Went in this morning to have some blood drawn to see if we can get to bottom of some of the health problems I’ve been experiencing.
Sorry for my prolonged absence. Since my mother’s death, I’ve been dealing with the legal system, family, etc., and trying hard to put the pieces back together somehow. It’s only now really hitting me that my Mom is gone, so quickly did everything happen and so burdened was I with having to try to keep everything in order, everything moving in the proper direction, everything burnished with a semblance of normality, given the customs tethered to the circumstances.
While in Baltimore, I was able to pay up and get into the storage locker my brother dumped my mother’s things into. There was nothing of any real value other than to the family — in particular, my mother’s collection of brass animals, which she’d accumulated over years and kept on a glass coffee table that sat in the living room we as children were never allowed to go into, professionally designed (in a very disco-era style: brown and gold shag carpet, mirrored walls with faux wood beams, a sectional, and that glass-topped table that was made out of a tree stump) — which I was able to retrieve, and some of which I handed out to her friends and neighbors, whom I hope appreciated that she would have wanted them to have that small piece of her.
My father used to take a lot of pictures and have them converted to slides, and some of my favorite memories of Baltimore revolve around looking at those slides of me and my parents when I was young, because it put things in perspective for me: my folks had friends, threw parties, and nurtured my 4-year-old’s obsession with all things Batman.
Those slides — boxes upon boxes — are now gone, presumably in some dumpster with everything else my brother didn’t feel like cramming into a moving truck, or couldn’t sell for a few measly bucks. I did, however, find my parents’ wedding album and some older pictures, and in fact some of my mother’s friends brought over lots of old photos from the fifties of themselves at the shore, or visiting New York, etc. And looking at those made me realize that my parents were likely just like me at one point in time — something I suppose I always knew cerebrally but never really understood emotionally.
At the final party for my Mom — we decided she’d find a shiva house far too morose — I bought everyone shots of Jack, which was my Mom’s libation of choice toward the latter quarter of her life. Growing up, I had always associated her with Old Granddad. But Jack and ginger was her drink, and I thought it appropriate as a way to toast her.
Because no one wants to remember their parent laid out in a pine casket. And while she looked at rest — and was graced with a picture of our family that Satchel drew and placed over her heart as she lay there, and was buried along with her — I prefer to think of the phone calls we had in those weeks leading up to her death, where she and her grand kids laughed and joked, and it became evident to me that she really had loved me very much, our relationship having soured because she was being manipulated, abused, and controlled by my brother, who practically kept her captive and totally dependent upon him for everything.
When he left, he took not only her money but her dignity. She showed up at the first assisted living facility with a sock for a pad and looking emaciated. When the rest of us found out what was happening, we were there for her — my kids and I called everyday as I worked to get her affairs in order, and her friends and close family in Baltimore spent every day with her right up until the time she took that sudden turn.
I’m grateful to all of them for that. And I’m grateful that I had the means to get her into a very good facility where she was comfortable and well-taken care of and had some privacy, so that she could recapture that dignity my brother had taken from her.
While listening to the eulogy delivered by the rabbi, I learned from posts left on her memorial page and from which he quoted, that my mother was a pioneer in the food service sales industry, one of the women who broke the glass ceiling and who paved the way for others to follow. People I’d never heard of from her professional life treated her as she was a sort of icon now lost, to be mourned every bit as deeply as her family was mourning her loss.
I will never forgive my brother for what he did to create the rifts he created; I’ll never forgive him for the pain he caused a women who was far too proud to admit she had lost control and was a dependent. But mostly, I’ll never forgive myself for not stepping in sooner.
I guess you had to know my mother to understand that we truly believed she’d outlive us all, so stubborn and such a fighter she was.
Today, I’m going to go through old albums with my boys. Sadly, my wife has a big travel week this week and she’s not around, so I suspect I’m in a rough four or five days.
I hope my blood panels come back with answers. And I hope some of my own pain goes away. Which, that’s kind of selfish I guess. But I could really use the respite.
Or maybe just a spa day.
Thanks to all who’ve sent well-wishes and prayers. My family and I truly do appreciate it. But now that things have settled down a bit, it’s probably my time to mourn. So forgive me if I step back for another several days or so.
So forgive me if I step back for another several days or so.
Nothing to forgive.
What struck me about this post, is your remarks about the slides. My dad took slides and some months ago, when all three of my kids were here, we sat with my mom and went through all of them. Hearing my kids say, “Grandma, you and Grandpa were really good looking” made me laugh. I’m sorry you lost that. But I’m glad your mom was able to reconnect with your kids.
Continued prayers for you and yours.
Absolutely nothing to forgive you for.
You’re a good man, Jeff Goldstein.
Sorry you’ve had to go through this, and sorry you’ve got a sociopath (literal or functional) swinging a wrecking ball through your lives.
If the blood tests don’t tell you anything that doesn’t mean nothing’s wrong, she said from experience. Sometimes you have to become your own doctor and shop around (and google around) for an answer.
My brother is now using my Mom’s money to hire an attorney and fight us. He even wants us to pay his legal fees:
Here’s what I received today, sent to my attorney:
Dear [X]:
I represent Steven Goldstein the Defendant in the above styled cause. Enclosed please find the Answer and Affirmative Defenses which I have filed on his behalf.
Please accept this letter as statutory notice of your opportunity to dismiss the case within 21 days of the date of this letter. Thereafter, I will be filing a Motion for Attorney Fees Pursuant to F.S. 57.105. Specifically on July 13, 2010 Doris Goldstein conveyed the subject property to Steven reserving unto herself a life estate. The life estate had nominal, if any, value. Steve conveyed Doris’ interest in the property by a valid power of attorney dated August 14, 2011 along with his own. He invested the proceeds in property in his own name. All of this was done with his mother’s knowledge and consent and in anticipation of her being no longer to able to occupy the property [ed – and yet she occupied it until July of 2013, when he sold it].
In August 2012 Doris executed a will appointing Steve as her personal representative and designating him as the sole beneficiary. The validity of these documents has not, nor could it be, contested. I am not sure whether you are proceeding on Mrs Goldstein’s behalf as a result of direct representation but I seriously doubt it as Doris expressed extreme surprise and concern when Steve explained to her that she was suing him [ed – my lawyer talked to her; she didn’t express surprise or concern then, and in fact signed papers signifying her intent, which I had notarized]. If you are proceeding on Doris’ behalf through her attorney in fact, Anita Goldman under a recently executed power of attorney, I believe it to be invalid based on the fact that Doris lacked the legal capacity to sign the document at the time that it was executed and that she was under undue influence. Additionally it terminated on Doris’ death on November 18, 2014. Steve is the designated personal representative, he does not intend to continue the litigation nor would it be in the interest of the estate for him to do so, as any proceeds that you recover on behalf of the Plaintiff would pass to him as sole beneficiary.
Such we find the lawyers with their round and round.
I will never forgive my brother for what he did to create the rifts he created; I’ll never forgive him for the pain he caused a women who was far too proud to admit she had lost control and was a dependent. But mostly, I’ll never forgive myself for not stepping in sooner
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. I would never suggest you stop seeking justice for your brother’s criminal acts against your mother and family, but personal forgiveness isn’t that. From the Mayo Clinic:
Probably one of the hardest things to do in life, and maybe impossible without help from above, forgiveness is necessary to release yourself from the toxic depravity of the one being forgiven.
Good luck Jeff, and God bless.
Sorry you are having problems heaped on problems, Jeff.
I can’t say anything nice about your brother. I can’t even find anything sufficiently nasty to say.
His attorney, though, is an oddball. Keep in mind that IANAL:
“Please accept this letter as statutory notice of your opportunity to dismiss the case within 21 days of the date of this letter”
This really has no meaning in English. I hope we have some lawyers in the studio audience to tell us if it’s correct lawyerese.
“The life estate had nominal, if any, value”
Statement of opinion, not fact. A factual statement would have numbers attached.
“He invested the proceeds in property in his own name”
This is a clumsy attempt to wallpaper over a theft.
“The validity of these documents has not, nor could it be, contested”
More argument by assertion.
“I seriously doubt it”
He’s a lawyer. No one cares what his opinions are.
“I believe it to be invalid”
Again with the opinion. Is this guy actually a lawyer?
My advice is: don’t take advice from your brother’s lawyer. It’s even less likely to be good than is advice from a near-stranger professed over the innerwebs.
Jeff, you know we’ll be here when you get back. Take care of yourself.
Spiritually speaking, among Christians forgiveness of one’s transgressor might be considered the Eighth Sacrament, an acceptance of the gift represented by Christ’s death and resurrection.
I don’t know what importance Judaism places on it, if any…
Agreed, in spades. The Other Guy’s Lawyer is always happy to give free legal advice that serves HIS CLIENT’S interest at the expense of yours. Personally, I think the recipient of said free advice should have the right to set fire to the offeror’s eyebrows.
A necessary precondition for forgiveness is repentance on the part of the forgivee. Too many people forget that part.
I don’t see a heapin’ helpin’ of penitent behavior coming from Goldie lately.
That’s God’s forgiveness. We’re free to jump the gun if it helps us get past the anger.
When Christians say, “Give it to God,” that’s one of the things they mean by it.
@McGehee,
Bingo. Our forgiveness of someone is not contingent upon their asking for it or repenting from whatever it is they’ve done. Our trespasser’s reconciliation with God is his business.
There are many ways to win a legal case, and a few of them rely on your ignorance of the law.
Probably more than a few, actually.
As far as forgiveness goes, I go for forgetness instead. That’s probably unwise and un-Christian of me.
Could be un-Christian cranky-d, I don’t know, but I tend to agree with your prescription of forgetfulness, at least in the long-run view, so don’t think it in any sense altogether unwise.
I’d advise forgiving “Goldie” as soon as he’s lying at your feet in a bloody heap.
Literally or figuratively, take your pick.
>keep the faith baby<
i don’t see how this ends well for Steven Goldstein the Defendant
and I can’t imagine Florida is a very fun place to be when you’re fat and unattractive and not particularly young and you’re not making any real income and your whole family despises you
especially not sober
and drinking just makes it even harder to lose weight and make money
Atonement for things you regret is best accomplished with reverential compassion for others instead of emotional self-punishment (which just might find expression in one’s physical state). This does not mean, however, that you excuse injustice.
You’ve got your troubles, that’s for sure. But I also believe you have much to be thankful for. Dwell on your blessings.
Thrive
glenn beck thanksgiving news
Praise You In The Storm
Psalm 56:4New International Version (NIV)
4 In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
Best of luck in the medical workup ring. You can always e-mail me for free second opinions.
There really are rarely any winners but the attorneys in these legal proceedings, other than it is better than you getting jailed for torturing and dismembering your nemesis, or setting them aflame in a cesspool. Never read their attorney’s letters, it will only raise your blood pressure and possibly prompt you to rash action or words you would regret [which is usually what they are hoping for]. Just pass them on to your attorney and let them read and respond to them.
Let Diem Carpe the bastard for you.
I can’t offer any advice on the legal aspect of this case (except to say ignore the paid blowshark your brother hired, and don’t allow anything of use or value that can be used against you to slip out in these pages) but as for living with the grief, I’m somewhat a pro.
Hold your family close, make new, better memories, and did I mention hug your kids every chance you get? You can’t find a better salve for easing inner pains than beginning each day as a new day with your kids. It doesn’t get any better than that. Prayers for moving forward.
As for Goldie? He’s looking at a very cloudy and sad future. You don’t treat your Mom that way and stay sane for long, no matter who you hire to whiz it over. This will eat away at him like a cancer that no amount of legal gimcrackery, professional therapy or cheap whiskey can repair. I would certainly hate to be him, knowing that in his future terrible karma is waiting, waiting; years, months, or perhaps just days ahead.
>hands up, start praying<
the effing proggtards doing “hands up” shit
Who Am I
@ hands up
is christian stuff thrown into commie crap. yo evil die.
Serr8d is dead solid perfect [and very eloquent].
9 But those that seek my soul, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth.
10 They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes.
—Psalm 63
Nemesis works in the service of Good people like yourself.
Feets. Thats works for guys like you and me because we have a conscience. I don’t think ole Steve is bothered by all this at all.
I have long forgiven my younger brother who, on our fathers death, before his body was even released from the hospital, hit every bank my dad had accounts with and cleaned them out. He claimed to be a born again christian. I haven’t heard from him in years.
on some level he’s probably deeply ashamed of himself
but also as a parent you kinda have to head off as much of this stuff as you can
which can just mean talking about what you want to have happen when you go
From the looks of things “Goldie” harbors a deep disdain for his family and what they want.
The only thing motivating him now is the grievance/entitlement fixation that enabled him to rob his own mother. Shame is for the little people.
The Navajo have a way of describing a shameless person: “He acts like he has no relatives.” They’d recognize Goldie a mile away.
heh
did i tell you i looked her up she’s within walking distance of my new place
but it’s too cold to actually walk over there
Yes, well . . . perhaps when things warm in the spring . . . since it wouldn’t hurt that her suffered importunities should continue at near random for an extended time, such that the message reaches in eventually
That letter looks goofy to me too. Why does the lawyer switch from “Steven” to “Steve” in a formal letter?
At any rate, take care of yourself first, these things take enormous amounts of time to work out. The interwebs will be here when you get back.
handsupnowwatchyourbusinessburn
Seems to me there are very close comparisons between the Ferguson “protesters” and Islamic terrorists. Both expect their violent intimidation tactics to result in submission.
Hands up law and order, surrender; thugs gots to do their thuggery…
handsupnowwatchuscrossyourborder
handsupyourConstitutionisdead
on some level he’s probably deeply ashamed of himself
Unless he’s a for-real sociopath, in which case he genuinely doesn’t give a rip. Sociopaths get away with lots of crap but they’re never happy, because they cannot form emotional ties with anyone or anything, not even a cute puppy.
Their bad behavior usually does pay off, unfortunately. Because we live in a sucky world.
handsupyouwillbuyinsurance
handsupwearelisteningonyourphone
handsupwewilldecide
ifTHATyouWON’TgetthatlifesavingoperationTouching post, Jeff, Thank you. You are making me ever more grateful for the family I have. You are making me realize all the things I hold against them, the things that annoy me to no end, are all picayune and say more about myself than they say about them.
handsupwe’llhammerBosniansnowtomorrowwe’llgobacktotheJews
handsupthisisaholdup
handsupapril15th
handsupgimmeSSM
This is a touching remembrance, Jeff.
[…] Protein Wisdom. We are both Towson alums from Baltimore. This fall, his mother passed away but a battle for control continues with his brother. Through the struggle, words from his mother's friends offered comfort. […]