February 27, 2009

Live from Bloggers Row at CPAC (sponsored by Pajamas Media)

Report 1.

The College Politico just asked if he could borrow $7 for a sandwich and some Sun chips. I told him to get a job, then popped his little spiral binder.

Other than that, not much to report. There’s a consensus here that Obama is very bad, that conservatism needs to battle against his badness, and that the way to do this is to take a few Roger Simon-approved conservative bloggers, line them up at a table, and have them post things on their blogs about how bad Obama is, and how conservatism needs to battle against his badness.

Maybe there’s some more specific advice on offer behind the pay wall, but fuck if I know. I’d rather spend my money on a lap dance from one of the Ace of Spade groupies.

— If I can find one that’s a chick, I mean.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 8:08pm

Comments (104)

  1. yea but was joey hairplugs mentioned?

  2. Cap’n Ed is there and if you say fuck again he’s gonna write a letter, mister.

  3. he’s gonna write a letter, mister.

    and don’t even think about getting interviewed.

  4. Gabriel Malor is good in a pinch.

  5. There’s also a discussion to be had about the feasibility of not having cars on Broadway. Apparently. If you could score a lap dance from John Tierney that would be something to post about I think. He wrote a book with Christopher Buckley and personally knows Christopher Buckley personally to where he could just walk right up to Christopher Buckley and say hi Christoper Buckley I am so glad to see you and Christopher would smile at him warmly.

  6. Remember the grand olde days, when ye Goldstein met with Mr. Blair, Mr. Johnson, and Mr. Simon (don’t remember exactly who was there but you know how that shit goes…) to discuss of the insisting.

    Who will insist now?

    And where the fuck did that article go?

  7. I responded to this comment about newsbusters.org’s news comedy show by saying, “Such as, ‘We’d all be smoking out of our vaginas’?” but it didn’t pass the censors.

  8. That means your not conservative, Dan.

    There’s a board no what determines that.

  9. Damn boards are the bane of my existence. Anyway, she’s right. Just about anyone here could write funnier material. I almost invited her to troll here.

  10. is there a hotel nearby?-cuz i bet you could have a bitchin’
    ‘bed-in’-i heard the smothers brothers aren’t doing anything-and you could give bill moyers a tinkle-he gets off on shit like that

  11. That sounds about like what I expected. But the “Conservative” movement in America now is about like dead, or something. Like a little girl named Haleigh, who the are always searching for, and never finding….

    But we will eventually triumph, because we want to tax the rich more, but differently, right?

    Heh. OUTLAW!

  12. oh. Haleigh is dead?

  13. I thought her daddy’s underaged girlfriend’s cousin took her.

  14. let’s ban people from broadway that’ll clean up the clutter

  15. Thanks for going Jeff.

  16. Thanks from me as well Jeff, as I sure it is not fun or interesting.

    maybe you could break somebody for us

  17. Police are questioning the cousin, who is from Tennessee and was visiting when Haleigh disappeared before dawn Feb. 10, according to MyFOXOrlando.com.

    “What we’ve been told is that he’s a sexual pedophile,” said Haleigh’s mother Crystal Sheffield. The child’s grandmother, Teresa Neves, said Croslin described him as a “jerk” and she was worried.

    Neves said “Joe” and Ronald Cummings got into a fight over a gun during his visit, and that the cousin left town the same day Haleigh disappeared.

    But Cummings denies that fight ever happened.

    “There was no fight with no cousin over a gun,” he told MyFOXOrlando.com.*

    The heat is definitely on cousin Joe. But apparently they did find him finally. Also somebody got their car impounded. Also Ronald Cummings still has that moustache-like thingy.

  18. You had me going until this:

    I’d rather spend my money on a lap dance from one of the Ace of Spade groupies.

    You could get that deal done for a handful of pork rinds. Moron chicks are easy.

  19. I don’t believe that transcription. Shouldn’t it be, “There was no fight with no cousin over no gun”?

  20. You’d think, wouldn’t you? Also someone needs to take poor Crystal aside I think and explain what pedophiles are.

  21. Well, if we’d just think outside the box, I’m sure it would be easy.

  22. Jeff

    Have you run into Miss Attila? Interesting the people she stumbles across

  23. Just to be clear, I wasn’t invited to CPAC. Never have been, in all my years of blogging. I’m either not “conservative” enough or not “serious” enough.

    Either way, I’m not club worthy. Which is fine by me.

    Fuck ’em.

    I am forever marginalized. They don’t like me. They don’t think I can do anything for the movement.

    Either that, or they think I could, but not in a way they find deferential enough to the gatekeepers. In any event, I’m not there.

    Just as I got frozen out of the Democratic convention.

  24. Congressman Keith Ellison (D-MN), the first-ever US congressman to undertake a pilgrimage to Mecca, has slammed the Senate’s Republican whip John Kyl’s sponsoring Dutch MP Geert Wilders’s anti-jihadist film Fitna at The Capitol on Thursday.
    Ellison whose hajj was paid for the Muslim American Society of Minnesota, was ‘concerned’, he said.

    Although he hadn’t seen the film, and was a strong advocate of First Amendment free speech, Ellison said the showing by the parliamentarian from The Netherlands was ‘not about free speech, but rather an issue of propriety, timing and venue.” Republican Senate Whip Kyl ‘had every right to host anyone he chooses, however it becomes a question of propriety to use the United States Capitol as a venue for the condemnation of an entire religion,” Ellison said.*

    I missed this.

  25. jeez. I missed this too.

    Former NPR reporter David Malakoff has been charged in a child porn case. The science editor and correspondent for NPR resigned last June about the same time he was charged with possessing child pornography.

  26. Yeah, I saw that, too, hf. Some things, you just decide to pass over them in silence.

  27. Just don’t leave your children alone with NPR reporters is all I’m sayin, Dan.

  28. BTW, the first time I read “…popped his spiral binder…” I would swear it said something like “popped his spine” and I was wondering if that’s a move I could learn but I guess that’s just me.

  29. forever marginalized

    See I don’t get that. They read you and think about stuff you say. That’s such a big deal. CPAC is dorkness anyway. I will tell you a secret. Conservativism is heading away from conservatives what fancy themselves part of a “movement.” They’re marginalizing themselves with their Jindal and their Palin fetishizings when they should genuinely be alarmed that no one what’s not cornpone or Mormon wants to lead them.

  30. Look, we “grown ups” (and I consider myself one, whatever others may think) have made a complete hash of things. We suck. And then we think that we are going to wave our magic flags and the younguns will come a-running to be instructed, or we sponsor youth movements. You don’t mentor from a fucking pulpit.

    I see these people, Cole is one of them, who are just as certain about their judgment now that they’ve turned 180 degrees. They’re just as infallible as ever. No humility.

    There’s no easy way. There’s no heroism. There’s damned little humor. And yet, we think we’re beautiful.

  31. Last night at CPAC the hot ticket was the Youth for Western Civilization Inaugural Reception. I shit you not.

  32. All we can do is preach to the remnants. We may not even know if they are listening, but we have to try anyway. I say what I think even when surrounded by liberals and I hope that every now and then I at least can get one of them to think, if only for a moment. Then again, I have the luxury of working from home as one of two people in a startup, and my fellow employee already knows about my politics, though he does not share them. Anyone I see outside my home is also outside my work, and has little effect on my life.

    As far as thinking that I have the answers, and that I am so damn certain, that feeling comes and goes. The very idea of being handed the power to make serious decisions would give me pause. Too bad that the power-hungry who are attempting to run our little country into the ground don’t have the same trepidations about wielding all the power they have, and attempting to get even more of it.

    Anyone who really wants that kind of power is the kind of person who shouldn’t have it.

  33. Why, I’m a youth! For western civilization? Indeed I am, sir! If there were a reception for other like-minded folks, you betcha I’d wanna be there. Sounds like just the sort of thing I’d bring my best girl to.

  34. Where do you take your second-best girl? My guess is, “the Disaffected Youth Against Western Civilization Decennial Mosh Pit,” where you slam dance to “Rage Against the Machine” and generally feel bad about being an American. Good Times.

  35. I know about a hundred loudmouth Americans who want nothing more than to dress up in a gi and pretend to be Brazilian.

    It’s rather sad, actually.

  36. um… I know Miss Attila in real space and if CPAC is letting her in the front door they can’t be all that stuffy.

    A gal that knows her gin and guns is all right in my book.

  37. hf

    excuse me? Jindal and Palin are successful, pragmatic, hands on governors

    and the Left heaps sexist and racist statements on them and suddenly it’s non-leftists that are “fetishizing” them??

  38. I decided I have no use for them. I don’t want to be Mr. Jindal’s neighbor no matter how beautiful the day is and Sarah had her shot and I was supportive as could be and she blew it. Hey. Did you know Jenny McCarthy’s son is autistic and she thinks it’s vaccines what done it. Bobby would make a great VP pick, but him by himself, he’s not gonna knock off Baracky, and that he doesn’t seem to understand that makes me think he’s sort of not up to snuff anyway.

  39. I was tremendously offended that he thought his speech this week was an opportune let’s get up close and personal with Bobby moment. It’s not about you, Bobby. There’s a demented socialist in our White House what is doing irreparable harm and it’s not at all about you, Bobby.


  41. hf

    good lord, man, butch up. Read Jindal’s speech text next to Obama’s and Jindal’s is far and away the better idea/intellectual one. Ok, he was wrong to allow himself to be talking into a teleprompter response – he is so much better just being himself – but Billy Jeff bored the piss out of everyone in his maiden appearance at the Dem convention and came back has lovable, charismatic PRESIDENT later on.

    Jindal is the real deal … from intellect to governing chops to non-leftist value system.

    But hey, the last thing the Left wants is the non-left have a “person of color” succeed … so from Matthews to others, the racist crap against Jindal builds.

  42. Well, then. If Little Miss Attila was invited, all is well with the movement.

    Forgive me.

  43. I’m plenty butch enough to support whoever the Republicans decide to run as long as it’s not Huckabee. I supported McCain. Ok shake it off. But who needs to butch up are the successful, pragmatic, hands on peoples what should be screaming loud and distinctly unpragmatically that we got a goddamn socialist in our White House and it’s something of a serious situation.

  44. ‘not about free speech, but rather an issue of propriety, timing and venue.”

    Christ, and now these same snow monkeys are about to fling Franken at us, too? And I use to really like Minnesota.

  45. does anyone have the cpac schedule on c-span tomorrow
    i wouldn’t bother- but since this ain’t a leap year/ it’s my official ‘day w/out commercials[sp]
    i think i’ll let the conserves sell me some bullshit

  46. I don’t think they’re showing any CPAC on CSPAN tomorrow, buttons.

  47. um, it’s doesn’t look like CPAC is scheduled on C-Span tomorrow. looks like you can catch Mitt right now, though.

  48. this is on the CSPAN 3 one…

    James Delingpole talked about his book, Welcome to Obamaland: I Have Seen Your Future and It Doesn’t Work (Regnery Press; January 26, 2009), and responded to telephone calls and electronic mail. In the book Mr. Delingpolie, who is a resident of the United Kingdom, makes the argument that President Obama’s popularity and charisma will assist in selling policies which he believes will be harmful for the United States. He says he can prove his argument by looking at the tenure of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

    electronic mail

  49. “becomes a question of propriety to use the United States Capitol as a venue for the condemnation of an entire religion,””

    You really have to watch your proprieties. Manners and such are so important. Why just think, I could go to a beheading and if I didn’t know the proper knife etiquette,I just might die of the shame of it. Wouldn’t do to not be proprietary like, would it?

  50. Ooh! Mitt! And Roger Simon’s blogger’s row, featuring many of the same names who brought you “McCain in ’08”!

    I smell victory.

    Or bacon. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell the difference.

    I think my new strategy might be to join the progressive movement and work on destroying it from within. Insinuating a little bit of capitalism here, some free market thinking there…

    Probably a better strategy than trying to make conservatism out to be anything other than a staid, button-down movement that puts Roger Simon in charge of the CPAC tables, and has Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee talking about its future in tones full of seriousness and admonition.

    As if they have a fucking clue.

  51. i saw him on c-span awhile ago [less than 2 weeks]
    he looks like that actor Alan Cummings
    except -bad teeth –
    oxymoron alert![british- bad teeth]

  52. OUTLAW!

  53. They’re giving lots of awards. Cause of there’s so many conservatives what have made a difference this year. The C is for Clueless I think.

  54. As if they have a fucking clue.

    I’ve heard Mitt’s got a few children. so, um, he must know a little something about fu…


    um, really, let’s not go there. sorry.

  55. what can a poor boy do?
    except join a rock’n’ roll band
    street-fighting puppet head man?

  56. mitt romney plus octo-mom equals
    enough wig hair to get us out of whatever funk we’re in
    as long as the kiddies be sleeve-less

  57. he looks like that actor Alan Cummings

    oh gee, I hope he dressed better

  58. Back in the day when Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” first came out, her purpose was to make fun of uptight, self-righteous religious people. Or at least to make fun of the caricature of religious people that they have in their heads.

    But soon they discovered they could use her to say horrible things about (and sometimes to) the morons on display in politics, Hollywood, and in the news.

    But since there are so many uptight, self-righteous people on the far left these days, it occurs to me that there’s room for a similar character.

    Like, say, a tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, papier-mache-puppet-making, perpetually outraged leftie such as you’d find in the Zombietime vault.

    Or an arrogant, self-styled-intellectual, graduate student (who has been “working on his dissertation” on Subethnic Interpolation and the Mythopoetical Paradox for the past 10 years) that spouts delicious nonsense, such as David Thompson collects. Or that you can find on the PoMo Generator.

    But where in hell are we going to find someone with acting chops who knows this academic nonsense inside-out?

    AND that can write comedy.

    And that has a blip.tv account.


  59. Youth for Western Civilization Inaugural Reception

    I see Tom Tancredo is the honored guest speaker along with Pat and Bay Buchanan. Tom really did a bang up job bringing in the 2006 election for the Republicans. The keep out you smelly Mexicans strategy paid in spades…

  60. archie bunker

  61. I don’t get those choices but he looks more fun than Joel Grey. oh. I think that might be one of those things you don’t say out loud around people what have some culture. I think dicentra is right though, but just blogging would be very cool and heartening. Patterico did his thing again today where he was all fretful that Republicans weren’t tending to their image with appropriate care or something. That was disheartening. For real he was running video he got from Think Progress and the whole thing had a rub your noses in it feel. I don’t get those choices.

  62. I give up. It’s just too hard to think of someone who could provide commentary on current events and people in the guise of an unhinged leftie.

    Oh well.

  63. while were on the subject why did the sitemeter go away?

  64. what was the final vote count? frame the narrative
    ’twasn’t a landslide
    ’twas the nite b4 x-mas..and all i wanted was a joel grey doll
    to creep my parents out
    it’s working!

  65. Comment by Jeff G. on 2/27 @ 11:21 pm #

    Nope, not at all. Just that, IMHO, it isn’t all FUBAR … and marginalizing the Roger Simonizing of the “movement” is attainable.

  66. #62- don’t matter/ u start to criticize/question
    your a ‘rabid’ right winger
    you sleeve lovin’ bitch [bastard]

  67. this award goes to the ‘peoples front of judea’
    not to be confuse w the judean peoples front
    who can have as many babies as they want
    but not in my driveway

  68. Roger Simon is truly the Jann Wenner of our times.

  69. saw him on book-notes
    not impressed
    i thought he would be funni-er
    then it turned into the armstrong williams show
    enuff talk about me- what do you think of me?

  70. marginalizing the Roger Simonizing of the “movement” is attainable.

    Well, you do know that they are sponsoring blogger’s row at CPAC, yes?

    Helluva way to mold the kind of invitees you want, and keep out the kind of folks you don’t.

    I am having my own CPAC right here in my living room. In low cut briefs. With a box of Girl Scout cookies and a bottle of potato vodka between my thighs.

    Bet I’m doing more for conservatism right now than Mike Huckabee is.

  71. Are the cookies made from real girl scouts?

    sigh. Visions of Constantinople falling to the Turks while the Patriarch and the Bishop argue over the price of indulgences* …

    *am too tired to look up what the disagreement was over and probably nobody but me actually gives a rat’s batouy.

  72. Hmm. The veil formerly hiding the intellectual rot in the Nation Below Canada has fallen so quickly since Unicorn One has trotted, with iron hooves, into the White Guilt House, that I fear efforts like CPAC are futile at best. Our problem is deeply cultural, not political. Nothing short of a shift in worldview can alter this, and having the right guys in office won’t convince the 52% that they don’t deserve to have their mortgages, medicine and many other things paid for by gubmint. Gubmint is so big… it can afford anything! The money comes out of a little slit in the fabric of space=time, and it flows like a fountain of bourbon into a bum’s piehole.

    While we watch the “Play nice” conservatives battle it out with the far fewer and far more virile “Take no prisoners” conservatives, it feels that the parade has passed already. The demigod of the age looked the entire sorry nation in the face a few nights ago, and declared “I don’t want big government” and “We must return to fiscal responsibility.” The bald, unsophisticated, brazen temerity of those lies did not elicit howls of laughter from the audience in Congress, nor from apparently most citizens of New France.

    That was the sign that psychosis is the new “reality-based” norm. Freedom is slavery.

  73. CPAC, give me fuckin’ break, it’s just as stupid as the Kos kiddies convention. Anyone who’d risk one of those r-wingered political theater characters inadvertently rubbing up against ’em is a certain psycho. Fleshy Rush Limbaugh sleazers, yick. The stench in a room victimized by Sean Hannity’s exhale, no thanks. And what’s up with that Bachman hick-bitch; from afar she looks almost effable but her vocal insanity begs for a gurney, restraints and a neck brace, and I’m not sure one could generate enough torque to ravage her proper on a gurney. She’s a chick for open spaces, meant for chasing down in a shallow swamp under a full-moon, or maybe the mud flats, yeah, hips skyward with face mudward in a stinking bog.

    Your absence is best for all concerned, Jeff. What would Celine do, or say, in a crowd full of mange and yellow teeth; that’s the question to meditate.

  74. “Arts Décoratifs et Industriels Modernes?

    More like Arts Hammertifs blah, blah, blah.

    I’m outta’ here.”

  75. I don’t know why we had to blow the joke. Jeff’s coverage of events he doesn’t attend is the shit.

  76. What would Celine do…

    I think she married some old rich dude.

  77. Every time I hear the word *movement* I reach for my copy of the Origins of Totalitarianism or my Winchester, whichever is closer.

  78. What would Celine do…

    !) Surrender.
    2) Collaborate with the Nazis.
    3) Write some shitty books.

  79. Comment by thor on 2/28 @ 5:00 am #

    whore is back.

    Work release program, or did you make bail?

  80. yick hick-bitch chick

    Does it seem to anyone else that thor has a predisposition to malign -icks? With his little -ick?

    I’m thinking he was ravaged in a shallow mud-bog by yellow-teethed Russian -icks and that’s ruined his teensy mind.

    I’ll bet, though, he still has a purdy mouth..

  81. Oh, in case you missed it, thor’s mean, glaring visage on display in the pub.

  82. Funny how I’ve been keeping my winchester alot closer since Jan 09.

  83. Why are you people even here?

    Patterico is defining the space against which the conservative establishment will be fought. With Karl there beside him. It’ll be a wondrous space, filled with decorum and proper footwear. Please, wear a blazer. And act collegial. Remember: everyone is truly a good man with our best interests at heart except for certain conservatives whose tone and tenor is simply not elegant enough.

    This site is dying. Patterico’s is where the new outlaws need to be. Go forth and sip tea!

  84. Who is this ‘Patterico’ of whom you speak? What is a Karl?

    Undefined concepts, AFAIC.

  85. I guess I ought to have a ready answer to the question but I don’t, really. Maybe I’m dying too and in the spirit of misery loves company I’m just looking to see whether I can wink out at the same moment Protein Wisdom does? Floutlaws!

  86. Oh, and I hate tea.

  87. I’m way too much of a rabble-rouser to behave with decorum and elegance. I’ll stay here, thank you very much.

  88. Plus, my period of “They might be good men” when referring to my ideological opponents has gone past. They are not good men and women, and they are very dangerous to my little country. Dirty socialist bastards.

  89. I just want my “I didn’t vote for the asshole. Outlaw!” bumper sticker. Screw nice. I’m pissed.

  90. As far as thinking that I have the answers, and that I am so damn certain, that feeling comes and goes. The very idea of being handed the power to make serious decisions would give me pause.

    Could be, cranky, you’re a thinking adult without delusions of grandeur? I’m thinking that feeling that we don’t have all the answers and don’t want to make decisions for others is the foundation of classic liberalism.

    Anyone who does think they have all the answers and does want to make decisions for others scares hell out of me. I’m pretty sure O’Barky thinks he knows all the answers..

  91. I smell victory.

    Or bacon. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell the difference.

    Actually, victory smells kinda like roast beef, at least if you used napalm to achieve it..

  92. Why are you people even here?

    Patterico is defining the space against which the conservative establishment will be fought.

    Oh, please. Patterico is a tool of the government, a bought and paid for brick in the wall.

  93. trick or treat
    smell my dirty socialist feet
    i’d walk a mile/but never smile
    in your fuck-face oppressor fuck-face

    ooo lawdy- i needs a smoke!
    i thought obam was a marlboro man

  94. just once more I want to say I’m very glad you are back

  95. hf- what i miss?
    the sheriff is near!

  96. I’m trying to think. It was a good time to take a break probably, but there was this:

    Advice from an OUTLAW

    Were it me running the Republican party, I’d give up on being pragmatic and cut the 3 Senatorial defectors loose.

    Because if they’re willing to vote for this travesty of a “stimulus” package, they are not in any way committed to free enterprise, personal responsibility, or personal freedom — and so letting them dangle as independents, or even join with Democrats, is preferable to watching them provide a veneer of bipartisanship to what are essentially socialist trojan horse policies whenever Obamaco needs a couple swing votes.

    In short, kick them to the curb. Immediately. If you are going to lose, at least stick to your principles.

    – And, if for some reason the Republican leadership is too timorous to do what needs to be done, maybe they can hire Roger Simon to send Arlen and the girls a nice form letter…


    Posted by Jeff G.

    That’s one of those ones that gets truer and truer with time I think.

  97. i’ve been thinking [smell the bacon]
    they’re are washington-ians
    and the rest of us
    vote em all out!
    unfortunately- no one runs against these fuck tards
    bill delahunt [my rep] ran unappossed[sp]
    and then i saw on c-span how obama won
    all text messaging/twitter-y new age philosophy bandwith
    and i get down
    they are set up for a long time ass whupping
    guess i’ll just snark on this site til i get banned
    don’t bring a roger simon hat to a gun fight

  98. the next thing I get to watch is California pick a governor. For 2010. That will be very disheartening. That same year the Arnold person could redeem himself by running against Boxer I guess. Not exactly heartening, but it would be not nothing. Well, maybe.

  99. you forgot earthquakes
    or race riots
    you got lots o tee-vee to munch on
    me- i’m stuck w/ some lame ass paul giametti john adams mini-series..
    i’ll trade ya 3 russell crowe tits for for an opinion
    ?-do my revolutianary pants make my ass look fat?

  100. oh. That mini-series was universally applauded. It has Laura Linney! If I were as self-important as Laura Linney I would buy myself new shoes I think. And C.O. Bigelow body wash.

  101. linney frowns at gowns
    only worn by sleeveless clowns

    i will throw a rock thru the adams mansion
    for penance
    plus-i’m a george washington dude
    i live in quincy/mass.

  102. This site is dying.

    Neglect will do that. And runaway trolls.

  103. “Were it me running the Republican party, I’d give up on being pragmatic and cut the 3 Senatorial defectors loose.”

    Better late than never.

  104. Poor Pablo. He’s becoming disenchanted