With rumors regarding the gimp he keeps chained in his basement swirling around the internet, and beginning to creep into the MSM, courageous presidential candidate Dave Burge brings some desperately needed straight talk to the situation. With more and more Americans keeping madwomen in attics, skeletons in closets, missing persons in outbuildings, hearts under floorboards, rivals immured in catacombs, and hoboes preserved under lime in crawlspaces, it’s time we as a society had this discussion out in the open.
I believe in my heart that David Dahmer Burge is the once-in-a-lifetime candidate who can bring America into a post-Dutch future.
I wish I had a basement.
You forgot girlfriends adhered to toilet seats. It’s the latest rage.
Thanx to Iowahawk for revealing the truth about Dutch bashing. Those of us who grew up in the Dutch community in Southwestern Michigan suffered for years from slander and cruel jokes. We do NOT have big feet, and we do NOT row to Hawaii to save on airfare, and there was NO terrible accident when someone threw a quarter on the freeway.
Damn. With Burge-Goldstein ’08, I thought I’d found a ticket I could believe in. I was even willing to look past the veep’s religious “handicap,” if you know what I mean (wink wink). But knowing that Burge associates with those filthy tulip-sniffing, dike-plugging bastards, well, I can’t in good conscience vote for him. I mean, even in today’s economic climate, he’ll probably ask us to pick up half the tab for his state dinners.
SECOND LOOK AT RON PAUL!!!
(No, not really.)
Damn right you don’t, not without paying us Scots for the right to use our idea.
Or in 350-plus comment threads, as the case may be…
[…] candidate Burge’s tender care towards his gimp with […]
Why don’t I get this? What am I missing?
You haven’t been following the Burge/Goldstein presidential campaign?
The parody, I think.
McGehee: I’m only half Dutch, but a quarter Scottish. To be fair, I’ll pay myself a 25% royalty.