December 27, 2013

I get emails

This time, from comedian Lewis Black (on behalf of the ACLU), whose claim to fame, so far as I can tell, is railing against all manner of picayune shit during the later Clinton years:
Dear ACLU Supporter,
Call me old-fashioned but I believe that elections should be decided by how many votes you can win, not how many voters you can keep away from the polling booth.

And yet, all across the country, new voter suppression laws are popping up seemingly every day. These laws are stupid and dangerous because they take aim at America's most vulnerable voters — people of color, the poor, the elderly, students and the disabled. It's just wrong.

I've had enough and I'm fighting back with everything I've got. That's why I've signed on to work with you and the ACLU to help stop voter suppression. I'm doing what I can to help — will you join me?

You can help right now by making a year-end donation to help the ACLU defend the right to vote and other fundamental freedoms. (Do not forward: This link will open a page with your information already filled in.)

Cheat. That's what cowards do when they can't win an election fair and square. These voter suppression laws aren't designed to get more people to vote, but are aimed at making sure fewer people vote.

Someone needs to fight back — to stand up for one of our most treasured fundamental freedoms. And that someone is the ACLU.

With your support, ACLU legal teams are on-the-ground in all 50 states working to expand voter participation and defend voting rights. And the whole organization is gearing up for an all-out voter protection effort in the 2014 elections. If cynical efforts to undermine voting rights make you as angry as they make me, now is the time to act.

Don't let voter suppression succeed. Send a year-end donation to the ACLU to help protect our fundamental freedoms.

I don't always agree with the ACLU. Who does? But, surely we all can agree that, trying to stop people from voting isn't democratic. It's stupid and evil and needs to be challenged at every turn. Let's stand with the ACLU as they lead the fight to protect voting rights.

Sincerely,

Lewis Black for the ACLU

My reply:

Dear Mr Black —

I have an answer to your question: your position is both stupid AND evil. By propping yourself up as some sort of champion of the poor, downtrodden elderly and people of color who can’t possibly navigate the draconian (and free) maze preventing them from getting their hands on an ID card of some sort — even while they are expected to run the gamut of red tape to pick up food stamps, entitlements, tax credits, and most recently, ObamaCare, using a website (funny how the poor, elderly, and downtrodden are expected to hook up w/ Ocare through their wi-fi networks and DSL routers) — you prove yourself to be nothing more than a knee-jerk, unthinking leftwing propagandist and, even worse, a limousine liberal who attaches his name to causes he doesn’t really think through, taking positions that make no sense when view logically, socially, or even pragmatically.

For every vote that is cast by a person who doesn’t have a right to vote, an American citizen loses his franchise. And that, Mr Black, is what’s both evil and stupid. That you would support the position that it is worth disenfranchising an American citizen because some phantom human able to navigate the morass of bureaucratic obstacles and jump through the hoops necessary to partake in all manner of government assistance — not to mention, purchase alcohol or cigarettes or, in a pinch, make their way onto an airplane or inside a casino — is absurd.

Even more absurd is that the same idiots like you who try to turn the task of managing to find a government-issued ID card for free into a Bondsian adventure too onerous for the lesser humans you pretend to care for, are the people who wouldn’t dream of attending high-profile functions or White House parties unless security vetted potential attendees and crashers.

By way of checking for ID.

You are not only an unfunny, miserable, sneering hypocrite whose schtick grew old somewhere around the end of the Clinton era; but you are also proving yourself to be a useful idiot for a “cause” you can’t possibly defend, nor in any way make palatable to any kind of truly sentient and logical organism.

You’ve devolved into that which you once parodied: you are the very kind of opinionated moron whose positions are, from nearly any objective standpoint, ludicrous and worthy of scorn.

And while those opinions may continue to hold currency within your bubble of cloistered, well-off, gentrified and city-bohemian wannabe social-dogooders (and I really should sneer quote that do-gooder phrase, because your idea of "doing good” is, at no real expense, lending your name to some cause de jure that you haven’t completely thought through — as if your very personage adding his imprimatur to the Struggle is akin to a significant charitable donation and a brave stand against The Man, a sign, let me suggest, of superior arrogance and a true overvaluing of self worth on your part), the fact is, it simple doesn’t play in Peoria — a place you no doubt would rather avoid, even if the punishment for doing so was having to rescue a Klondike bar from Sarah Bernstein’s well-worn hoohah.

We constitutionalists — who revere the franchise and don’t wish to see our votes canceled out by phony “civil rights” claims that prevent states from actually making sure the integrity of their voter roles are intact — are often accused of being Mad Men living in a Modern Family World.

— Which, I’m sure those wags who came up with such a quip thought they were being enormously bracing and clever, even as they missed that the Modern Family world can be enjoyed and appreciated by constitutionalists, while it is the Mad Men world — the world of Duck Dynasty — that those who align themselves with the ACLU, for instance, work to silence and squelch, all in the name of “tolerance.”

Pro tip, Lewis: there is nothing tolerant about advocating for the destruction of our franchise so that you can feel superior about yourself; nor is there anything tolerant about denying religious believers due tolerance of their beliefs, particularly when those beliefs don’t happen to carry the force of law.

Changing the social dynamic by way of law and social engineering “nudges” are the bailiwick of faux-enlightened, pseudo-intellectual talking point Magpies like yourself.

Do America — and yes, that includes a large swath of land between the Northeast coast and parts of California — a tremendous favor and, the next time you feel the urge to insert yourself into such issues by trying to shame citizens into surrendering their franchise, use that time instead to insert a frozen swordfish into your own rectum and then, having experienced that sensation, write some ponderous, minutes-long dialogue complaining about the ordeal that you can then pass off as comedy to the kinds of people who still find you even remotely humorous, having yet to recognize what a bitter, phony, mannered poser you truly are.

Hope that helps!

Jeff

Posted by Jeff G. @ 10:04am
26 comments | Trackback

Comments (26)

  1. Lewis Black is a comedian? Riiiiight. Next you’ll tell me Alec Baldwin is an actor and Alanis Morrisette is a singer.

    You leg puller, you.

  2. Bravo, Jeff!

  3. I still think he’s funny as hell. Couldn’t give two shits about his political advocacy or fundraising pitches, but I’ll probably watch the next time he has a special on Comedy Central.

    BECAUSE OF THE TOLERANCE!

  4. Meh. If I want to listen to a crabby white dude griping about stupid inania, I’ll stand in front of a mirror and read from my own slog.

  5. If Comedy Central picks up your mirror-ranting, I’ll totally watch that, too.

  6. I heard a Lewis Black interview during a morning drive time news program once. He is either not a morning person or drinks at 7:00 am. He was not funny despite the interviewer insisting he was.

  7. I remember Lewis Black suggesting we elect a dead president. His basic premise was that crazy people don’t get messed with.

    I wasn’t sure if Black was kidding, though. Or, it may be I thought his idea was somewhat valid.

  8. I think we should put ID photos on those food stamp credit cards – and make that a VALID ID for voting purposes.

    It would be a win/win. People would then be further restricted selling those cards for drugs and those poor folks who can’t afford to get an ID card would be provided for.

  9. Carin, you fascist. I love you.

  10. I was discussing this with my husband just last night, and he put his fork down and asked why those asshole in DC who supposedly represent us couldn’t come up with such an idea.

    They truly are idiots.

  11. They truly are idiots.

    [B]oth stupid AND evil

  12. Careful, Carin — you’re liable to have an army of Owwies camped out on your lawn if you keep up talk like that.

  13. “George Bush, huh? – huh?” (make funny face) — crowd squeals with laughter while clapping like trained seals. “Sarah Palin!” — audience writhes in hysterics, many literally frothing at the mouth, gasping for breath as tears stream down their face.

  14. I think we should put ID photos on those food stamp credit cards

    Perfect! My photo is on my Costco card and many credit/debit cards offer the same.

    The Government couldn’t object now, could they?

  15. areful, Carin — you’re liable to have an army of Owwies camped out on your lawn if you keep up talk like that. –

    I would relish the encounter.

  16. There’s nothing quite like comedians trying to be edgy and self righteously sensitive in very the same breath is there? Is Louis Black a cop dreaming he used to be a rebel or a rebel dreaming he’s become a cop?

  17. “I heard a Lewis Black interview during a morning drive time news program once. He is either not a morning person or drinks at 7:00 am. He was not funny despite the interviewer insisting he was. ”

    O’Reilly had Sasha Baron Cohen on in his Borat persona/act and the guy had no material and he was crap at improvising so it was just a guy doing a bad accent and gesturing while O’Reilly fed him slow under hand pitches which Sasha missed.

    A similar thing happened when he had Steve Colbert on and he did his “I’m doing you” voice and gestures but really had no ability to be funny off the cuff or work with O’Reilly pitching him straight lines.

    Sad stuff.

    Not as sad as when O’Reilly interviewed the Alf puppet though.

  18. Easy, Jeff… let him up. He’s had enough.

  19. Easy, Jeff… let him up. He’s had enough.

    They’ve never had enough.

  20. “These laws are stupid and dangerous because they take aim at America’s most vulnerable voters — people of color, the poor, the elderly, students and the disabled.”

    What makes student’s so “vulnerable” in Lewis Black’s eyes? They all have picture ids and if they’re not too hung over from the last frat party the voting precinct is probably in their gymnasium. It’d be pretty tough to disenfranchise them.

    Now, Mickey Mouse. He needs an advocate.

  21. And the dead…

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  23. The problem with students is that they don’t get to vote with Student ID’s which makes it hard for them to vote twice, both where they live and where they go to school. The poor dears.

  24. Back when I was in college students who could vote, voting age was 21, could only vote where the came from as they were not considered residents of the town the college was in but residents of where they lived before coming to the college. Then that changed in the late 60s-early 70s to 18 being the voting age and they were now considered residents of the college town.

    Turned a lot of small towns into radical left strongholds and larger cities purplish blue to bright blue.

  25. Minor quibble: *de jure* should probably be *du jour*.

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