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preemptive debate synopsis

Just to save you all some time this evening, should you wish to go bowling or some such.

Obama: “This is a Republican financial crisis, let me just highlight that. Solution? Change. Because we don’t need more of the same.”

McCain: “First of all, let me go on record as saying Black is Beautiful — and that yes, Republicans share the blame for the culture of corruption in Washington. Beyond that, though — are you fucking kidding me with that bullshit?”

Moderator: “Thank you, gentlemen. Incidentally, point deducted from Senator McCain for coded racism, which we’ll identify once we have a chance to think about it.”

71 Replies to “preemptive debate synopsis”

  1. Mr. Pink says:

    When does the debate drinking game start?

  2. nikkolai says:

    Can McMaverick get his jabs in without sounding too mean or angry? If so, he can land a knockout tonight.

  3. mojo says:

    You’ve been working with those Chinese space scientists, haven’t you?

  4. dre says:

    Will the key to drink be “err” or “umm”?

  5. Dan Collins says:

    I thought I heard him say, “son.” Didn’t he?

    Here’s CBS News, still using a discredited transcript:

    “Palin: I’m all about the position that America is in and that we have to look at a $700 billion bailout.”

    What she actually said was, “It’s all about . . . .” What CBS is all about, we already knew.

  6. Sdferr says:

    ill, not all

  7. Scape-Goat Trainee says:

    I just wonder how long it will take Obama to point out that he’s black, and if we don’t vote for him we’re racists.

  8. Squid says:

    Let’s make it easy on the moderator: Bullshit is brown. Obama is brown. Therefore, we are no longer allowed to use “bullshit” in any negative context.

  9. happyfeet says:

    Debates on Friday night are too too gay. But who would want to tivo this sort of thing? Well, Other Guy would. I don’t get that. I wonder what it means when you get the post-debate spin *before* you watch the actual debate. Especially when you are a liberal person in your head. A lot of people are gonna have that experience this time around.

  10. Dan Collins says:

    I talked to a guy yesterday, who said he didn’t need to watch the debate, because Obama was clearly the superior candidate.

    I asked him how he’s going to understand why Obama lost the election.

    He got mad.

  11. Mr. Pink says:

    I am thinking we should drink when either one of them says change, reform, or regulation.

  12. Salt Lick says:

    Is this the debatewhere B.O. unveils “Blue Steel?”

  13. Hadlowe says:

    In the facepalm category, looks like someone at the WSJ online started running the ads a bit early. Either that or their prognosticators took a day off from predicting financial calamity to look at candidatal calumny.

  14. Dan Collins says:

    Also, “with all due respect,” “my esteemed colleague.”

  15. urthshu says:

    I wonder if I could market Baracky Beer?
    No calories
    non-alcoholic
    No head….

    …but it doesn’t look like any of the other beers you’ve been used to seeing.

  16. Pablo says:

    This would be a good time to name names and engage in that age old tactic of smearing by quoting verbatim. Chris Dodd and barney Frank, especially. But if Maverick quotes himself is he smearing himself?

  17. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    McCain’s opening statement should simply be Kevin Hassett’s Bloomberg News article…with curse words added.

    Then he should march across the stage and hit Obama in the mouth (flying knee or superman punch).

    Then, while taking off his microphone, McCain should tell the crowd he’s going back to Washington because there’s, “real shit needs doin'”

    The whole time Sarah Palin sits side stage, comfortable, legs crossed lady like, scoped Remington .300 magnum rifle across her lap, and Kathleen Parker gaged and hog-tied under her chair.

    McCain/Palin up 25 by Monday.

  18. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Dan,
    I had the same talk with an O! neighbor on Wednesday.

    Though, to be fair, my end of the conversation pretty much consisted of pointing and laughing.

    He got mad too.

  19. Rob Crawford says:

    Eh. If they say something surprising, I’ll read it in the transcripts later.

  20. McGehee says:

    If they say something surprising, I’ll read it in the transcripts later.

    I find your faith in the MSM … amusing.

  21. McGehee says:

    I left out the reference: *

  22. B Moe says:

    I wonder if I could market Baracky Beer?

    An empty bottle in a fashionable coozee.

  23. dre says:

    “I wonder if I could market Baracky Beer?”

    The Baracky goons might not like that.

  24. SGT Ted says:

    I say we drink until Baracky makes sense.

    If my liver can hold out.

  25. cranky-d says:

    I will be out drinking tonight, so maybe I will catch a re-run of the commentary from the FauxNewz all-stars when I get home. Or I will pass out instead. Choices, choices.

  26. urthshu says:

    Well at least after the debate we can make up our minds whether to steal again the election or not.

  27. Bob Reed says:

    Just how many milliseconds will it take Jim Lehrer to turn this “foreign policy debate into a grand-mall hand wringing discussion on how the eeeeeeevil RethugliKKKans have completely frigged us all in their zeal to abolish all regulation…

    And, will he even bother with a pretext, or just simply go there?

    Since we know it’s gonna happen, let’s hope that Mav manages at least to remind them that the Dems blocked his attempt at oversight reform in 2006, that O!s main man Johnson, in addition to being a friend of Angelo, was a playa in this whole charade, and that O! has recieved an incredible amount of cash from these failed GSEs…

    But you know that no matter what, the MSM chorus will say O! won…

  28. urthshu says:

    oh, my previous was obviously in wrong word order to confuzzle any dem readers.

    /uh-hunh

  29. happyfeet says:

    Jim Lehrer looks like my grandma before she died.

  30. cranky-d says:

    I figured that they would definitely turn this into a debate on economic policy instead of foreign policy. That would be more appropriate I think.

  31. Clint says:

    No, no you’ve the narrative backwards – Mav wins this one hands down. That way Baracky can be the comeback kid in the next one(s).

    Never run a serious campaign before, my ass.

    Look for it coming to a newspaper near you tomorrow.

  32. Salt Lick says:

    Jim Lehrer looks like my grandma before she died.

    Yeah, I always picture him and Mark Shields under those big beauty parlor hair dryers reading UAW Women’s Auxilary magazines. David Brooks just getting a manicure, though, ’cause he’s so bald.

  33. happyfeet says:

    That nails it exactly, really.

  34. B Moe says:

    I say we drink until Baracky makes sense.

    Try about 8 Jaeger bombs and a 3 pound sledge to the forehead.

  35. B Moe says:

    Not to libel your grandmama, ‘feets, but have you seen this one?
    http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/

  36. Salt Lick says:

    That nails it exactly, really.

    When I was 7-8, my grandma took me with her while she got her hair done in Willie Mae’s Modern Beauty Shop. I read comic books and for some reason grew up thinking the smell of a permanent meant a woman was in her period. Kids.

  37. Salt Lick says:

    And I was the only guy in audiences who understood parts of theater productions of Eudora Welty’s “Why I Live at the P.O.”

  38. McGehee says:

    Do you think my picture might ever end up on that site, B Moe?

  39. Cowboy says:

    Drinking cue suggestions:

    “my friend(s),” or “the American people”–guaranteed drunk in under 10 minutes.

    Honestly, you guys watch it and let me know if anything happens. After the day I’ve had, I just don’t have the heart to do anything but sip wine and play board games with my kids.

    Monopoly? Nope, reminds me that we may all be broke Monday morning.

    Pictionary? I don’t think I have enough energy.

    Sorry. That’s the ticket.

  40. B Moe says:

    Not as long as they stick to lesbian faces, McGehee.

  41. Salt Lick says:

    I did a search for lesbians with cowboy hats and came up empty, McGeehee, but I think some of ’em can grow beards.

  42. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    …”we can make up our minds whether to steal again the election or not.’

    urthshu, you Yoda’d the shit out of that sentence. Well done, sir.

    Cowboy, for a board game play “The Game of Life” and just hope for the best (also a good platform to explain depressing or awkward shit to your kiddos). Ya know, a, “this is what happens if you knock up the neighbor girl” kinda thing.

    Oh… and McCain should say the word “fuck,” or at least one of it’s derivatives, no less than three times tonight while speaking directly to the All Knowing, All Healing, All Powerful, Half-Black, Good Communist, Super Jesus.

    McCain should also call Obama a “fudge packer.”

    I’ve done the math. “Fudge Packer” is lethal. I don’t care how cool you are, you just can’t come back from that. If McCain has the balls to throw out a random “fudge packer” on national television, Obama is done.

    Stop looking at me like that.

    I’m in it to win it.

    Jerks.

    That is all.

  43. dre says:

    You might want to look under bearded ladies category over at Ringlings

  44. Clint says:

    You know how awesome it would be if McCain, after calling Obama a “fudge packer”, he let an armadillo in tights loose on the Messiah?

    I’d watch that. That’s how awesome it would be.

  45. happyfeet says:

    That’s wrong that Jim Lehrer isn’t on that site. Jeez. He’s the most sapphicky one I think. His daddy I think used to run the greyhound station near where I grew up.

  46. qdpsteve says:

    he let an armadillo in tights loose on the Messiah?

    You mean Palin?

    [sound of qdpsteve duckin’ tomaters]

  47. McGehee says:

    @ #41: I imagined some might wear cowboy hats, but I’ve never seen a lesbian wear sunglasses quite like mine.

    They don’t make my beard look fat, do they?

  48. McGehee says:

    Palin only wears tights when posing with military assault rifles.

  49. Mikey NTH says:

    #27 Bob Reed:

    You mean the regulation what was blocked by the Democrats in Congress that was needed to keep Sen. Obama’s advisors from running Fannie and Freddie into the ground?

  50. bigbooner says:

    So if you work at a fudge factory and actually pack fudge what might you call yourself?

  51. urthshu says:

    Well, it looks like I’m not seeing the debate either – GF just called and wants to see a movie. goddammit I bet its a chick flick too

  52. urthshu says:

    “factory worker”

  53. happyfeet says:

    I am so not wanting a debatey evening but I feel like I should have one anyway. I’m curious to see what I’ll do.

  54. Sdferr says:

    I’m thinking pasta carbonara, hf. How ’bout you?

  55. urthshu says:

    Pasta carbonara is like a spaghetti omelot. I like it, its just odd.

  56. urthshu says:

    omelot = OMG how do you spellz it?

  57. urthshu says:

    O God – Love in the Time of Cholera.

    Shoot me NOW

  58. happyfeet says:

    That’s a hard question cause I had In N Out for lunch. I think maybe just smoothie and eggrolls. I don’t want to really cook cause I have to get up early tomorrow and there’s stuff tonight that has to get done. This debate is just all kinds of intrusive. Yeah, I know. The Greeks invented intrusive.

  59. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    An older relative of mine always used to call that the “McNeil-Liar Report” when I was a kid.

    When I grew up, I understood what he meant.

  60. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Your “pasta carbonara” reference reeks of Rachel Ray…

    Which means I have to kill you!!!!

    …or at least paddle the shit out of you with a large wooden spoon.

    Be a man.

    Cook a steak or something.

  61. Ric Locke says:

    For me it’s gonna be fried eggs & bacon with hash browns. Breakfast Any Time!

    And I’m so not watching this debate, because I know darn well the moment I want to see will never occur: the moment when, after Obama has made a speech about how Republicans are “blocking the bailout,” McCain looks him in the eye and says, “Then pass it, Senator. You have a majority. Republicans can’t stop you. But if you’re going to send ten thousand truckloads of $100 bills to the people on Wall Street who caused the problem in the first place, don’t you ever talk about Republicans as ‘the party of big business’ again.”

    Regards,
    Ric

  62. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    I want to eat at Ric’s house tonight.

    He better have Tabasco…

  63. Sdferr says:

    I hate to confess Lamontybd, I haven’t had a steak in a month. I’m just not a manly man in the food dept. I guess I could pull some frozen boudin out. Course, in my defensem I don’t eat much in the way of vegetables, so there’s that. Oh, and Rachel Ray is a foodies cooze.

  64. bitchenFirebird says:

    Just had a thought…

    McCain == Rockford
    O! == Angel

    hmmm… maybe McCain’s more like Rockford’s dad…

    …never mind.

  65. Lamontyoubigdummy says:

    Sdferr:
    You’re forgiven. Truth told, I haven’t had a steak in a month either. The girlfriend has me eatin’ sushi. Raw. Fucking. Fish.

    …And, God help me, I kinda like it.

    Rachel Ray is awesome (as long as the TV is muted). Her boobs are just little fat duggs, but I could write a term paper on her ass (both figuratively and literally).

  66. Rob Crawford says:

    I find your faith in the MSM … amusing.

    The campaigns will have their own transcripts. And the bloggers will spread the word about interesting comments.

  67. Mikey NTH says:

    #61 Ric Locke:

    And there is “I may have a lobbyist working for me, but you are taking advice from his boss. The one who screwed up everything so bad that I tried to fix it three years ago, a fix your party killed. Here’s the Congressional Record – do you want to read it out loud or do I also have to do that for you?”

  68. mojo says:

    #
    Comment by Salt Lick on 9/26 @ 12:42 pm #

    Is this the debate where B.O. unveils “Blue Steel?”

    You owe me a drink, dude…

  69. syn says:

    “Jim Lehrer looks like my grandma before she died.”

    I cannot look at the ‘eye-ball popping out of your head like Pelosi’ cosmetic freak show flling up tv space these days.

    Come on Jim Leher et al…. accept age gracefully otherwise you come out freakishly looking like Katherine Helmond in “Brazil”.

  70. Swen Swenson says:

    @ #38, with a Boston accent: I’m glad that with all that exposure on the Popo Agie you kept your composure.

  71. McGehee says:

    Heh. Now people on Beacon Hill and in the Back Bay will finally know how to pronounce that river’s name.

Comments are closed.