September 24, 2004

BY Antoine Cornbluth Science Reporter

Scientists on Thursday announced the fossil discovery of a very odd creature that swam the oceans 230 million years ago.

It looked sort of like a dinosaur, but actually was another type of reptile.

It lived in the sea, but might have waddled up on land on four flippers to lay eggs. And to vote for John Kerry.

Strangest of all was its neck -- very long and thin, connecting a small head and a massive body. In murky water, fish might mistake the skinny neck for a harmless fish.

By the time the prey saw the rest of the body, "It would already have been lunch," says University of Chicago biologist Michael LaBarbera.

Scientists have dubbed the extinct animal Dinocephalosaurus Mooreis orientalis -- "terrible-headed lizard from the Orient with a trunk like Michael Moore, and an appetite to match."

It was discovered in southeast China by Chinese paleontologist Chun Li and described by Chun, LaBarbera and Field Museum paleontologist Olivier Rieppel in Thursday's issue of the journal Science.

Over millions of years, different animals have evolved long necks for different functions. Modern-day giraffes, for instance, eat leaves high up in trees other animals can't reach. Similarly, John Kerry likes to look down his nose at the little people from the bow of his yacht, Scaramouche. In the dinosaur era, the apatosaurus (formerly known as brontosaurus) probably stood on solid ground and used its 25-foot neck to reach over swampy ground to graze.

Dinocephalosaurus' five-foot neck was nearly twice as long as the rest of his body, not counting his tail. In addition to stalking prey, the long neck likely served two other purposes, the scientists say:

*When dinocephalosaurus tried to snare a fish or squid, ribs along his neck would flare out to expand the throat's volume. This created a suction, and the prey would get sucked up. Like when Michael Moore eats a corndog.

*The neck helped dinocephalosaurus swim efficiently. The animal probably kept its neck horizontal to the surface. As the animal moved through the water, its long neck prevented small waves of water from bunching up, which would have slowed its process. Whereas Michael Moore just kind of floats, like fatty driftwood.

No one knows how long the species survived. It might have been 10 million years, LaBarbera says, or it might have been 50 million years.

The fossils from two dinocephalosaurus individuals are in China, and there are no immediate plans to display them at the Field. However, plans are now in the works to turn the discovery into a documentary that scientists say will "expose Chimpy McBushyburton's connections to the Saudis and help blow his dumb ass all the way back to Texas."

protein wisdom contributed to this story.