Like a would-be dandy spooned tapioca-like into some ridiculous smoking jacket — his moist and opaque skin, aided by gravity, seemingly intent on escaping the structural prison of skull and musculature by pooling itself around the jowls in a jumble of veiny fat folds — James Wolcott once mused on the fate of those he believes have come to answer for Nature’s wrath. Wrote Sir James:
I root for hurricanes. When, courtesy of the Weather Channel, I see one forming in the ocean off the coast of Africa, I find myself longing for it to become big and strong–Mother Nature’s fist of fury, Gaia’s stern rebuke. Considering the havoc mankind has wreaked upon nature with deforesting, stripmining, and the destruction of animal habitat, it only seems fair that nature get some of its own back and teach us that there are forces greater than our own.
Leaving aside the rather gauche fundamentalism contained in such a proclamation — ecological sinners in the hands of an angry god! — what we have here is a perfect example of the kind of sneering self-righteousness that is born of boutique environmentalism, itself merely an extension of salon groupthink, to be preached but not necessarily practiced by those doing the preaching.
Were Wolcott, by some grand cosmic irony, forced to live in a land fully forested, its coal and ore unsullied by the touch of human hands, he’d last precisely fifteen minutes before the wails of complaint he levied at some soggy log for its conspiracy to cause chafing to his ample buttocks resulted in a cougar attack, and a mess of silk and elastic and butterfat.
The fact is, “Mother Nature’s fist of fury” killed off the dinosaurs — great grand beasts nearly twice the size of Wolcott whose environmental habits included eating, hunting, shitting, and sleeping, with nary a stripmining endeavor in the mix. And yet the Big Bitch nixed those fuckers just as sure as it did the revolting hillbilly slobs in camo hunting hats who Wolcott intimates are inevitable casualties of man’s industrial hubris.
— Which, to me, at least, suggests that Wolcott’s thesis — a lazy foray into rationalizing religious violence (though he doubtless wouldn’t see it that way, concentrated as he is on finding the perfect lavender-blend bath soap) — says more about man’s real hubris, ego, than it does about those who were victims of misfortune and accident.
(h/t JD. See also, here)
****
update: Harsanyi.
A straightforward post without your trademark irony.
I suddenly find myself rooting for coronary disease.
I’d like to punch him in the face. I realize, that’s not in keeping with the new civility but I think he has it come.
Heh. You’re in fine form this afternoon.
Fatty does make a good honest poster-boy for the kind of Wrath-of-Gaia commenters who have been turning up in response to the nuclear-weapon-like tornado death and destruction in the South in the last few days.
In the face of the NOAA stating the exact opposite, the theme has been that anthropgenic global warming is responsible for an increase in extreme weather events: Ha, you did it to yourselves. Plus, it is insinuated that the people getting it are expendable to the extent the are white, rural, and Southern. Plenty of black and Hispanic Obama voters in the death zones, but never mind that. There’s a narrative to promote.
Oh, and of course, Wolcott it a fucking ignorant rube who wouldn’t know shit if it were smeared all over him (a claim I believe can be proved empirically):
Heh. You’re in fine form this afternoon.
Hear, hear!
Save the Whales!
I’m rooting for spontaneous human combustion – that much blubber could fuel several communes for days.
When Wolcott’s apparant diet of foie gras and deep-fried bacon-wrapped Snickers bars afflicts him with the gout, I’ll be on the uric acid’s side.
Award-winning meteorologist Mike Smith mentioned the GoreBull Warning angle on his blog, then eviscerated it. Scroll down a bit to a graph showing the global temperature trend with four major tornado outbreaks indicated.
Vile, reprehensible, and emblematic of the CIVILITY NOW! crowd.
Meet the new tone; the same as the old tone…
I wonder what he’d be saying of this was Boston, NY, LA, Portland, or some other “deep blue” coastal city?
Beck hired Harsanyi? Very nice. Congrats to both.
link
Speaking of which, Harsanyi brings good tidings: It’s about time: Pfleger suspended by Church
Nicely played!
the dinosaurs — great grand beasts nearly twice the size of Wolcott
I’m with bh — a line that should be quoted often
Honest to God, Jeff…why aren’t you writing books? I’ll buy if you do. Hardcover, even, not the Kindle edition.
Hardly unprecedented.
I mean, not even close.
Concur with Darleen and bh. This is such a good line that Wolly is probably sitting at home fapping to it.
“He needed killin’ ” appears again. Of course, I’m really just looking for an excuse to buy an elephant gun….
La Nina. Which is a cooling trend.
Why is Al Gore trying to kill Southerners?
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That was the line that leapt out to me, and then the comments showed that everyone else is almost as perceptive and brilliant as me.
Thinkregress is even more overt in their cheering for peoples deaths because of voting against Cap and Tax.
“Climate pollution” must be the new term, replacing the outmoded “global warming” and “climate change”. EPA approved as “pollution” is their bailiwick. Leftist magic, change the name and change the thing itself. It’s critical.
Geoffb – as always, no matter what they call it, the solution remains the same.
The assbandits at thinkregress are practically dancing on the graves of the dead.
Said assbandits are evidently unable to do the smallest bit of research to check out the sheer stupidity of what they’re saying.
We’d best be quiet, though, because this kind of talk drives the climate modelers into fits of high dudgeon.
BS by any other name still stinks. Progs tend to forget that in building their narratives. The people are not stupid because progs say they are. Progs proclaim that to reinforce their narrative and when that narrative goes off the rails, they can’t puzzle out why. Hoist on their self induced lack of critical thinking – the irony, it burns.
Said assbandits are evidently unable to do the smallest bit of research to check out the sheer stupidity of what they’re saying.
That assumes that they give a rip about the truth. Actual truth: the fact-based kind.
But they know something you clingers don’t know: “facts” and “truth” are concepts invented by the Straight White Male Patriarchy to keep teh Other down. All that matters is Teh Narrative, which exists only to serve in the acquisition of power.
Teh Narrative must be reiterated and reinforced regardless of what your lying eyes may tell you, because it all comes down to one thing:
They Ought To Be In Charge.
By any means possible.
I would not be too sad if Wolcott got in the immediate bath of a Catagory 5 tornado. I fact, I think I would enjoy it very much.
Even if that would waft the overpowing stentch of spoiled woody musk and fish sauce over much of North America.
Amen, Slarti.
Wooly is a very small man, especially for such a large man. If only the movement he represents were as insignificant as he…
I’ll third, fourth and fifth the line about dinosaurs being nearly twice the size of walcott. Brilliant, as is the rest of the piece. Write that book :)
I linked to this post at Dan’s place JeffG,
http://powip.com/2011/04/wolly-and-the-new-tone/
I don’t know why it didn’t give you the appropriate trackback. I’ll have to ask Dan’s bro Enoch.
You’re saying an F5 could lift him?
Maybe Wolcott thinks the Flintstones is a documentary and the quarry scenes clearly show dinosaurs involved in strip mining.
Which makes as much sense as watching Al Gore’s movie and thinking you’ve been treated to a reading of the future.
a woolly mammoth
A definite talent for descriptives…
I am not sure we could move Wolcott with the new 8345 rt we got at the farm.
For costing him the presidency in 2000.
Bravo, Jeff! Brilliantly witty posts like this are why I visit this site daily.
What proggosity is is the one thing they can’t tolerate hearing.
More please.
Compare Jeff’s weapons grade ridicule with a lefty attempt at same.
Epistemic closure. This is what it actually looks like.
OT: This is pretty interesting. In that “Call me a crypto-fascist again, you queer, and I’ll sock you” sort of way.
OT the second: So far the Packers have taken a decent left tackle prospect and… a wide receiver. Key reist, that’s sorta awesome. Maybe not super smart but f’n awesome.
If there is no pro football this year, I will go on a rampage. It might be a quiet rampage consisting of watching a ton of high school and college football but a rampage nonetheless.
I will join your rampage. DeMaurice is the obstacle.
I’ve hated his guts and innards since you filled me in on the asshole when you were explaining all this to me awhile back.
Hey, you’re freakishly well-informed, JD. Is this Randall Cobb guy a special teams pick or is he a slot receiver prospect, or what?
Bh – awesome athlete. I think he went to UK? Maybe as a QB? He is a player, from a family of athletes. Good pick. Maybe not a star, but a slot receiver, dependable, and a great runner after the catch. May have done some wildcat at UK?
Excellent. (Pretend I said that like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.)
The question marks are intended to signify I am not positive, but sure enough to make a pretty damn good guess. I think he had a crazy amount of all purpose yards.
Yeah, but this time, to prove they believe it, they have to stop exhaling.
Probably should have gotten this clarification before I put a grand on him for the coming year’s MVP.
That might be a stretch. Good pick though.
DeMaurice is a Barcky and Holder sycophant, and used to be Holder’s Counselor at DOJ before he got AG. he is of the same leftist Alinsky class warfare mindset.
Don’t worry, I parlayed it with a solid pick that two NFC teams will play in the Super Bowl.
It’s pretty much a lock.
Well played. Double or nothing that Cam newton gets a 34 on a SAT ?
Heh.
Randall was a running qb in high school. Is jeff intimating that Wolcott is kinda gay? Cause I don’t see how he can’t be.
I think we need to be fair to Wolcott and judge these statements from his point of view. I mean to say that if man hunted you for your ivory, you might be so inclined to express similar sentiments.
I root for hurricanes.
Truffles, as w*urrrp*
Molested by *hurrk*
Isn’t he the one with the ocicats? He better watch out, they like elastic and butterat, and irony.
As I became rehungered, the cats proved expendable.
Mother Gaia savaged me for my gluttony with a plague of mice.
The were delicious, as well.
Scrumptious “They” were.
…
Now, where on earth did I leave my prunes.
Well ? ?
“Love to eat them mousies,
Mousies what I love to eat.
Bite they tiny heads off,
Nibble on they tiny feet.”
I occasionally feel a moment’s kindness for Pol Pot, if only for the image of James Wolcott being sent to labor in the corn fields…
[…] among those execrable examples of human waste is the extremely unamiable James Wolcott, who not only roots for hurricanes to strike, but also bemoaned the fact specifically that Hurricane Katrina didn’t actually […]