NEW JERSEY – “Two of the winners in a sexual abstinence essay contest in Paterson are pregnant,” the local Channel 2 CBS News affiliate reports.

“Eboni Wilson wrote, ‘having sex with a condom is like playing Russian roulette with your life.’

“The 16-year-old says so many girls are pregnant at Eastside High that they hardly notice one another.”

Related: Two of the winners in a “crime doesn’t pay” essay contest are scheduled (pending final appeals) to have lots and lots of electrical current shot through their bodies later this month.

Terry Conroy wrote, “If I’d have known the law was gonna catch up with me, I never woulda stabbed that family to death and bitten the head off of their little toy poodle. In retrospect, the $60 cash, the three Happy Meals, and a nearly out-of-gas mini-van, hardly seem worth the price I have to pay — which they tell me may involve my eyeballs exploding, and my tongue catching fire.”

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