Accused Mumbai massacre plotter sexually abused/tortured by white woman interrogator.
And some Iowahawk:
“The number itself is incomprehensible by human minds, and can only be theoretically understood in a fractional parallel universe which we refer to as the DC dimension,” said Brossard. “The best way to understand a stimulus is to imagine a dollar sign followed by a packed string of hexidecimal nanodigits, wound into a triple helix, woven into a dodecahedron, and stacked on top of one another. Now imagine you were a black hole on the far edge of the universe, trying to escape the stimulus at 30 times the speed of light. The stimulus would still catch up to you and ram your black hole with such furious, repeated force that it would cause your entire reality itself to collapse.”
And just for good measure, I’m re-linking this:
Seems, madam? nay, it is, I know not “seems.â€Â
‘Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother,
Nor customary suits of solemn black,
Nor windy suspiration of forc’d breath,
No, nor the fruitful river in the eye,
Nor the dejected havior of the visage,
Together with all forms, moods, shapes of grief,
That can denote me truly. These indeed seem,
For they are actions that a man might play;
But I have that within which passes show,
These but the trappings and the suits of woe.
I laugh so that I do not cry.
Huh, maybe I should join al Quaeda, I’d get laid anyway.
On second thought, Nevermind
I swear, the Brits will print anything, the wackier the better. And this claim is being made by who? The terrorist? Through his lawyer?
And with porn? Yeah, right. You want to get a muzzie’s undivided attention, threaten him with a pork chop or some bacon. He’ll talk, and you won’t have to go near his bug-infested genitals…
“Unlike previous large numbers like the Googleplex or the Bazillionty, the Stimulus has no static numerical definition,” said Xiao. “It keeps growing and growing, compounding factorially, eating up all zeros in its path. It moves freely across Cartesian dimensions and has the power to make any other number irrational.”
The Spendulus is like a black hole, eating up all of our nations wealth, and that of our children too! Too bad it’s not a singularity though as I hear we can expect a Spendulus II in our near future…
Xiao said the team discovered the number with the help of an international network of 24 nitrogen-cooled Cray Ultracluster supercomputers, the CERN particle accelerator, and “three pounds of Humboldt County Chronic.”
But mostly the three pounds of chronic I suspect…
“For too long, the Census Bureau has discriminated against people on the basis of their existential status, or perceived lack of appearance. That must stop. I promise you that under my administration, Imaginary-Americans everywhere will enjoy the same rights that they do in my home town of Chicago.”
EXISTENTIALIST!
Anybody read Charlie Wilson’s War and notice the claims made there as to what jihadists did to their captive Russian soldiers? It’s no wonder they jump to charges of sexual abuse when they’re the ones captured. It’s what they know and all they know.
No, Please! Not the Blue Balls of Death technique!
I don’t believe that guy in Mumbai for a millisecond. So a presumably oral sex act was torture? Only if teeth scraping were involved…
Really though, like Cave Bear notes, it would be more torturous to force them to ingest pork than having some lady give him a BJ…
And why should we believe someone who thinks that “by any means necessary” is an acceptable strategy..?
The SUN is kind of like some of the more colorful opposition commenters here at PW; they’re happy as long as they can work in the word “snatch” or “balls” or “genitals”…
Never heard any of that Sdferr…
What went on, did Achmed the well hung prison rape them?
Having lots of imaginary-Americans could be really important when redistricting time rolls around.
That jihadist is effin’ brilliant! I’m totally using that line with the missus: “No, really, honey — the itching and wounds on my unit are because I was abused by the FBI!”
What could possibly go wrong?
The SUN is kind of like some of the more colorful opposition commenters here at PW; they’re happy as long as they can work in the word “snatch†or “balls†or “genitalsâ€Â
When did Jeff join the opposition?
Prison Bob? They don’t need no stinkin’ prisons. They just put ’em on leashes like their goats and drag ’em around from hovel to hovel. Where the hell is a blond emaciated Russki soldier going to go anyway? If such a one had’a got their hands on a pistol the first thing they’d do is blow their own brains out.
“When did Jeff join the opposition?”
Jeff G gets a pass friend…
Not only is he the owner of the site, but he’s a real writer as opposed to some hackneyed troll whose root intent is trying to derail threads and antagonize people…
With Jeff, I presume that it’s edgy literary flourish…
You what would completely solve this whole jihadist fanatics get “tortured” meme?
Summary execution as non state uniformed combatants.
Iowahawk consistently brings teh funnie!
She might interpret FBI as Facebook Interloper.
This story is bullshit. Plain and simple. But it has traction and legs due to the past shennanigans of smearing detainees with fake menstral blood, shoving glow sticks up detainees’ asses, and Ms. England parading them around naked wearing dog collars and leashes. We are also in a propaganda war. Whether you support harsh interrogation or not, we need to act professional. We need to take the propaganda war back to the enemy.
Jihadi propaganda **. They evidently think this helps their cause.
The video doesn’t help their cause, Sdferr, what helps their cause is the impotent response from the West. Falling camels and all…
I now realize that I was tortured in high school and college.
Mumbai redux, this time in Kabul and with many fewer (dankes gott) casualties.
Weird, Sdferr, how that kind of thing keeps happening in countries that border Pakistan.
Has anybody checked the “U.S. Crazy Jihadi Factory” to see whether or not we are still producing terrorists like so many chip sets?
If so, we should just summarily execute them in the parking lot, I think. Seems the efficient thing to do. Of course we’ll waterboard them on the way out the main entrance.
I cling religiously to my BLAME BOOOOSH narrative, but without bitterness. Cucumber sandwich?
I cling religiously to my BLAME BOOOOSH narrative, but without bitterness
More importantly, do you have a gun to go along with all that religion clinginginess?
We have a new tree heavy with the fruit of Hope, but the roots seem to be very similar to those in the Hitlerburton orchard.
Call me a skeptic, but I’m calling “briar patch strategy” here.
“Dear Jihad Forum:
My name is Fahim, and I am a student at a large madrassah. I never thought these letters were real, until something happened to me to make me believe all these stories were true.
I had been unjustly taken prisoner for attempting to give chocolates and flowers to an infidel occupier. On my third day of captivity, a woman interrogator demanded I strip off my clothes and begin caressing her breasts. She called herself “Sasha,” and she seemed to be a Jew kaffir. Although she was the degenerate offspring of pigs and apes, Allah have mercy, she also had the juiciest 38DD Kasabah melons and an ass like a two-year-old colt donkey…”
hat tip to AOSHQ
Speaking of chronic and on a more lighter note, I read a review of the Friday the 13th remake and apparently Jason’s prime motivation for killing is he’s protecting his pot grove from college kids trying to steal it.
I kid you not.
Speaking of briar patches.
Say, this jihad thing is sounding better all the time.
*edgy literary flourish…*
We shall not speak of Jeff’s flourishing of the porn cock of lies.
Riiiiiiiiiiiight.
Ha, Dan! Best line from that story you linked about Jane Fonda and her visitors:
Gloria looks more like an ocelot but whatev!
I spent the better part of my youth in Humboldt County. It’s nice to know somethings never change.
Geez, this guy is worried about being naked in front of a woman fondling her bazooms!3
Real torture would be to chain him to a table in a cocktail lounge while Jane Fonda chats with Gloria Steinam, Eve Ensler, Debra Haffner and Christina Biaggi. About an hour of that and our poor Jihadist would be ready to be programmed, Manchurian Candidate style, to suicide bomb the entire al qaeda leadership group.
The murderous trigger word would be “twatwaffle.”
Real torture would be to chain him to a table…
And be forced to watch Helen Thomas and Andrea Dworkin in a naked “69”.
Sorry. Just consider it an emergency test of everyone’s gag reflex. A PSA, as it were.
kelly: Bleach … bleach … where did I put the bleach?
Damn, kelly. That was just wrong, on so many levels. The mind’s eye, it must be bleached.
Kelly—You are one sick bastard. I am losing my lunch now.
I thought it was sweet.
Well, I’d like to inform you, BJT, that I thought I showed some restraint. My original torture plan included those two and Michael Moore and a goat…
Al and Helen sitting in a tree … K I S S I N G … Ewwwwwwwwwwww
Rosie O’Fat, Helen Thomas, and Michael Moore in a menage-a-lard …
You need an ice pick for that.
Considering you wouldn’t see either of their faces and given the amount of body hair involved, Andrea and Helen’s “69” might just look like a coupla bears goin’ at it…y’know something you might see on Animal Planet or something.
More like a flamethrower, Rob. One of those big, honkin’ WWII ones. GACK!
I am going to go rinse my eyes out with Agent Orange and hydrochloric acid. You guys are demented.
#41 Kelly:
Throw in a midget clown and I’ll sell tickets.
OK, everybody who was surprised that al thought kelly’s nightmare was sweet … raise your hands.
Anyone?
If Helen and Andrea want to munch each other’s fumunda, who are we to criticize? After all, love is blind and has a very weak sense of smell.
*groan*
Any insightful tips for cleaning upchuck off of a keyboard?
Don’t say bleach…
Um, that Dworkin person would have a hard time doing anything at the moment I think (well, outside of stinking, I’d grant), since she’s been dead for about five years now.
So?
Oh, so now we’re talking about felching? So diverse. So.incredibly.diverse.
Check, please!
This just keeps getting better.
Dueling carpet munching with the dead and undead.
Are you sure you won’t be having dessert? It’s hair pie with chocolate shavings.
Turn it over an bang it on your head.
RACIST !!!!!!!!
Who knew Helen Thomas was a felcher? Or is she the felchee?
Come to think of it, didn’t Helen also die a few years back? Sure looked like it Monday night.
Neither. She’s the felch.
I’m sorry, I misspoke. Helen would actually be practicing “mung”. That is of course, if Michael Moore were to simultaneously jump on the late Andrea’s stomach so that her decomposing entrails were to shoot out her cooter into Thomas’s agape and awaiting gob.
Sorry to be so technical.
OK, I concede. Alp beat me to the bottom.
You are just sooooooooooo far beyond wrong that words cannot possibly do the description justice.
I stepped on some people to get there kelly.
What is felch, anyway?
Too much terminology, right?
Layman’s terms next time.
Hard charging one you are, alp. Ruthless, even.
You know … this particular shade of green that I just turned is actually quite fetching…
Felching/fetching, same diff.
What is felch, anyway?
Of course – your question.
Well, McGehee, I could bore you with a lot of statistics and dazzle you with a lot of the “jargon”, but to put it simply, felching is the old traditional practice of our homosexual men-folk of ejaculating into their partners anus and then sucking the man-margerine out with an every-day, run-of-the-mill chocolate shake straw.
Nothing more than that.
McGehee – From http://www.urbandictionary.com
1. felcher
During anal sex when cum is released into the ass, the FELCHER is the person who removes the cum, with a straw or not.
The felcher sucked out the cum with a straw.
by Potatotron Ramone May 20, 2005
2. felcher 179 up, 76 down
3. felcher 53 up, 41 down
Felcher: Someone who cums in a woman ass, then sucks it out with (or without) a straw.
After he blew a load in her ass, he felchered it all up with a straw. MMM MMM GOOD!
1.Curly straws are a must
2.Nice loose ass, more straws the better
3.Lots of jism
4. loosen up with some fist action
5.saliva is a vital source, spit on it
6. use your toungue
7.clear your throat for maximum enjoyment
8.Dont do it with your mum
9.Loosen up with your massive triceps like i have
10.Chug coke up your ass to get it just write
Someone put a content warning on this thread, for the love of Gaia.
What is felch, anyway?
You don’t want to know.
When does the “Too Much Information” generator kick in?
Too late.
I don’t suppose you guys have a technical term for a dry-heave that’s not altogether dry? ‘Cuz we got some of that going on over here.
I blame kelly. And BJ. And Al. But not Kyoto.
Squid – Kind of like a shart in the back of your mouth?
Now that would be a human rights violation right there – a seal the court records, seal the courtroom, institutionalize the judge, jury, lawyers and clerks, then burn down the courthouse human rights violation.
Hey BMoe: OT I’m about halfway through “Naked Empire” where I see the “Peace at all costs” movement gets deconstructed the same way that Socialist collectivism and theocracy was debunked in “Faith of the Fallen.”
Fascinating stuff.
I thought those were beans!
You’re not helping, JD.
Kind of like a shart in the back of your mouth?
Alp, jargon assist on aisle four.
Um, okay…
So, I was right. Helen is the felch.
A fetching felch?
By Jove, you’ve got it!
The fetching felch is whelping on the kelp!
You guys don’t know what a shart is? It is when you are farting, and a little bit of shit squirts out.
Again, from http://www.urbandictionary.com
– a small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart (blend of “shit” and “fart”)
– A cross between farting and dropping a load in your pants. Typically of a runny consistency. There are 5 categories of Sharts. Also known as a Foop.
Cat 1) Wet Sensation
Cat 2) Wet Underwear
Cat 3) Soak thru to inside of pants
Cat 4) Soak thru pants (Visible to general public)
Cat 5) Runs down to socks. (Oh my god, run for your life)
Anything of Category 4 or higher require showers. The lesser categories can be dealt with using alternative cleansing methods.
– a portmanteau of shit and fart, and refers to a fart that results in the soiling of ones pants/underwear
Sorry, Squid ;-)
McGehee – Wouldn’t the felch be the liquid-like substance that was sucked into one’s mouth by the felcher, from the rectum of the felchee?
I was going to say something incredibly insightful and on topic, but it seems inappropriate at this point…
Yes, coy would be the operative theme of this one…
I blame kelly.
Well, I blame alp for the senseless escalation of hostile rhetoric. And all you other running dogs who remorselessly and heartlessly cheered him on.
Apparently my graceful concession went for naught.
FWIW, between vomiting a little in the back of my throat like Squid described, I will literally in tears from the laughter. Thanks.
FWIW, between vomiting a little in the back of my throat like Squid described, I was literally in tears from the laughter. Thanks.
And your point?
Oh, there was no point, McGehee. I just wanted to see how many variations of the word felch I could fit into one sentence.
Just for contrast:
Comment by Jeffersonian on 2/11 @ 10:49 am #
I laugh so that I do not cry.
Start of the thread seems a long way away, huh, JD?
Let us use shart in a sentence: “When Helen Thomas rose to ask President Obama a question her ghastly visage caused him to shart, ending the press conference.”
Now I get it. Seems so obvious when used in context.
I would buy into the stimulus if they put up a picture of Steven Hawking and explained it out loud on that computer voice simulator thingamajig he uses. I mean, that’s the voice of genius.
It was even on the Simpsons.
Shit. Sorry. Didn’t mean to give the democrats ideas.
Snatch! Balls! Genitals!
[sigh]
There, I feel better.
I expect to see the Lancet article on Post-Traumatic Sex Disorder soon.
LBD,
I was referring to some of our resident trolls when I made that remark…
blockquote>I just wanted to see how many variations of the word felch I could fit into one sentence.Well, okay then. As long as it was for a good cause.
You missed “felchitude,” though.
Ow. Now I know where that pointy bracket went.
See also, “felchalicious.”
Hey, does a slacker starfish increase the odds of a shart, JD?
If a slacker starfish is anything like a lazy chocolate starfish, then yes, kelly, it would exponentially increase the odds of a shart.
I sharted in the middle of my backswing on the 12th tee once. I bet I laughed for an entire hour, non-stop.
Instead of mendoucheous, we can now call people menfelcheous.
I just looked up parsnip at http://www.urbandictionary.com
Definition #1 states …
The female form of man parts.
“hannah, i love your parsnip!”
Definition #5 states …
Parsnip 6 up, 286 down
When a male deficates on a womans face then waits until it is dry and continues by forcing the fecal matter into the womans mouth and procedes to face fuck her leaving an oatmeal pie like substance in her mouth.
I’m fairly certain an abused swordfish causes mad slart.
So, if someone is fucking themself with an abused swordfish, they will get mad slart?
Well, the fucking is the abuse, but yeah.
I don’t know this for sure mind you…
When Helen Thomas was felching Rachel Maddow, Rachel sharted, causing Helen to gag, and throw up a little in the back of her mouth.
I’ve always been mad, swordfish or no.
JD’s comment is one of the more revolting things I’ve read, recently.
Comments, plural
Sorry, Slarti … not sure what came over me today.
Prolly the evil that is Helen Thomas.
I still have not recovered from seeing Golum screeching and begging for Baracky at the presser on Monday.
You know, like when that Magen chick was playing with a Ouija board and had to be exercised.
DROP AND GIVE ME 20!!!
That Mumbai terrorist little fuck would not last 10 minutes with my twisted mind, and unfortunately for him, he would not get to see any boobies or sugartits.
I miss sugartits.
Dan, thank you for linking to Hamlet. It’s a beautiful passage that fully expresses how I felt when I heard our Senate Majority Leader on the radio this evening, praising the three Republican senators for loving America and being “patriots” for voting for this monstrosity. The obvious implication being that everyone in America who does not support the monstrosity is not a patriot. I understand more and more what drove Hamlet insane. I don’t know whether to cry or buy a gun.
CFB, it needn’t be an either-or proposition, you know. But thanks.
I already have my guns. The concertina wire is on back-order.
“Dan, thank you for linking to Hamlet.”
Huh? What?
Hamlet? Where the hell am I?
Hey! Get your hand off my ass.
Aw Christ, am I in fucking Bruges?
We were talking about hamlets and egglets over in the other thread.
Also happy, tasty Danish. Fuck that melancholy shit.
and then it hit me that not everything’s about me
Protein Wisdom does the Aristocrats joke.
D:
Dunno; never eaten a Dane before. Got no plans to either, frankly.
Dunno; never eaten a Dane before. Got no plans to either, frankly
Not even Helena Christensen?
Fahim Ansari aka “Itchy Nuts”…
Telegraph:
Fahim Ansari is accused of helping to plan the attacks in which 173 people were killed in November.
His lawyer, Ejaz Naqvi, has filed legal papers with Mumbai magistrate’s court, claiming the “white woman” removed all his c…