July 25, 2002

“Excuse me, stewardess. But I speak jive…”

Via Subaverage: Introducing PossePops, the “solid cold chillin’ [ice cream bar] treat” that comes wrapped in the wisdom of the street. To wit: here’s the message adorning the wrapping of the “Knock You Out” bar — vanilla ice cream with a crunchy milk chocolate coating!

Yea Boyz + Girlz, check this out! Using drugs is wack. Don’t play yourself out, ’cause drugs’ll knock you out and put you out of the game. Stay clean, lean, & mean. If you peep your homie doin’ it, tell him to chill then give ’em one of these solid cold chillin’ treats. In your face. Word.

Yes, I’m serious. You can’t just make up this kinda shit.

Anyway, as the maker of PossePops, Planet Ice Cream, Inc., notes in its Mission Statement (yes, Planet Ice Cream has a Mission Statement — wouldn’t you?), the company “does more than make and sell great ice cream”; indeed, it strives to “enlighten children (and adults too) to important social, environmental and economic issues […] Our hope is create a fun, non-threatening environment for debate on these issues between varied groups of people and to help children and young adults establish a strong community-based value system.”

— Which of course is what most of us have come to demand out of an ice cream vendor…

In my day, for example, I took my life lessons from the neighborhood Good Humor

Posted by Jeff G. @ 4:00pm
13 comments |

Comments (13)

  1. I recognize the quote. Airplane. Barbara Billingsley – Beaver’s mom.

  2. This is great, because nothing earns the respect of today’s young “hep cats” as much as an adult who “savvys” their “lingo.” This just might save a few of these “groovy guys ‘n’ gals” from experimenting with “Martha Joan” or even worse drugs like “Coca-Cola.”

  3. Ok Jeff, come clean. The Nation of Islam is paying you to convince black folks to join, right?

    Or are you doing this for free?

  4. Free.

    (Well…minus the cultural capital I’ve accrued at the expense of minorities of all colors and stripes by virtue of being a white man entrenched in my power position in a quasi-liberal nation that maintains the status quo through systemic oppression, I mean).

  5. Yeah, but you have all that either way.

    I think you’re getting gyped. You should at least get some bow ties. It’ll let you go for that scholarly, George Will look.

  6. Could you work “bling-bling” into there somewhere? That one’s always good for a giggle.

    On the other hand, the hidden text in the Punchlines post was funny.

    I may have misunderestimated you, as the President would say.

  7. Done. And word.

  8. I have bow ties enough (see upper left). And I prefer Tucker Carlson to George Will, as long as we’re on the subject.here you go. One ‘bling bling’ worked in for you…

    Still, I suppose if the Nation of Islam is dead set on giving me gifts, I could always use a new pair of sunglasses—y’know, to peep my homies even under the brightest of conditions and to stay “clean, lean, mean,” and UV-free around the retinas. Oh. And some of those black gloves. Those are boss, too.

  9. “Word to your mother’s uncle” is just slightly funnier. May not be worth the edit, but couldn’t hurt.

  10. Dear protein wisdom readers,

    For the finest in comedy, see the above suggested edit of my previous comment.

    Thank you for your continued patronage,

    /images/signature.jpg

  11. Now why did I think you would catch that reference?

    That line is actually from the intro to 3rd Base’s video for “Pop Goes the Weasel”.

    They’re black gangsta rappers, so I’m not surprised you missed it Especially since they were using it to take a pot-shot at another black gangsta rapper.

    And you didn’t thank me for patronizing you.

    No, that’s the right word. . .

  12. Black Gangsta rappers? “Derelicts of Dialect”? Really? Okay, ‘f you say so. It’s not up to me to diagnose. (And it’s Third Bass, isn’t it?)

    Ever think that I don’t acknowledge your references ‘cause I don’t care? Maybe, maybe not. I’m just saying is all. Meh. Etc.

    Sincerely,

    Ice Ice yada yada