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Our Reality-Based Counterparts: Cheney Ordered Assault on Basra [Dan Collins]

I cannot invent this variety of assertion:

What could have possessed Prime Minister Maliki to rush headlong into a battle he was thoroughly unprepared for? The Bush Administration has responded with certainty about only one thing: they were not involved in the planning. But former CIA analyst Ray McGovern says that Maliki “can’t scratch his nose without asking Petraeus to make sure there aren’t extra body guards around,” much less plan an offensive without him. Moreover, McGovern suspects that that the initiation of the Basra offensive came not from Maliki, but from Vice President Cheney.

Please cease to monopolize that marijuana cigarette, my friend.

It’s been unequivocally disastrous, of course; so at least there’s that.

35 Replies to “Our Reality-Based Counterparts: Cheney Ordered Assault on Basra [Dan Collins]”

  1. XBradTC says:

    So some guy who isn’t in the CIA asserts with absolutely no evidence that Maliki couldn’t have done this on his own, I’m supposed to believe him. OK, I’m sold. Where’s my unicorn?

  2. McGehee says:

    Nobody move! Sauron lost his contact lens!

  3. dicentra says:

    I have always felt that this Electronic Panopticon On The World is a net benefit, but given its ability to give Every Nutjob With A Computer a platform on which to reify fantasy scenarios, I’m beginning to have doubts.

    In Orson Scott Card’s Ender series, one character could move heaven and earth simply by posting a persuasive essay on the Internet. Funny how things turned out in real life, eh?

  4. Swen Swenson says:

    I want to know who had the cajones to get close enough to take that “eye of Cheney” photo.

  5. MayBee says:

    Has anybody contacted former CIA Analyst Larry Johnson to confirm?

  6. guinsPen says:

    What took him so long?

  7. TmjUtah says:

    I’m an under employed land surveyor in Utah, who happens to have been a sergeant at one time.

    In my opinion, Prime Minister Maliki got tired of reading reports and position papers. He decided that if he’s going to be on his own come November, now was the time to (a) find out how his Army was really doing, sans PowerPoint slides, (b) let Sadr know that he was done, and (c) let the coalition know that he’s ready to go to the mat even if they aren’t.

    Primary before all of that is the point he made to the Iraqis as a people: there will be no warlords in a democratic Iraq.

    Good job, Mr. Prime Minister. You’ve got more balls* in one trouser leg than the entire Democrat caucus in the U.S. congress, both houses, including Ms. Pelosi, and both prospective Dem nominees for president.

    *Then again, so does my Maine Coon tomcat. And he’s fixed. But I mean the compliment, sir, I really do. Good job!

  8. thor says:

    Dan, the picture, what is it? It scares me to look at it, but, yet, at the same time I want to touch it with my tongue.

  9. Kirk says:

    That is one of those rare quotes that is too stupid to really respond to, but so gloriously stupid that I have to comment. There, I did it.

  10. Dan Collins says:

    You’ll notice, thor, that it’s not asking for Vagicil.

  11. Dan Collins says:

    You just won’t be happy till you put out an eye, will you?

  12. happyfeet says:

    It looks like an O, really. Carry on, Thor.

  13. thor says:

    It looks warm, even hot. Stand back, I heard it make a funny sound. What the hell is it? Keep your fingers away! The damn thing could loaded with 18-years of child support payments. I’ve heard these things can snap your wallet down to the knuckle. I’ve thought hard about it long enough. Fragrance be damned, I’m going in!

  14. daleyrocks says:

    Ray McGovern is that super important guy at VIPs and a butt buddy of Scary Larry’s, so he should know things. He did write to Bush just before the Iraq invasion warning that Saddam would use his chemical weapons against our troops, but has now been denying ever Saddam had WMD’s. Typical wacko lefty.

  15. daleyrocks says:

    Saddam ever

  16. MarkH says:

    I figured they had some fever swamp conspiracy theory talking point in their itemized lists when they sent Kennedy forth to breach the subject to General P., of where and what Cheney was up to during his recent visit to Iraq during the recent testimony.

    He and Crocker shot that down toot sweet, but this stuff never dies once they get the idea in their heads — Bush lied, dontcha know…

  17. Seixon says:

    Ah yes, Ray McGovern. Great guy, that one. A UPI reporter once told me that McGovern always tried to feed them stories and claims, but they never took the bait. Cheney must have done something to McGovern, he seems to have a pathological hate for the man.

  18. guinsPen says:

    @ #18

    Because of the Bogart !!!

  19. guinsPen says:

    Please cease to saddamize that spliff…

    no, wait.

  20. MarkJ says:

    My fantasy is to see Cheney get on national TV and say, “My fellow Americans, Ray McGovern is right: I ordered the attack on Basra. Having said this, Ray is a bright and articulate guy…so it’s a darn shame I’ll have to waste him.”

  21. Obstreperous Infidel says:

    I’m paraphrasing Theoden here, but what can men do against suck reckless stupidity?

  22. not Bill Bellichek says:

    I have video clearly showing it was really Dick Cheney playing quarterback for the Giants in the Super Bowl.

  23. Spiny Norman says:

    Cheney did what? Ohferchrissakes, what kind of tin-foil hat nonsense is that?

    Oh, somebody was Huffin’ paint…

  24. Spiny Norman says:

    The Ray McGovern twerp, that is…

  25. J. Peden says:

    Dan, the picture, what is it? It scares me to look at it, but, yet, at the same time I want to touch it with my tongue…Fragrance be damned, I’m going in!

    That’s McGovern’s talking-to-you vagina, you little prick – say you can’t recognize either, wot?

  26. Major John says:

    Yeah, our VP ordered it. Of course, this dude is an ex-CIA guy, and I am just some dumb field-grade actually on the #$%&ing ground at Basrah – so what would I know? Hard to imagine, Ray, but Iraq actually does things on its own initiative. I mean, seeing as they live here, and have to deal with the consequences and all…

    How come people never got this #$%& psychotic-paranoid about Gore or Quayle or Bush Sr., or Mondale?

  27. TmjUtah says:

    The investment is immense, sir.

    The VRWC is simultaneously buffoonish and diabolically cunning. In the same space, George W. Bush must be a shambling dry drunk who none the less found the chops to plan, organize, and execute the sham 9/11 attack.

    algore should be wrapping up his second term in office right now. Never mind that the collective double take of the nation on 9/11 happened about thirty seconds into Bush’s second statement of the morning and manifested as something like: “Holy Fucking Hell. We could’ve been watching AL GORE right now…”.

    Some Americans dropped to their knees in thanks that that was not the case. I know I did.

    I don’t know, Major John. Democrats hate a war leader that pulls the trigger in U.S. interests, I guess. Find some shithole where EVERYBODY hates us, and by golly we’ll find an excuse to shit a quarter of our conventional cruise missile arsenal on goat herds and empty tents in a heart beat. And the U.N. won’t hear about it until CNN decides to let them know. If it’s a Dem pulling the trigger… chances are somebody got blown before it became in the national interests to blow somebody else away.

    Preferably on the far side of the planet. And with neato target suveillance or better yet, live feed from the designator.

    Oh, and God bless you, Major John. Glad to see you, glad you found a connection.

  28. mojo says:

    Convey it immediately to me…

  29. alppuccino says:

    I’ve thought hard about it long enough. Fragrance be damned, I’m going in!

    For what you have in mind, thor, red means “STOP”

  30. Mikey NTH says:

    Major John – there is probably a very, very good reason that he is ex-CIA. If you know what I mean.

  31. BJTexs TW/BP says:

    How did Cheney state that order?

    “Alright, Maliki, get your thieving Shia fingers out of the oil revenue, move your sad sack bunch of losers to Basrah and KICK SOME MAHDI MILITA ASS!!!”

    Next up in the Mcgovern/Johnson news cycle: Blackwater was tasked to protect the Iraqi brigade and fired indiscriminantly into crowds of peace loving Sadrists while the Iraqi soldiers all deserted.

    Film at !!11!!ELEVENTY!!11!!

    I blame Halliburton … and Jimmah … but not Ahmahdinnajacket.

  32. B Moe says:

    Major John – there is probably a very, very good reason that he is ex-CIA.

    He couldn’t figure out how those endless-loop hand towel thingies worked, mostly. And he was always forgetting to refill the soap dispensers.

  33. Slartibartfast says:

    Ray McGovern…isn’t he the guy who said “these guys aren’t stupid” when referring to the press?

    I think Mr. McGovern might have been razor-sharp once, but in the last couple of decades he’s been reduced to only as sharp as a marble.

  34. mojo says:

    And it was seriously cool. You shoulda seen him, our own VWRC Vader, standing on the ramp as the Apaches launch, cackling and laughing insanely as he screams “FLY, MY PRETTIES! FLY!”…

  35. Techie says:

    Mojo, you win comment of the day.

Comments are closed.