There’s been a lot of misdirection on the intartubes over the real true inside story of Hitch and the Syrian Nazis. Ace, who’s been over there in Lebanon with him and some other guys, does a nice job of trying to play things down, on the theory that it’s really Hitch’s story to tell, since he was the one who got kicked in the head, and that it’s going to be a big hit on Slate. But this deliberate obfuscation is a little much for me to bear.
My sources tell me that Hitch had only had three or four bloodies and a few shots of Jaeger at lunch, so he was perfectly sober. He sees a Syrian Nazi sign and . . . well, we all know how Hitch is about Nazis. He takes his trusty Mont Blanc, which he uses mostly for autographs, out of his shirt pocket, and scrawls, “You really are dreadful fellows” on the poster. What he doesn’t know is that there’s a Syrian Nazi poster protector gazing at him with binoculars from a secret location across the street. Secret Syrian Nazi poster watcher promptly gets on his two-way wrist radio, and dispatches a group of Ninja Syrian Nazis to take care of Hitch.
Ringed round, Hitch stabs the first attacker through the eye with his trusty Mont Blanc. The man falls dead to the pavement. Enraged, one of his pals goes after Hitch with a tire iron, and is duly kicked through the window of the bagelry. Seeing the futility of taking him on one by one, several of them charge at once from a variety of directions. This is the part that beggars credulity: Hitch rips a 30-minute parking sign out of the concrete sidewalk with his bare hands, and, swinging it like a cudgel, hurls their limp bodies halfway across the street.
The remaining malefactors flee, but Hitch takes the sign and its concrete anchor and, howling, “Tell your chinless opthalmologist he’s next!” javelins it into the back of one of the retreating Syrian Nazis, crushing him instantly to death. Concerned about the fairness of the Lebanese judicial system, Hitch hails a taxi and gets the hell out of there. End of story.
All I’d like to add is this: Fuck you, Syrian Nazis! Bravo, Hitch!
Disinformation. It was a stop sign.
Syrian Nazis. I hate those guys.
Lucky for those particular Syrian Nazis Hitch only had a pen and his bare hands. If he’d had a shot glass in hand the entire neighborhood might have been razed.
I really fucking hate Syrian Nazis.
McGhee, you got the quote better, but I echo your sentiment.
When’s he guest-starring on 24 again?
This account makes Hitchens sound like Neo out of “The Matrix”…
Hitch beat Neo to death. With Chuck Norris.
Later, Hitch fucked a girl that looked a lot like Natalie Portman.
True story.
“You really are dreadful fellows”
Dan, you just made my day.
MIne too.
The picture I got was of Sean Connery in “The Presidio”, the bar scene.
Dang it. I’m not where I can photoshop – but I imagine a picture more like this.
Heh. Hitchens shot first.
So that’s where Zappa got the album name and cover.
Maybe it was a rehearsel for an episode of Hero’s.
Syrian Nazis?
Was thor there?
I want that t-shirt. It has more geek-cred than a vi reference coffee mug.
Getting jumped sucks.
thor thinks Syrian Nazis invaded Pearl Harbor.
And won.
Little known true fact: Christopher “Slim” Hitchens, aka Willie McCoy.
I love the way the mob at HuffPo is blowing the Nazis over this, just because they don’t like Hitch’s politics.
[…] Dan, Christopher Hitchens lays waste to his Syrian Nazi […]
[…] Dan, Christopher Hitchens lays waste to his Syrian Nazi […]
Blame Rob Crawford. He encouraged me.
Huff Puff can go to hell. Ariana would have blown the Syrian Nazis. It is just what she does.
Sorry Ladies. That was ungentlemanly.
SBP gotta link?
Does Obama’s stimulus package include community grants for poster protector gazers? I might even be qualified for a job like that.
Sure, Mr. Pink. Here.
Fucking fascists.
Jesus Christ you were not kidding.
“Reply Posted 12:08 AM on 02/19/2009
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I really don’t condone violence but….
Reply Posted 12:07 AM on 02/19/2009
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Oh no! Republican thugs in Lebanon
Reply Posted 12:04 AM on 02/19/2009
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One word: Karma.
Reply Posted 11:58 PM on 02/18/2009
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Now who says there’s never any good news to report?
Reply Posted 11:55 PM on 02/18/2009
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maybe he likes that sort of thing?
Reply Posted 11:52 PM on 02/18/2009
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Pain tickles his brain.
Reply Posted 11:50 PM on 02/18/2009
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serves him right ,i hate this man,who does he think he is marching in the streets of beirut and making a statement,i thought journalists are supposed to be neutral and nit get themselves involved.
Reply Posted 11:45 PM on 02/18/2009
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Thank you, …….Lebanese thugs. I’m sure Chris enjoyed it.
Reply Posted 11:44 PM on 02/18/2009
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Chris was heard saying do it again, do it again!
Reply Posted 11:53 PM on 02/18/2009
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UR WELCOME
Reply Posted 11:48 PM on 02/18/2009
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Anyone that assaults Mother Teressa and supports George W. Bush needs a good rebooting.
It has got to improve his work.
Reply Posted 11:42 PM on 02/18/2009
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LOLOLOLOLOL
This couldn’t have happened to a more deserving guy.”
Wow, the HuffPo readers are so compassionate.
Pajamas Media should have sent Jeff to Lebanon. Hitch and he could have torn down Nazi posters, kicked Nazi ass, and had Green serve them stiff drinks in the evening as the regailed the other bloggers with their victory! Sweet.
Lost opportunity. Joe the Plumber was saving the world.
I’m now writing the script for “Joe the Plumber Saves the World” in my brain.
It’ll have lots of explosions and pipe-wrench action.
At the end of “Joe the Plumber Saves the Worldâ€Â, does the villain, who’d just been kicked into a pit of boiling pork fat, scream, “Your name isn’t even really Joeeeee!!!!”
Little known fact, Patrick Swayze’s character in the film Roadhouse was actually based on Hitch.
Hitch found Swayze’s characterization of him too “girly”.
Last I heard Jeff had plans to beat tires with 50 lb sledgehammers. That seems like a mad skill suitable for Lebanon.
Someone better tell those asshats at Huffpo that Hitchens endorsed Obama-guy. I’m not wallowing over there to see if anyone mentioned it … I visted the fetid swamp yesterday and still haven’t recovered.
i think Dan left out the bit where Hitch helped overthrow the Syrian Govt when he led a charge of those blond, WhiteSnake looking guys on horses from Lord of The Rings, The Rohirrim. Totten’s blog on all of this is gonna be good.
It started when Hitchens grabbed a wooden staff, stood in front of the Syrian thugs and shouted “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
It is the reality based community Carin, I am sure they know all about his endorsement.
I think Jeff is smart enough to take out the Nazi Goon first before writing something sarcastic that would leave the follow-up Nazi’s scratching their heads.
“Who is this “oatmeal”? “I FU like Mrs Butterworth, twice? ”
We will find heem and hees Honeycomb hideout!!!!
Then blammo with the hammer.
Speaking of Nazis
insty
Nazis
Uh oh speaking of Joe the Plumber it looks like some high school kids are going to get a media anal.
http://www.drudgereport.com/flashosk.htm
I wonder if their parents taxes are paid and if they are really going by their middle names?
@43
Wow, they call this situation “made right” after you’ve had the secret service tromp through your house for no reason. Lovely.
Al – People don’t know what words mean anymore. Drives me nuts. Words do come to mean, however, what they are used to describe. I guess if you coopt a word you get what you deserve, though.
“Abortion” of pregnancy is a euphemistic term for the early ending of pregnancy. It can happen quite naturally, in fact the term “abortion” in medicine, at least before heavy politicization of the term, used by itself automatically means a *spontaneous *abortion, or ending of the pregnancy. A modifier like “induced” is used to specify the type of abortion caused by intervention by surgery, or prescription of abortifacients.
Abortion doesn’t mean “kill” or “murder”, yet this mope cop didn’t know any better. I suppose you could blame pro-lifers for deliberately spitting out the euphemism as if it did mean murder, so that now dopes who never took Latin and never hear the word used in other contexts are stupid enough to be confused by it.
Wait, he ABORTED a nazi?
It was sort of a dumb sticker. I will find his address and send him a Baracky I Piss on You Head sticker I think.
A frisson of fission
Caused them to abort the mission
Before the damned thing could be brought
To fruition.
oh. It was a sign. Sounds like maybe he made it all by himself. Still, I think we’re all a little past single-issue contempt for our dopey socialist president person.
Good Idea, but i prefer he be immobilized under the weight of his own shower of skittles.
Since I mention the term is derived from Latin, it comes from a word meaning “to disappear”.
Which in O’s case would be fine by me.
I’m increasingly not terribly fond of him and I will not taste his rainbow I do not think. oh hey. Ralph’s has Valentine’s Skittles 75% off. They’re on a table by the dairy stuff. Me and NG looked at all of it yesterday but even at 75% off nothing really look like a deal.
“Good Idea” was meant to refer to the donation of an alternate sticker.
I can’t afford the cheap skittles as they come with hidden costs of dental work and new fat pants.
Saul Alinsky would have everyone put an “Abort Obama” sign on their car. The SS would be backlogged for 13 years.
oh. Still, hoarding Skittles for the Revolution probably would still be wise I think. Skittles and swiss cake rolls and vitamin water are a lot key to the preservation of the free enterprise system and individual liberty. You just have to brush after.
“C’mon” he growled menacingly, tossing the Mont Blanc from hand to hand in a flashy display. “Let’s see what you’ve got, punks!”
If Saul Alinsky didn’t have Obama’s balls in his mouth, that is.
Dan, you “New Historian” you.
A great and funny way to illustrate one of the pitfalls of that method of writing history. Using the methods of fiction on historical fact can result in fiction being made to be factual.
Swiss cake rolls, ok. The skittles however are not safe for dental work. I suppose you could make some cool skittle teeth out of them, though, especially if they got kind of too hard after a year of stockpiling.
God, I could slaughter a box of innocent Swiss Cake Rolls right about now. Even if a hamburger was using them as a snack-cake shield.
oh. I see. Yes. Skittles are out. I’ve been buying lots of tasty really not that bad for you snacks from the people of Mexico. I will see later if they have a website. I can’t remember the brand just that they have a feisty little bumble-bee feller on them. But it’s my new thing. oh. The snacks of the mexican people, mango black tea, kvass and baba ghanoush lavash wraps are my new things. I linked kvass cause I’m not sure I really really get it yet. Also you have to be careful cause some kvass is more for real than others – there’s like artificial kvass you have to avoid. Last night I tried the spring rolls from the same people what make my egg rolls and they were gack. These were vegetable ones though. I’ll see if they have chicken and try those cause they really did come out with a good texture, just was not really enjoying the flavor cause it tasted like mushy cabbage gack.
I’m kind of ocd about cake rolls. I couldn’t eat them whole, I had to flay and deconstruct them and this was an exact process.
Skittles want to be m&ms, but they’re not.
Perhaps that’s just my imagination, though.
Hey, you know what’s good? Dark chocolate M&Ms. My cousin’s hubby (who voted for Obama because of Global Warming and TEH DEFICIT!) bought me some. Nice gesture, but I still can’t forgive him for his politics.
Sarah, I believe I described a similar process the other day to know if anyone else ate them like that.
I was that way when I was younger Sarah. I would skin them alive and then unravel them to show their entrails. Now time and quantity are bigger factors.
baba ganoush is addictive. Mmmmm on lavash.
I’m not eating anything much these days but salmon, berries, oat bran, and greek yogurt as I’m trying to get back in shape. Bread’s kind of out of the question as I will eat it until I burst like a tick.
We were big on baba ganoush until we discovered hummous. Then we switched. There was a Lebanse restaurant that made THE BEST hummous. Then they changed their menu, ’cause I guess people wanted non-lebanese food at times. Of course, the Lebanese food wasn’t as good afterwards.
I tried the Trader Joe salmon patty things but George Foreman turned them into salmon pucks.
I heard a couple of guys talking about “sixteen-dee” nails the other day.
*sigh*
Have you tried the Sabra supermarket brand – it’s the best I’ve found. It’s like really well-made homemade, silky textrued with good ingredients.
I join you in pining for the lost “best Lebanese restaurant ever” we had one up the street that was our comfort food joint.
They had this artichoke dish that I think I ordered practically every time, but the fatoush and hummus were the best I’d ever had. The owner retired leaving a lot of people to stare in the window and wish he would come back.
Did I just say “textrued”? Maybe I need some bread….
“Ya call that a pen?” he drawled in his best Australian accent, as he whipped out his Mont Blanc from his back pocket. “Now that’s a pen!”
Rob, I guess it’s a “generation-text” thing with the nails.
I did have Sabra hummus. They make baba too and a whole bunch of stuff Ralph’s doesn’t have. I sugned up for the newsletter just now.
oh crap.
It’s owned by those PepsiCo slavishly Obama-worshipping America-hating dirty socialists. I am so unsubscribing. Right now in fact.
Happyfeet, this canned salmon is good enough to eat plain. It makes the best fish cakes too.
With our joint, the death knell occurred when the chief headed back to Lebanon for an extended visit. The place was just starting to hum, and had expanded. Bad timing for a vacation.
Their hommous was so good. The new cook didn’t make it right.
#75 – Aww mannnn. Nothing gold can stay.
oh. *signed* … that was very rash. Precipitous.
You need to find someplace where it is homemade. I’ve had the Sabra stuff. It’s ok, but nothing in comparison to quality stuff.
Cooks magazine had a decent recipe. The trick was making it sort of like mayonaise, adding the oil in a thin stream while beating holy heck out of it.
I will look for the Bumble Bee one. They’re based in San Diego. Owned by some American private equity peoples*. I feel as if I could buy the Bumble Bee salmon and maintain my integrity, and that’s a very good feeling to have.
Use your food processor machine, make an emulsion of a can of tahini and lemon or lime juice (5-6 lemons and as making mayo, start adding volume slowly building as you go) garlic, finally olive oil, garbanzos, salt, a little water to thin to desired consistency/thinness, garnish w/parsley, paprika, voila, best damned hummus you’ve ever had.
Flatbreads too are easy peasy. Warm off the griddle is way better than store bought and heated in a micro-wave.
Ok, since we’ve gone OT … I’m gonna vent here before I go off on my husband.
Ski trip. Next week. Two days, for when my bil is back on leave. Planned MONTHS ago, reservations made weeks ago, when we made the decision to squeeze into a smaller condo at our preferred ski resort instead of a bigger one at the other joint.
Yesterday, BIL calls my husband and asks if he can bring a female friend. Husband says yes. This is a 2 bedroom condo with a loft with additional 2 beds. My fam- 7 kids, MIL and BIL. Already kinda questionable how we were all going to fit. Now female friend. AND NOW I JUST GOT WORD MY MIL INVITED ANOTHER BIL AND SON. WTF are these people going to sleep?
And, I’m mentioning it here, because i have to get it off my chest, but I’m being petty … Husband and I are paying for this trip. Lodging. skiing is included with a package we get (based on per-person). Nice for everyone to invite new people.
ARG.
I’m in a pissy mood now.
I need to go to the gym. That will calm me down.
Showering seems more of a dealio than sleeping especially if there’s not a big boiler thinger. It’ll work out. For sure you’ll come home with memories I think.
Honestly, I’m more irritated with the female friend thing, because that is very family-oriented. She’s NOT a girl friend. Just this chick that shows up at holidays and catches up on stuff. MIL holds out stupid hope that they will eventually get married, but my bil is 41 and has told me in the past that he has absolutely NO interest in her beyond friendship. AT 18, I can be skeptical. At 41, I’m ready to take such things to the bank.
Anyway, I’m irritated, and it’s best for me to just not speak to my husband or mil about this until I’ve I’ve done about 60 minutes of cardio.
the female friend might could be a very important person if the chips are ever down for bil guy. You never know. Maybe she will bring enough of something very tasty for everybody. Sausage rolls, maybe.
Well, last time he brought this female friend to a family function (my FIL’s funeral), by the second day he was bitching to me every spare moment about her. She drives him a little batty. This is a case where everyone else likes her more than he likes her.
hf,
I think the tasty Mexican snacks are “Bimbo” brand – I know I could live off of their pound cake for, oh, 7 or 8 years straight.
http://www.bimbobakeriesusa.com/
Bimbo is good… I know them cause they bought my hometown bakery Mrs. Baird’s… but these ones are different… one is pica something I didn’t recognize – I thought they maybe could have been pumpkin seeds, and picante peanuts, and crunchy peanuts, which are like the Asian ones just smaller … that sort of thing… all of them had a really decent nutritional profile except for salt I imagine but I’m not used to checking that one.
oh. Carin. I have no words of positivity for you at this time. Maybe after lunch. That sounds like something that did not need to be.
Has your MIL considered using the date-rape drug on your BIL, so the female friend can turn up PREG?
I have a Bimbo soccer shirt. Better Half gets pissed every time I wear it.
A bit tangenty, but I think the progressive hordes are off scrubbing the intertubes of the Rick Santelli rant earlier today, amongst other things.
From youtube that is.
[…] CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS gets beaten up in Syria; both balls were unharmed, remain unnaturally huge; The Real True Inside Story of Hitch and the Syrian Nazis …. (5fof, […]
[…] Totten has up his account of Hitch and the Syrian Nazis. It differs from mine mostly in the wealth of concrete detail. Posted by Dan Collins @ 7:26 am | Trackback […]
[…] the rather fevered speculation that Ace referenced here, and that Dan Collins reaction-lampooned here: it has all the messiness that one associates with a true account. Hitchens got offended by a […]
[…] the rather fevered speculation that Ace referenced here, and that Dan Collins reaction-lampooned here: it has all the messiness that one associates with a true account. Hitchens got offended by a […]