March 7, 2014

From our cold, dead arteries!

Ah, don’t you just love sneering, self-styled multiculturalists who, when it comes down to brass tacks, are about as fair-minded, non-judgmental, and accurate in their internalized caricatures as was, say, Hitler? Or for you Godwin’s Law adepts, at least John Kerry testifying about his fellow American soldiers?

“As a European this is how I imagine Americans have breakfast”


Fortunately, the comments are hilarious — and go a long way toward showing that Americans still have a sense of humor, about themselves, sure, but also (thankfully) against these pompous, whinging, effete Europeans, with their condescension and entitled temperaments forged in the daunting crucible of socialism and what can best be described as an ironic work ethic.

Plus, croissants. I mean, game over, right?

Posted by Jeff G. @ 8:46am

Comments (46)

  1. The coffee is not black. No one eats sunnyside up eggs. There isn’t enough bacon and that isn’t an American made gun.

  2. Point of order, Leigh. I eat my eggs sunnyside up, on top of the toast. I eschewed the bacon this morning for homemade roast beef hash, though.

    BTW, someone once said that humans are differentiated not by fingerprints, but by how we like our eggs cooked and served at breakfast.

  3. Greetings:

    It looks to me like that bacon’s is some of all that European bacon Americans saved during Europe’s most glorious 20th Century.

    They’re welcome.

  4. My hat’s off to the guy who wrote, “No, that’s what we eat while we’re *making* our breakfast.”

  5. Commendable effort, but needs some fixes.

    1. White toast, more butter.
    2. Eggs (there should be at least 2) over easy. Sometimes scrambled.
    3. Black coffee, with a touch of whiskey.
    4. Where are the pancakes? Or the biscuits & gravy? Hash browns? Home fries? Grits (if you’re from the south, which I’m not)?
    5. Pistol is all wrong if you’re going to pick it up in your right hand. Barrel at 12 o’clock, handle at 4:00.
    6. Speaking of which, a SIG? No thanks. I’ll use my tribute to John Moses Browning, thank you very much.

    On the the other hand, as an American, I don’t imagine the Europeans doing a damn thing.

    But at least the bacon is right…

  6. A European who gets Americans? Knock me over with a feather. (granted, some details are wrong, but, baby steps)

  7. I love my SIG, just like my Ruger Service-Six, in the pre-coffee fog all you have to remember is point and pull the trigger.

    However the coffee mug is way too small, 24 oz minimum, and not enough eggs.

  8. 5. Pistol is all wrong if you’re going to pick it up in your right hand. Barrel at 12 o’clock, handle at 4:00.

    Well, in his defense, so abstracted and alien does he conceive Americans to be, he may be laboring under the mistaken impression that American’s hands are laterally reversed (left is right, right left), with the thumbs on the outside of the hand and the little finger on the inside.

  9. From the IRS’s cold dead hand, turning over more of Lois Lerner’s e-mails to Dave Camp’s committee, after long stalling.

  10. It’s not wheat toast; it’s toast made from bread whose flour is infused with powdered bacon.

  11. I want that coffee cup! Doesn’t everybody want that coffee cup?

  12. Here‘s one that’s even better.

  13. Ok, unrelated: this one is way cool.

  14. I’m with geoffb, SIG check…although I dont have wood grips. Coffee appears unjustly diluted and I would swap the toast for a couple more eggs. Sunny side up is fine with me….helps off set my natural disposition.

  15. too kitschy

  16. What would be way cooler would be a left-handed version of that tankard

  17. Throttle?

  18. Where’s the sausage? Where’s the taters? These silly Euros know nothing about breakfast.

  19. Is that a throttle? Looked like a pewter tankard to me. Shows what I know.

  20. There is a decided lack of biscuits with this breakfast, as well.

  21. Sunnyside up eggs, yum!

  22. Twelve years into his Sisyphean nightmare, Bill Murray has a dream that it’s February 3rd.

    And then he wakes up and it’s still Groundhog Day.

    Oh, wrong thread…

  23. Two eggs, three rashers. Where’s the potato?

    (But then, I prefer my eggs actually cooked, and I like wheat toast. Rye’s even better.

    It’s not my fault all you people up-thread are wrong.)

  24. Speaking of Speaking of Groundhog Day….

  25. Is that a throttle?

    No, it is a representation of the grip off of a cyclic or other control stick.

  26. It appears to be an F-16 stick. Cyclic wouldn’t have quite so many weapons controls, in general. But an Apache’s might.

    Left-hand would be throttle, in the case of an F-16 control. I am not quite so conversant with helo controls.

  27. Here’s an American coffee mug.

  28. McGehee, imagine that in a high school or college teacher’s lounge..

  29. It appears to be an F-16 stick.

    Negative, it is a representation of a Bendix 2717B-1, according to a slightly broken and unrepairable one of which I have (out of a Huey) across the room having been given it in the olden days on a going-away token. They were standard in a variety of helicopters and fixed wing aircraft – I believe it is even the same as from an F-4 Phantom II.

    The F-16 control has a myriad of buttons and is shaped rather differently, as is the back seat version in the AH-64.

    The old Bendix only has a pinky button, two thumb buttons the “Chinaman’s Hat”, and the “trigger” button (the big one in front). In the Huey version, IIRC, the “trigger” operates the radio, the “Chinaman’s Hat”, the force trim, the thumb button next to it is the force trim release, the function of the other two are temporarily lost in the mists of antiquity, but maybe intercom and hoist release. Now I gotta go look it up…

  30. Well – let me try to fix my own HTML screw up…

    AH-64 back seat cyclic.

    Bendix in a Huey (from the left)from the right.

    Modernized Hueys have some other type – anyway, the same type & variants were used in a plethora of aircraft in the olden days.

  31. I do like the coffee mug, although it’s a bit small. And the coffee’s kinda lite-looking.

  32. I need to do a Non-continental Euro-breakfast version with six tall pint glasses of warm beer and a lot off scratched off British lottery tickets, a dole application, and a London jaywalking citation. I’ll even leave the gun on the table but it will be a rusty looking revolver with a 12″ barrel put that weird pseudo-stock attachment coming out of the base of the grip with a high price tag on it that shows the VAT.

    Because fair.

  33. This is the coffee cup I think.

  34. Given how expensive bacon has become I doubt I could manage a spread like that. I could get a large deluxe meat pizza for the same money from the hipster place on Airport Blvd. East Side Pies I think?

  35. He forgot the potatoes, the cheddar and jack cheese, the tortillas, the refried beans, and the picadillo bowl. Not really a fuunctional breakfast taco spread.

  36. Where’s the fried potatos or the biscuits and gravy?

  37. I’m a Californian, the toast should be sourdough.

    And who ever eats one egg?

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  39. Let’s see, what did the quiche-eating surrender monkey get right?


    Well, the bacon is nice and crispy…




    And the bacon is nice and crispy…

  40. That pic’s been around for quite awhile. Long enough for G&A to run a Caption Contest.


    The eggs are runny, the toast is dry, the bacon is overdone, the coffee is cold, and the sig is sauer.

  41. Who the Hell wants their bacon crispy?!?

    Fatty Bacon – It’s What Real Americans Eat.

  42. Who the Hell wants their bacon crispy?

    *raises hand*