April 2, 2010

You know what day it is, right? Howsabout you trot the little guy out and let him do his thing –

Well, I would if I could. But the truth is, he took off about three days ago with the twenty bucks I gave him for his old Gibson acoustic and a ratty rucksack stuffed with cheese sandwiches and port wine. Heading off to find himself a Tea Party protest, he told me.

— Not that he cares much about smaller government, mind you. Just that he’s “always wanted to bang a pair of hick sisters” and “maybe even watch the crazy Jesus people hang somebody.”*

Which, hey. I warned him about watching MSNBC all day, Norah O’Donnell or no Norah O’Donnell…






Posted by Jeff G. @ 7:19pm
37 comments | Trackback

Comments (37)

  1. always wanted to bang a pair of hick sisters

    Yep, I’m betting those are Kraft cheese sandwiches and Gallo wine.

  2. Maybe he runs into these here gals:

    Asked how she feels about having voted for the president, Lewis said “I feel lied to, cheated and raped.”

  3. He forgot all those “hick sisters” are probably armed. They’ll make him dance…

  4. He’ll be back. With that many predilections, how far can $20 go?

  5. Hey, ‘dillo, pictures of the sisters or it didn’t happen.

  6. 20 bucks? That thing better have been a train wreck.

    Taking liberties with an armadillo is probably a crime, and will definitely get PETA on your ass.

  7. Asked how she feels about having voted for the president, Lewis said “I feel lied to, cheated and raped.”

    No, see that’s OK. She didn’t draw a cartoon.

  8. Why, yes. I am feeling all incitey tonight. Thanks for asking.

  9. Oh, and a bit drunk too.

  10. Bobby Orr!

  11. “Bobby Orr!”

    Saw him one time at the Spectrum in a game against the Flyers get knocked on his ass, keep control of the puck, stand up skate through all the flyers and score at the other end, without making a pass.

    Amazing.

    But Bobby Clarke was my hero.

  12. Hey LL! How’s the young leatherneck? Did he get 8th & I?

  13. Why, yes. I am feeling all incitey tonight

    Ah, go right ahead, Duke. The pearl-clutching over a certain cartoon continues and a few more bits to keep ‘em gasping seems fair.

    ;-)

  14. Pearl clutching?

    THAT’S NOT FUNNY!

    HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CLUTCHED?

    YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!

    Or something.

    Hater

  15. Oh, and pearls are white, aren’t they?

    Racist, QED.

  16. Link added, but here you go, if you don’t feel like revisiting the little fucker’s exploits.

  17. The little guys theme song:

    Now the rainman gave me two cures
    Then he said, “Jump right in”
    The one was Texas medicine
    The other was just railroad gin
    And like a fool I mixed them
    And it strangled up my mind
    And now, people just get uglier
    And I have no sense of time
    Oh, Mama, can this really be the end
    To be stuck inside of Mobile
    With the Memphis blues again.

  18. “Comment by Duke on 4/2 @ 8:45 pm #

    Hey LL! How’s the young leatherneck? Did he get 8th & I?”

    No, not 8th & I, he’s at New River (non-deployable) after his re-enlistment, but they have him in an office under what he thinks are a couple of good master sergeants.

    He’s going to two courses over the next couple months, the Marine self defense/karate/kung fu/kick ass system to become an instructer, then the rifle intructors course.

    They are definately grooming him for Sergeant.

  19. “Gallo wine”

    Ripple Rose’ chug-a-lug.

  20. Cracklin’ Rosie, get on board.

  21. Back in the Clinton impeachment days, Norah O’Donnell had an appeal about her, like fresh cinnamon. Nowadays… well, let’s just say I don’t think I’ve watched MSNBC since the time of the Clinton impeachment spectacle.

  22. [fine] wine

    Because of the Bali Hai!

  23. Someone spit in that bottle up there.

    Here’s a fresh gallon.

  24. I’m beginning to think people here no longer care if this fellow doesn’t dance or not.

  25. Honestly, I question the little guy’s existence.

    Photos or it didn’t happen.

  26. Being oppressive can get kind of tiring. Maybe we just need a break.

  27. Perhaps we’re trying to use reverse psychology: if we ignore his not dancing, maybe he’ll dance! Has reverse psychology ever worked in the history of ever?

  28. Hope the little guy is back for Easter. I think he’d regret missing out on the peeps and Cadbury eggs.

    They really round out well with shots of blue agave reposado.

  29. Mr Locke has a sighting reported in the Pub.

  30. Ric Locke wrote there:

    Uhhhh, Jeff

    My friend Billy Ray just stopped by on the way to Waxahachie for a tractor pull. It seems there’s this ‘dillo who’s the talk of the bars up in Olney and Seymour, flashing a roll and trying to drink the places dry. You may not know that the US Navy has a big satellite com antenna just outside Olney; the folks there are blaming the behavior on the radiation from that, and things might get nasty. Billy Ray says nah, he’s just a drunk, but folks up there aren’t so sure.

    Somebody tried to steal a fire-fighting airplane from Air Tractor out at the airport last night. A Young County deputy sheriff says there was a rustle in the tall grass by the runway when he came up, and the drop tank was half full of a substance the deputy described as “…a little raw, but not half bad.”

    Finding a Tea Party my ass. If you’ve got a savings jar, or anything like a stamp or coin collection that could be raided and hocked, you need to check it and maybe get on EBay. The little guy’s on a tear, and he’s holding a lot more than $20, or was when he got to the vicinity. He’s already had to pay Cyrus at the PopATop more than that to have the bar refinished — those claws leave a mark when he dances, you know.

  31. Darleen, I was going to reprimand you for going with reposado instead of anejo, but now that I think about it, the little fucker probably doesn’t know the difference.

  32. I hope he doesn’t spend that $20 on a Tennessee flag.

    Because that would be just too Godwin.

  33. Burt. No one here wants the ‘dillo to dance.

  34. $20 for a Gibson? Thief. But if the little guy does show up I want to talk to him about making a charango de quirquincho..

  35. Run from Swen, ‘dillo, run!*

  36. actually my sister is healthier now because of the Atkins Diet;~”

  37. the atkins diet is just about the right diet when you want to cut down body fat-;`

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