April 18, 2013

Hunka hunka burnin’ innards

Is this the guy who sent the ricin letters? A man with a struggling cleaning business who thought he’d uncovered a black market body part trade and who hoped to go undercover to expose corruption in the world of Elvis impersonators?

Lord. This country is becoming more surreal by the minute. And that was before I learned of any of this.

Posted by Jeff G. @ 9:11am
40 comments | Trackback

Comments (40)

  1. He’s got three first names —a sure sign that something is deeply wrong.

  2. Coming soon on TLC: “Undercover Elvis.”

  3. Ugh. He is also a Democrat activist. Not that this will ever be disclosed by the MSM.
    http://preview.tinyurl.com/csmz65k

  4. Was working at an upscale (private pay only) nursing facility out in Phoenix some years back. The activities director is all excited about an Elvis impersonator he’s booked to entertain the residents, so a few of us pop in for a look see. The guy comes out, he’s a bit paunchy, so he’s Vegas Elvis, with the white jumpsuit and all.

    A white cotton jumpsuit. And nothing on underneath, which became readily apparent a few minutes into his gyrations. The residents got quite a show that day, yet somehow the AD kept his job.

    When it comes to Elvis impersonators anything is possible.

  5. He’s also bragged about being a MENSA member. Truly a sign of a deeply disturbed mind.

  6. Elvis impersonator/MENSA member/Christian/Democrat terrorist wannabe is not a combination that is all that common, I would think. There are almost certainly more oddball things that can be exploited to make this guy a snowflake, while keeping McVeigh squarely in the Republican mainstream.

    I have gotten quite cynical, I think.

  7. You can sit by me, Slart. There is a lot of room on the cynical bench.

  8. There’s a reason why nobody wants to sit on that bench with Diogenes, you know.

  9. I had always thought it was flatulence.

  10. Diogenes is always kvetching about his feet hurting and his arm is tired from holding up that damned lamp.

    What a buzzkill.

  11. Yeah, he sounds like a messed up guy. Something tells me we’ll only be hearing about how white, Southern, and Christian he is. Also, does he own any guns? We could have the makings of a bitter clinger here, a quirky one.

  12. Libby, do you have another link? I can’t seem to open that one. Thanks.

  13. Never mind.

  14. It wasn’t from holding up the lamp that his arm was always tired, leigh.

  15. Heh. He was a nasty fellow, Ernst.

  16. Belonging to Mensa is nothing to brag about. Quitting Mensa, on the other hand…

  17. I hope this event opens the eyes of Americans everywhere to the urgent need for Elvis control. I understand that Elvis is a cherished and important part of our American legacy, but even the proudest and most patriotic Elvis fan would agree that certain commonsense limits on Elvis are needed in the modern era.

    For instance, there is no legitimate need for more than 1,000 sequins on a single jumpsuit. These expanded-sequin jumpsuits may be popular with Elvis hotshots and those trying to compensate for certain personal inadequacies, but a jumpsuit with 100 sequins is more than sufficient for any legitimate use.

    Also, the typical Elvis possesses a number of distinguishing characteristics: pompadour over 2″ in height; sideburns extending 1.5″ or more below the ears; jumpsuit open to below the solar plexus; collars over 2.5″ in width; oversize dark sunglasses; trouser cuffs more than 18″ in circumference. If your Elvis has two or more of these features, it is properly considered an Assault Elvis, and has no place in polite society. All such Elvises should be banned forthwith, before they cause any more needless destruction.

    We need universal background checks to assure that unstable or dangerous individuals are not permitted to Elvis, as well as a 10-day waiting period before new applicants may purchase or bear Elvis equipment or accessories. We also need to close the Elvis Convention loophole, where undocumented Elvises routinely buy and sell jumpsuits, oversize glasses and thousands upon thousands of sequins without any sort of background check or paper trail.

    I hope that all of my fellow Americans will join me in urging Congress to pass commonsense Elvis control laws before another tragedy strikes.

  18. Well done, Squid.

  19. Time to join the Surrealist Party.

    Pappoon! PAPPOON for PRESIDENT! He’s NOT insane!

  20. Well, the guy I witnessed was clearly an Assault Elvis. But he needed more sequins. Or a garbage can sized belt buckle.

  21. Or underpants.

  22. I want high-capacity Elvises banned. All of them that are out there need to be confiscated and melted down.

  23. That’d yield a lot of biofuel right there.

  24. Belonging to Mensa is nothing to brag about. Quitting Mensa, on the other hand…

    …shows you have the good sense to not pay Mensa dues.

  25. This country is becoming more surreal by the minute. And that was before I learned of any of this.

    Concurring opinion: “I could smoke some weed right now, but it would just be redundant. #bizarroplanet”

  26. Pingback: The Arrest Of Paul Kevin Curtis: A Teachable Moment?…YES! | The Camp Of The Saints

  27. “Whoa! I did not see THAT coming.”
    — David Lynch

  28. what about folks who like to hunt with Elvis?

  29. The kind of people who join mensa are only good for coming up with clever arguments to support stupid ideas. I think of the funny hair UFO guy on History channel.

  30. I joined ‘em because I wanted to display a Mensa bumper sticker next to my NRA Life Member decal.

  31. They should all join NRA, if they ever decide to blow their brains out, they will need to know how to handle a large caliber weapon to get the job done right.

  32. Is “Mensufferable” a word?

  33. I always figured a .22 pinging around your brainpan was plenty sufficient, bgbear.

  34. Thanks for the shout-out, Bob.

  35. The Anthony “The Ant” Spilotro method right squid.

  36. The birth of the $1500 “loan”:

    http://news.cnet.com/8301-1023_3-57580159-93/google-will-brick-google-glasses-if-owners-resell-or-loan-them-out/

    What? You thought you OWNED your overpriced crap?

  37. Google needs to change its corporate motto to “Don’t be stupid.”

  38. I hope google chokes on their own evil.

  39. Does google think they are hack proof? Glasses hacking will be a thing whether they like it or not.

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