Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!”
Me:: “You know, many nutritionists these days are touting string cheese as a really healthy snack food. Something about the calcium and protein content. Worth looking into, I think.”
Merrick: ” — I AM A HUMAN BEING!”
Me: “Yeah, yeah, I know it. But were you a tube of string cheese, the likelihood that some superhot aerobics instructor would take you into her mouth increases, like, a billion fold, is my point. Plus, you could lose the drool sack. So, you know — bonus!”
Comment by Dan Collins on 9/18 @ 12:20 pm #
I used to like cheese.
Comment by happyfeet on 9/18 @ 12:29 pm #
String cheese is a mid-west thing really, and it followed peeps out west. Not so big in the south and east of the Mississippi.
I don’t really have a point.
Comment by Robin Roberts on 9/18 @ 12:31 pm #
Well, there goes my appetite for lunch.
Comment by mojo on 9/18 @ 12:35 pm #
Merrick: I AM TEH CHEEZE! (drool)
Comment by N. O'Brain on 9/18 @ 1:09 pm #
Frank J. recently reported that John Edwards threw out his shoulder trying to tear apart some string cheese.
Comment by PCachu on 9/18 @ 1:42 pm #
“I AM NOT AN ANIMAL — I AM A LOLCAT! … Wait–”
Comment by The Ouroboros on 9/18 @ 1:50 pm #
If he wants to see himself as a tasty, smooth string cheese I say more power to him.. but I see him as more the Cheetos type… Not the puffy ones.. The crunchie , misshapen ones that leave your fingers orange.
Comment by JD on 9/18 @ 2:31 pm #
I am taking some of my daughter’s string cheese to my aerobics class tomorrow morning, just to try out your theory.
Comment by Cowboy on 9/18 @ 3:02 pm #
CHEEZIST!!!
…someone had to say it.
I’m not proud or anything.
Comment by Sticky B on 9/18 @ 5:24 pm #
I think it’s only fair that you mention that too much cheese can lead to constipation. Fucked up as his face is, you know his intestines gotta be a mess as well.
Comment by fletch on 9/18 @ 6:07 pm #
(I think) I saw this movie on TV (AMC) last night!
There was this guy who was convinced he had been mistreated and abused his entire life- but a “kindly doctor” promised him grossly distorted features and an especially oversized head!
–and he would also hit another 400 home runs after age 36!
Comment by Major John on 9/18 @ 7:30 pm #
Happyfeet,
Wisconsin and Illinois are east of the Mississippi. Wisconsin, she produces the lovely cheese, and we in Illinois scarf it down by the metric ton…
Comment by Slartibartfast on 9/19 @ 4:13 am #
There’s some cheese-ish product that folks in Wisconsin seem to like…I can’t remember what it is, exactly, but it’s something like unaged cheddar curds. Looks a bit like popcorn, but rather more chock-full of lard.
Comment by Dan Collins on 9/19 @ 4:33 am #
Cheese curds, Slartibart.
Most stable part of Iraq.
Comment by JD on 9/19 @ 7:50 am #
Fried cheese curds. Another one of life’s simple pleasures.
String cheese, on the other hand, does nothing to increase “the likelihood that some superhot aerobics instructor would take you into her mouth”. I had a piece of string cheese tucked into my headband, and a piece hanging from the straps of my jockstrap, to no avail. Will have to try more string cheese tomorrow.
Comment by The Ouroboros on 9/19 @ 8:06 am #
JD: A limp piece of string cheese hanging from your jockstrap may not be the image you want to project… Get a big, thick trunk of string cheese and let it jut proudly from the waistband of your jockstrap… I’m willing to bet your superhot aerobics instructor will at least take notice.. “into her mouth” might take a little cajoling..
Comment by Prog on 9/19 @ 8:08 am #
Actually, I am planning on taking a half wheel of goud and a half wheel of extra sharp cheddar with me tomorrow, and just sit there gnawing on cheese. Nobody can resist that.
Comment by JD on 9/19 @ 8:08 am #
oops
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