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“Houston Man Arrested After Threatening to Kidnap, Murder and Burn Ted Cruz and His Father”

The supreme irony? ABC’s Brian Ross is reporting that a person with a similar name may have ties to the TEA Party!

Okay. So I made that part up:

A Houston man is accused of threatening to kidnap, murder and burn U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas and his father and also to “blow up” the sun if he wasn’t paid $3 million.

Nick Gates was being held Tuesday in the Harris County jail on a $10,000 bond. He’s charged with making a terroristic threat.

Investigators allege threatening phone calls made June 5 to Cruz’s offices in Austin and San Antonio were traced back to Gates.

Court documents show the 37-year-old admitted to FBI agents he made the calls and that Cruz was told he had a choice: give Gates the money or “lose the sun.”

Me, I think Cruz ought to pony up. I mean, this is the sun we’re talking about, and nobody wants his family kidnapped and burned to death.

Unfortunately, I hear that the GOP establishment is pressuring Cruz behind the scenes to stay strong, not give into terrorist demands, and — completely coincidental political upside! — they’ll be able to position themselves as demonstrably against global warming once the sun is blown up and the world is soothed by the icy cold darkness of a world without heat!

The GOP is rebranding, you see. So, like, you’d really be helping the party out, Ted. Do them a solid. For the Greater Good.

(h/t Gatewaypundit)

11 Replies to ““Houston Man Arrested After Threatening to Kidnap, Murder and Burn Ted Cruz and His Father””

  1. geoffb says:

    Sun?

    Tea Partying terrorist I hear.

  2. Martel says:

    ” they’ll be able to position themselves as demonstrably against global warming once the sun is blown up and the world is soothed by the icy cold darkness of a world without heat!”

    I love you. I’m straight and might not even recognize you if we were eating in the same Denny’s, but I still love you.

  3. Squid says:

    …and nobody wants his family kidnapped and burned to death.

    Spend ten minutes at Kos or Huff or Balloon Fence Juice, and I’ve no doubt you’d realize the error of that assertion.

  4. dicentra says:

    Frank J. has been one-upped, I see.

  5. xkcd explored the ramifications of the sun going out. There are actually several items on the upside: http://what-if.xkcd.com/49/

  6. Ernst Schreiber says:

    The sun going out? I saw that movie of the Sci-Fi Channel once.

  7. Well, he said he’d blow up the sun, not put it out.

    I get the feeling he’d be like the even stupider terrorist (“stupid terrorist” being redundant) who was assigned to blow up a bus and burned his lips on the tailpipe.

  8. Spiny Norman says:

    Squid,

    “…and nobody wants his family kidnapped and burned to death.”

    Spend ten minutes at Kos or Huff or Balloon Juice, and I’ve no doubt you’d realize the error of that assertion.

    Speaking of which, what are the odds that this Nick Gates character has a “diary” at Daily Kos?

  9. guinspen says:

    Ali bada-Bing, I believe was he.

  10. bgbear says:

    OK, I have to ask, although it spoils the humor, did he mean “son”. (except Cruz has two daughters).

    I am sure he is a racists white guy, probably never heard of a “Mex’an Republican” .

  11. Patrick Chester says:

    A budding Dr. Evil, judging from the low ransom demand…

Comments are closed.