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As a matter of men’s health

I demand HHS do something, somewhere, somehow that makes it a law that I receive free Chic-fil-A classic chicken sandwiches and waffle fries.

Because so help me, if my wife makes me eat another goddamn “heart-healthy” Paprika cod fillet and endive salad dinner, I’ma shoot up a fucking Whole Foods, then use my Cold Steel San Mai to start cutting heads off of any dudes wearing sandals.

And yes, Mr Issa. I’d be willing to come before Congress and testify.

17 Replies to “As a matter of men’s health”

  1. Gulermo says:
    February 17, 2012 at 8:27 am

    You can do anything, but lay offa my blue suede sandals. Uh huh. Thankya very mush.

  2. JHoward says:
    February 17, 2012 at 8:42 am

    The way to a man’s freedoms is through his Congress.

    Wait; we used to know that?!

  3. DarthLevin says:
    February 17, 2012 at 8:42 am

    I don’t know about you, but I need a slab from City Barbeque along with some greens and an Arnie Palmer. And I want CAIR to pay for it. Just because.

  4. The Monster says:
    February 17, 2012 at 8:45 am

    And force them to be open on Sundays and late at night because it’s your RIGHT to eat that meal EVERY DAY!

    And they should give you the food for free, or they’re callously denying you your rights.

  5. Squid says:
    February 17, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Give us this day our liquid bread…

  6. BuckIV says:
    February 17, 2012 at 9:02 am

    I’m with The Monster, I want it on Sunday sometimes too. They have no right not to serve me when and where I want to be served.

  7. Ella says:
    February 17, 2012 at 9:04 am

    BuckIv, frankly, I’m upset I even have to drive there. Why can’t they just bring it to me? Do they know how much of a burden it is for me to drive the 3/4 of a mile to the nearest Chik-Fil-A and then wait 20 minutes in a lunch hour rush drive through line? It’s insane! I could get an embolism!

  8. JohnInFirestone says:
    February 17, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Good news, Jeff! According to one of our elected betters, birth control is a women’s issue only. So fornicate away!

  9. JHoward says:
    February 17, 2012 at 10:47 am

    We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don’t, which purportedly covers at least ten million more people without adding a single new doctor, but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it, rammed through by a Speaker who didn’t know what was in it, passed by a Congress that didn’t read it but exempted themselves from it, and signed by a president who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury secretary who didn’t pay his taxes, for which we’ll be taxed for four years before any benefits take effect, by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that’s broke! What the heck could possibly go wrong?

    -Donald Trump(?)

  10. Pablo says:
    February 17, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Just so we understand the scope of the problem we’re solving by discarding the First Amendment, let’s stroll on over to Wal-Mart. Do a $4 Prescription search for Ortho Tri-Cyclen, and you’ll find that evil WalMart hates women so much that the retail, no-insurance-necessary price per month is $9.00.

    Bastards. SAVE TEH WIMMENS, MR. PRESIDENT!!!

  11. Ouroboros says:
    February 17, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Don’t look for Big Government to do for you what you should be doing for yourself… Just tell your wife you’re stepping out for awhile to workout at the gym or catch wrestling or whatever.. then hit the local Chic-fil-A … She’ll never know the difference.. provided of course that you floss all the bits of that tasty, tasty fried chicken out from between your teeth.. and of course, blame the increasing waistline on aging..

  12. SteveG says:
    February 17, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Where’s my steak and a bj?
    My health has needs.

  13. JohnInFirestone says:
    February 17, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    SteveG, that’s March 14.

  14. SteveG says:
    February 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    See… one day a year?
    I want my rights

  15. Pellegri says:
    February 17, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Since I have no reason to need birth control, can I trade my free birth control in for, like, free pints of Haagen-Daas every night of the week?

    Because I need that. Desperately. In my life. More than sex.

    I am so attracted to the Haagen-Daas.

  16. leigh says:
    February 17, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    Me, I need a new car. Preferably a German/Italian/British roadster.

  17. Maggie's Farm says:
    February 19, 2012 at 4:43 am

    Sunday morning links…

    Image via Knish A note to smallish blogs: The New Media Proletariat Germania: Hitler’s Dream Capital For women under 30, most births without benefit of marriage That JFK was a lying, drug-addled male slut is yesterday’s fish wrap as far as average,…

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