November 5, 2005

Scenes from my driveway, continued x 60

Deadbeat neighbor: “Nice out here, today.  Not quite Indian summer, but close.”

Me:Native-American summer, you mean.  ‘Indian summer’ is culturally and racially offensive.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “It is?”

Me: “Yes. Unless you’re talking about a summer with like, one of those little dots in the middle of its forehead.  In which case we’ll have to call the NCAA for a ruling.”*

Posted by Jeff G. @ 9:00pm

Comments (30)

  1. Voice of racial outrage, 1:  “Can he say that?”

    Voice of racial outrage, 2:  “I think so.  If he’s joking.  Do you think he’s joking?”

    Voice of racial outrage, 1:  “I dunno.  Could be.”

    Voice of racial outrage, 2:  “Okay, let me put it this way, then.  Can we call him a racist?”

    Voice of racial outrage, 1:  “Sure. We can cally anybody a racist.”

    Voice of racial outrage, 2:  “Cool.  RACIST!”

  2. Fuckin’ Fascist.

  3. Well, sure.  But I’m a spiffy dresser.

  4. I’m offended by idiots with agendas, why can’t we get them banned.

    Seriously, who else finds idiot’s offensive?

  5. Except idiots who momentarily forget how apostrophe’s work.

  6. I think you ought to be able to call anyone anything you want.

    Honest injun, I do.

  7. In related news, the NCAA is yet to figure out exactly which identity group is being referenced by the Georgetown “Hoyas.” Regardless, they’re certain it must be some identity group, and when they figure out which one it is, there’s going to be hell to pay.

  8. “Hoyas.”

    It’s plural for the…ahem…ladies that used to ply their trade along 14th street in NW D.C.


  9. I actually know what Hoyas (and the “Hoya Saxa” cheer) mean, for what it’s worth.  But it’s a long, boring explanation, and frankly, I like your version better Harrison, so I’ll just go with that, and write run-on sentences while I’m at it.

  10. We say “Indian”, pronounced somewhere between “Indin” and “Indun”.  Its morons like Ward Churchill who say “Native American.”

    Tw: “soviet”.  I don’t know what they call indians.

  11. Jeff, you insensitive moron.  The “dot” – as you so callously refer to it – is actually known by Hindus as a “tilaka,” a “bottu,” or a “bindi.” *

    The fact that you don’t know the cultural and historical significance of this symbol indicates a manifest lack of knowledge about each and every item, custom, saying, belief, and icon of every sect, creed, color, geography, race, and species on this planet, marking you a crass and blatant racist.


  12. Hmmm.

    But what if I buy a Indian motorbike?  Is that racist?  Do I have to call it my “Native American subjugated by the White Man” motorbike?

    sw: “answer”.  Yeah I could use one.

  13. Indian summer?  Can you explain the snowstorm I was in this morning?

  14. I really hope some day to send my kids to Notre Dame, in that great state of Native Americiana

    tw: answer – no, a statement, but thanks for asking.

  15. BLT–close but no cigar. The dot actually just means they are ready for cable.

  16. Well, sure.  But I’m a spiffy dresser.

    You know, there is no greater defender of the proud and noble Color Brown than I, but there is one exception: when it comes in shirt form.  I’m not even going to dignify your comments by giving you the title, “Wanker of the Day,” and the commensurate public scorn and humiliation you deserve; you and your cabal of digital brownshirts are so ignorant you probably think coconuts are made of cocoa and nuts!  –Although in fairness those are two great tastes that taste great together.

    See?  THAT’S fair and balanced.  YOUR idea of “fairness” is something like “balancing” an honest, conscientious moderate like Paul Krugman with an extremist partisan hack LIAR like David Brooks.


  17. This is Colorado, Robin, it’s perfectly normal to have a blizzard in the morning and Indian summer in the afternoon.

  18. If it’s autumn and you have one of those little red dots in your forehead, it’s not Indian Summer, it’s deer season and you didn’t stay away from the window, did you…?

  19. Here’s the real question: when is the NCAA going to ban all offensive Native American names.  Like Alabama, Mississippi, Ohio, Michigan, Ohio, etc.

    Once we rename those states, we can start enforcing separation of church and state, by getting rid of religious names in everyday use, like Peter, Mary, James, Jesus, etc.

    It’s going to take a while, but eventually there will be no prejudice anywhere.

  20. Jay,

    I like your idea.  We could number the states, you know, from 1-50.  We could assign numbers based on when they were admitted.  There would be some wrangling and haggling over the first 13, but eventually they would get it done.

    Then we would mandate a change in names for all men.  Since every known name has some significance to culture, ethnicity or religion, we would rename all men “Sap” (short for homo sapiens)and all women “Elle” (the French would insist). 

    Added benefit would be never forgetting anyone’s name, indtroductions would no longer be necessary, expectant parents wouldn’t waste time debating naming options, sportcasters wouldn’t mix up the players’ names, etc.

  21. ”…and Sap laterals to Sap.  He’s tackled by Sap.  Ooh, it’s a fumble!  Recovered by Sap of the New York Saps, it’s wide open… to the 15… the 10… the 5… touchdown!  That’s the 315th touchdown for the year for Sap.  Either that, or our database just died of shame again.”

  22. We could number the states, you know, from 1-50.  We could assign numbers based on when they were admitted.


  23. rls: there’s no way we could rename the states as numbers. If we give any state the number 1, that implies that it comes before the other states, and that would be bad for the self-esteem of states 2-50.

    Instead, we should give them all Spice Girl names:

    New Hampshire would change to Granite Spice.

    Utah could be Salty Spice.

    Alaska clearly is Chilly Spice.

  24. I don’ wanna know where Fruity Spice is…

    SB: theory

    they’re all relative

  25. Shouldn’t Billy Jack be the one bitching about this whole “Indian Summer” thing?

    Or is he still too busy hanging out with Cindy Sheehan (and maybe even the armadillo!) to care?

    Turing word: “Must”. Billy Jack must have an opinion about this.

  26. Here in Milwaukee the Native American community runs an event every autumn at the Festival grounds. It is like one of their pow-wows, but the non-indigenous community is actively invited to attend. The official name of the event is, get this, “Indian Summer”.

  27. The University of Washington Huskies will have to change their mascot as well. Having “gone to the dogs” they are offensive to all dogs everywhere.

  28. In other news: The NCAA is considering its own name change – for years officials have been concerned that their anagram moniker is confused with the NAACP.

    “Just think of all the dyslexic people who cannot distinguish between the two” a spokesperson said. “Having some people think that we are the Negroidal Colored Athletic Advancement organization is just downright shameful” the non-gender associated person of humanoid appearance added.

    “We briefly considered just adopting the letter ‘A’” the bi-pedal being added, “but, in focus groups as many people checked off ‘Assholes’ as ‘Athletics’ on the list of possible interpretations.”

    “We’re probably going to adopt something like the symbol that the artist known as Prince used – but isn’t he black?”

  29. “We briefly considered just adopting the letter ‘A’” the bi-pedal being added, “but, in focus groups as many people checked off ‘Assholes’ as ‘Athletics’ on the list of possible interpretations.”

    “So, now we’re thinking about using ‘As’ to reduce the ambiguity.”