October 8, 2007

Scenes from my driveway, continued x 63

Deadbeat neighbor: “Is that an Indian? — over there, pouring that Bickels’ new patio?”

Me: “Nope. Just a Mexican day laborer with a sunburn.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Are you sure? Because the feathers –”

Me: “– Fine, a Mexican day laborer with a sunburn and a fetish, then. But not an Indian.”

Me: “And seriously, man. Must you always stereotype like that? Because it’s racist, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable.”

Me: “Besides, dude’s got a mustache, and instead of a horse, he drives a tricked out El Camino. Which, if that doesn’t absolutely scream beaner, nothing does.”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 1:50pm

Comments (32)

  1. I have not seen a real live Indian in many moons.

  2. “Sad is the mouse who cannot see the owl for the trees” — Dances with Mark Cuban

  3. Does he have the tarantula in acrylic shift knob? Because that’s COOL.

  4. “Sad is the tree that cannot dodge the big honkin’ chainsaw.” — Sambas with the Ghost of Ewell Gibbons

  5. I am within three degrees of Mark Cuban.

  6. That’s kind of interesting.

  7. I hope Mark Cuban buys the Chicago Cubs, spends countless millions, only to fall short of winning the World Series.

  8. too bad it was my great uncle, not my granddad, that married the Cherokee lady

    cuz baby, my Irish girls could have gotten that free ride in teh college

    ‘course, the trade off might have been me or them as to-the-bone mean as my dad claims his cousins were …

  9. It’s grilled cheese day somewhere in Chicago. 312-884-3070.

  10. Dammit, happyfeet!!! I called that #. What a horrific litany of bad covers.

  11. That’s one of those things I get over messenger. Usually that means I am the last to know but I have a feeling this is a relatively new thinger. I got all the way to the we are the champions, and after that I was kind of sorry I had already ordered a burrito.

  12. If you don’t see a Virgin of Guadalupe sticker and/or figurine shrine somewhere in or on the vehicle, he is OTM and you sir are a mustachisist racist of the worst stripe.
    You could ask him is he knows Geraldo and why Geraldo is so rugged and Ricky Martin so smooth.
    Or you could just make some margaritas and call ICE

  13. Right after an Indian trims his pony tail you can’t always tell fer-sure if it’s a East L.A. rat tail or stylish tribal other. And let’s be honest, oft times alcohol coming off the breath overpowers body odor, leaving you no clue as to laborer or gov’t cheese eater. Not that I buy into any of those stereotypes.

  14. Just holler, “Hey, Tonto!” and if he looks angry, he’s probably one or the other.

  15. Offer him some Juicyfruit, easiest way to tell.

  16. Might also check to see if they’ve got one of those crown air fresheners on the dashboard (probably sitting on dash carpeting).

  17. Damn you Maggie!
    You stole my thunder!

    (grew up 10 minutes from a reservation — me loves me some $3 Blackjack!!)

  18. Oye, Itlan. Aztec Indians wear feathers, and know how to fly. Coulda been an Aztec. Just sayin’.

  19. – See Jeff….Its a testimont to your “inlander-ness” that has you thinking you have an either or with anything from south of the border, or as alGore the omniverant would say; “There are three types of Mexicans, those that are Indians, and those that are Spanish blood.”. So the dude pouring your patio, splashing well beyound the border boards in places, could well be both a beaner, and a Aztecbean. Aztecbeans are like onions, need a lot of heat to grow, no ICE.

  20. The Rick, the bulk of my family is from OK, I hear stories. Though I also must thank the Choctaw tribe for providing transportation for RTO’s NG unit from and to Camp Shelby so their families could see them before they left for the ‘Stan. I may have to go “gambling” some time.

  21. Choctaw Indian Bingo!!!!

  22. “Sad is the grilled cheese sandwich, without tomato soup” – Sous Chef Boyardee

  23. “Sad is the Steinbrenner, learning yet again that there’s more to building a good team than coughing up cash and yelling at people.”

    — Chief Cleveland Ohio

  24. Drive a parade of Italians by him and see what he does.

  25. One of the regulars on our side of the street at the Friday rallies is a tribal-roll Cherokee. She’s really handy when someone brings out the white man’s war bushwah.

  26. Ok, that’s it. Consider the Rockies jinxed, wise ass.

    I’m gonna hit ’em with the ol’ Ward Churchill special. With TWO chickens.

  27. I had an Indian do my driveway. He hit it with the bull float and then put a cool swirly pattern in with his turban. The buy finishing the side walk had six arms.

  28. “the guy” GOD DAMN THESE MITTENS!!!!

  29. Most concrete men are mestizos. Strange.

  30. Online Gambling is sometimes very addictive, a couple of years ago i lot a thousand bucks in online poker*~:

  31. body odor is nasty that is why i always take a bath twice a day.*:~