ sounds like the name of a pirate, so thats cool.
but
‘Twitter’ sounds like some cheap toy from china that will break soon.
I don’t want anything to do with that.
Nothing can stop Twitter!
Oh yea? I just click closed the window, and stopped it is.
The thing with Jon Stewart is that he used to be funny and creative, back before he took over the Daily Show. His deadpanning worked well for jokes, he was interesting and fresh. Now he’s a hack, he uses the same gags over and over, he has stock poses and phrases, he just repeats himself for every story, picking from a laundry list of predetermined behaviors and attitudes.
I think what you’re saying, Christopher, is that he’s ready for SNL.
Smug? He’s the CONSCIENCE OF THE NATION! He is, in other words, an asshole.
Poor man’s Ken Ober
Twitter – fast track to a Treacher joke. So I like it. So there.
““I get all my news from Stewart and Maher†says a local small business owner with a B.A. from UVa. ”
There’s another one that won’t be goign Galt.
Twitter! Because really, how many words do you need to say “It’s all Bush’s fault!”?
How much longer will Americans be unashamed — proud even — to support an ignoramus the likes of this Jon Stewart? So long will the nation be in peril.
Jon Stewart. Owned & operated by CBS. A bleating leftocrat shillbilly.
He’s the CONSCIENCE OF THE NATION! He is, in other words, an asshole.
Pretty much. Here’s that passage by what’s his face:
Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.
This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.
This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called “The Better ‘Ole†that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, “Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?â€
“Nah I had to go relieve myself.â€
After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.
Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him: “It’s you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and shit.â€
After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole’s tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous — (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts of Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe amputates spontaneously?) — except for the eyes you dig. Thats one thing the asshole couldn’t do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn’t give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab’s eyes on the end of a stalk.
i just wrote a sentence!
Bizarre, I just noticed if you read PDbuttons posts all at one time and set them to “All Along the Watchtower”, the whole thing makes perfect sense.
Also, I would suggest at least 3 alcoholic beverages. The first should probably be a double =)
thanks matt
A minor/g /f
said the joker to teh thieves
In other words, what Dan Collins likes about Jon Stewart is that he provides Collins with an opportunity to showcase some “hip” (or is that “off the hook”) homophobia from a commenter. Excellent!
So when are the leading lights of Protein Wisdom going to “Go Galt?” and deprive all of us of their wonderful talents?
I’ve had several jobs washing dishes and making salads. I also worked a lot as a garbageman when I was a teen-ager in upstate NY. It’s really not that bad.
in other words…
“So when are the leading lights of Protein Wisdom going to “Go Galt?†and deprive all of us of their wonderful talents?”
Please don’t.
Caric: In other words
Translation: “In words that I’ve made up out of whole cloth, because I am not capable of debating the issue at hand honestly”.
FTFY.
SFAG: are you ever going to explain why Israel immediately came to mind?
I’m not going to stop asking until you prove that you’re not antisemitic.
i just wrote a sentence!
…
You’re hired !
Om. Buds. Man.
…
pdbuttons
And what kind of monicker is that for a crack reporter?
From now on you’re cdbogart.
What is the Latin term for fear of logic?
Oh and Caric and little meya,
The first step to going Galt: eliminate charitable giving. Your main income source.
…probably should have thought of that
I’ve had several jobs washing dishes and making salads. I also worked a lot as a garbageman…
I wonder what made him go bad?
You’re still a garbageman, Ric.
And my point, I think, is that he’s a metrosexual, very obsessed with his own cuteness. Clown nose on, clown nose off.
Crabtree & Evelyn: it’s not just for fags.
I’ve had several jobs washing dishes and making salads. I also worked a lot as a garbageman when I was a teen-ager in upstate NY. It’s really not that bad.
#83 Should have stuck to what you were good at.
Nancipelophobia.
Ah, so Ric has the hots for Jon Stewart.
Love is a wonderful thing, Perfesser.
You know, he’s a serious political commentator, and his audience is well educated.
Jon Stewart had a late night style talk show for a while. He was witty and cool with the new breed of hep cat. One night right after he hit it big Jon had Quentin Tarantino on. Quentin came out, gave him a big hug, and told Jon he was glad to be on a show with a guy who GOT him. It then turned out that Jon had no idea what Quentin was about so Quention was disappointed in Jon. Because Jon just reads stuff that he’s fed and makes faces you see. And Quentin didn’t know it. It was all pretty anti-climatic and non-entertaining. So I guess you could say it really sucked.
I think I would rather watch Ric Caric doing fart jokes. Now there’s a man with a command of his material.
“You know, he’s a serious political commentator, and his audience is well educated.”
As 3 questions show.