Not wishing to be lumped in with the petit bourgeois keepers of the ruling progressive status quo, I burst into a Starbucks in Santa Barbara this weekend and demanded a “coffee, black, with cream and 2 packets of Equal.
“Oh. And some sort of donut, too.”
– And man, did I ever feel friggin’ invigorated when the Santa Barbara pigs hauled me off in their Range Rover after securing my wrists with one of those photodegradable plastic twist ties.
I haven’t felt a rush like that since I threw eggs at a neighbors house, Halloween, 1986. Which, let’s face it: that’s what you get when you let your son dress as Boy George.
FIGHT THE POWER, PEOPLE! THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED! ON FOX, MOST LIKELY! AND IN HD, NO LESS!
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 5:51 pm #
Triple vente non-fat no-foam latte guy here myself. It’s the holidays coming up and what they will have are those mint brownies that have this amazing texture. And also in Santa Barbara I think you get Starbucks in jail so that was just silly.
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 6:01 pm #
And people made fun of me for a white chocolate mocha. Amazing.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 6:11 pm #
Just saying White Chocolate Mocha uses all the same muscles involved in fellatio. Add a little eye contact while you say it and there’s a good chance you’ve got a date.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 6:18 pm #
And also when you add “triple” in front of any coffee drink it becomes really, really butch. Except for gingerbread lattes anyway. (And white chocolate mochas.)
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 6:18 pm #
I am speechless, from laughter.
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 6:45 pm #
They added White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha to the menu this week.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 6:46 pm #
I’m serious about the mint brownies though. I only got them once last year and after that they were out every time I went. Usually their pastry stuff is not very good but these are worth stopping there for.
Comment by mojo on 11/14 @ 7:39 pm #
Hey, siddown and stop waving the tequila around, man. Jesus…
That shit’s expensive, ya know.
Comment by McGehee on 11/14 @ 7:40 pm #
I buy black coffee. In a plain styrofoam cup. At QuikTrip.
‘Cause I’m not a pansy.
Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 11/14 @ 8:10 pm #
My dad walked up to the counter at one of those coffee places and said “I want a cup of coffee.”
The guy almost launched into the whole routine of the varieties, then saw Dad’s look, and smartly decided to get him a cup of black coffee quickly without any BS.
Comment by Bill Ramey on 11/14 @ 8:32 pm #
I order the Tazo iced green tea w/o sugar. Then I add Splenda. Sometimes I get a house decaf and a pumpkin scone. I’m just that unpredictable.
Comment by CraigC on 11/14 @ 8:59 pm #
I’ve noticed that the “baristas” don’t bother trying to repeat the phony Starbucks language back to you anymore. It used to be that when I’d say “Large coffee, please,” they’d say “A Venti coffee?” Then I’d say, “Sorry, I don’t do the fake marketing language.” Then they’d shoot me a dirty look and piss in the coffee when I wasn’t looking. I kinda miss that.
Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 11/14 @ 9:18 pm #
I get pissed when a place has three sizes: medium, large, and extra-large. Um, huh? I sure as hell am not ordering something venti.
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 9:20 pm #
That has always been a pet peeve of mine. Can something actually be “medium” if there is not both a smaller and larger choice available? Otherwise, it is just Small, with a different name.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 9:30 pm #
venti
learning is growing
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 9:33 pm #
Carlita is my barista, a sassy Brazilian lass, with one fine …
Today, she made me a mocha before I even got to the counter to order.
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 9:35 pm #
When I realized what she had done, I told her that was a very
faggottyGleenwaldian thing for a manly man to drink, and that I would prefer coffee, plain. She pouted. I drank mocha.Comment by Pablo on 11/14 @ 9:38 pm #
Can I just get a cup of fucking coffee around here? And maybe a mango-pomegranate scone and some apricot jelly.
Comment by Pablo on 11/14 @ 9:40 pm #
Steamer?
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 9:42 pm #
What happened to Enrique?
Comment by runninrebel on 11/14 @ 9:42 pm #
I kinda like the Pumpkin Spice latte. But I do have a gay uncle and a lesbo grandma, so…
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 9:44 pm #
Here in California you can get gay pumpkin icecream. It’s a seasonal thing and amazing really. I’m glad you reminded me.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 9:49 pm #
It was a Trader Joe’s thing so I hope they have it again. Googling gay pumpkin ice cream is not getting it.
Comment by runninrebel on 11/14 @ 9:52 pm #
I make a pretty mean pumpkin cheesecake, then I bone my chick like Elvis.
Comment by runninrebel on 11/14 @ 9:53 pm #
so I’m in the clear
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 10:01 pm #
Carlita is actually the Manager. She is involved with customer relations. Or something. Her presence makes people linger, but I am not sure it makes them drink more coffee.
Comment by psychologizer on 11/14 @ 10:09 pm #
Enjoying a “pumpkin spice latte” (what do those words even mean?) is like being on the receiving end of an anal double-fisting.
It may well be the most wonderful thing you ever experience, but your life has gone horribly, hopelessly wrong if you ever get a chance to find out.
Comment by runninrebel on 11/14 @ 10:13 pm #
Psychologizer,
I sense the pain in your words.
Comment by runninrebel on 11/14 @ 10:18 pm #
BTW, Jeff. I hope you gave a shout out to the curator at the Reagan Ranch. She’s spent a lot of energy reproducing the artifacts to display in the ranch house.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/14 @ 10:35 pm #
It’s essential that Starbucks offers drinks that allow people to express themselves so they can stay a step ahead of the whole Borgishness of their enterprise. I know that’s a duh, but still, they employ a lot of people and have created something kind of like a church from whole cloth. They sell reaffirmation. I think they’re the future.
Comment by Rob B on 11/14 @ 10:44 pm #
Congrats on your neo-con..dom… wow. “neo-condom”… nice.
Anyway, you’ll find that the jackboots really help with the MMA because of the ankle support. And just between you and me, Starbucks has fucking awesome lemon bars. Those comunist bastards, you hate em but they know thier way around cooked citrus.
Comment by The Lost Dog on 11/14 @ 11:15 pm #
“Ugly, ugly, ugly”!
That’s all I can say about the rest of the day when I actually manage to get a whole “Vente/Venti” down my throat.
You do NOT want to talk to me on a Searbuck’s day. In fact,I would go so far as to say you don’t even want to be in the same county.
And the last time I had one of their jelly donuts, I lost my feet to Diabetes.
But at least the guy in the next hospital room wanted to buy my shoes…
UGH!
Comment by maggie katzen on 11/14 @ 11:22 pm #
I think it’s just Peppermint Mocha. cause I don’t go near the white “chocolate” I’d never been a fan of Starbucks but then my cousin gave me a gift certificate for singing at his wedding and I choked down a few cups of their “coffee” when I had no money…. then they brought out the Peppermint Mocha for the Holidays. I’m so happy it’s back now.
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 11:23 pm #
A venti Starbucks coffee is better than a laxative. Not that I would ever need a laxative. I am just guessing that they are really similar.
Comment by Steve Martin on 11/14 @ 11:24 pm #
This joke was funnier when I wrote in back in 1992 for LA Story.
Comment by JD on 11/14 @ 11:25 pm #
Maggie – I think the Starbucks Peppermint Mocha is just a fancy la-ti-da version of hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps, just without the schnapps part.
Comment by maggie katzen on 11/14 @ 11:48 pm #
probably.
Comment by Sean M. on 11/15 @ 1:41 am #
Wait a minute…when did they come up with biodegradable plastic? Someone’s gonna win a Nobel Prize in chemistry for that.
Comment by Chuck Norris's Liver on 11/15 @ 2:04 am #
Coffee frappucino, with whipped cream.
True story: Me and my ex-biker dude buddy were riding in his Dodge Ram pickup, stopped by Starbucks, and both ordered.
While we were waiting for our orders, the ex-biker dude said, “Frappucino? What kind of girlie drink is that?”
I said, “What are you talking about, Mr. Pumpkin Spice Latte? Or should I say, Miss Pumpkin Spice Latte?”
Which brings up something I hate about political correctness. Doing derogatory gay/sissy jokes with your buddies has been a ritual of male bonding forever. Calling each other “fag,” “homo,” “queer,” etc. — this is absolutely standard procedure for growing up. It is essentially harmless, and certainly is not symptomatic of a mental disorder, as the PC term “homophobia” would tend to imply.
Comment by The Lost Dog on 11/15 @ 2:39 am #
“I order the Tazo iced green tea w/o sugar.”
Ummm… Did you mean “taco”?
Taco iced green tea gives me a boner up to here.
Comment by The Lost Dog on 11/15 @ 2:47 am #
O.T. – but we need to see things like this. The link was given to me by an amazing woman who has flpwn over 100 combat missions in Iraq, as a “hoser on a tanker.
It’s pretty funny, or else I am retarded (which is a good possibility).
Anyway, sorry to be such a dick, but check this out -
http://maddox.xmission.com/
And yes, the rumor is true. I am the way lost dog…
Comment by The Lost Dog on 11/15 @ 2:49 am #
What a dork I can be.
“flpwn”?
Could I possibly meant “flown”?
Sorry, Alicia…
Comment by Sean M. on 11/15 @ 3:35 am #
GET THEE TO A SENSITIVITY TRAINING SEMINAR/RE-EDUCATION CAMP POST HASTE!
(You closeted Rethuglikkkan faggot.)
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 3:50 am #
I get my Starbucks in the gayest part of Columbus, Ohio – German Village or Gerbil Village as the locals like to call it. It’s so gay, that they keep some illegal aliens in the back room and feed them pumpkin pie all day and then use their jiz for the pumpkin spice latte foam. The real catch 22 is that all the most gorgeous women get their coffee and whatnot there, but with all those gay dudes, you’re taking a huge risk by wearing the baggy Champion shorts with a ball hanging out. A calculated risk, nonetheless.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 3:56 am #
……..oh, and when ball-fishing for hot chicks at Starbucks, don’t forget to wear your running shoes that you walk behind the mower in, and the over-the-calf white socks with the 2 thick stripes. If you’re serious about hot chicks, you’ll accessorize.
Comment by Slartibartfast on 11/15 @ 5:00 am #
I’m a triple espresso man!
Wait’ll you see Redacted. Edgy.
I think Brian DePalma’s lost it. Maybe I’m the last to find out.
Comment by Craig on 11/15 @ 5:30 am #
If you put milk in it, it’s not “black.” Jeez.
Comment by Gary Rupert on 11/15 @ 5:37 am #
The fact is Brian Depalma is gay. Not like “I’m going into a starbucks with my Ram truck driving friend ” gay or “I’d like some sort of donut” gay, deeply hidden in the closet Karl Rove gay.
Comment by Phil Jackson on 11/15 @ 5:42 am #
I’m calling ESPN on you.
Comment by Gary NotGay on 11/15 @ 5:53 am #
I get my Starbucks in the gayest part of Columbus, Ohio – German Village or Gerbil Village as the locals like to call it. It’s so gay, that they keep some illegal aliens in the back room and feed them pumpkin pie all day and then use their jiz for the pumpkin spice latte foam. The real catch 22 is that all the most gorgeous women get their coffee and whatnot there, but with all those gay dudes, you’re taking a huge risk by wearing the baggy Champion shorts with a ball hanging out. A calculated risk, nonetheless.
Dude. I get my coffee in the screaming homoist part of Washington DC- Gayville or GoatseTown as the gay buttlovers there like to call it. Its so gay they have gay sex slaves chained to the walls and they gaily daily milk their gay cocks like gay cows in a gay dairy barn and make gay pie from the gay squeezings and sell the gay pie to gay costomers in the gay piestore. Let me tell you, its gay.
Its so gay its gay. Its so gay Columbus Ohio sounds like a bastion of hetrosexuality. Its so gay I’m willing to wager 15 american dollars that you haven’t sucked cock in the last 15 minutes. Its so gay we don’t even know what is “gorgeous women”. Its so gay you can’t even strutt down K-Street in your tight leather jeans without being practically raped. I hate this town.
Say, email me .
Comment by Randall Byrd on 11/15 @ 6:07 am #
O.T. – but we need to see things like this. The link was given to me by an amazing woman who has flpwn over 100 combat missions in Iraq, as a “hoser on a tanker.
It’s pretty funny, or else I am retarded (which is a good possibility).
Anyway, sorry to be such a dick, but check this out -
http://maddox.xmission.com/
From one soldier to another, that is some sweet video.
This link-
http://www.kickedinthenuts.com/
was also given to me by a real live woman.
Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 11/15 @ 7:11 am #
It’s not unheard of for me to go into Starbucks in Birkenstocks and hiking shorts and a Sue The Dinosaur shirt. And black dress socks. Unfortunately for the other customers, I’m happily married.
Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 11/15 @ 7:14 am #
Bill Maher had a quip about how, the more complicated your Starbucks order, the more major an a$$hole you are. “If you walk into a Starbucks and order a decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet, ooh, you’re a huge a$$hole.”
I’m still kicking myself for not buying Starbucks’ IPO, when I had the chance.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 7:46 am #
You know Gary, a daily Fiber One bar might help you over the rough spots.
Comment by McGehee on 11/15 @ 7:51 am #
Unfortunately, at Starbucks there is no order more complicated than “plain old black coffee.”
Comment by Rob Crawford on 11/15 @ 8:50 am #
Heh.
Over at a friend’s place this Halloween, and there was a couple there who are friends of his wife. The husband in that couple is apparently working a second job at Starbucks, yet developed his own Special Mix with its own Name. It sounded to me like vaguely coffee-flavored candy.
And, yeah, my impression of him was he’s a major league asshole.
But my idea of an ideal cup of coffee is cafe au lait, so what do I know?
Comment by The Ouroboros on 11/15 @ 8:50 am #
Shut up about Starschmucks already !!! I’m sitting here in downtown Seattle.. I have 10 of those sons of bitches within 100 meters of me at this moment.. You can’t spit in this place without hittin a Starbucks.. They’re a flood.. a vermin .. a plague that’s killed off all the independent coffee houses that I used to love.. They’re to good coffee what McDonald’s is to a great burger but 100 times as virulent.. My dream is to find a place that roasts a variety of excellent coffees from around the world and offers them fresh brewed with no latte or foam or caramel or soy milk shit… For the love of God.. Someone help us.. Come to Seattle and drive a stake through this corporate coffee-vampire’s black heart.
Comment by Drumwaster on 11/15 @ 9:21 am #
Venti hot chocolate. No muss, no fuss.
Comment by Sarah on 11/15 @ 10:06 am #
“Calling each other “fag,†“homo,†“queer,†etc.  this is absolutely standard procedure for growing up.”
Is there a time when you are finally “grown up”, and are able to stop using derogatory words that bash “the other” in an effort to repress your own nagging sense of inadequacy?
“It is essentially harmless,”
Tell that to all the gay and lesbian youths that have been ostracized and assaulted because of their sexual orientation. What you’re saying is, it is harmless to you. How it affects other people doesn’t seem to be any concern to you.
And if you don’t like starbucks, don’t go there. Pretty simple. Who cares if other people do?
Comment by Sticky B on 11/15 @ 10:23 am #
I try to drink a 20 oz coke with my pop-tart most mornings. Hey, you gotta do something to get your mojo working.
Comment by Sticky B on 11/15 @ 10:25 am #
Goddammmmitttt!!!!
Who invited their mother?
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 10:33 am #
“Is there a time when you are finally “grown upâ€Â, and are able to stop using derogatory words that bash “the other†in an effort to repress your own nagging sense of inadequacy?”
Yes. It’s when you get a time slot on TV and call it Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Then you’re just grown up, enlightened and clever. And harmless. And fashionable.
Comment by maggie katzen on 11/15 @ 10:33 am #
LOL, you’re reading my mind Sticky B.
but MOOOOOOOoommmmm!
Comment by JD on 11/15 @ 10:34 am #
Please, Sarah, tell us what other words me must not use. So as to not offend anyone.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 10:35 am #
Geez JD, that’s so hetero.
Comment by JD on 11/15 @ 10:36 am #
Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tarts are the breakfast of champions.
Comment by JD on 11/15 @ 10:39 am #
al – I am so trying to not be hetero today. I wore a suit with some fancy label in it, shoes my better half picked out, and a pink shirt. Maybe Sarah can help me overcome my hetero-ness. Must go buy a fufu iced coffee drink with extra whipped cream, post haste.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/15 @ 10:40 am #
SpongeBob Bubbleberry Pop Tarts are brain food.
Comment by happyfeet on 11/15 @ 10:40 am #
They have real bubbleberries.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 10:41 am #
I saw Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tarts at the Morrow County Fair. They performed their Top 1500 Hit – Stuff My Cheeks. TheY opened for Molly Hatchet and THEY ROCKED THE HIZZOUSE!!
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 10:44 am #
“Must go buy a fufu iced coffee drink with extra whipped cream, post haste.”
Keep fighting the good fight bro. Call your sponsor.
Comment by Sean M. on 11/15 @ 10:47 am #
Um, no. But that’s because we’re people, you see? We may not have “grown up,” but most of us left the college campus and got lives.
And sometimes we tell jokes, too. You might even enjoy some of them once you get the fuck over yourself.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 10:50 am #
“And sometimes we tell jokes, too. ”
Like the one that ends……
……the next day the taxidermist calls and says, “Hey, good news. I can stuff your buddies for you. One question. Did you want them mounted?”
“No. Holding hands will be fine.”
Comment by happyfeet on 11/15 @ 10:52 am #
I almost never repress my nagging sense of inadequacy. I think it’s kind of motivational really.
Comment by JohnAnnArbor on 11/15 @ 10:54 am #
“But first, ROO ROO!”
Comment by JD on 11/15 @ 10:54 am #
You are right, al. Those iced coffee drinks are a trigger, as they are better with some Baileys and Jamesons mixed in. Must find a meeting. Hope they do not think my pink shirt is too Gleenwaldian.
Comment by ccs on 11/15 @ 10:56 am #
Wow, I think that I’m behind the curve, I’ve never been in a Starbucks.
Comment by Gary on 11/15 @ 10:57 am #
Jeff — glad to see you’re upgrading the “neocon” with a Masters of Military Art!
Comment by JD on 11/15 @ 10:57 am #
alpuccino – While I am thinking about it, sorry for that ass pounding the Illini delivered to the Buckeyes. That mushroom bruise had to hurt.
Comment by Andrew on 11/15 @ 10:59 am #
Meh. “Good” coffee is an aesthetic impossibility. I’ve had teh Fresh-Brewed and teh Hand-Ground, and at the beginning of the day, what matters is whether the choad behind the counter mixes it right. Coffee is good when it’s strong. If you don’t like strong coffee, I suggest you try tea.
‘Course, if you order a Venti non-foam half-skim Peppermint Green Tea Latte, you are so gay that you’re bored of the whole gay scene and have started eyeing women again. The dwarf star after the Gay Supernova.
Comment by mishu on 11/15 @ 11:03 am #
“The other” is so overrated.
Comment by Sticky B on 11/15 @ 11:05 am #
#77
I’ve got a wife and daughter who have bought into the bullshit, so I’ve sat in the parking lot of one, but I’ve never been “in” one either. I somehow sensed a long time ago that it was one of those places I wanted to avoid. I can’t explain it. Kinda one of those “if that many people like it, it’s got to suck” feelings. I got the same vibe from the movie “Titanic”. God was I right.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 11:05 am #
I actually lived outside of Champaign and went to every Illini game back in the late 70’s. I’m a Miami of Ohio guy and the first year I was there (‘81) I had a QB/Receiver camp and got to get some coaching from Tressel as he was on his way to YSU. Great guy. Very positive. I saw him at a golf outing last year and he claimed to remember me. Great bullshitter. So it was mixed feelings at my house.
But it was nice of you to throw in the “ass pounding” reference. You must leave a wake of bitter, confused, ostracized youths wherever you go.
Comment by ducktrapper on 11/15 @ 11:08 am #
Neocons, schmeocons! What about the Neolibs? You know the ones that argue from a Chomskyite, post modernist narrative that we are the cause of (and deserve) all our own problems with the “other” and besides there’s nothing worth fighting over. What’s so great about them? At least you can have a rational conversation with a neocon.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 11:09 am #
That was for JD. (just in case Gary Notgay is feeling another seizure coming on)
Comment by N. O'Brain on 11/15 @ 11:09 am #
30th Street Station in Phila.
Bucks County Coffee.
The Jamaican Blue Mountain is to die for.
Comment by JD on 11/15 @ 11:12 am #
al – my goal is to leave a wake of some kind behind me. After a Starbucks coffee, the wake usually manifests itself as methane. Bitter, confused, and ostracized youths tend to be more of an unintended consequence, which thanks to you and Sarah, I now feel shame for, and must repent.
Comment by mojo on 11/15 @ 11:17 am #
“L’Etranger” was over-rated too.
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 11:17 am #
I’ll not rest until all are ashamed.
Comment by ccs on 11/15 @ 11:33 am #
#82
Sticky B, I managed to miss Titanic too, just call me lucky.
Comment by pedestrian on 11/15 @ 11:38 am #
Ugh, I swear to god, one more starbucks joke…
Look, its fucking stupid. Everyone realizes that. I worked at a starbucks for years. You think that we felt important serving steaming cups of ego-salve with pseudo-italian names to every asshole who came in? No, we sure as hell didnt. But we were paid to pretend that it was a big special treat and that we didn’t have another purpose on this earth. They not only installed cameras to watch our every move, but listening devices so that they could hear us at all times. We didn’t have a choice.
You know who was even more annoying though than the yuppie douchebags who needed to validate their worth with specially customized foam? The wise-asses who came i every god damn day to try to pick a fight with us over how silly the menu was. Hey guess what? You CAN order a large, regular cup of coffee, just like that. People do all the time. Those people were my favorite customers. If you don’t like the fact that other people are ordering fuzzy pampered shit, go someplace else. PLEASE go someplace else, really, you can do better.
Why do people think that whining about consumerism puts them above it? You are still obsessing over your image rather than the actual product itself. Buy or don’t buy but don’t bitch about the name and the packaging. It doesn’t make you as tough as you think it does.
Comment by kelly on 11/15 @ 11:47 am #
Have you considered switching to decaf yourself, pedestrian?
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 11:52 am #
i think pedestrian is talking to you
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 11:58 am #
Read pedestrian’s comment as Bill Maher. It really works.
Comment by McGehee on 11/15 @ 12:01 pm #
Can I get it for 89 cents?
Comment by JD on 11/15 @ 12:02 pm #
Wow, a little touchy, huh pedestrian? Step away from the triple espresso cafe au lait with pumpkin spiced foam.
Comment by maggie katzen on 11/15 @ 12:05 pm #
speaking of coffee, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out there are cameras in the break room here and they’re performing some kind of experiment. for the past month there’s a different kind of coffee maker in there every damn week and we all just stare at it. this place is full of engineers and no one can figure out how to make some damned coffee! PLEASE GIVE US THE GLASS CARAFFE BACK!!!! take your mutant extra tall maker with the vacuum pump thing and shove it. I only work two days a week and really all I ask for is some god damned coffee.
can we tell I’m going through withdraw? there will probably be tears soon….
Comment by alppuccino on 11/15 @ 12:10 pm #
CLEAN UP ON AISLE MAGGIE
Comment by Andrew on 11/15 @ 12:24 pm #
I thought pedestrian’s comments spot on, and your collective caffeine gags boring and obvious.
You may now return to aping the ca. 1998 Denis Leary.
BECAUSE OF TEH COFFEE-FLAVORED COFFEE!
Comment by Spiny Norman on 11/15 @ 12:41 pm #
#64 JD
Please, Sarah, tell us what other words me must not use. So as to not offend anyone.
Since she hasn’t offered, here we go: the sacred words.
BTW, weren’t the security cameras installed in all Starbucks after the robbery / triple homicide at one in Georgetown about 10 years ago?
Comment by Spiny Norman on 11/15 @ 12:43 pm #
In case the Real Media file in my last comment refuses to cooperate: the sacred words are “Ni” “Peng” and “Nooo-wom!”.
::hides::
Comment by Old Texas Turkey on 11/15 @ 12:59 pm #
I saw Titanic. Never laughed louder. Probably the funniest movie this side of Raising Arizona or Sixteen Candles or Breakfast Club (with all the Judd Nelson scenes cut out). Especially when the ship starts to sink and people start drowning … classic!
I like my Double tall latte like I like my 9mm hollow points.
peace out faggots.
Comment by Old Texas Turkey on 11/15 @ 1:02 pm #
hey Andrew, take your faggy comments to some fudge-packing discussion board, OK?
loser.
Comment by MarkD on 11/15 @ 1:50 pm #
I go to Dunkin Donuts for coffee. They speak English and the coffee tastes better.
How long till Starbucks sues them out of business for unfair competition? Selling coffee that actually tastes good must be illegal, right? Because Starbucks doesn’t do it.
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 11/15 @ 2:16 pm #
“30th Street Station in Phila”
Used to get my coffee at the hot dog place in Suburban station, I have no idea if it’s still there but it was right near the 16th and JKF stairs. They had 2 for $.99 chili dogs. So you’d put the dogs in on the way home and the coffee to push them out in the morning.
It was nasty stuff, but to this day, If there isn’t a stray whiff of urine in the air when I drink my coffee, I’m just not satisfied.
Comment by Percy Dovetonsils on 11/15 @ 3:04 pm #
I must compliment pedestrian on confirming everything I always believed about Starbucks employees.
Comment by BJTexs on 11/15 @ 3:43 pm #
Ah, yes, one of the two standards in the BJ household. The other one being (Dan) Green Mountain Coffee’s Free Trade Sumatran.
SMOKIN’!
Comment by MarkH on 11/15 @ 6:03 pm #
I get the idea of going to a diner and having “Flo” bring you an endless cup of coffee, cream no sugar. But I’ve never understood the “stand on line for a cup of carmelized caffeine” to go routine.
Hell they’ve made coffee makers with timers on them for decades, so it’s not like you’d have to wait at home; and you can buy a nice stainless steel covered, insulated, travel mugs for less than one cup of Starbucks to go.
Just think 40 years from now, you can sit there whining about how Social Security collapsed and you’re broke, and think back on those daily $4 cups of slop… :-)
Comment by B Moe on 11/15 @ 6:30 pm #
“Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop Tarts are the breakfast of champions.”
Well, if you can’t get any Pabst Blue Ribbon and Chocolate Zingers.
Comment by Swen Swenson on 11/15 @ 9:08 pm #
Man! Mention Christmas tree angels and in the very next post I find Sarah and pedestrian! Call it a twofer.
Speaking of which, is it time for a link to the World’s Longest Nipple Hair? Because I think I found a longer one in the last vanilla capuccino I ordered. Three-and-a-half inches is pretty punk though. I think if I braided mine I’d be callin’ Guiness in six months.
Comment by Andrew on 11/16 @ 7:38 am #
Old Texas Turkey hurt me with that remark. Did I mention that I cried?
Comment by Blitz on 11/16 @ 8:20 pm #
I make my own coffee thank you.
Folgers through a filter. If I want a triple anything? it’s usually cus I’m badly hung over and need the sugar.
as far as a triple latte moch minty thing?.peppermint schnapps and Baileys as an after dinner drink.
Comment by beastiality on 11/29 @ 6:53 pm #
Great! :)
Greatisssssimo!
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Thankiossi
It’s great
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Thankiosst
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Comment by antileSen on 12/2 @ 4:55 pm #
Thankiossk
Cool!
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thankiosso
Cool!
Comment by EngincSix on 12/5 @ 10:33 pm #
lol
thankiossp!
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