I get emails
This time, from comedian Lewis Black (on behalf of the ACLU), whose claim to fame, so far as I can tell, is railing against all manner of picayune shit during the later Clinton years:
Dear ACLU Supporter,
Call me old-fashioned but I believe that elections should be decided by how many votes you can win, not how many voters you can keep away from the polling booth.
And yet, all across the country, new voter suppression laws are popping up seemingly every day. These laws are stupid and dangerous because they take aim at America's most vulnerable voters — people of color, the poor, the elderly, students and the disabled. It's just wrong.
I've had enough and I'm fighting back with everything I've got. That's why I've signed on to work with you and the ACLU to help stop voter suppression. I'm doing what I can to help — will you join me?
You can help right now by making a year-end donation to help the ACLU defend the right to vote and other fundamental freedoms. (Do not forward: This link will open a page with your information already filled in.)
Cheat. That's what cowards do when they can't win an election fair and square. These voter suppression laws aren't designed to get more people to vote, but are aimed at making sure fewer people vote.
Someone needs to fight back — to stand up for one of our most treasured fundamental freedoms. And that someone is the ACLU.
With your support, ACLU legal teams are on-the-ground in all 50 states working to expand voter participation and defend voting rights. And the whole organization is gearing up for an all-out voter protection effort in the 2014 elections. If cynical efforts to undermine voting rights make you as angry as they make me, now is the time to act.
Don't let voter suppression succeed. Send a year-end donation to the ACLU to help protect our fundamental freedoms.
I don't always agree with the ACLU. Who does? But, surely we all can agree that, trying to stop people from voting isn't democratic. It's stupid and evil and needs to be challenged at every turn. Let's stand with the ACLU as they lead the fight to protect voting rights.
Lewis Black for the ACLU
Dear Mr Black —
I have an answer to your question: your position is both stupid AND evil. By propping yourself up as some sort of champion of the poor, downtrodden elderly and people of color who can’t possibly navigate the draconian (and free) maze preventing them from getting their hands on an ID card of some sort — even while they are expected to run the gamut of red tape to pick up food stamps, entitlements, tax credits, and most recently, ObamaCare, using a website (funny how the poor, elderly, and downtrodden are expected to hook up w/ Ocare through their wi-fi networks and DSL routers) — you prove yourself to be nothing more than a knee-jerk, unthinking leftwing propagandist and, even worse, a limousine liberal who attaches his name to causes he doesn’t really think through, taking positions that make no sense when view logically, socially, or even pragmatically.
For every vote that is cast by a person who doesn’t have a right to vote, an American citizen loses his franchise. And that, Mr Black, is what’s both evil and stupid. That you would support the position that it is worth disenfranchising an American citizen because some phantom human able to navigate the morass of bureaucratic obstacles and jump through the hoops necessary to partake in all manner of government assistance — not to mention, purchase alcohol or cigarettes or, in a pinch, make their way onto an airplane or inside a casino — is absurd.
Even more absurd is that the same idiots like you who try to turn the task of managing to find a government-issued ID card for free into a Bondsian adventure too onerous for the lesser humans you pretend to care for, are the people who wouldn’t dream of attending high-profile functions or White House parties unless security vetted potential attendees and crashers.
By way of checking for ID.
You are not only an unfunny, miserable, sneering hypocrite whose schtick grew old somewhere around the end of the Clinton era; but you are also proving yourself to be a useful idiot for a “cause” you can’t possibly defend, nor in any way make palatable to any kind of truly sentient and logical organism.
You’ve devolved into that which you once parodied: you are the very kind of opinionated moron whose positions are, from nearly any objective standpoint, ludicrous and worthy of scorn.
And while those opinions may continue to hold currency within your bubble of cloistered, well-off, gentrified and city-bohemian wannabe social-dogooders (and I really should sneer quote that do-gooder phrase, because your idea of "doing good” is, at no real expense, lending your name to some cause de jure that you haven’t completely thought through — as if your very personage adding his imprimatur to the Struggle is akin to a significant charitable donation and a brave stand against The Man, a sign, let me suggest, of superior arrogance and a true overvaluing of self worth on your part), the fact is, it simple doesn’t play in Peoria — a place you no doubt would rather avoid, even if the punishment for doing so was having to rescue a Klondike bar from Sarah Bernstein’s well-worn hoohah.
We constitutionalists — who revere the franchise and don’t wish to see our votes canceled out by phony “civil rights” claims that prevent states from actually making sure the integrity of their voter roles are intact — are often accused of being Mad Men living in a Modern Family World.
— Which, I’m sure those wags who came up with such a quip thought they were being enormously bracing and clever, even as they missed that the Modern Family world can be enjoyed and appreciated by constitutionalists, while it is the Mad Men world — the world of Duck Dynasty — that those who align themselves with the ACLU, for instance, work to silence and squelch, all in the name of “tolerance.”
Pro tip, Lewis: there is nothing tolerant about advocating for the destruction of our franchise so that you can feel superior about yourself; nor is there anything tolerant about denying religious believers due tolerance of their beliefs, particularly when those beliefs don’t happen to carry the force of law.
Changing the social dynamic by way of law and social engineering “nudges” are the bailiwick of faux-enlightened, pseudo-intellectual talking point Magpies like yourself.
Do America — and yes, that includes a large swath of land between the Northeast coast and parts of California — a tremendous favor and, the next time you feel the urge to insert yourself into such issues by trying to shame citizens into surrendering their franchise, use that time instead to insert a frozen swordfish into your own rectum and then, having experienced that sensation, write some ponderous, minutes-long dialogue complaining about the ordeal that you can then pass off as comedy to the kinds of people who still find you even remotely humorous, having yet to recognize what a bitter, phony, mannered poser you truly are.
Hope that helps!