Dear Sirs:\n<\/p>\n
\nI am writing to let you know that I’d be happy to manage the Rockies for 10% of whatever it is you happen to be paying Clint Hurdle. \n<\/p>\n
\nIn fact, allow me to sweeten the offer: if, in the unlikely event I don’t win more games than Hurdle has won in any one of his seasons as manager<\/i>, I will refund fully half of my already reduced salary, then announce my retirement while wearing a string bikini and stiletto heels, and clutching a large black dildo.\n<\/p>\n
\nOne thing I will not<\/i> do, however, is remove my starter, who is throwing a 4-hit shutout, after 71 pitches just because my managerial cue cards tell me that in the 7th inning I’m supposed to bring in a reliever<\/i>—in the case of tonight’s game, a rookie<\/i> reliever with a history of control problems.\n<\/p>\n
\nBecause that would just be completely and utterly imbecilic.\n<\/p>\n
\nYours respectfully,\n<\/p>\n
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<\/div>\n<\/p>\n\nprotein wisdom<\/b><\/tt><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Sirs: I am writing to let you know that I’d be happy to manage the Rockies for 10% of whatever it is you happen to be paying Clint Hurdle. In fact, allow me to sweeten the offer: if, in the unlikely event I don’t win more games than Hurdle has won in any one of his seasons as manager, I will refund fully half of my already reduced salary,<\/p>\n