August 31, 2008

Why I let my National Review subscription lapse, personified

Rick Brookhiser:

Liberals love Obama because he is a Numinous Negro. Conservatives love Palin because she has a Downs baby and an M-16. For both sides, that is all on earth ye know and all ye need to know. You might call it mystical and childish.

May I be so wrong that a hundred harpies will pluck my eyeballs.

Wrong? You? Surely that was merely a rhetorical flourish — an attempt to attach Rortian “irony” to your proclamation’s contingency. Because really: how could you be wrong considering the kinds of earthy rubes you are dealing with?

Ah, if only “conservatives” were all as sharp as Brookhiser! If only they were capable of his level of self-reflection! But alas, no such luck. I blame monster trucks. And of course MGD.

In fact, how Brookhiser even gets through the day standing up for dullard conservatives with their superficial rah-rah-ism is anybody’s guess — but I suspect that he thinks of his service to the conservative cause much like “progressives” think of their service to the dispossessed minorities they claim to champion: he’ll allow them along for the ideological ride, provided they just shut up and not embarrass him by pretending they can think for themselves, at least on matters that don’t involve football pools or church bake sales.

It is the elite, educated rightwing pundit’s burden under which poor Brookhiser labors — and sometimes, when he isn’t musing about Hubert Humphrey in the shower, he has to admit that all those flyover country flea market shoppers clinging to their guns and their god just don’t deserve such a great thinker as he.

Still, he sallies forth. And in the bloody morning after? One tin soldier rides away.

GOD BLESS HIM!

****
(h/t Pat Riotic, via email; more, from Ace)

Posted by Jeff G. @ 5:10pm
90 comments | Trackback

Comments (90)

  1. Amen. May a hundred harpies pluck your eyeballs.

    SEXIST!

  2. You’ll have to explain the Billy Jack fixation some time. Or not, since Holmes disclosing the trick ruined it for Watson.

  3. You know, just like Midas, he has asses’ ears.

  4. He would have said the same thing about that low brow haberdasher from Missouri that ran for VP.

    It’s all about the hats

  5. I’ve seen plenty of pictures of Palin firing an M4.
    What the hell is Brookhiser looking at?

  6. It is so awesomely cool when a person can bitch slap another person, but in a cordial manner. I really want to learn how to do that.

    You think they sell them ‘smart books’ at Wal-Mart?

  7. Alaska? I mean, do they even know how to make a perfect Manhattan up there?

  8. And Palin “has” an M-16?
    Not bloody fucking likely.

  9. Just goes to show there’s something in the Palin pick for everybody: After this election, Brookhiser won’t have to settle for Humphrey anymore. ;)

  10. Come on. Even as a pseudo-elitist who whiled away his early afternoon in the park reading selected writings of Vaclav Havel (before getting buzzed watching the Mets in a bar) I chuckle every time I see Brookhiser on TV or read anything he writes. His appearance, his pattern of speech, even his writing style make me wonder if the guy has spent so much time immersed in the founding fathers that he actually thinks he is one.

    Consider it balance for Jonah’s talking sofa.

  11. Alaska? I mean, do they even know how to make a perfect Manhattan up there?

    I’d be shocked to see those rubes with one vermouth, let alone two.

  12. From now on I’m going to refer to Rick Brookhiser as Dick Bupkis.

  13. Certain quarters in society are feeling a tad nervous. Brooky could write MoDo with a little editing.

  14. Conservatives love Palin because she has a Downs baby

    That’s it, Richy. A designer mentally handicapped baby.

    Soon, all the Northeastern Chic will want one.

    Is it in bad, ahem, taste to wish someone to die whilst choking on his own semen?

  15. If I think of Humphrey at all he is usually wearing a suit and shaking hands. Thinking of him in a shower? Dude, that is just sick.

  16. Didn’t I see a picture of Palin kneeling beside a bagged vermouth?

  17. On a more serious note, it’s KJL’s twin passions for theocracy and Mitt Romney that keep me from subscribing.

    That, and the fact that I’ve given up paper for the Intertubes.

  18. I’ve run into lots of country-club Republicans, here in Dallas. They really do look down on the working-class Reagan conservatives. Their effete elitism has vandalized my view of neo-conservatives in general. I admit that might be an error, but blue-bloods irritate me now.

  19. I lurvs my National Review. No, I don’t always agree with the authors. But, for Rob Long alone it’s worth the subscription.

  20. I forgot the “Y.” in “Jeff Y.” Sorry.

  21. Ace has a few threads thrashing NRO.

    I like Mark Levin and Geraghty. I really like Jonah and Lowry. I kinda have a mancrush on Steyn, must be America Alone, the accent and sarcastic sense of humor.

    The rest, not so much. Brookhiser’s post is breathtakingly moronic for a so-called intellectual pundit.

  22. I lost my reason for subscribing to NR when Florence King stopped writing for them regularly.

  23. I like Geraghty too — but only because he linked to me about Kelo.

  24. Oh, and Michelle Malkin once called me “darling” in an e-mail.

    (Actually, it was “a darling,” but…)

  25. I’m with B Moe. I never want to read the words “musing about Hubert Humphrey in the shower” ever again. Bleahhhh.

    You should be ashamed for even typing them. I just cut and paste the words “magical chocolate unicorns” to get those other awful words out of my clipboard.

    Bleahhhh.

  26. Florence King, I think, is writing for NR again. Don’t quote me on that.

  27. It seems to me that there are certain sectors of the American public who simply don’t understand what they’re encountering in Sarah Palin. It’s very simple. Sarah Palin is an American archtype. She’s a Frontier Wife. She works hard, she plays hard, she loves hard, she prays hard. A family fishing business on top of anything else she does for a living – beauty pageants, sports, hunting – big family that sticks together and remains connected in today’s blown apart familyscape – and her religious beliefs are more than a local social club, but extend to informing things like how she views her most recent child. They haven’t seen one of these people for so long they forgot what they look like.

  28. @ #26: Every other issue? That was the regular gig she had the last time I subscribed.

  29. Interesting reflection on blueblood Repubs vs. Reaganites.
    I live in the Rustbelt NE, so any Repubs generally know of each other, bluebloods and not. Won’t say we mix, exactly, but there’s so few of us that we can’t really afford to alienate each other, so instead we stick by one another.

  30. She is also breathtakingly real. What has sold me on her was the no teleprompter acceptance speech, and some interviews I have found. She kills because she isn’t trying to be anything at all except herself, and if they can keep the handlers, consultants and experts away from her I think she will be devastating on the campaign trail. I see a few minor gaffes that the press and leftards will go hysterical over, but nothing that will stick.

    Might we have a teflon vice president?

  31. Well, George Will has a Downs Syndrome son he loves very much.

    Jon [Will] has a disability, but he also has some things most men would like to have—season tickets for Nationals and Orioles baseball, Redskins football, Capitals hockey and Georgetown University basketball. He gets to and from games (and to his work three days a week for the Nationals at RFK Stadium) by himself, taking public transportation to and from his apartment.

    Jon experiences life’s three elemental enjoyments—loving, being loved and ESPN. For Jon, as for most normal American males, the rest of life is details.

    There must be a name for Will, Colmes, and Brookhiser squaring off in wrestling tights.

  32. “Comment by B Moe on 8/31 @ 6:33 pm #

    She is also breathtakingly real.”

    The Newt:

    “There is something going on this weekend which traditional pundits, traditional consultants and traditional politicians are simply missing. All of the normal biography-oriented and issue-oriented analysis misses an emotional gestalt event comparable to when Ronald Reagan in 1980 crystalized his leadership in New Hampshire when he seized control of the GOP debate.

    In one sudden moment Friday, John McCain fundamentally changed American politics in a manner that transcends issues and details.

    The great threat to the Obama-Biden ticket can be captured in one word: authenticity.”
    http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2008/08/kristol_gingrich_on_the_power.asp

  33. “From now on I’m going to refer to Rick Brookhiser”

    Had you ever before?

    El Jeffe, you missed the part where he suggested maybe the Republicans need a new base if it takes a Palin to fire them up (instead of the war).

    “Might we have a teflon vice president?”

    If we can get this ticket elected, I’d dare to suggest something more than that. Think in terms not so much as head of the executive branch, but as Head of State. I’m thinking young Victoria…

  34. Sarah Palin is nothing but a stammering twat. I bet it’s against her religion to douche. Crab salad left in the sun! Dead vermin roasting in the attic! Rotting fish heads, fish heads and more fish heads!

    A mountain of sticky skank is what ferments in the gape of the dizzy woman.

  35. Sarah Palin is an American archtype

    The Left rejects that whole heartedly. Then you have the ‘above it all’ intellectual snobbery of people like Brooksie who is altogether, I suspect, much more comfortable rubbing elbows with Manhattanites of the Liberal persuasion at penthouse cocktail parties than having to be forced to sit across the table with a Vice President he fears may excuse herself and leave the room to use a breastpump.

    They may be of the same party, but he despises her background, her upbringing, her hobbies and her fecundity.

  36. Florence King, I think, is writing for NR again. Don’t quote me on that.

    She writes a column called “The Bent Pin.” I think it is, as McGehee said, a once-a-month feature.

  37. re: #34

    I think the some behavioral health center is missing a ….. um…. client.

  38. Comment by B Moe on 8/31 @ 6:33 pm #

    She is also breathtakingly real.

    Breathtakingly effen stupid, is that what you’re trying to say?

  39. Ooh, lookie! It’s thor, saying, essentially, let’s see if we can make this thread about me!

    Pass.

  40. @ #37: Some villages in Alaska are so small and so poor they have to share an idiot. I think thor was an unsuccessful applicant.

  41. I know, I know…foil and all. But I still don’t see this vile moron contributing anything you couldn’t just as easily scrape off the bottom of your shoe after a long walk in some filthy places.

  42. Pingback: BECAUSE OF THE HYPOCRISY! [NOW UPDATED WITH EVEN MORE DASTARDLY HYPOCRISYNESS!]

  43. No, I want the thread to be about me! Why does it always have to be about thor?

    I can type ‘Bleahhhh’ again, if that will help. Really.

  44. I could name-drop again, like in #23 and #24. But then it would be about me and not you, Marco.

    Got some names to drop that are cooler than mine?

  45. Brooky

    “You would have thought the base was energized by being in a war. If not, perhaps we need a new base.”

    Or talking “right” wing dickheads.

  46. I was on the local Bozo the Clown show when I was a kid, and met Bozo himself. How’s that?

  47. Speekin ‘a wish, Jeff, at #34 dre reproduced an item by he who spake the heretofore secret words. This won’t go over well.

    I mean, it mayn’t.

  48. It has been obvious for awhile now that you don’t know the difference between the real and the stupid, thor. I can’t help you.

  49. I think thor was an unsuccessful applicant.

    He scored too low to be idiot — Alaskans don’t like the idea of having to replace one after each rain.

    He did get offered the position of “chum”, but passed on it because he couldn’t imagine himself being friends with those rubes.

  50. @38
    “Breathtakingly effen stupid, is that what you’re trying to say?”

    No I’ll let the Messiah go 7 minutes sans(without for you snobs) explain:
    “um, ahh,Let me digress, geez I’ve answered 8 questions, man you clingers are something, sweetie”

  51. @32 I am agreeing with Newt? Actually I find that a bit disturbing.

  52. He did get offered the position of “chum”, but passed on it because he couldn’t imagine himself being friends with those rubes.

    Heh. I offered him almost exactly that why just yesterday, Mr. Crawford. I suspect he passed on it because he couldn’t imagine himself being forthright with this rube once offshore. Me, I just wanted to hear the noises he’d make.

    While still dry.

  53. #

    Comment by Jeff G. on 8/31 @ 6:47 pm #

    Ooh, lookie! It’s thor, saying, essentially, let’s see if we can make this thread about me!

    Pass.

    Catch! Watching you run cover for that idiot bimbo is as wrong as two cats fuckin’ in a orchestra pit.

    What a load. Executive experience per her time as mayor of Wasilla, a town without city water, whose gym is called the Bumpus recreation city.

    What horsefeathers, see-thru hockey pucks, the fur of turds! You’re killing me.

  54. Cities have city water. Towns have town water.

  55. From dre’s link:

    And there is something deeply real and courageous about John McCain ignoring most of his advisers and all of the “insider wisdom” to reach out to a younger woman whose greatest characteristic is undaunted courage and a willingness to clean out the corruption in her own party.

    Newt still has it. The left’s now-naked emperors not so much.

  56. To me her life story is compelling because it reveals that in spite of the fact that she’ very feminine she’s also more of a man than Obama is.

  57. Yeah, plus Lopez is a stupid bitch who couldn’t edit a child’s book report. I just responded to your National Lampoon post Jeff – may the debate continue until such time as we grow bored of it!

  58. I think she’s a risky pick. Barack Obama might be the first black person she’s ever met.

  59. Is it in bad, ahem, taste to wish someone to die whilst choking on his own semen?

    Only if they are still encased within the testicles firmly lodged below his uvula.

  60. “#

    Comment by B Moe on 8/31 @ 7:00 pm #

    @32 I am agreeing with Newt? Actually I find that a bit disturbing.”

    I talk with my life long Dem mom today. 70+ She likes Sarah. MT Argula ain’t going to cut it.

  61. “#

    Comment by thor on 8/31 @ 7:09 pm #

    I think she’s a risky pick. Barack Obama might be the first black person she’s ever met.”

    How many Alaskan Indians has the Messiah met?

  62. Are you properly vaccinated?

    That’s the kind of question the press will be asking the Repubs mountain bunker mayor.

  63. I think she’s a risky pick. Barack Obama might be the first black person she’s ever met.

    I think you know about as much about Alaska as you do every other subject you choose to jabber about.

  64. Barrett –

    I can’t respond over there. Besides, I don’t ever remember what I posted.

  65. I think she’s a risky pick.

    Not as risky as your thinking.
    See what I did there?

  66. #56 You owe me a new keyboard and monitor, for the nom de plume alone.

  67. “I think she’s a risky pick. Barack Obama might be the first black person she’s ever met.”

    No. Just the first black person who sticks his pinky out when drinking green tea.

  68. “I can’t respond over there.”

    Why not? Tech difficulties?

  69. Off topic a bit – but it relates to Jeff’s earlier post about Zogby, and who reads the old posts once a new one is open.

    Via NRO – Time/CNN is calling it a deadheat, post-convention:

    http://thepage.time.com/more-from-cnnopinion-research/

    Sorry for the OT. Back to the thread.

  70. At the risk of introducing facts into a humorous exchange, the mayor of Fairbanks when my wife and I moved there was a black man. He may still have been in office when Palin became mayor of Wasilla. If so, they may have met at a mayor’s conference.

    Though, I don’t remember hearing about her panicking at the site of a man with dark brown skin, so maybe not.

  71. I went and killed the thread.

  72. It wasn’t you that killed it. I’ve got a pot going on what thread can go the longest without someone responding to the norse troll, and alot of folks have doubled down on this one.

  73. the mayor of Fairbanks when my wife and I moved there was a black man

    You should tell P. Diddy this McGeHee, he is very worried over the question of if there is black people in Alaska.

  74. Barack Obama might be the first black person she’s ever met.

    And that’s a problem because… what? There’s some special way you have to treat black folks? Some secret language you have to speak, a rigid set of protocols that must be followed?

    I mean, if she just hauled off and shook his hand, said “pleased to meetcha,” and treated him with basic courtesy and respect, that would be so wrong.

  75. “I’ve run into lots of country-club Republicans, here in Dallas.”

    That’s enough out of you caddy. Now put down my golf bag, and go turn in my score card.

    And while you’re in the pro-shop, get me a box of NXT Tour balls with the Mercedes logos.

    And a cup of that lobster bisque.

    And an Amstel Light.

    With a lemon wedge.

  76. Brookhiser & Derbyshire.

    The two voted most likely to get tossed out of the foxhole and fragged by their own dudes.

  77. Brookhiser & Derbyshire.

    Daily Kos fare

  78. Did thor get a visit from aunt Flo this wknd or something? He seems especially cranky.

    Thorazine. Get a script.

    Bitch.

  79. You should tell P. Diddy this McGeHee, he is very worried over the question of if there is black people in Alaska.

    Well, I don’t know if the former mayor of Fairbanks is in Alaska at the moment, but he has family and was either a pastor of or a lay preacher at an A.M.E. church.

  80. Wiki on Brookhiser: “He earned an A.B. degree (1977) at Yale… Although admitted to Yale Law School, Brookhiser went to work full-time for National Review in 1977…”

    Oh, I get it, now! The faux-Conservative Ivy-leaguers cannot stand this lady…

  81. What is it about meeting brown colored people that makes you a better person? I’m desperate to know.

  82. Does it make one smarter? Able to run faster?


  83. Comment by ccoffer on 9/1 @ 9:18 am #

    What is it about meeting brown colored people that makes you a better person? I’m desperate to know.

    I like black coffee in bed.

  84. I mean, if she just hauled off and shook his hand, said “pleased to meetcha,” and treated him with basic courtesy and respect, that would be so wrong.

    What kind of signals would that be sending! Haven’t you ever seen Mandingo, dicentra? When Obama just go and do what come natural to a buck, then who be taking the blame?

    th*r know this shit.

  85. Brookhiser & Derbyshire.

    In all fairness, they were pretty good on the Muppet Show.

  86. AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

  87. Denis Boyles and his EuroWeenie Press Review – best thing on NRO.

  88. Brookthighser sez: To Alaskans vermouth is an Alces with a speech impediment.

  89. Geraghty makes up for the Brooksy

  90. Yes, a mom should stay at home. In the kitchen. Barefoot. Look what happens when one parent is a state atty. gen.(then gov.), and the other toils at the Rose Law Firm, or rewrites a national health care system – or when one is in the Ill. state legislature while the other is (coincidently) a highly-placed executive. Or what if both are big execs, one even getting the Mass. Gov. position (because of outstanding qualifications)? Imagine of the terrible lives that those choices will visit on the offspring. Oops, my error; it’s o.k. for Liberals.
    BTW, if nobody’s said it yet, it is Down Syndrome, not “Downs.”

Leave a Reply