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Dear Mark Morford [Dan Collins]

Broad-minded San Franciscan, demonstrating his inclusivity by reporting that he is friends with a conservative Catholic woman, despite her “unfortunate” choice of religions and politics. Read it at Michelle’s.

I wrote a short missive to the reader’s rep:

You know, I’d kind of like him for his outsized bigotry if he weren’t such a spectacularly liberal secular humanist cunt.

Keep up the good work,
Dan Collins
Monkton, VT

51 Replies to “Dear Mark Morford [Dan Collins]”

  1. The link’s wrong.

  2. Dan Collins says:

    Thanks, Patrick.

  3. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    He left out “very good at marrying rich guys” in the list of Terezzzzzzzzzza’s accomplishments.

  4. Dan Collins says:

    At least it’s in the errata section. Mark prolly thinks that’s some version of erotic.

  5. Dan Collins says:

    No, it’s Kerry who’s good at marrying rich women, SB&P.

  6. Mikey NTH says:

    Morford’s just wrong, on a really existential level. I bet what he calls ‘friendship’ with this woman is just ‘polite civility’ on her part. Unless she’s ready to go off her prescription meds.

  7. Darleen says:

    Saw that this morning…. don’t you just love the stuff about Laura Bush and daughters? I’m SO tired of the “drugged stepford wives” crap shoveled at every female who dares wander off the gender-feminist reservation.

  8. Dan Collins says:

    Took the whole feminination,
    Locked them on this reservation.
    Took away their way of life
    Raisin’ the kids like a wholesome wife.
    Took away their native tongue,
    Taught their femspeak to their young.
    And all the things they did by hand,
    They said was patriarchal planned.

  9. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    I thought Kerry was like a second-order gold digger?

    Terezzzzzzza married the Heinz guy, right?

  10. happyfeet says:

    Mostly I think he resents that she didn’t make herself a bigger target so he could verbally abuse her more better. But it’s ok. M’chelle is a lot a skeezey Marxist whore and I think there needs to be space to say that.

  11. despite her unfortunate choice of religious and political affiliation

    What a fucker.

    Dear God – I know I am called to love everyone… no matter how noxious… even those who are complete and utter pricks… and get paid to be hypocritical and offensive… but this guy is just a bigoted fuck and I am having fantasies about tracking him down and stuffing a live grenade up his ass. And then, just for good measure, kicking the Cross end of a Rosary between his two front teeth like a dog tag. Yours, with regards, Enoch

  12. Pablo says:

    Dan, do you really think that such vulgar namecalling in a letter to a respected media outlet is appropriate? Did you really have to call him a liberal?

  13. I fondly recall, just before the tragic Bush/Kerry presidential election, an impassioned discussion I had with a family friend, a conservative Muslim mother of four and grandmother of six, headstrong, outspoken, hilarious, a real no-BS matriarch of her big crazy messy family and clearly the wearer of the pants in her marriage and a woman whom I always liked for her wit and her outsized personality, despite her unfortunate choice of religious and political affiliation, a woman who, it turned out in our discussion, absolutely hated — hated — John Kerry’s wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry.

    you’d never see him write this version. what a pussy.

  14. A recurring theme of this blog, especially visible in the last few days, is how total morons tend to beclown themselves utterly when they speak their bigotry publicly.

    Now I’m off to watch “Futurama”. This day’s order: “When you see the robot, drink.”

    I expect to make many off-topic posts later.

  15. Dan Collins says:

    Sorry, Pablo. I’m tired. And evil.

  16. Pablo says:

    Well done, Dan. Well done.

  17. Spies, Brigands, and Pirates says:

    Oh, yeah.

    I’m guessing that having a billion or two in the mattress made the challenge of “rais[ing] her enormously accomplished, well-adjusted sons to adulthood by herself” a little more bearable.

  18. JohnAnnArbor says:

    Wasn’t Tereza a colonist, literally? In Mozambique?

  19. ThomasD says:

    despite her unfortunate choice of religious and political affiliation

    I wonder if this loser knows, assuming she actually exists, she puts him in her prayers.

  20. Mcgruder says:

    is there any better word in the english language for expressing personal disgust and revulsion to the Nth degree than “cunt”?

    Or,

    is it just that there is no better word for Mark Morford?

  21. Bill M says:

    My email to the little wanker:
    Whats the matter? Are you so tired of hearing about the Rev you needed some cathartic release so you attack a woman so much better than the last occupant of the White House just to keep yourself sane? You failed, it seems. I raised my daughter to be assertive, independent and self-sufficient. I would love for her to think of Laura Bush as a role model. You probably don’t have kids and that’s a good thing. Let me give you another reason to go attack another decent person, McCain will win in November. I bet I’ll be able to hear your teeth-nashing all the way to Texas. I wanted to say some really nasty things here but I don’t need to. Four more years of a Republican in the White House will work just fine. Enjoy!!
    I’m not that big a fan of McCain but he doesn’t need to know that.

  22. Cunt is believed to derive from a Germanic root *kunton “female genitalia”, which also gave rise to Old Norse kunta (ancestor of Norwegian and Swedish dialectical kunta and Danish dialectical kunte), Old Frisian, Middle Low German and Middle Dutch kunte, and the English doublet quaint. And, by the way, the word wasn’t always considered derogatory, even though it is today. Be careful about assuming that a word’s modern connotations must have governed its formation. By the way, no connection has been made between the Germanic words and Latin cunnus. The proto-Germanic root of cunt is ku- “hollow place”, while the Indo-European root of Latin cunnus is (s)keu- “to cover, to conceal”, the etymological meaning of cunnus being “sheath”.

    Waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than Mark Morford. He’s more a cock crowing from atop its midden.

  23. Of course, there’s the old Irish joke about the name of a guy whose pretty sure he’s going to get laid: “Cunta Cinnte”.

    Where “cinnte” is an Irish word meaning “certain”, where “C” in Irish is like the English “K”, “inn” is “een” and “te” is “cha”.

    Jeez. Just phone me for the pronunciation.

  24. Oh, and the whole “Roots” thing.

  25. Great Mencken's Ghost says:

    A ‘broad-minded San Franciscan’ is more properly called an ‘Oregonian.’

  26. No, “Idahoan.”

  27. psycho... says:

    I’d kind of like him for his outsized bigotry if he weren’t such a spectacularly liberal secular humanist cunt.

    Formally, this is the same as Coulter’s “faggot” line. That’s a compliment; her joke was a smart one. But people are too dumb and/or desirous of excuses to display outrage to understand (or not to pretend not to understand) multi-premised jokes or interdependent ironies. And that dumb desire knows no politics. So I hope you’re prepared for some “friendly” fire for this one.

    (I hope you don’t get any, but that’s what I expected last time. I was wrong.)

  28. Dan Collins says:

    Thanks, psycho, but I’m already the guy who put faggot in a title and posted something true about an ex-gf.

  29. Andy says:

    VT? What is that? Vontana? Vonnecticut?

  30. Dan Collins says:

    Dost thou me shit, Andy?

  31. happyfeet says:

    He’s just so pronouncey about it, this Morford person. But he can’t point to any real harms. What you’d have to do is grant him that Laura is “the worst kind of example for modern young women today” I guess.

    But he qualifies his class of victims with this word “modern” to where I think his complaint is that Amanda and her tribe badly need a first lady to look up to and emulate. They had one though already, but now they’re all voting for Obama instead and performing Shiite self-abuse rituals to purge themselves of their vestigial white privilege. Mark needs to keep up I think.

    “Modern” young women are as trepidative of a female assuming power as Al Sharpton is of Baracky doing so. These women Mark is so concerned about are a lot more concerned with cultivating their own victimhood than latching onto a role model what defies that. Cunt needs to pay attention cause things are moving pretty fast I think.

  32. Andy says:

    Just to clear up any confusion and indulge in some self-aggrandizement, I’m aware of what VT stands for. I have visited the Green Mountain State. Well, I’ve actually just passed through on my way elsewhere. :)

    You and your Virgin Teabags, Dan.

  33. JD says:

    I love it when happy lets loose on a truly deserving asshat.

  34. Alec Leamas says:

    He must think that people really do like – and not just tolerate – men like him who can’t leave other men’s rear ends alone, thus giving him the confidence to speak ill of this fine Catholic woman. Like was said above, he probably doesn’t even realize that she prays daily for the intercession of St. Analus of Rumpfordshire, Patron Saint of all those who suffer from rectal maladies, that all Morford’s Methamphetamine abuse and anonymous receptive anal intercourse doesn’t cause him to take ill. I would not be so kind.

  35. Jakester says:

    Keep up the good insults, your as petty as you are spiritually dead, inspite of your wonderful religious tradition. What an ugly comment. I guess your trauma is a result of all the persecution you suffered at the hands of gays and liberals and Jews.

  36. Slartibartfast says:

    Tee hee!

  37. Topsecretk9 says:

    What’s wrong with a Stepford wife anyway? I mean, being a caring and endearing wife and mother and who sacrifices for the family and who enjoys being that?

    This reminds me of the Vagina Warriorsâ„¢ 1990’s war on “stay at home moms” – the Vagina Warriorsâ„¢ said you were oppressed or stupid for staying home and caring for your family. Then when all the 90’s Vagina Warriorsâ„¢ decided to try and have babies in the 2000’s in their fricken forties they suddenly wanted the government give them a “workers” tax benefit for their un-ernearned income because it was so hard to not hire a nanny and actually raise this being we gave up the workforce for, or some stupid shit.

    I think there was some nanny break they wanted so these brave Vagina Warriorsâ„¢ could work when they decided too.

  38. Topsecretk9 says:

    Via Michelle

    Today he earns his pay by railing against Laura Bush because she isn’t an obnoxious, left-wing elite bigmouth like Teresa Heinz Kerry ..

    or this sterling female Democrat role model “wife”

    — she and her husband slaved their aides to care for their children and work on campaigns too

  39. Cowboy says:

    jakester–it’s finals week, so my mind’s pretty fried and I can’t work up a good hammer of flaming hatred for a drop and run troll such as you. But here you go:

    you mean “you’re,” not “your” and “inspite” is two words, “in spite”

    Hey, it’s all I got.

  40. Smirky McChimp says:

    The gender expectations simply drip from that article. Women who are brassy, loud, “no-BS”, etc. = good. Women who are reserved, subtle, thoughtful = bad. Since Laura Bush hasn’t been drawing attention to herself like Lady Godiva at a bachelor party, she must be a non-entity. In other words, I Beleive Whatever I See On Dah TeeVee is Dah Truth, Dah Whole Truth, etc.

    How do jagoffs like this get jobs writing columns?

  41. Slartibartfast says:

    Why is anyone paying attention to Mark “Plastic Turkey” Morford, again? The guy makes Greenwald seem absolutely serene by comparison.

  42. Slartibartfast says:

    The Morford link should have pointed here.

  43. Dan Collins says:

    Smirky, it helps that they live in SF.

  44. Alec Leamas says:

    “The Morford link should have pointed here.”

    Haha! He admits Saddam had WMD, before the official line became that he didn’t.

  45. Squid says:

    Let me make sure I’ve got this straight (oops! sorry about that word).

    Laura Bush: bad role model.
    Miley Cyrus: good role model.

  46. Paul says:

    Give Miss Morford a break; she probably found a scratch on one of her Judy Garland records and got all in a tizzy.

  47. Paul says:

    The gender expectations simply drip from that article. Women who are brassy, loud, “no-BS”, etc. = good. Women who are reserved, subtle, thoughtful = bad. Since Laura Bush hasn’t been drawing attention to herself like Lady Godiva at a bachelor party, she must be a non-entity. In other words, I Beleive Whatever I See On Dah TeeVee is Dah Truth, Dah Whole Truth, etc.

    —————————

    Miss Morford is just having a case of the vapors because Laura Bush hasn’t had to run through sniper fire or tell hurricane-ravaged children to roam the streets naked. The trouble with those strong, out-spoken liberal women is that they open their mouths and remove all doubt of their ignorance. I’m sure Miss Morford considers himself a strong woman.

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