“At least two suspected Palestinian gunmen opened fire Sunday outside an Israeli military base in the southern city of Beersheba, killing at least two Israelis and wounding several more before being shot dead, Israeli police said. The shooting came soon after Israeli forces raided two sections of the West Bank city of Nablus early on Sunday, exchanging fire with Palestinian gunmen and arresting at least three suspected militants,” MSNBC reports.

Upon hearing of the shootings, French Foreign Minister Hubert Vedrine called for the immediate establishment of a Palestinian state– even going so far as to offer the whole of Israel itself to Palestinian militant groups. “To show we are serious about a Mideast peace plan,” Vedrine said, “we have arranged to change the name of ‘Israel’ to ‘Palestine,’ and to a have the U.N. instantly recognize this change. It is my strong belief — and the belief of my fellow EU foreign ministers — that peace in the Mideast is impossible so long as that ‘shitty little country’ Israel continues to exist. And so to rectify this, uh, ‘Jewish problem,’ we’ve decided — by way of a multilateral resolution (which, as you all know, is the best kind of resolution) — to give the whole kit and kaboodle to the Arabs, with the understanding that they don’t bomb any of our shit, and that they stop all this really scary jihad talk.

“In fact, it’s already done. Watch this… (ehem) ‘Israel, you say? Why, what it that, exactly? I have never even heard of such a place!’ Is it Palestine you mean?”

“You see…? Already done…”

[related: The Jordan Times chimes in]

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