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Breaking: Is Michelle Obama really a space creature with the body temperature of a lizard?

No word yet from API, but having pored over a few YouTube videos myself, I have established that there tends to be a great deal of pixelation and motion blur in the videos in which she appears — and that her strange, possibly alien chemical makeup affects even those around her, leaving them appearing likewise halting, pixelated, and out of focus, their voices often low and muffled (particularly in instances where Michelle is standing at or near a microphone of some sort).

Granted, there could be a plausible scientific explanation for this that I’m overlooking, but as it stands now, I’m quite comfortable floating the lizard-like-space-creature-with-the-electrical-properties-of-a-bad walky-talky theory.

Developing…

****
update: No, I haven’t been drinking. Though I’m sure that’s what my critics would want you to think.

A vicious pack, they are.

76 Replies to “Breaking: Is Michelle Obama really a space creature with the body temperature of a lizard?”

  1. Too much hair product will do that to a woman.

  2. thror says:

    Dude. No Pineal extract before 6 pm, ok?

  3. Dash Rendar says:

    Arghh, the reptilians are working with the Rosicrucians, DAMN IT ALL TO HELL. I’ll now go burn down my yurt in protest.

  4. Rich Cox says:

    Well, there you go. Abusing youtube and that is what you can expect. Banishment. You were not to see those videos. They were for inner party members and a few select special workers who have proven their worth for such privilege.

    It was right to have your account deleted.

  5. TaiChiWawa says:

    She turned me into a newt!

  6. TaiChiWawa says:

    . . . I got better.

  7. happyfeet says:

    stupid socialist lizard woman

  8. the teeth give her away, really.

  9. thror says:

    Make that 9 pm. Frickin’ time zones.

  10. Jeff G. says:

    She can smell your fear.

    And flies.

  11. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – They are particularly found of Arugula.

  12. Mr. Pink says:

    Well I might not know Michelle Obama but I just downloaded a Framing Hanley remix of Lollipop that is pretty good.

  13. fred says:

    That’s how Sasquatch is always shown in video, also.

    Co-inky-dink?

  14. Steve Austin kicked the shit out of Sasquatch. He’s the six million dollar racist.

  15. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – I would not be surprised in the least that, should some unfortunate specimen of Musca domestica alight on the clip-on microphone tip on her left lapel, she might stop in mid sentence, and a finely reticulated, slithering 15 inch length of whip-like mouth flesh would dart outward from between her petulant lips with blinding speed, little more than a pink blur, to instantly dispatch the hapless insecti, flipping it to the back of her maw for a tasty morsal, thenceforth picking up her well honed narrative with hardly a decernible pause, smiling ear to ear in that evil gash-grin you will only see in Discovery channel specials, examples of older Godzilla movie closeups, or film cameos by famous TV detectives in a Cheech and Chong production.

  16. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    O/T, but McCain was hilarious at the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Dinner tonight:

    Part one.

    Part two.

    Barky and Hillary were both present for this, btw. Hillary seemed to be enjoying herself immensely.

    Barky, not so much. That smile was pretty clearly painted on. You’d almost think he’d gotten a surprise roto-rooter job on his ass or something.

  17. Bob Reed says:

    Now Jeff,
    Does this really help Michelle’s children…? Even though it is true…?

    I hope your ready for the whole fightin’nutroot assault, Bra…You’ve laid down a few markers today, don-cha-know…

    O! himself will be issuing orders, from the O!-stag, saying to the brownshirts “Isn’t Goldstein a Joooooooo name…? Have Farrahkan send some of his boys, er-ahem-I mean men, over to take care of that upstart at pw…And be careful, I hear he knows Jooooooo-do, or something like that…”

  18. psycho... says:

    Y’know, Jeff, maybe if you’d spend all day yammering about not having read Andre Previn’s memoir, you’d be somebody.

    (Does a lizard have a body temperature?)

  19. happyfeet says:

    Andre Previn was in that Beloved song I think.

  20. happyfeet says:

    That doesn’t sound right.

  21. happyfeet says:

    oh. yeah. It’s in my head now. Ok well that’s that then.

  22. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – Lizards have albums?

  23. Sean M. says:

    Well, I, for one, welcome our new space lizard overlords.

  24. Andre Previn was in that Beloved song I think.

    wha?

    also, he’s married to this last I’d heard.

  25. Ana says:

    #17 That was pretty good. Up until he wished him well. Because, let’s face it, The One is all for redistribution.

  26. happyfeet says:

    Turtles are lizards just what have shells, BBH. Of course they have albums.

  27. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – The irony is, that in many cases, McCarson was able to get some of the worst of WonderBoy’s idiotic ideas across in a remarkably clear manner, where he was unable too for the rest of this entire campaign.

    – Maybe he should have demanded that the debates be held at the Lower Manhattan plastic palm-tree lounge in the piano bar.

  28. happyfeet says:

    oh. This one maggie. It was an MTV thing more than a music thing, depending on where you lived I guess.

  29. happyfeet says:

    wow. She’s so pretty should could be on Days of our Lives or something, maggie.

  30. happyfeet says:

    I think I meant she could.

  31. happyfeet says:

    Yes! Them peoples didn’t have no clothes on. It was very avant garde.

  32. happyfeet says:

    oh. no. That was their other video with the nekkid peoples. They had two. That was a big deal back then.

  33. Them peoples didn’t have no clothes on

    so, I shouldn’t have just let it play in the background? oh well. didn’t want to risk seeing more lizard people.

  34. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – ….tap, tap, tap…..is this thing on?

    – Wow, what a tough crowd….Hey, I just flew in from Des Moines….boy are My talking points tired!

    *rim shot*

    – No, no, thats ok, hold you applause folks….I’ll be here for 6 more shows through Saturday.

  35. happyfeet says:

    Here is the one where they are nekkid. It’s was for their art is why.

  36. happyfeet says:

    I’m just on crack tonight.

  37. happyfeet says:

    This whole day was social injustice I think.

  38. I’m just on crack tonight.

    it’s okay. I checked the calendar…. FULL MOON!

    that or the sewer gas has eated my brains.

  39. happyfeet says:

    oh. Maybe that’s why the snoozle pills I took two hours ago seem to have been duds.

  40. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – Yeh – So theres my friend Obama – what a whack job….Heh, he;s such a goof…., no really…

    – He has t6his idea of spreading the wealth….*snicker*….spreading the wealth, that’s where you find some sucker in your neighborhood who has a job and move in with him..Hey!

    *rim shot*

    – Hey, you look like a nice couple, where you from?

    – Oh hey, Alaska, how about that….Alaska, home of the “See Russian” porch tours!

    – No no, keep the applause down you two – you’ll wake up the rest of the audience…but seriously folks….

  41. Jonathan says:

    Here’s a tech tip that may help you out with your lo-fi YouTube problem and help you sleep better. After you select/click on the video clip you want to watch, hit the pause button right away. Look just below the right-hand corner to see if there is a choice to “watch in high quality”. If there is, click on it. Then click on “watch in normal quality” to see the difference.

    If you don’t see “watch in high quality” below the video window,then go up to the address bar in your browser and add the 7-character string &fmt=18 to the end of the video’s URL. Then hit enter or click on the goto button, and your video will now play in high quality. PWFTW! No more space-lizards!!

  42. your video will now play in high quality

    riiiiiight. you mean, the video will be playing in “enhanced CGI hiding her tentacles” mode. WE WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN!!!!

  43. Jeff G. says:

    Jonathan smells of gila monster.

  44. Jonathan smells of gila monster.

    huh, I must have missed that. then again, I don’t usually smell things. is there some kind of disability payment I can get for that? cause not finding out the milk is bad until I take a swig of it is kinda traumatic.

  45. happyfeet says:

    gila monsters is lizards

  46. gila monsters is lizards

    yeah, and probably larger than what my cats can take out. *shivers*

  47. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Lizards with tubercules rather than scales.

    Weird critters.

  48. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – Hell feets, the entire Dinosaur family was lizards, some of them even flew around. Doesn’t mean I want to find any of them perched on one of My garbage cans in the alley, trying to score some left over veal parmesan.

  49. TmjUtah says:

    I think Mrs. O! is probably still recovering from the botox shot they used to reduce the rage crease between her eyes.

    “Geeze, Lou. Are you sure you know what you are doing?”

    “Shut up. They said ‘no crease’; there won’t be no crease.”

    “Lou, you go down to Ringling Brothers, hit their biggest elephant with that syringe, they would have four tons of ‘no crease’. Holy crap. We already got the check, right?”

    The same guys who did Biden for his debate with Palin. It’s kind of obvious.

    BBH, if you find some dinosaurs, just so happens I spent part of the evening loading up some .30 cal solids that I intended to test on an engine block. I think I could sell the wife on a triceratops mount in the living room. Well, maybe in the garage. Hell, on the outside of the garage.

  50. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Get a big enough dinosaur and you can build a new garage, using the bones for framing members.

  51. mojo says:

    Keep an eye on the waiter. I think he’s with “them”, if you know what I mean.

    Yes, nine-foot ants. Why? What did you think I meant?

  52. Sdferr says:

    If you ever get the chance, SBP, go to the Wharton Esherick Home/Museum in Paoli, Pa. He used a Mammoth tusk a friend brought back from a trip to Alaska as a handrail in his magnificent spiral staircase.
    http://www.levins.com/esh3.html
    Click on the Spiral staircase on the left sidebar. (warning, crappy photo)

  53. SarahW says:

    I read the Brady Bunch was so beloved by Michelle Obama that she can tell you which episode it is just by viewing the opening shots. For real.

    I had bitter momentsof hair inadequacy on account of Jan and Marcia, so I would not be surprised if my theory of Michelles hair-anger wouldn’t be borne out under hypnosis.

  54. SarahW says:

    Mammoth tusk as handrail….cool.

  55. Sdferr says:

    Better photo. Tusk is top right. WebSpot I snagged it from, worth a read.

  56. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Cool.

    Marcel Duchamp could’ve done a lot with that, I think.

  57. Adriane says:

    “Leapin’ Lizards, Sandy!”

    “Arf!”

  58. Big Bang Hunter (pumping you up) says:

    – Actually a brace of Raptors might not be a bad idea. Take care of any illegals trying to sleep behind the garage.

  59. […] Breaking: Is Michelle Obama rattling a expanse someone with the body … […]

  60. Dan Collins says:

    Oh, shit. Now you’ve pissed off the space creatures.

  61. Lisa says:

    No, I haven’t been drinking. Though I’m sure that’s what my critics would want you to think.

    I don’t know, Perf. These are tough economic times. Your predilictions are becoming cost-prohibitive. You should cut back.

  62. […] Creatures today expressed shock and dismay at a high-profile blogger’s suggestion that Michelle Obama might be one of them.  Spokescreature Koro-ap-Gur of Aleata 3B stated: This is racism at its worse.  We are in no way […]

  63. alppuccino says:

    Good one Lisa.

    Of course, now all of England thinks you can by crack at any American grocery store.

    Hey Brits, you can get toothpaste at the market as well.

  64. Lisa says:

    Hey Brits, you can get toothpaste at the market as well.

    LOL. Hey don’t trash my favorite brown-toothed socialists.

  65. alppuccino says:

    Sorry Mum,

    Black yer boots fer ya?

  66. SevenEleventy says:

    Clean up aisle…

    I smoke rock, bitches!

  67. N. O'Brain says:

    “LOL. Hey don’t trash my favorite brown-toothed socialists.”

    Socialist medicine: a 10 month wait for the maternity ward.

  68. N. O'Brain says:

    “Now I suppose the United States can survive as a federalized unitary socialist state built on class warfare lines, with the very wealthy who don’t pay much in the way of taxes, those on the dole, and the unionized public service employees, teachers, and lawyers entirely dominating the political systems. It won’t be the same country I grew up in, but then we don’t now live in the country I grew up in. Alas, I suspect that’s what’s at stake here.”
    -Jerry Pournelle

    Via http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/

  69. SarahW says:

    “It won’t be the same country I grew up in, but then we don’t now live in the country I grew up in.”

    Ain’t it the truth.

  70. mojo says:

    One with the Snowdens of yesteryear.

  71. mojo says:

    PS: What, nothing since last night?

    DANCE, MONKEY!

  72. mojo says:

    (Don’t try this at home, kids. I’m a professional asshole…)

  73. Dash Rendar says:

    Help..mojo..

  74. mojo says:

    “What Were Once Predilections Are Now Preferences”
    – The Oobie-Doobie Brothers

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