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Cory Gardner stole my jimmies!

Yes, this is an actual NARAL ad aimed at Republican Senate candidate Cory Gardner, who has famously advocated for over the counter birth control. And yes, it is meant to be taken seriously.

Here’s the caveat:  if you are actually someone who does take it seriously?  You should really consider having your tubes tied or your uterus removed entirely.  Or put another way, please, for the love of God, don’t procreate — even if pregnancy occurs accidentally, say, because there’s a statewide run on condoms and you can find no other way to prevent the sperm and egg from befriending one another, and for some reason you can’t find a doctor willing to drive a scissors through the head of a pre-born human; give him or her up for adoption and maybe ask for a tax write-off.

Also, stop using the word “science” as a kind of empty signifier. It’s embarrassing. And it makes my teeth itch. Like Senator Udall’s seemingly obsessive and awkward interest in Colorado women’s vaginal usages.

Thanks much.

 

17 Replies to “Cory Gardner stole my jimmies!”

  1. geoffb says:

    Things must be getting outside the “margin of fraud” and they need to “gin up” more election judges to increase the margin.

  2. McGehee says:

    Jesus facepalmed.

  3. eCurmudgeon says:

    This just in: Cory Gardner eats kittens.

  4. Ernst Schreiber says:

    “pre-born human”

    I like that. I wish I had thought of it, I like it so much.

  5. sdferr says:

    NARAL must be assuming some Coloradan marlyjuanita corollary — “There’s tons o’dumb in them thar tokers: let’s exploit it!”.

  6. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Things must be getting outside the “margin of fraud” and they need to “gin up” more election judges to increase the margin.

    Aha! The L. G. Murphy rule in action!

  7. Pablo says:

    About 15 seconds in I was expecting to hear “Looks like I’m gonna have to put it in your ass, honey.”

  8. eCurmudgeon says:

    NARAL must be assuming some Coloradan marlyjuanita corollary — “There’s tons o’dumb in them thar tokers: let’s exploit it!”.

    Proven by previous elections to not be entirely unfounded…

  9. bgbear says:

    When George Staphylococcus brought up birth control in the debates, Romney should have just said “WTF” for the rest of us and ended the nonsense right there.

  10. Darleen says:

    “Sweetpea?”

  11. Jim in KC says:

    That’s my favorite part, Darleen.

  12. geoffb says:

    So does he send them to the cornfield next?

  13. -‘[W]eirding our weather’?!?…WTF.

    -As for the ‘sweetpea’ reference: you’ve all got it wrong, as it was ‘sweet pee’. Golden Showers are TRANSGRESSIVE, don’t ya know.

  14. bgbear says:

    “weirding our climate. Stick with the narrative hunny bunny.

  15. Hey! That’s what I call Mrs. B [taken from Pulp Fiction].

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110912/quotes?item=qt0447110

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