{"id":14515,"date":"2009-03-12T08:53:00","date_gmt":"2009-03-12T14:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/?p=14515"},"modified":"2009-03-12T08:53:00","modified_gmt":"2009-03-12T14:53:00","slug":"the-song-of-iowahawk-dan-collins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/?p=14515","title":{"rendered":"The Song of Iowahawk [Dan Collins]"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><a href=\"http:\/\/iowahawk.typepad.com\/\">or, a Fragment of a Vision in a Dream Smoking a Pipe with a St. Bernard Coming Out of It<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<p>(For tomorrow is National Iowahawk Day)<\/p>\n<p>At the bending of the river<br \/>\nWhere it bows the brackish water<br \/>\nIn the fertile land of Hawkeyes<br \/>\nWhere the Hy-Vee vends its groceries<br \/>\nAnd employees own the business<br \/>\nThere was taught the Iowahawk.<br \/>\n<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>He did not come from Wisconsin<br \/>\nNor from Illinois corrupted<br \/>\nNor from Minnesota land of<br \/>\nMany lakes and taxi drivers<br \/>\nWho will not transport you far if<br \/>\nYou have with you juice of grapevine<br \/>\nBought at duty free at airport.<br \/>\nNot Nebraska where the flatland<br \/>\nStretches on past Ogalala<br \/>\nEver stretching are we there yet<br \/>\nTill it comes to Colorado<br \/>\nWhere the students go for spring break<br \/>\nThere to drink the beer refreshing<br \/>\nBut diluted, cannot seem to get a<br \/>\nBuzz on, what is this swill?<\/p>\n<p>Nor Missouri, better beer there<br \/>\nTaken from the proud Milwaukee<br \/>\nLike the ball team to Atlanta.<br \/>\nBut in Iowa was he nurtured<br \/>\nAt the workshop of the writers<br \/>\nAt the Foxhead bar he haunted<br \/>\nPlaying billiards with professors.<\/p>\n<p>Later he went to Chicago<br \/>\nPlace where many things were happening<br \/>\nThough the football team was hapless<br \/>\nThat requires a quaterback still<br \/>\nStill and ever, never changing.<br \/>\nAnd he found the internet there<br \/>\nTubes in series, linked together<br \/>\nWhere he made the blog that many<br \/>\nFound remarkable and laughing<br \/>\nAsked of themselves, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Who is Dave Burge,<br \/>\nMan we call the Iowahawk,<br \/>\nWho has genius to resemble<br \/>\nAny writer past or present<br \/>\nWhether it be Hunter Thompson,<br \/>\nHomer eld of Grecian glory,<br \/>\nChaucer ribald and yet stately?<br \/>\nWherefore comes he, raiment splendid,<br \/>\nClothed in tropes so tightly woven<br \/>\nOut of matter hempen homespun,<br \/>\nWriting of tattoos and hot rods<br \/>\nMaking light of that which presses<br \/>\nRound our throats like garrots tightening<br \/>\nOr when natives stake you out in<br \/>\nWastelands with your nipples impaled?<br \/>\nHe is Iowahawk of Typepad<br \/>\nMaster of the sparkling send-up<br \/>\nWhen he posts, then douchebags tremble<br \/>\nRealizing they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been skewered<br \/>\nAnd with no recourse to match him:<br \/>\nMighty Burge, the Iowahawk!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>or, a Fragment of a Vision in a Dream Smoking a Pipe with a St. Bernard Coming Out of It (For tomorrow is National Iowahawk Day) At the bending of the river Where it bows the brackish water In the fertile land of Hawkeyes Where the Hy-Vee vends its groceries And employees own the business There was taught the Iowahawk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":587,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14515","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14515","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/587"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14515"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14515\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14515"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14515"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/proteinwisdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14515"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}