It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “[your name], how did you ever become so [adjective]?” And I always say, “[insert your bullshit here].”
UPDATE: Wonderful stuff, guys. I laughed my ass off. Thanks.
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“Peggy, how did you ever become so wise?” And I always say, “It is my nature to be wise and good. It is your nature too, but you may have forgotten this. These things are important. They are important both for who we are as well as for who we are yet to be. We used to know these things, could summon their essence without reflection. Because we knew these things to be important, though it was but the rarest among us who could say why this was so. Much has been lost. Everyone among us senses on some level the truth of this, and that these things which have been lost are important things. You sense this, and I think George Bush senses this as well. We do well to remember that.”
sigh.
People: “McGehee, how did you ever become so irrelevant?â€Â
Me: “Ooh, is that cheese?”
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Wish, how did you ever become so filled with situational hatred for baseball announcers in general and Tim McCarver specifically?†And I always say, “It’s generally the scotch and comments like ‘You’ve got to catch the ball to be a good fielder’ specifically.â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Merovign, how did you ever become so witty?†And I always say, “Uhhhhh….. Ummmm….. Errrrr…..â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Pablo, how did you ever become so cynical?†And I always say, “The Devil made me do it.â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Dan, how did you ever become so onion bulby?†And I always say, “What the FUCK does that even mean?”
hf:
Dan. Has. Layers.
’nuff sed
Oh, I assumed “Mini-Mad Lib” would link to a rant on Kucinich or Edwards…
Somebody had to do it sooner or later, so it may as well be me…
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Faggot, how did you ever become so faggoty?†And I always say, “Faggot, faggot, faggot!.â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Protein Wisdom, how did you ever become 40 minutes behind on your timestamps?” And I always say, “Hugo Chávez!”
Sean, could you translate that into Farsi for us?
Actually, it’s 36 minutes. Strike my last.
Dicentra owes me a new laptop keyboard.
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, Rick, how did you ever become so misogynistic?†And I always say, “Did I tell you to stop sucking my dick, mom?”
You can’t translate that into Farsi.
“Jon, how did you ever become so fat?” Well, I blame the patriarchy. I have no idea why, but it’s better for my self-esteem than “DAMN those chocolate donuts look good.”
Dicentra owes me a new laptop keyboard.
Thank you, I’ll be here all week…
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Evil right-wing Rethuglican, how did you ever become so evil and right-wing?†And I always say, “Jimmy Carter.â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Enoch, how did you ever become so friendly?†And I always say, “Go Fuck Yourself.â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “How did you get that great body?” And I always say, “That kind of sarcasm is just hurtful”
People always ask me, “B Moe, do you know what time it is?” And I say, “No, I don’t have a watch, go ask Dicentra.”
Some people think that a lot of layers in an onion bulb means that it will be a tough winter.*
The Bet…
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see — in a year’s time — which family has become more Americanized.
A year later they meet again.
The first man says, “My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds, and I’m on my way to pick up a case of Bud. How about you?”
The second man replies,
“Fuck you, towelhead “.
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Gleen(s), how did you ever become so influential?†And I always say, “Russ Feingold is very easily impressed.â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Sparky, how did you ever become so attractive to TimmyB?†And I always say, “Well, women love a man in uniform.â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Spies, how did you ever become so bigoted against the New York Yankees?†And I always say, “Dude, think about it. New York. Yankees. Duh!â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Big Bang, how did you ever become so bigoted against Secular Progressives?†And I always say, “My sister married one!â€Â
Shit, Gahrie. I just woke up my wife, I was laughing so hard. I’ll be stealing that one.
The funny thing about that joke is that it’s exactly the kind of thing that someone from the Perpetually Aggrieved Left would read and then accuse the joke-teller of bigotry. Nuance.
hf–
I’m sure that he means I resemble the hostile planimal, Bulbasaur.
there’s poetry in that
– “there’s poetry in that”
– It is also said that in the lawnchair configuration The Left-handed bulbosaur has a handy fold-out tray for your cheetos and banjo, plus it forms a nice smooth naugahyde surface so you don’t run the danger of snags in your sock.
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, JD how is it that the Chicago Cubs are able to trick their masochistic fans into thinking that this season will end any differently than the last 99? And I always say, at least they are consistent. They disappoint their fans annually.
– Or to put it another way:
“And I always say, at least they are consistent. They never disappoint their fans anally.”
BB – It would probably be easier on their sphincters than their psyches.
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Jim C., how did you ever become so articulate?†And I always say, “RACIST!â€Â
I hear Jim C. is clean, too.
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Congressman Murtha, how did you ever become so senile?†And I always say, “Glabba goobel mivlick HADITHA!!!â€Â
Blah Blah Mike, blah blah invisible. Blah blah “Hey, where did he go?”
a funny thing, but people always ask me, “[Rusty], how did you ever become so [God damned Fucking Brilliant]?†And I always say,Children I owe it all to; “[Clean living, plenty of fresh air, and lots of black tar heroin].â€Â
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Russ, how did you ever become so popular with the girls?†And I always say, “I got drunk at a county fair and paid a gypsy fortune teller to ‘make me popular with the girls’.†Tickles niece. “Of course if I hadn’t been so drunk I would have been more careful with my request.” Bounces nieces friend on shoulders. “But then I wouldn’t have been giving money to a gypsy fortune teller anyway.” Pushes nieces friend’s friend on swing. “Oh well I’m not going to let $50 go to waste.” Make monster noises and chase the three of them around the park for 20 minutes.
People always ask me, ‘PJ dude, how’d a promising young poet like yourself end up an old redneck asshole.’ And I always reply, ‘I’d like to say it was the hippies, but really, I’ll always have a soft spot in my liver for hippies. No, it was the aliens from Zeta 3 who planted Dan Rather, Michael Moore, and any number of other powerful podpeople with more drive and less honesty than your basic crack addict (not that there’s anything wrong with that) in my country. And Ms. Harding’s brownies back in the fourth grade, the way she … uhyeahnevermind, pod people, it’s the pod people. Dude.’
It’s a funny thing, but people always ask me, “Maggie, how did you ever become so lazy?†And I always say, “I prefer to call it efficient.â€Â