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Obama Gaining [Dan Collins]

Among “Wideasses”.

Early returns show Wisconsin breaking for Obama by a wipeout 60 to 40 margin.  Speaking as a Wisconsin native, I can assure you that the Wideass population of my home state is quite high, so these results don’t surprise me at all.  Many Wisconsin grocery stores have expanded to 4 lanes to deal with the congestion issues.

Why, you may ask, has Wisconsin gone so heavily for Barack?  There are a number of different explanations available, but foremost among these is Wisconsin paranoia.

In short, in order to preserve the desperate peculiarities of Wisconsinism, Wisconsinites tend to vote for whomever they feel least likely to be able to enact his or her sweeping agenda of reforms for the country.  God only knows what might happen to our native diet were someone with a passable legislative agenda to assume the presidency.You think I’m being funny? You haven’t read enough Iowa Hawk.

UPDATE: Lovely Liz Stephans alertWere you aware there’s a B-Cast website? I wasn’t, until today. If you knew and didn’t tell me . . . bastard!

UPDATE2: Cap’n Ed doesn’t get the Wisconsin thing. It’s always been a completely open primary, in the openest sense. And that, to the 500, Euchre and Sheepshead-playing population of Wisconsin means opportunities for ruffing and schneids. So, you prognosticators better watch out . . . because the plump hausfraus who used to cheerlead for the Green Bay Packers are out to wreak their revenge on the nation that spurned them. Fear.

25 Replies to “Obama Gaining [Dan Collins]”

  1. Dan Collins says:

    Mickey Kaus:
    Hillary can win by counterpunching?
    No.
    http://www.slate.com/id/2184672/

  2. Dan Collins says:

    Look . . . judging by the overwhelming response, I’ve touched a nerve.

    All I really mean to say is that maybe the wideasses don’t want to be reminded for 4 years by pansuit woman how wide their asses are. That’s it, really.

    So feckin’ sue me.

  3. happyfeet says:

    You made me go look at Cap’n Ed so I’ve been stuck here wondering whether or not Marriage Encounter is or is not some kind of de facto gay marriage. Cause it’s so gay.

  4. happyfeet says:

    I have links.

  5. Dan Collins says:

    Yeah, but you gave him money, right?

    Money you could’ve given Jeff. Or spent on a Volvo.

  6. dicentra says:

    Hewitt has been asking young Obamamaniacs to call in and explain their support.

    You’ll never guess: It’s about the Mobilization and the Enthusiasm and the Call to Participate in politics and Bringing People Together to Get Things Done.

    To which Hewitt replied that people can do that no matter who is president.

    The only concrete thing one guy came up with is that he’ll pull our guys out of Iraq.

    Though one chick was pretty sure that his Harvard degree makes him smart enough to trust implicitly. (Unlike B*sh’s Yale degree, I guess.)

    Cripes, I went to Cornell… Trust me to run the free world?

    You’d better not.

  7. dicentra says:

    Me, I looked at that Marriage Encounter link and saw nothing but euphemisms for swinging, er, sharing.

  8. mojo says:

    It’s the cheese.

  9. Dan Collins says:

    Yeah. I went to Dartmouth, where the whole point is to teach you not to trust anyone.

    Especially yourself.

  10. happyfeet says:

    NPR keeps doing this same sort of thing over and over where they go “Wisconsin has a very small African American and Latino population,” and then they give the percents, which, ok, got that, but then they follow that with It’s overwhelmingly White. I just think that’s very NPR really.

  11. guinsPen says:

    What’d they teach ’bout beating?

  12. Dan Collins says:

    Yeah. Compared with say, CT or VT, the black and especially hispanic populations are significant. And according to surveys of the hispanic population, they feel that the American city that gives them the best opportunities for advancement is Milwaukee.

    Milwaukee’s also the home of the Black Holocaust Museum. Even so, every year we discover Chicago social workers urging their clients to move to Wisconsin, where the benefits are better. Obama.

  13. Rob Crawford says:

    C’mon, guys. I went to Bradley — I should be in charge of the world.

    To give you an idea — one of my profs is going to be on History International tomorrow night. In a show about the Antichrist.

    BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

  14. B OBama says:

    I went to Dartmouth

    PG: I went to Princeton and we learned to wash our hands.

    DO: I dropped out and we learned not to piss on them.

  15. guinsPen says:

    I blame Captain Morgan.

  16. Dan Collins says:

    guins, that’s true.
    We never did learn not to piss on them.

  17. B Moe says:

    Is there anything more overwhelmingly white than NPR?

  18. happyfeet says:

    Iceland?

  19. guinsPen says:

    Sorry, B OBama was supposed to explain away the first time he felt good about America.

  20. daleyrocks says:

    They got Injuns in Wisconsin, who like to spearfish, when they aren’t opening new casinos for the white peoples.

    Plus ice fishing. Who can not like ice fishing.

    How many fish boils did Barry O attend and how many snow sculpture contests did he judge?

  21. Rusty says:

    Who can not like ice fishing.

    Whatareya? Nuts? Stand around freezin yer ass off lookin at a hole in the lake? Dats what bars were invented for. Sos ya won’t freeze yer ass off.

  22. daleyrocks says:

    Rusty – You getyer basic shanty. Add yer basic generator. Add yer basic heater, television, stereo. You got yer grill outside. Who needsa bar fer cripesakes.

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