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Anybody know what a mint julep is?

Turns out, its just a sprig of mint muddled with crushed ice and a tea spoon of sugar, then a whole shitload of bourbon atop it.

I felt all Southern aristocrat last night, so I tried one. Or ten, if you’re going to nitpick. But honestly, how dare you judge me!

Anyway, I’ll be back later. Nap time. Followed by a half-dozen 7-11 chili cheese dogs.

Before I re-pass out, though, my political advice for the day: if you see people with an Obama bumper sticker on their cars? Ask them for your fair share of whatever is in their purse/wallet and glove box. 40% is good. Though if it’s over $100 in total value, hold out for 50-60%. Tell them 3% of that goes to autistic old people forced to live in areas of high CO2 pollution. Like, houses. Or around people. Or, artificially, inside green houses.

If they decline to hand over the booty, call them Biblethumping racists who think you were born in Kenya. Then donkey punch them in their 1% and key the shit out of their stupid Volvo wagons.

For equality.

It’s liberating, trust me. Even if you aren’t drunk on Mint Juleps at the time.

51 Replies to “Anybody know what a mint julep is?”

  1. happyfeet says:

    you get special cups

    metal ones to where you can feel the chill of your tasty julep

    it’s one of your more tactile cocktails really I love them very much how you get to feel smell and taste them

    that is how you make memories

    I still need to get the special cups though… when I googled a lot of them are more elaborate than what I want

    I want simple unfancy ones

    mint juleps at heart are all about keeping it real I think

  2. sdferr says:

    The use of mint in the cuisine of the Levant has always seemed just right to me. Bets it helps those people relieve the tedium of yet another aerosol toxin assault, anyhow. “Last flavor in life? Mint!” It’s Allah’s own blessing.

  3. happyfeet says:

    Mint is not a particularly pervasive flavor among the comestibles of the hispanic peoples did you know that? Mojitos aside it’s just not a go-to flavor for them.

    They do, however, enjoy the scent in cleaning products as well as in air fresheners.

    It’s good to know these things about our Hispanic friends as we prepare to welcome millions of new Hispanic citizens as John Boehner and Marco Rubio proceed to implement the next stage of the omnibus Republican master plan for America.

  4. JohnInFirestone says:

    Glad to know you’re stuck in a bear trap somewhere…

  5. JohnInFirestone says:

    “you’re NOT stuck” above…

  6. Dave J says:

    Elijah Craig is a great bourbon to use in one’s julep. If you like mint also try a seaboard.

  7. geoffb says:

    Tomorrow (or later today) you will be sober but this other Coloradan wake up tomorrow still just as stupid as she is today.

    “Now I will forever be labeled with this whole gun issue, and I’m fine with that, because when you think about gun violence, the communities who are disproportionately affected are women and children and people of color.”

  8. Squid says:

    A lot of them drive Subarus. Just sayin’.

  9. serr8d says:

    The ‘Official’ Churchill Downs Kentucky Derby mint julep is made with Early Times Kentucky Bourbon. If not for the Derby, I’d never met Ms. Julep, who is now a faded post-Southern-belle tramp usually found attending the same AA meetings as one J. Daniels.

    I grow mint in my backyard just to add to my gin concoctions, no two ever being the same. They remain…Anonymints.

  10. Down here around Derby time we use simple syrup. Granulated sugar doesn’t dissolve well in super-cold bourbon. Muddle the mint in the cup and add the syrup first, then tons of ice, then as much bourbon as you can.

    I made two mason jars of mint-infused simple syrup this year. Used one for juleps and one for mojitos (started with daiquiris, but had to start diluting them after “the incident” (don’t ask (really (damn dog)))) at my son’s graduation party. It was probably the loudest and longest party all graduation season.

    Ended up on the road most of the rest of the summer and Mrs Cookies hijacked my stash of fancy lime juice for guacamole, so now I’m back to cheap beer* for my kicks.

    *and occasional auto-erotic asphyxiation

  11. scooter says:

    Squid – one data point does not a trend make but I have an almost stereotypical PhD college-professor in-law who does, in fact, drive a Volvo wagon. And watch MSNBC, and buy organic food, and is has tired to convince me that her “mystery” dental problems are caused by fracking. Among others.

    So rage against stereotypes all you want (you in the general sense) but try to not be one so actively.

  12. leigh says:

    LMC clearly knows his mint juleps. We’ll be over on Derby Day.

  13. Squid says:

    Yeah, Scooter, it probably goes without saying that I had one very particular Subaru in mind.

    As for juleps, my primary observation is that if you’re chilling them down so cold that you can’t taste them, it doesn’t really matter what kind of rotgut you use. Same principle applies to brewers of yellow beer who encourage you to freeze their stuff before you drink it, so that hopefully you won’t realize that they’ve put way more effort and money into the shape of the container than they do to the stuff in it.

    Did I mention I was at the State Fair yesterday?

  14. cranky-d says:

    Are you talking about Honey Weiss? Because I don’t understand how anyone could like that stuff.

  15. cranky-d says:

    When I think of State Fair beer, that’s what I think of.

    I like the Summer Shandy and Berry Shandy varieties, however. I have only seen the latter on sale here in San Diego, where I am visiting. In either case, they are not actually beer, of course. Guinness is beer.

  16. mojo says:

    Ok, fair warning – nobody use the phrase “Hillbilly Skank“, because, well… ok, I don’t know why.

  17. cranky-d says:

    Should I know who that is, mojo?

  18. Squid says:

    That’s the Achy-Breaky Tart, cranky.

    And the State Fair beer I was referencing was Every Big American Yellow Megabrew.

  19. Pablo says:

    That’s the latest Disney princess gone south, cranky. The Artist Formerly Known as Hannah Montana.

  20. Ernst Schreiber says:

    The Colorado Megabrew has a newly engineered aluminum container!

    I saw it Sunday Night Football last night.

    Highlight of the game, really.

  21. cranky-d says:

    That’s Miley? Yikes.

    Madonna and Lady Gaga should be proud of their protege.

  22. EBL says:

    It is not even Derby Day. But anyday is good for a Mint Julep, especially if you use a decent bourbon. I would not go very top shelf like Blanton’s or other single barrel bourbons (you are adding mint) but Maker’s or Knob Creek would be great choices.

  23. EBL says:

    I agree on the simple syrup and muddling the mint.

    Muddling is always a good idea with good cocktails that call for muddling. Same with the mint in a mojito or the fruit in an old fashioned.

    Hell, you can muddle an anchovy in a bloody mary.

  24. Isn’t a mint julep a julep that hasn’t been in circulation? Any julep in proof condition is almost certainly a mint julep.

    Is this a trick question?

  25. John Bradley says:

    As opposed to a “min t julep”, which is a julep that can be drank quicker than any other.

  26. eCurmudgeon says:

    Madonna and Lady Gaga should be proud of their protege.

    Comment of the day goes to Iowahawk:

    If Syria used chemical weapons against the VMAs, would we be so quick to condemn them?

  27. As a gift to the world in 2008, at my old site I posted the recipe for The Belvedere Mint Julip and I now offer it to the denizens of Protein Wisdom…

    http://thecampofthesaints.org/happy-hour-iii-the-mint-julip/

  28. […] by Jeff Goldstein’s post of today on his experience with the Mint Julip and by the offered recipes of his loyal Goldsteinians in the Comments section of Protein Wisdom, I […]

  29. palaeomerus says:

    Miley has hair horns and a creepy white coated tongue. She’s gonna probably party all her teeth out by 30 at this rate. Winning.

  30. palaeomerus says:

    It’s probably best that Annette Funicello didn’t have to see that.

  31. leigh says:

    I’m watching “Fashion Police” (don’t judge) and Kelly Osborne who is one of the hosts is Miley’s BFF in real life. Even she said “Keep your fucking tongue in your mouth!”

  32. palaeomerus says:

    If your tongue is gross then put it away.

  33. palaeomerus says:

    Was she going for that Sexy trailer-trash stripper gargoyle look? The medieval satyr/pan/devil on a fountain ? What was that?

  34. palaeomerus says:

    Maybe she is trying to immunize herself against Filner ?

  35. leigh says:

    I’m not sure what she was going for, but I feel like I need antibiotics just looking at those pictures.

  36. cranky-d says:

    You probably do need antibiotics now.

  37. leigh says:

    Ha! That looks about right, Bob.

  38. happyfeet says:

    EBL lady lady I think those are mostly gringo recipes with mexican-inspired sass

    i never had mint on my albondigas my whole life

  39. EBL says:

    Bayless may be a gringo, but he knows his way with Mexican cooking and he uses mint a lot…

    His Mexican chops are real…his LEED Gold certified is a bunch of crap.

  40. happyfeet says:

    okeydoke I promise I will seek out these minty fresh albondigas

    i just can’t eat the potatoes if they put potatoes in cause of they’re starch and starch is of the devil

    Oprah says don’t eat anything white and christ she’s motherfucking Oprah

  41. John Bradley says:

    As a white guy, I feel somewhat safer knowing she thinks that way. What do you think happens to the hundreds of people killed in Chicago each year, anyhow. You don’t waste good meat…

  42. EBL says:

    I am guessing from her size Oprah is having those white tubers on the down low.

    Stedman was a beard anyway.

  43. […] Instead, I direct you to Jeff G.’s outstanding example at Protein Wisdom yesterday… […]

  44. leigh says:

    Oprah had, perhaps still has, a restaurant which serves mashed potatoes by the truckload. She’s been known to plow her way through a kilo or two at one sitting.

  45. guinspen says:

    Nope, but mint jalopy, yep.

  46. palaeomerus says:

    Miley Cyrus is the new Lady Krampus.

Comments are closed.