“Thirteen members of a family are suing the operator of a [Chesapeake, VA] Pizza Hut for $2 million, alleging they were refused service because they are black,” Newsday reports.

“Colonial Foods LLC maintains that employees tried to explain to the family that they couldn’t be served because the restaurant had run out of cheese and couldn’t make any more pizzas.”

‘It was a cheese issue, not a race issue,’ said Tim McConville, an attorney for the company.

[…] The lawsuit contends the family members saw only white people in the restaurant on the night of June 25, 2000, and were refused service.

‘They were rudely told they couldn’t be served, or words to that effect,’ said Michael Heath, their attorney. ‘They were denied seating at a public restaurant based on their race.’

Colonial Foods operates 110 Pizza Huts. The restaurant the family went to was in Chesapeake and has since closed.

Hmm. Well, if they’re guilty, fry ’em. A more likely explanation, though, is that it was getting on closing time, and the kids who were working the pizza ovens wanted to get the hell out of their paper hats and go drink beer in a field or something. So they lied about being out of cheese. But whatever. All’s I know is, I’ve got a great new response to offer those racial demagogues who accuse me of “racism” everytime I disagree with one of their positions on some race-based government program or other. To wit:

Racial Demagogue: “How dare you claim that affirmative action is a potentially harmful and mostly unsuccessful social program, Jeff! Recompense is never ‘harmful’! Institutionalized inequality doesn’t just end. And don’t give me that ‘equality of opportunity’ bit again, either! Or that ‘no such thing as race’ claptrap. Those are just examples of your conservative-sanctioned racist ideology usurping the indexical language of fairness and egalitarianism — bullshit appeals to some imaginary meritocracy offered up by those in power to keep the oppressed classes striving toward unattainable goals!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. But as I see it, this is about cheese, not about race.”

Racial Demagogue: “Er, beg pardon…?”

Me: “You heard me. It’s all about cheese. Which reminds me: y’maybe wanna split a large pie? — say, pepperoni and mushroom?”

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