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Swept Away [Dan Collins]

What is the matter with me, that this makes me laugh?

NESKOWIN, Ore. – A romantic marriage proposal on the Oregon coast turned deadly for the bride-to-be when a wave swept her out to sea. Scott Napper had taken 22-year-old Leafil Alforque to Proposal Rock near Neskowin Beach to pop the question at a place that got its name from couples ready to marry. Napper and Alforque had been dating since they met on the Internet in 2005.

But Alforque had arrived in Oregon on a visa from the Philippines just three days before the fateful trip to the coast.

Napper said the tide had receded around Proposal Rock on Saturday when the couple began to walk to it. He planned to propose and give her the ring he carried in his pocket.

About 10 feet from the rock, a wave about 3 feet high suddenly came toward them.

“I turned into it to keep from getting pulled under it,” Napper said.

By the time he turned to find Alforque, only 4-foot-11 and 93 pounds, she had been caught by the receding waters.

“She was about 30 feet away, getting swept away,” Napper said.

The 45-year-old Silverton man tore off his jacket to get rid of any extra weight, and when he looked up again she was gone.

“That’s the last I saw of her,” he said in an interview Wednesday, breaking into tears.

I am sure that I’m a very awful person. What can I do about it? Scott, if you ever read this, I’m very sorry for your loss, and her family’s loss, and I’m a terrible, terrible person. And I will pray that I be changed.

Related:

Honey, please don’t cry. It’s not Rudolph. It’s that little peckerwood, Fireball.

Uh, Darleen, TSI, others . . . I could use a little help here.

106 Replies to “Swept Away [Dan Collins]”

  1. lee says:

    Poor Guy. 45 y.o. dude probably spent thousands finding his 22 y.o. Cherry Blossom, getting her to Oregon, buying a ring, and the bitch took one look and tried to swim home.

    It is mean (and understandable)to laugh, but you probably should apologize to little Leafil, not the tragically inept Scott.

  2. Dan Collins says:

    I can’t really apologize to her personally, lee. I mean, I’ve apologized to her family and I will pray for her, and, honestly, for myself. But Leafil, if there’s an internet in heaven, and I sincerely hope there’s not, I apologize.

  3. beb says:

    Eh, not funny. Not funny to pretend to be sorry when you’re not. Sometimes things are just infantile and cruel.

  4. Dan Collins says:

    Yes, as I said, I’m a terrible person.

  5. Dan Collins says:

    [personal information redacted – jeff]

  6. SarahW says:

    I wonder if she had an insurance policy.

    What that Salami need is some red LED’s.

  7. lee says:

    See, you really could apologize to her.

    But, were you sincere? Did you cry? Remember, it’s not funny if you aren’t really sorry.

  8. Dan Collins says:

    I didn’t cry. But let me go get a bottle of scotch and I’ll work on it.

  9. Terry Gain says:

    Dan

    Sad and pathetic. The story and your take. It’s wise to STFU if you have an irrestible urge to say something inhumane.

  10. Dan Collins says:

    Yes, sad and pathetic. Why did I laugh?

    Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell:
    No God, no Demon of severe response,
    Deigns to reply from Heaven or from Hell.
    Then to my human heart I turn at once.
    Heart! Thou and I are here, sad and alone;
    I say, why did I laugh? O mortal pain!
    O Darkness! Darkness! ever must I moan,
    To question Heaven and Hell and Heart in vain.
    Why did I laugh? I know this Being’s lease,
    My fancy to its utmost blisses spreads;
    Yet would I on this very midnight cease,
    And the world’s gaudy ensigns see in shreds;
    Verse, Fame, and Beauty are intense indeed,
    But Death intenser -Death is Life’s high meed.

    Sorry, but you’ve never done anything of the sort, so you wouldn’t understand.

  11. Dan Collins says:

    Have you ever been close to death, Terry? Tell me, Terry: what was it like?

  12. Well I thought it was funny. But I don’t care if y’all think I’m cruel. In fact, I hope you do… And one other thing I think is that are we sure this guy is telling the truth, or is this just something he made up to explain away his “accidental” drowning of his mail-order bride? Does anyone know if in the intervening 2 years since he met this woman on the internet, did he start a relationship with a local woman, maybe one with money or connections?

    Or do I watch too much CSI? Television, drug of a nation.

  13. Dan Collins says:

    Don’t tread on sacred ground, Andrea. Terry has never cracked a smile at the Darwin Awards. And during “Full Metal Jacket,” when Joker and the crew are saying goodbye to their fallen comrade, he never thought, “God, I’m so much better than they are.”

  14. SteveG says:

    Ironic.

    Anyway I think everyone should steer clear of this guy, because there isn’t a bigger loser out there than the guy whose mail order bride gets swept out to sea off Proposal Rock.
    Praying won’t help. God was nicer to the Egyptians before the Exodus than to this poor guy.

    Dark comedy is a guilty pleasure to be sure… better enjoyed in private.

  15. Dan Collins says:

    Steve, thanks, but don’t you hear my cry for help?

  16. Dan Collins says:

    The Human Condition is kicking my effing ass.

  17. happyfeet says:

    I think it’s one of those that puts things in perspective stories. Sorry but if they wanted solemnity they wouldn’t have gone to Proposal Rock I don’t think. Sounds like a saturday morning self-help course for paragons of haplessness what’s thinkin mebbe I oughta take me a wife reckon?

  18. happyfeet says:

    Terry Gain is judgey. Which is ok but the energy of all that judgey adds up over the course of a day I would think. An arbiter of taste. We needs them, and self-appointed arbiter of taste is redundant. It’s an a lot thankless job. Me I think mostly almost always once people become media fodder then they’re not the same as people. They’re media fodder people what you see through a crafted lens. I think it’s healthy and good to be a lot aware of how for serious I take things through the AP’s lens. These are the posts what make me miss psycho kind of keenlyishly.

  19. Dan Collins says:

    Clearly my tastes are dreadfully vitiated. I might as well start reading Rossetti and exhuming corpses to eat.

  20. Dan Collins says:

    I’ve just finished reading Wilfred Owen’s so-called poem, “Dulce et Decorum,” and (to borrow a term from the television show The Addams Family), I must pronounce it most frightfully “ookey.”

  21. serr8d says:

    Well, I might be the troofer type. I wonder, did he push her? Is there any more to this tale?

    She’s from the Philippines. Obviously, she can swim. 93 lbs. isn’t much; why couldn’t she stay afloat for longer than it takes for a 350-lb. guy to ‘tear off his jacket to shed the extra weight’?

    Would Ted Kennedy nod knowingly?

  22. happyfeet says:

    I had this little gay professor what taught war poetry. He kind of was not awful but not particularly incisive either. I later asked him for a recommendation and he said he didn’t remember me. That’s just wrong. I was one of two guys in the class. Jeez. What a liar.

  23. Bob Reed says:

    Dan,
    Folks who are shocked, Shocked!, at you finding humor in this episode must have never understood the concept of gallows, or morbid, humor; and it’s a sure bet they don’t understand or appreciate biting satire, delicious Irony, or the Darwin awards…

    So while this story is indeed the personification of pathos, it’s not too hard to imagine the Monty Python crew or the Firesign Theater doing a similar skit-had there been internet matchmaking virtual Yentas in their day…

    So, let’s all say a prayer for Ms. Alforque and her family; and hope that thry, and Mr. Napper, recieves God’s blessing, comfort, and insight into what this episode really means…

    ‘Cuz some would infer that it was simply her time to go to be with the Lord; either that or Mr. Napper is truly meant to join the priesthood!

    I mean, at least he’s got that goin’ for him…

    I denounce myself…

  24. Rusty says:

    #13 Funny you should mention it;
    I’m really fortunate that I live in an urban area with hunting so close by.Last saturday morning about five AM we were in my B in laws jon boat going out to the blind.To shoot ducks. I was dressed in thermal pants, neoprene waders with wool socks, two long sleeve henleys, a thick hooded sweatshirt, and a lined camo waterproof jacket. The temp was about 22 degrees and the night was so clear I could see the north star. As a matter of fact I was marveling that the whole little dipper was visible when we hit something and I went shooting off the front of the boat like I was shot from a cannon.I landed in the water on my back and went completely under my head hitting the bottom. My bodies first instinct was to take a breath because the water was so cold. I didn’t know where ‘up’ was. My brain decided I didn’t need to take a breath and that maybe I should try to stand up. My body wasn’t having any of it and wanted to stay in the fetal position. We compromised and I crawled on the bottom till I got to shore. When I got there I stripped of my jacket and lay down feet upbank to drain the water from my waders. My b in law who was driving the boat standing up wound up where I had been , but along the way he broke both oars and collapsed the bucket I used as a seat in the blind. It was amazing that the motor was still running and the boat was still afloat. He didn’t seem to be hurt, but I was freezing. So I put my jacket back on and got back in the boat. First light was less than a hour away.

  25. happyfeet says:

    I worked out and stuff.

  26. happyfeet says:

    oh. I had a terrifying water experience once and now there is happyfeet’s law of water which I live by which states that the sum total of people what enter the ocean in the given year will never equal the sum total of people what egress the ocean in a given year. This is wisdom.

  27. Dave E. says:

    Rusty-I had something similar, maybe not quite so dramatic, happen to me the last time I went duck hunting. The past 15 years have been pretty quiet though.

  28. happyfeet says:

    oh. *a* given year. I need to cook something.

  29. happyfeet says:

    the night was so clear I could see the north star

    where do you live? I go days and days yearning for a cloud. Just a little one.

  30. Dan Collins says:

    I got pulled out to sea by a riptide in Mexico. I thought, “I’m going to die because I fucking smoke.” And after I couldn’t struggle any longer, I let the waves push me in, 4 miles from where I’d started.

  31. happyfeet says:

    What would have been cool is if a passing sea turtle gave you a ride on his shell.

  32. Dan Collins says:

    That would have been VERY cool. Fucking turtles.

  33. JohnAnnArbor says:

    I think dolphins do that rescuing thing.

  34. Dan Collins says:

    Oh, yeah, they like you to think so, JAA, but they’re a bunch of libs.

  35. B Moe says:

    now there is happyfeet’s law of water which I live by which states that the sum total of people what enter the ocean in the given year will never equal the sum total of people what egress the ocean in a given year. This is wisdom.

    Water kills far more people than handguns, ‘feets, yet they sell swimming pools to just anybody at discount stores. I blame dirty socialists.

  36. JohnAnnArbor says:

    So, dolphins watch MSNBC? Dang.

  37. Sticky B says:

    A couple of friends of mine, who are married, adopted six children one of whom is a little Chinese girl who is now about 14 or 15 years old. She’s about 5′ tall and ways about 85 lbs. She is a precious child in every way. I say that to say this: I’m not ever taking her ass to the ocean.

    I might consider taking her Caucasian sister to the ocean instead. She’s about 16 or so, but she’s got at least 140 lbs stacked on her 5′ frame. I’m guessing that she’s got superior floatability. She’s a precious child as well.

    I hope that doesn’t make me a bad person.

  38. Sticky B says:

    Fuck!!! way = weigh

    Jeff would be proud.

  39. Dan Collins says:

    Sticky:

    Of course it does! I’m not sure why, but it does!

  40. happyfeet says:

    water is cunning and treacherous

  41. JohnAnnArbor says:

    The obvious answer is mandatory lifejackets for anyone within 100 yards of open water.

  42. Ric Locke says:

    #37 B Moe: One hundred percent of the people who have died ingested dihydrogen monoxide at some time in their lives. The stuff oughta be banned.

    Regards,
    Ric

  43. happyfeet says:

    or at least highly regulated I think

  44. McGehee says:

    I had a big rig nearly jackknife right in front of me as I was doing 70 on I-75 near Atlanta. Some poor schmuck was having engine trouble way over toward the left lanes and had to try to make it to the right shoulder, which involved crossing the lane I and the truck were both in, way too close to the truck’s front bumper.

    My wife and I were nowhere as near death as the poor guy in the failing car, but I wonder if he ever knew how close he was. We did, because we would never have been able to stop before driving under something that was at about hood level.

    Anyway, the guy in the failing car got across that lane and became somebody else’s problem, the trucker recovered and we all continued on our merry way. For all we know, the guy having failed to get himself killed went on to succeed before he got the rest of the way over. I doubt it would have made the news, it being Atlanta.

  45. Melinda Dillon says:

    Uhm…you’re a dick?

  46. Big D says:

    Hi Melinda. Thanks for stopping by. You know what to do about the doorknob.

  47. andy says:

    Hmmm. I am familiar with gallows humor, but – uh – there’s nothing inherently humorous in the story or its details, other than some people think the guy might be a bit of a sad case for how he met this woman (and how this makes her death funny is beyond me).

    There’s nothing tragically ironic about it; she wasn’t sucked into a computer a la TRON, she was swept away by a wave and drowned.

    Ha ha, that’s a goddamn hoot.

    Maybe you’re not a dick, but you could certainly use a serious tune-up on your sense of humor. Given that I used to write some rather cynical posts on my old blog, I don’t say that very easily.

  48. Sdferr says:

    I had a girlfriend I was living with tell me she was going up to NYC to visit her brother for the weekend, when actually she was going to the Outer Banks with her other boyfriend she was two timing me with, which was a shame because he got swept out in a rip and drowned. I got a call from a local news reporter down there to ask me if I knew so and so (her), did she live with me and did I know the drowned guy (actually never met him)? Now that was funny.

  49. serr8d says:

    #44 Are you sure it wasn’t hydrogen hydroxide?

  50. daleyrocks says:

    Dan – 93 lbs? Nishi’s brain weighs more than that according to nishi, for fuck sake. I presume Mr. Napper got his money’s worth before he cruelly shoved his mail order trollop into the cold ocean, never to be seen again. If I were the police, I would keep an eye on that guy.

    Leafil? Like seriously?

  51. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Naw, serr8d. That’s dihydrogen dioxide.

  52. Ric Locke says:

    No, John, serr8d has it right. H-OH, hydrogen plus hydroxyl radical.

    Dangerous stuff. Dissolves an incredible range of other substances, is heavier than air so it displaces oxygen causing suffocation (as in this case), AND it’s a greenhouse gas over ten times as powerful as carbon dioxide. To think they sell the stuff in bottles! to children! for (all together now, we want a good chorus) PROFIT!

    Scandal, I tell you. Somebody needs to tell Joe Biden about this. We don’t have the good Senator Proxmire to protect us from such things any more <snif>

    Regards,
    Ric

  53. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Biden would go for that.

  54. Bob Reed says:

    Andy,
    With all due respect, I’m not sure you are really acquainted with Gallows, or Black, Humor or even tragicomedy…

    Is nuclear war funny..? Then I suppose that Dr. Strangelove was just soooooo wrong on soooo many levels.

    From an encyclopedia entry:
    Black comedy should be contrasted with obscenity, though the two are interrelated. In obscene humor, much of the humorous element comes from shock and revulsion; black comedy usually includes an element of irony, or even fatalism. This particular brand of humor can be exemplified by a scene in the play Waiting for Godot: a man takes off his belt to hang himself, and his trousers fall down.

    Writers such as Patrick Hamilton, Terry Southern, Joseph Heller, Niall Griffiths, William Gaddis, Thomas Pynchon, Kurt Vonnegut, Harlan Ellison, Eric Nicol, Phillip Roth, and Daniel Handler have written and published novels, stories and plays where profound or horrific events were portrayed in a comic manner.”

    And I have no idea where you pulled the TRON reference from, or for what reason…

    If you can’t see the pathos, and dark irony, in a guy bringing an internet bride all the way from THE PHILLIPINES, only to lose her in the same ocean she had just crossed…

    Let’s just say that it doesn’t look like it’s in the cards for this fellow to be married…

    Andy, you need to lighten up a little friend; live and let live-so to speak. We all know that this is a tragic event. But I don’t think that seeing humor in it is cynical. Also, the last I checked, you weren’t appointed the arbiter of the threashold of humor…

    I suggest that your sense of tolerance could certainly use a serious tune-up

    Best Wishes

  55. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Note to self: “hydr-” != “per-” chemically. Need sleep.

  56. Gray says:

    Scott Napper had taken 22-year-old Leafil Alforque to Proposal Rock near Neskowin Beach to pop the question at a place that got its name from couples ready to marry.

    Punchline: “Now yer forqued!”

    Hahahahaha!

    I’ve never worried that I’m a bad person. I know I am.

  57. I think dolphins do that rescuing thing.

    after they rape you. sure.

  58. andy says:

    And I have no idea where you pulled the TRON reference from, or for what reason…

    I threw the TRON thing in there as they met on the Internet (which, rumor has it, is comprised of computers).

    If you can’t see the pathos, and dark irony, in a guy bringing an internet bride all the way from THE PHILLIPINES, only to lose her in the same ocean she had just crossed…

    Sorry, I just think that’s a reach for the humor intended (and were that what Dan found amusing, I suspect he would have said as much).

    Let’s just say that it doesn’t look like it’s in the cards for this fellow to be married…

    Perhaps not, but I still don’t find humor in the story. *Shrug*

    Andy, you need to lighten up a little friend; live and let live-so to speak. We all know that this is a tragic event. But I don’t think that seeing humor in it is cynical.

    Ah, yes, the “if you don’t find it funny, you’re just uptight” argument. No, it could just be that it’s not funny.

    Also, the last I checked, you weren’t appointed the arbiter of the threashold of humor…

    Followed up by the “who put you in charge of humor?” argument. A twofer! Oddly, for those who say they find it funny, you won’t find a similar argument… how dare they suggest it funny since they are not the arbiters of our approved jollies? Please.

    I expressed an opinion, just as those with whom you agree did.

    I suggest that your sense of tolerance could certainly use a serious tune-up…

    I don’t recall suggesting Dan be banned, blackballed, or otherwise prevented from engaging in his so-called humor, so I’m afraid “tolerance” has nothing do with this. I respect his right to say whatever he likes on the matter; I just think it’s a dumb thing to say.

    Have a good night!

  59. parsnip says:

    Come on Andy,

    Remember when Rush Limbaugh made fun on Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s disease?

    More right wing comedy gold!

  60. Slartibartfast says:

    Some people are assholes, parsnip.

  61. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    WTF is this “traditional reindeer hunt” jazz? Reindeer are domestic animals, like cows. Let’s see how it plays with the substitution:

    Unlike a traditional cow hunt, modern ranchers buzz over the animals in helicopters, herd them with with pickup trucks, and truck them hundreds of miles, causing them mental and physical stress. In Texas, some cows face a gruelling journey of up to 1,000km to the slaughterhouse where they face anything but a humane end.

    It’s not clear whether the reporter or the “animal rights” whackaloon came up with the “reindeer hunt” nonsense, although Animal Rights Boi did say “We are calling on the company to withdraw sales of the meat, due to the cruel exploitation these wild animals suffer at the hands of hunters., so my money is on him. Loves “nature”, doesn’t know anything about it. Par for the course.

    Sticky B: I hope that doesn’t make me a bad person.

    I think that varies from state to state, actually, also with the physical size of, and number of weapons owned by, her male relatives.

  62. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Oh, and on the Rudolph thing:

    The other reindeer were real jerks in that show, and Santa was kind of a prick, too.

    If I’d been Rudolph, I would’ve taken them out into the heart of the storm, then cut my harness loose and left them to their fate.

    Then I would’ve gone home to bang Clarice and spend the rest of the holiday season shouting with glee.

  63. flicka47 says:

    Well it seems that the news article didn’t complete the story…

    You see the guy’s cat and parrot could not stand the lady.

    So while the star-crossed lovers were on their tryst with destiny,the cat dialed the police,and the parrot told them that she was smuggling drugs.The SWAT team executed a no-knock raid on the guy’s rent controlled apartment and shot his dog,Lucky,dead. The cat and the parrot are expected to make a complete recover after being rushed to the nearest veterinary hospital.

  64. daleyrocks says:

    “Remember when Rush Limbaugh made fun on Michael J. Fox’s Parkinson’s disease?”

    Nope, never happened. Another lefty distortion of actual events.

  65. Mr. Pink says:

    HAHAHHAHAHAH. I laughed too who cares.

  66. Mr. Pink says:

    Sdferr now that is hilarious. How was the your first conversation when she came home? I woulda loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one.

  67. Carin says:

    I think the whole story sounds fishy.

    heh

  68. Mr. Pink says:

    It probabaly smells pretty fishy right now too.

  69. Carin says:

    It’s early, Mr Pink. I’m allowed to mix things up at this time of day.

    Or any.

  70. Dan Collins says:

    Hey, I’ve got an idea . . . . Let’s sell the Americans reindeer meat!

    . . .

    . . .

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    Oh, God, Ole, you crack me up.

    . . .

    You know, it’s crazy enough that IT MIGHT WORK!!!

  71. N. O'Brain says:

    “Comment by Ric Locke on 12/4 @ 10:09 pm #

    #37 B Moe: One hundred percent of the people who have died ingested dihydrogen monoxide at some time in their lives. The stuff oughta be banned.

    Regards,
    Ric”

    http://www.dhmo.org/

  72. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Reindeer meat is excellent, by the way. Really, really good stuff.

  73. Rob Crawford says:

    Never mind all that: be on the lookout for Zombie Manilow!

  74. Rusty says:

    #31
    hf I live in a suburb of Chicago. About 40 miles away on the Fox River.There is a lot of light pollution.

    Not one damn duck that day. Pisses me off. All that freezing for nothing.

  75. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Reindeer sausage, along with lots of other yummy stuff.

  76. Mr. Pink says:

    This was Bush’s fault. You know since he is responsible for the seas rising. Good thing O! got elected now this can never happen again.

  77. donald says:

    Ted Kacinski grew and ate parsnips.

  78. MAJ (P) John says:

    Rusty – I am in Kane County. I have felt your duck hunting pain too.

  79. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Hitler was semi-vegetarian.

  80. MarkD says:

    I didn’t think it was very funny, but I can see where Dan would find it humorous.

    I remember watching guys toss pesos into the shit river outside Olongapo, and the little kids would dive in after them. I think a peso was worth about fifteen cents at the time. Those people were truly destitute. The entire country wasn’t like that even then, and that was a long time ago. I know nothing of Ms Alforque, but I admire her grit.

    I won’t comment on her judgement.

  81. donald says:

    Been there MarkD, but I couldn’t throw the pesos in. I just couldn’t. I could however play softball all day and bang multiple hookers all night. I was a troubled soul.

  82. slackjawedyokel says:

    I am still weeping for the poor baby reindeer that never got the chance to see snow.

    You heartless bastards.

  83. JD says:

    That poor baby reindeer is going to be seared into my memory. Seared, I tell you. Oops. I meant seared on my grill.

  84. Slartibartfast says:

    Mmmm…reindeer.

  85. Mikey NTH says:

    I liked the part about the ‘mental and physical stress’ the round-ups caused.

    Mental and Physical stress? Honey, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

  86. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    I am still weeping for the poor baby reindeer that never got the chance to see snow.

    I thought “What the fuck? Never had the chance to experience the season where, in the wild, a substantial portion of the herd would starve to death?”

  87. salvage says:

    >What is the matter with me, that this makes me laugh?

    My theory is that you’re a stupid asshole.

  88. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    My theory is that “salvage” needs to be Trollhammered.

  89. JD says:

    My theory is that you’re a stupid asshole.

    My theory is that you’re staring into a mirror.

  90. Mr. Pink says:

    My theory is salvage has never been laid.

  91. JD says:

    My theory is that salvage has posted here before, under many different names. But, I could be wrong. I doubt it.

    And, Kyoto.

    And, STFU, nishit.

  92. McGehee says:

    I get it now. This is Dan’s way of drawing in more nails to be ‘Hammered.

    Thanks, Dan!

    (I’m not ‘Hammering Andy, though; he’s kinda sorta a friend of a friend in an internetty kind of way.)

  93. Sticky B says:

    #63 SB&D

    I’m not saying that I’ve never had a lustful thought about teenage girls……I have *wink*…… but not these two. They’re the daughters of friends and the friends of my daughter. So that kinda takes the edge off. I’m old-fashioned that way.

    But the Chineese one is going to be a seriously attractive woman about the time she hits thirty. If she stays away from the ocean that is.

  94. Obstreperous Infidel says:

    My theory is that slavage fears death more than anything in this world. Guess what salvage, it’s coming for you. Nothing you can do about it.

    To me, the only way Dan would be an asshole is if he said this to Mr. Napper or the young lady’s family. As that would hurt them. I think the offended in here are moral busy bodies. BTW, personally, I didn’t laugh, nor do I find it funny. But, I’m not Dan.

  95. Charybdis E. Scylla says:

    I’m still denouncing myself for laughing at a news story from a couple of years back.

    Some poor schmuck was painting his house and his ladder got tangled up in some power lines. Not funny. His wife found him dead on the ground when she got home. Still not funny. The small, family dog was also dead. Seems the guy landed on it when he fell off the ladder. Funny as hell.

    So I won’t throw any stones at Dan, even though this particular story didn’t “tickle” me.

  96. Roland THTG says:

    Not sure what this is all about….

    МОСКВА, 5 дек – РИА Новости. Романтическая церемония предложения руки и сердца на знаменитой “Скале Предложений” под американским городом Висковин (штат Орегон) обернулась для влюбленной пары трагедией – волна унесла девушку в море, сообщило в пятницу агентство Ассошиэйтед Пресс со ссылкой на местные СМИ.

    Скотт Нэппер (Scott Napper), пригласив на свидание 22-летнюю Лифил Альфорк (Leafil Alforque), отвез ее на знаменитую скалу – одно из популярнейших мест среди влюбленных Висковина – чтобы предложить ей руку и сердце.Дэн Collins (Dan Collins)смеялось над.

  97. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Sound out the Cyrillic. Романтическая starts off something like “Romanti-.”

    Then, try Babelfish:

    Moscow, Dec 5 – RIA of the news. The romantic ceremony of the proposal of hand and heart on the famous “cliff of proposals” under the American city Of [viskovin] (state of Oregon) was wrapped up for the enamored pair by tragedy – wave took away girl to sea, reported on Friday the Associated Press with the reference to the local media outlets.

    Scott [Nepper] (Scott Of napper), after inviting to the meeting 22-year [Lifil] Of [alfork] (Leafil Of alforque), transported it to the famous cliff – one of the most popular places among the enamored ones Of [viskovina] – in order to propose to it hand and [serdtse].[Den] Of collins (Dan Of collins) it laughed above.

    Hey, Roland added that last part! You know Russian! A spy amongst us!

  98. cranky-d says:

    My only problem with reindeer meat is that it’s expensive. Otherwise, chow down, people!

  99. thor says:


    Comment by Spies, Brigands, and Pirates on 12/5 @ 6:38 am #

    Hitler was semi-vegetarian.

    Something tells me you know firsthand.

  100. baldilocks says:

    “Obama let his Nigerian half brother live in squalor while he inhabited an enormous house in a nice neighborhood. Is that sociopathic?”

    Obama has a Nigerian half-brother?

  101. Dan Collins says:

    Oops, sorry. Kenyan, of course. Prolly Luo, for all I know!

  102. JEN says:

    Hey LEE ON COMMENTS # 2-SHUT UP THE BITCH YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT IS PROBABLY SMARTER THAN YOU!!! FYI IF YOU HAVE NO BETTER THINGS TO SAY-KEEP IT CLOSE

  103. SpaceCat says:

    Man, you wingnuts are a sad and sorry bunch. I take this post as yet another testament to your sexual frustration, Dan. Truly sad.

  104. […] disclosure: I’m a sociopath. Posted by Dan Collins @ 6:51 am | Trackback SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: “Apocalypse Now, We Hope […]

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