“Fine, okay. I’ll give you a dollar. And half of my chicken soft taco. Just — put that filthy thing away, for Chrissakes…”
****
Epilogue
“By the way. The little tiny raincoat? Nice touch.”
~finis~
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September 21, 2007
“The Day I Saw a Hobo Touching Himself Outside of Taco Bell” (a protein wisdom microfiction)
45 Comments ::: Post a comment »RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI: http://proteinwisdom.com/wp-trackback.php?p=9865 Leave a commentIf you want to leave a feedback to this post or to some other user´s comment, simply fill out the form below. |
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Comment by RiverC on 9/21 @ 12:00 pm #
Man. Chicken Soft taco. On a Friday, that sounds Delcious.
Comment by Dan Collins on 9/21 @ 12:06 pm #
I’m just glad it wasn’t a hard taco.
Comment by mojo on 9/21 @ 12:09 pm #
The knife, Jeff! Use the knife!
Comment by Cowboy on 9/21 @ 12:23 pm #
…or the spork!!
Comment by The Ouroboros on 9/21 @ 12:31 pm #
Glad to hear you didnt let him touch your Chalupa….
Comment by RiverC on 9/21 @ 12:32 pm #
In the old days, you’d just punch and kick him until he yelled ‘BARF!’ and dropped a 50-yen coin.
Comment by The Fabulous Timbo on 9/21 @ 1:02 pm #
“No, I don’t want to shake hands.”
Comment by Aldo on 9/21 @ 1:15 pm #
Did you see Ace lurking around with a half-empty bottle of Valu-Rite vodka and a thousand-yard stare?
Comment by Lost My Cookies on 9/21 @ 1:38 pm #
Thanks for the taco.
Comment by Sticky B on 9/21 @ 1:39 pm #
The chicken soft taco obviously is a proxy for Amerikkkkan cultural hegemony, and the hobo is the oppressed third world victim of the Chimperor. And this is no chance meeting is it MISTER. You have obviously intentionally invaded his space in order to spew your macho western judgementalism regarding the quality of his member……..
So how’m I doin’ so far? Can I be a Kos diarist yet?
Comment by JHoward on 9/21 @ 2:03 pm #
You can be a Kos diarist if you riff like that on Jesse McBeth’s jail time. Or on the cover of the Rolling Stone.
BECAUSE OF THE MAN, MAN!
Comment by McGehee on 9/21 @ 2:11 pm #
A dash of that extra-hot hot sauce might have been a better choice than a dollar.
Unless he was one of those kinky hobos. And I thought you had all those chained up in your basement already.
Comment by daleyrocks on 9/21 @ 2:13 pm #
A manly man wouldn’t have looked.
Comment by kelly on 9/21 @ 2:18 pm #
Yo quiero…
Comment by Merovign on 9/21 @ 2:46 pm #
You know, I went looking for hobos the other day. I had a tip from AoS about using a match to tell whether someone was dead or not.
Anyway, I didn’t find any hobos. I live near a train yard, for crying out loud, there ought to be hobos!
What kind of oppressive neo-liberal capitalistic hegemony are we running when you can’t even find a hobo to experiment on?!?!
I thought there were supposed to be millions of homeless people on every street corner? I’ll bet those selfish bastards went and got jobs or something.
Comment by nikkolai on 9/21 @ 3:09 pm #
Don’t let Poppy get a little sloppy.
Comment by R30C on 9/21 @ 4:56 pm #
MEH, soft chicken taco. I just came back from an unexpected trip to Ellicott city Maryland with 6 pound of fresh backfin and a half bushel of steamed crabs. I’m enjoying the look I get from neighbors when I proudly tell them I went to Maryland and got crabs, priceless.
Comment by Karl on 9/21 @ 4:56 pm #
His hair was perfect.
Comment by Frew on 9/21 @ 5:49 pm #
You eat at Taco Bell?? Oh, my GOD.
Comment by Jeff G. on 9/21 @ 5:57 pm #
Well, not since I was accosted by a Hobo dingle, no.
Comment by phreshone on 9/21 @ 6:04 pm #
Amazing that you are willing to admit that you stared at it long enough to notice it was very small.
Perhaps it is time to put the “microfiction” category in the “Greatest Hits”
Comment by R30C on 9/21 @ 6:17 pm #
#
Comment by Jeff G. on 9/21 @ 5:57 pm #
Well, not since I was accosted by a Hobo dingle, no.
All right Jeff, explain, did you purchase the said soft chicken taco inside the restaurant, or did you provide a “wrap” and purchase outside said restaurant on the cheap? Inquiring minds aren’t eager to know, just morbidly curious.
Comment by B Moe on 9/21 @ 7:13 pm #
“Anyway, I didn’t find any hobos. I live near a train yard, for crying out loud, there ought to be hobos!”
Trainyards don’t have WiFi, silly!
http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2007/sep/11/man-facing-250-years-child-porn-charges-strikes-pl/
Comment by guinsPen on 9/21 @ 7:30 pm #
Which half?
that filthy thing
His subjunctive?
Comment by guinsPen on 9/21 @ 7:31 pm #
k
Comment by Major John on 9/21 @ 7:32 pm #
One of the finer microfictions I have read….since Jeff’s last one!
Comment by Merovign on 9/21 @ 8:12 pm #
B Moe: Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ!
Suddenly Ace’s hobby of hunting hobos is starting to make sense!
Comment by Ric Caric on 9/21 @ 9:06 pm #
Doesn’t that pretty much sum up the Bush administration’s secret to governing. They show their thing and the world turns away in disgust.
Comment by maggie katzen on 9/21 @ 9:11 pm #
so, are you saying the the world is homophobic?
Comment by daleyrocks on 9/21 @ 9:19 pm #
Perfesser Caric – Wrong again. The Bush Administration doesn’t show nothing to nobody. Haven’t you been following the Congressional theater of the absurd this year? People need to see their junk to the exclusion of getting anything done. Screw the approval ratings!
Thanks Nancy!
Thanks Harry!
Comment by JHoward on 9/21 @ 9:20 pm #
That’s very, very good. Ric. Be proud.
Comment by Merovign on 9/21 @ 9:27 pm #
Dude is a walking, talking, typing meme. Man, what a life.
Comment by Pablo on 9/21 @ 9:29 pm #
Really an outstanding metaphor. George Bush is analogous to a filthy, masturbating hobo.
Top shelf thinking, that.
Comment by Karl on 9/21 @ 10:07 pm #
Given that Caric’s ilk consistently complains about the Administration’s penchant for secrecy, Caric’s metaphor is about as solid as the rest of his thinking. He would have been better off sticking with his schtick of accusing Jeff of homophobia in a completely circular fashion.
Comment by Rusty on 9/22 @ 5:50 am #
#
Comment by Ric Caric on 9/21 @ 9:06 pm #
Doesn’t that pretty much sum up the Bush administration’s secret to governing. They show their thing and the world turns away in disgust.
Way to go perfesser!!!! You’re tied with Ethel for being the most inane. You don’t do show tunes, do ya?
Comment by The Sanity Inspector on 9/22 @ 6:31 pm #
Oh, just leave the former senator alone…
Comment by N. O'Brain on 9/23 @ 6:12 am #
Well, perfessor, I for one am tired of the old cliches.
Bring us some new cliches.
Comment by Cafe Alpha on 9/23 @ 12:16 pm #
Lost My Cookies “Thanks for the taco.”
And that’s when I laughed.
Comment by bour3 on 9/23 @ 12:37 pm #
That must have been weird.
Comment by Swen Swenson on 9/23 @ 3:44 pm #
Now this is why I keep coming back here!
You’re not looking in the right place. Try the 16th Street Mall, it’s crawling with them. And I mean that both literally and figuratively.
Oh, and insane street preachers. I think that’s where Fred Phelps got his start.
Funny thing though, I was standing outside the Taco Bell down there kind of jinglin’ the change in my pocket when this guy forced a chicken taco on me..
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