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BREAKING: Rick Santorum’s unironic wearing of sweater vests an electoral dealbreaker

…according to actress, model, Democrat activist, and erstwhile Sean Penn fuck pet Scarlett Johansson, who at a Vogue fundraiser for Obama criticized Santorum’s sleeveless knit-wear, praised the “casual, cool style” of the first couple, noted that Republicans “are all so unfashionable,” then sniffed that she won’t be attending fashion shows this year because, well, she’s just low key when it comes to such materialist showcases.

Materialist showcases like, say, a Vogue fundraiser fundraiser for Barack Obama — Vogue being a fashion magazine and all.

Perhaps Ms Johansson just got terribly confused and accidentally co-hosted the event. At which she proceeded to dismiss fashion while simultaneously offering coherent soundbites on very little else.

And I’m quite sure the situational irony — doubled by her decision to speak with US Weekly — is completely lost on the poor dear. Who, it must be said, can if nothing else carry off an ironic leopard leotard with a certain flair — provided, of course, she’s not talking at the same time she appears to be waking from a Valium hangover on the floor of a very stylish minimalist flat.

There’s something to be said for scripting. Not to mention, still photography.

43 Replies to “BREAKING: Rick Santorum’s unironic wearing of sweater vests an electoral dealbreaker”

  1. dicentra says:

    Now I REALLY feel put in my place.

    I can never show my face in public again.

  2. Entropy says:

    Honestly I’ve never understood her appeal. Photoshopped studio spreads aside, she is kind of an awkward looking butterface.

    And in her case, I’m not aware of any other qualities I was suppose to pay attention to. Not like she’s some kind of master thespian.

  3. Crawford says:

    She should shut up and suck.

  4. leigh says:

    Beat me to it, Entropy. That picture is photoshopped within an inch of its life.

    Ironically, so are the pictures of the oh so fab FLOTUS.

  5. Squid says:

    “They’re (the Obamas) both so stylish and they both have this casual, cool style that’s personal to them. They’re a really fashionable couple.”

    Sewiouswy? The mom jeans? The bicycle? The whatever the hell this was?

    I’d say I want whatever ScarJo’s smoking, but since we all know that it’s the Little Spicoli, I guess I’ll just pass.

  6. Jim in KC says:

    I’m looking at that outfit at the “mom jeans” link and thinking, “Where does he carry his spare magazine, his knife, and his flashlight? And no way is that jacket a decent cover garment for a sidearm.”

  7. Sears Poncho says:

    That is a lovely photo shop Jeff so kindly included, for the context. And to be fair, the last dude who could pull off the sweater vest look was the black guy from Night Court…….

  8. sdferr says:

    Miss Scarlett has there the look of grave concern which last appeared on the face of Jean-Jacques Rousseau when he first realized the corrupting influence of civilization on the basic goodness of man’s nature. We do not know, however, whether Jean-Jacques too, was wearing leopard print undergarments at the time.

  9. Crawford says:

    The truly sad thing is that you could, with little effort, find people saying the same thing about Herr Schickelgruber during the ’30s. ScarJo is merely aping what she’s been told intelligent people believe.

    There’s good reason the profession of “actor” was considered as low or lower than a prostitute for most of history.

  10. Ernst Schreiber says:

    fuck pet? That’s a new one.

    What’s the difference between a fuck pet, a fuck buddy and a fuck toy?

    Just soes I can keep my lexicon up to date.

  11. JHoward says:

    she is kind of an awkward looking butterface.

    Ow. Yep but ow.

  12. DarthLevin says:

    Jim Tressel wears sweater vests too. And he’s one of the worst people in the history of civiliztion. Therefore, Rick Santorum is ugly. And wants to personally run all teh gheys through a wood chipper.

    QED.

  13. Ernst Schreiber says:

    OT, stupid is as stupid does:

    Maybe I’m dumb, but it was only when I read this article and read “It’s Halftime in America” again did I really comprehend how pro-Obama this ad is.

  14. Crawford says:

    What’s the difference between a fuck pet, a fuck buddy and a fuck toy?

    pet — needs to be provided food, shelter, etc.

    toy — no needs you need to meet, but not worth much outside of sex

    buddy — no needs you need to meet, can carry on conversation and otherwise decent companion outside of sex

  15. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Even Better OT!

    aye, there’s the rub

    I don’t know how to get Romney to focus on the main idea that if the public actually is tired of Obama and looking for a change, then the public is tired of Obama and looking for a change — and it therefore wants to hear a candidate would do things differently. [emph. add.]

    Better isn’t different enough for you?

  16. Slartibartfast says:

    I find her to be above-average attractive, but only in character. Honestly, why actors & actresses think that they matter outside of their body of work is a complete mystery to me.

    The smartest thing I ever heard an actor say was during an interview with Brad Pitt right after he did 7 years in Tibet. He was asked (by Terry Gross?) what he thought about the politics and history of Tibet, and he basically said what are you asking me for? I’m just an actor. I really don’t know any of this stuff well enough to comment on. That I was playing a character in a screenplay doesn’t mean I’m some expert in the situation at the time; I’m more of an expert in the story this character was acting in.

    It was kind of refreshing, that kind of “what are you asking me for? I’m just an actor” point of view. I actually don’t care much if these people have opinions, as long as they don’t get delusions that they matter more than anyone else’s.

  17. alppuccino says:

    Honestly I’ve never understood her appeal.

    You must be unfamiliar with the “Donkey Punch” Entropy.

  18. LBascom says:

    Ms Johansson looks like a mind controlled slave to me.

    Rob @15, bottom line is they’re all about sex without strings, any distinction between adjectives is only one of what kinda sex you’re into.

  19. Ernst Schreiber says:

    There’s got to be a good joke about the guy who thought he was marrying his buddy, only to discover that she expected to be kept like a pet, after which the toy wasn’t as much fun as it used to be; which was okay, because she wasn’t in the mood to share it anymore anyways.

  20. RI Red says:

    I’d tell her to shut up and sing, but I don’t know if she can sing. And I don’t want to sound like a certain Romney-pimp with long blonde hair. So, maybe I’ll just tell her to shut up.
    On the other topic, is there store at which one can purchase fuckpets, fucktoys, etc.? Haven’t seen them at the mall or on Amazon.

  21. Squid says:

    I’d suggest the back page of your local alt-weekly, Red. Assuming Craigslist hasn’t put it out of business already.

  22. geoffb says:

    She could go to Haiti and help her “fuck-buddy” who is it seems walking a walk and learning some lessons the hard way about real life.

    By the time the show was made, the glamour of the postearthquake onslaught of American visitors seeking to help had vanished. One who remains is actor Sean Penn. Although he’s known as a Hollywood lefty, he’s actually living there, chugging up and down the hills of a shanty town, unshaven and disheveled, being what he calls a “functionary” and getting stuff for people who need it. He had no easy answers, and he had sharp words for American donors who think that dumping money into new projects is going to help anyone.

  23. LBascom says:

    he had sharp words for American donors who think that dumping money into new projects is going to help anyone.

    Hot shit! Get this guy in front of Obama post haste!

  24. LBascom says:

    Good ol’ Sean. He sure does try.

    I’ll never forget after hurricane Katrina how him and a couple of his buddies climbed into a three man boat and set off to rescue people…

  25. LBascom says:

    Ernst @20, throw in a dog collar, a roommate, and a neighbor that wears a sweater vest, and you got a prime time cartoon TV show!

  26. Sterling Archer says:

    I’ve seen a thousand women like her. They spout whatever drivel the guy they’re fucking spouts.

    After one night with me, she’ll be subscribing to the Limbaugh Letter. I’d jump on that grenade. For The Cause.

  27. Ernst Schreiber says:

    I’d tell her to shut up and sing, but I don’t know if she can sing. And I don’t want to sound like a certain Romney-pimp with long blonde hair.

    Shut up and Sing is the other blonde, Red.

  28. Ernst Schreiber says:

    Not that her taste in men is any better.

  29. Bob Reed says:

    Glad to hear that Ms. Johansson predicates her electoral choice on such important, pivotal, matters; but to the supercillious professionally superficial, sartorial splendor means everything.

  30. RI Red says:

    Thanks for keeping me between the navigational buoys, Ernst. I get so confused with all of the conservative blondes. And I did think you were writing my biography in 20.

  31. geoffb says:

    Sweater vests for everyone.

  32. Pablo says:

    I’ll never forget after hurricane Katrina how him and a couple of his buddies climbed into a three man boat and set off to rescue people…

    You mean the boat they forgot to put the drain plug in?

  33. motionview says:

    First, thank you for this post, the Charlize Theron google image search was quite successful. What’s that, Scarlett Johansson? Oh drat, I’ll have to search for some images of her too. For political purposes only of course. Can I photo-shop a sweater-vest over those boobs? Why do I want to? Did you see her ass in Iron Man? Is that her talent? I thought that was Kardashian?

  34. LBascom says:

    Her talent is purring the lines given her.

  35. B. Moe says:

    he’s actually living there, chugging up and down the hills of a shanty town, unshaven and disheveled, being what he calls a “functionary” and getting stuff for people who need it.

    The rest of the world calls that a “gopher”, Sean. Get it? Go-fer?

    Oh, well, never mind. It is good to know you finally found a job for which you are qualified.

  36. newrouter says:

    poor sean if he doesn’t have a script he’s clueless

  37. leigh says:

    Sean Penn is an excellent actor. You can’t expect him to be smart, too.

  38. B. Moe says:

    Some of his greatest roles he apparently wasn’t acting at all.

  39. Caecus Caesar says:

    I’M SO…

  40. Caecus Caesar says:

  41. Caecus Caesar says:

    and so.

  42. Swen says:

    2. Entropy posted on2/8 @ 1:33 pm
    Honestly I’ve never understood her appeal. Photoshopped studio spreads aside, she is kind of an awkward looking butterface.

    Well there’s your problem, you’re looking at her face. :D

    I can’t find the reference right off, but there was a spagetti western that explained her appeal perfectly when the bad guy told his woman “I brought you along for cold nights and days when I didn’t have anything better to do, not to listen to you talk!”

    Okay, I denounce myself….

Comments are closed.