Ronery. So ronery.
Andrew Malcolm, IBD, out-Onioning the Onion:
Despite international warnings, North Korea’s loopy Communist regime fired off an intercontinental rocket early this morning, local time.
The launch went great.
The flight not so good.
According to American military sources, in less than a minute the controversial rocket broke apart and never left Earth’s atmosphere. […]
North Korea claimed the rocket was carrying a weather satellite into space.
For some reason, possibly connected to its chronic lying over many years, Americans, South Koreans and Japanese suspect the launch actually involved a test for an intercontinental ballistic missile. Such a missile could deliver nuclear weapons the North is developing, has stopped developing or might stop developing, depending on President Obama’s generosity with food donations.
As with Iran’s ongoing development of nuclear weapons, a very patient Democrat Obama so far believes encouragement and sanctions can dissuade such governments from the weapons course.
Internally, the failed rocket was a total bummer for the Kim regime which replaced the Kim regime which replaced the Kim regime.
In fact, the rocket was set to mark Kim’s assumption of power this winter from his father Kim Jong Il, who died in December, as well as Sunday’s 100th anniversary of the birth of his grandfather, Kim Il Sung. He is publicly revered as the inventor of the oppressive post-World War II Stalinist regime there and the bearer for many years of the world’s largest governing goiter.
The regime set the rocket launch for Friday the 13th, which isn’t a bad luck day in Asia, at least until now. Japan and the United States had vowed to shoot the rocket down if necessary. U.S. officials said pieces of the shattered rocket fell into the Yellow Sea, but there was no indication the rocket’s break-up had been assisted in any way.
South Korean helicopters sought debris for study. House Armed Services Committee chairman Buck McKeon of California warned that the firing showed North Korea continues “to pursue its efforts to strike the American people, while at the same time President Obama has degraded U.S. national missile defense.”
Elsewhere, reaction to North Korea’s action was swift and superficial. At the White House, Obama press secretary Jay Carney talked tough, calling the test a “provocative action.” He’d warned that the launch could jeopardize Obama’s offer to give free food to the North and would be a “significant and clear demonstration of bad faith.”
The United Nations Security Council called an urgent meeting for today to talk some more. Again.
Likely to figure out a way to pin the rocket’s failures on the Jews. Or possibly George Zimmerman, if it turns out the Zionists have an alibi. Stay tuned.
I wonder what all the starving citizens of North Korea think when they see pictures of that fat fuck.
I don’t know, Car in, but they better not be thinking it out loud.
Thanks to Estes and Centuri, I have had more successful rocket launches than North Korea.
And no, that’s nothing to brag about.
Likely to figure out a way to pin the rocket’s failures on the Jews. Or possibly George Zimmerman, if it turns out the Zionists have an alibi. Stay tuned.
Any chance it can be pinned on W. Bush or Sarah Palin?
Projectile dysfunction, possibly premature disarticulation.
That’s a given, davidinva.
And since Zimmerman is half-Jew? Well, that just makes it easier all around.
THE
SCIENCESCAPEGOAT IS SETTLED!When I went to Space Camp, we shot multi-stage model rockets that had longer flight times than that (and successfully separated). Mine was one of 3 to make it back to the ground with the cricket alive.
I’m guessing K-J Un’s crickets didn’t make it back so successfully…
And, damn you, Jeff, for getting that song in my head!
This one time, at space camp …
What happens at Space Camp stays at Space Camp.
Heh. The heartbreak of borealis-miss.
“So, Comrade, how’s the weather?”
“According to our new saterrite, velly windy.”
“What about atmosphelic pleasure?”
“Atmosphelic what?”
“Pleasure! You know, rike complession!”
“Oh. Um, it rooks rike big high-plasure lidge moving in.”
“That’s stlange. Atmosphelic pleasure should be decleasing.”
“What was that roud thump?”
From a news report: “the Kwangmyongsong-3 satellite is designed to send back images and data that will be used for weather forecasts and agricultural surveys.”
They don’t need a satellite for that: No matter where they look the answer is “no agriculture here”.
The Nork’s client states must be reappraising their purchases. Rocket failures are bad for the high technology weapons business. Though sure, where the business is concrete bunker building and tunneling, they oughtn’t to feel much fall off.
Spectators at the launch obediently applauded and told themselves it was really meant to be a fireworks show in honor of North Korea’s latest Dear Leader.
I’m hoping lasers were involved in the failure.
Say, from one of our “weather satellites”.
I particularly liked that part of “World War Z ” where no one has ever heard from North Korea after they all went underground.
Proving that when it comes to missiles they’ve still got no-dong….
Everyone goes underground, eventually. But I don’t wish that on the NorKs in general, just the fuckers that starving the whole country to death.