June 30, 2014

Uterus Dialogues [Darleen Click]

Me: Since you’ve been in retirement, we haven’t spoken much. But I’m sure you must have some insight into the Hobby Lobby decision.

Uterus:

Me: Come on now. The sisterhood is knotting its Fallopian Tubes over this. Granted, most Vagina Warriors are prone to hysterics anytime any one even hints to them to let go of the little kids’ table – so do you think it is too optimistic to expect them to, you know, actually read the decision rather than go-off on their own rewrite of it?

Uterus:

Me: I’m just trying to get your take here — since the sistahs have declared only uteri opinion matters, penis people need to SHUT UP! and all. Though, the irony of them wanting this special privilege based on what they usually demand we accept as just a social construct is amusing. And the whole narrative that this has anything to do with their sex lives is particularly precious. I just want to pat them on the head and say “Honey, sometimes it really isn’t all about you. Here’s a cookie.”

Uterus:

Me: Yeah, I know. It is quite embarrassing to watch females of the Womyn’s Studies & Perpetual Outrage Sorority so publicly demonstrate their studied ignorance of the reality of working for a living, running a business or even a rudimentary understanding of the Constitution.

Uterus:

Me: Well, I did want to keep this short. Vulva has been (you should pardon the pun) flapping her lips lately demanding to know why she is celebrated by art, candy, even theater, but it is her neighbor, Vagina, who gets all credit.

Me: Peace out.

Posted by Darleen @ 8:21pm
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Comments (31)

  1. Well. That was weird.

  2. It’s WAY too reality based to make it past the distortion field where metaphor or caprice take on animation and volition so they can order pizza and start wars.

  3. Jeez, an’ ya didn’t even get around to blaming bush.

  4. The opinions of the uterus are apparently utterless.

  5. Heh heh. “Blame bush.” Heh.

    I see what you did there.

  6. The Uterus must remain autonomous, free, empowered! Except for the part where it gets all the free handouts from the Patriarchy. That bit’s cool.

  7. To preserve my reputation as somewhat of a gentleman, I shall refrain from cracking wise here and just say: Bravo, Darleen.

  8. I think Sir Vicks is feeling left out of this discussion. After all, he’s the gatekeeper to fertilization.

  9. Darleen, I don’t think you ever had to worry about the “fluffy grandma” syndrome.

    Wonderfully bizarre, Darleen.

  10. TaiChiWawa says July 1, 2014 at 12:21 am
    The opinions of the uterus are apparently utterless.

    Or vacuous.
    You know. Depending.

  11. This post deserves something I can’t give it: a standing ovulation.

  12. Blake

    After just dipping my toe into the mad swirl of OUTRAGE reminiscent of Emily Litella on cocktail of crack, pcp and bath salts, there isn’t any answer to offer but the bizarre.

  13. Brava, Darleen.

  14. I dub thee “Salvadore Darleen.”

  15. Bertrand Blier prefigured the entire absurd result of this displacement from the point of view of men in his 1976 film Calmos [marketed in America under the title Femme Fatale]. Prescience at such a level is markedly rare.

    Understanding that, however, means inescapably disregarding anything that the likes of a Pauline Kael might have to say about it (for she and her tribe must falsify on this question, being as they are judges in their own case: they’ve simply no choice) — which, weird, right, since that operation entails precisely the flip-side of Harry Reid’s nonsense yesterday regarding the men deciding in the affirmative of Hobby Lobby’s complaint on the Hobby Lobby court?

    There seems to be a happy tragedy built into our dual natures, right along with our double standards. That isn’t to say that some peace of a sort — even long and enduring peace — cannot be obtained between women and men, but that, just as with warfare in certain circumstances, distemper will always eventually return, if, that is, it ever departs.

  16. - You can always count on McGehee to come up with an atrocious pun lickety split.

  17. Henceforth, I shall think of this dialogue any time I hear the phrase “uterine lining.”

  18. How else are feminist going to convince men that all men care about is women’s private parts unless women keep going on about their private parts?

  19. Freedom from responsibility. That’s what all these assholes want. Whether it’s healthcare, or putting food on their table.

    I’m watching with interest Detroit’s appeal to the UN over the water bills which 50% of the citizens cannot pay.

  20. The noncommunicative uterus is rightfully annoyed – if not downright pissy – that its comings and goings are (per Harry Reid) being dictated by mensies.

  21. Henceforth, I shall think of this dialogue any time I hear the phrase “pelvic mesh.”

  22. talkin’ ’bout my menstruation

  23. I believe a standing ovulation can yield a boy baby…or something.

    Heck, you youngins, it’s worth a try.

  24. Carin, is that can not or will not pay? I seem to remember that water is the one thing that is not subsidized in Detroit. Is that significant in anyone’s Weltanschauung?

  25. >I’m watching with interest Detroit’s appeal to the UN over the water bills which 50% of the citizens cannot pay.<

    there is a big lake there but no entrepreneurs. such is today's detroit.

  26. too going down 50′ you could pump from the ground. all that “public education” was a waste too

  27. Y’know, yesterday, shortly after the Hobby Lobby decision came down and it was apparent the political left had lost its collective rhetorical mind, I was prepared to generally ignore their foolishness — to dismiss it as a passing convulsion which would soon self-correct.

    Today though, as the fever continues even worse than it had been, it’s beginning to become apparent we have not seen a more general resort to public irrationality in America, not even when the nation was in the grip of profound anger after attacks such as Pearl Harbor or September 11th.

    The acquiescence of the media in the crazy talk fuels it all the more, really with no end in sight. It’s getting to be kinda scary that the idiots seem to have persuaded themselves there are simply no consequences to their spouting utter nonsense all the day long, or worse, that any possible consequences can only redound to their benefit.

    I can’t recall anything quite like this in the way of public rhetoric on such a generally inconsequential issue happening in my lifetime. None. Nothing at all comes to mind. Has the world gone completely cuckoo, or does the political left believe that their main chance has finally arrived, after which, who knows what will come to pass?

  28. >Has the world gone completely cuckoo<

    convulsing into something different

  29. I wish I had an answer for you, Sdferr, because I’d sleep better at night.

  30. I say we help them down their insane path:

    Who wants to help me convince the Vagina Warriors that Frozen is a thinly veiled moral tale about the importance of female chastity?

  31. Not cuckoo, at least no more than usual. But they’ve obviously forgotten how to lose one with grace and aplomb.

    Animals.

    (Oh, Darleen, you can’t speak directly to Ms. Uterus..trust me on this. I’ve always had to make an appointment. Leave your calling card with the clit running the front desk. Helps if you’re on time; couple minutes off and all you’ll get is a talk to the hand… )

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