September 13, 2007

Overheard in a Hemreen bunker, Thursday, Septermber 13

First militant: “Forgive me for bringing this up just now, Farhad, but I’m beginning to wonder if this fight is worth dying for.”*

Second militant: “– Blasphemy! We do the work of God, Javeed, and the work of God is always worth dying for. Be thankful we are friends, or I would slit your cowardly throat myself for daring to question the will of Allah.”*

First militant: “Oh, don’t get me wrong, brother: I’d happily kill any filthy Jew a goodly tree informed me was cowering behind its majestic trunk. But what I don’t understand is why I’m supposed to be concerned about subprime interest loans — or by the Great Satan’s refusal to sign the Kyoto Protocol.”

Second militant: “Oh.”

Second militant:

Second militant:

Second militant: “Well, in Osama’s defense, it has been unseasonably warm this summer, Javeed…”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 2:02pm
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Comments (25)

  1. I love these. Love ‘em. Every one is a classic.

  2. Yay! The jihadis are back! (peace be upon them..)

  3. OK, I’m choking on my falafel here.

  4. First militant: Yeah, right Farhad. Tell it to the Marines, huh?

    Second militant:

    First militant: Ok, bad choice of phrase…

  5. Three killed and 100 captured? What’s up with these martyrs for Allah? The Soup Nazi says:

    NO VIRGINS FOR YOU!!!!

  6. You need a comic strip with these.. It could be the new counterbalance to Doonesbury.

  7. I second the comic strip comment.

    I wonder if they’d run in the NY Times.

  8. First militant: “Sure, you noticed that and I noticed that. But if we were living in a cave somewhere, nice and cool and unharassed by the Great Satan’s snipers, maybe not so much.”

  9. Was that last asterisk that disappeared meant to point to a “jihadi bunker sex scene omitted” note? Because it’s like that. I mean…

    http://www.criticalsecret.com/n8/quer/4per/arab/23.html

    …y’know? …maybe?

    Anyway, but, speaking as your typical hypermasculine-poseur reichwing half-a-fag, if after a round of “majestic trunk” bunker entendre, I say it’s “unseasonably hot this summer, Javeed,” and there’s no one there but you and me, whatever your name is, you’re about to weigh my junk. And I’m not one to other the jihadis about such things.

  10. First Militant: And also, I am thinking that by killing the infidel we are only creating more of them.

    Second Militant: Dude that is just retarded.

  11. Marine Sniper:“Is that? Naw…..can’t be….Is it really Leo Dicaprio dressed as a jihadi next to those two militants? That can’t be him..”

    Iraqi Military Sniper:“Pardon me my friend, but this man you call Leo in our sights, he carries a book with him. I can barely make it out, but I think it says ‘Earth In the Bal…Balu..’, I can’t read the last part. Is this some sort of martyr prose in America?”

    Marine Sniper:“Yeah Ahmed, sort of. It’s more like a manual on how to ruin your economy. Good thing those two militants don’t seem to understand him though, they’d probably hack his head off for Titanic.”

    Iraqi Military Sniper:“Titanic was an incredibly shitty movie my friend. Qusay used to torture people by making them watch it repeatedly. The bastard.”

  12. Marine Sniper: “Yeah, no shit, Ahmed.. I heard a couple OGA types saying that Kahlid Sheik Mohammed actually begged for waterboarding after just two viewings…

  13. It probably is pretty hot in Osama’s hood, but Kyoto ain’t gonna fix a damn thing down there any more than it’ll fix a damn thing up here.

  14. First militant: “Or, you know, Gitmo. I hear the breezes off the Caribbean can be quite soothing. Especially when they’re blowing faster than 74 miles an hour.”

    Second militant: “Dude, where do you come up with this shit?”

  15. Our local AM radio station here in the California central valley `had a very interesting call from Devon Nunez (R-Cal) today. On a “fact finding ” trip, he and other prominent Republicans just left Iraq, and he was calling from Kuwait. I’ll try and summarize:

    Nunez characterized the trip as an effort to learn intelligence, how al-Qaida was getting funding, and talking to CIA and intelligence people as well as front line grunts. He also said they wanted to check first hand on the claims that large parts of Iraq were still only getting power less than 50% of the time, and the accusation that despite all the money and effort rebuilding the infrastructure, there was less energy production than before.

    To address the last first, Nunez said there is more power being produced, but the Iraqi economy is building so fast with so many new businesses, the expanding capabilities still can’t keep up.

    Addressing the success of the surge, Nunez said it has been very effective, with several THOUSANDS of al-Qaida being killed, though he wouldn’t give an exact count because it was classified (!?!). He claimed most al-Qaida entered Iraq across the Syrian border. Quoted a couple of marines in Anbar, whom he knew personally, that said Anbar is now safe ‘cuz they ran out of al-Qaida to kill there.

    He admitted disappointment at the political progress achieved, predicted Maliki would stay for awhile because there was no one else in the picture that would be agreeable to all sides. “There is no George Washington striding out from the wings (quotes from memory, exact wording not guaranteed), he said, “Iraq needs a leader to emerge.”

    Nunez said they had a change of itinerary; the original plan was to go to Anbar, but it is now one of the safest places in the country, so they went to the next important objective of the war…Babylon (south of Baghdad). He said that is where the next battle will be fought as that is where those flushed from Baghdad went. The news for the next few months will be from there, but the ass-kicking will be administered by the army this time, not marines.

    Rep. Nunez revealed that, for the first in US army history, state department people are being embedded with military units, to implement the strategy of leaving cleared territory in politically mentored hands.

    During the interview, Devon Nunez expressed disgust at the spectacle in Washington over the Petraeus report, and went into the difficulties if uniting a people pitted against each other for 30 years under Saddam. Trust is very hard to come by, and corruption is a problem. He did say new recruits for the Iraqi army and police forces were coming out of the woodwork, and their strength levels were good. He also expressed uncertainty over whether the country COULD form a democratic nation, though there was plenty of reason to hope. US military moral is determined, confident they can achieve the objectives of the surge, giving the political objectives every possible chance to succeed.

    All in all, a positive finding, although not Pollyannaish. It was a great interview, I’ll try to get a link as soon as the station puts it on their website.

  16. First militant: “Dude, you hear something? Sounds like a whistl……..”

  17. Pingback: Jihadi Motivations « I Think ^(Link) Therefore I Err

  18. “…why I’m supposed to be concerned about subprime interest loans — or by the Great Satan’s refusal to sign the Kyoto Protocol.” ”

    I think Osama may have gotten his talking points for that speech straight from Adam Gadhan.

    (as well as his beard ! )

  19. Second militant: “Well, in Osama’s defense, it has been unseasonably warm this summer, Javeed…”

    First militant: “Bitch please…..”

    Second militant: “What did you just say to me, Javeed?”

    First militant: “Bitch please…..”

    Second militant: ….

    First militant: “Bitch please.. Biiiitch pleeeease.. Bitch puhleeeese. Leave Britney alone!”

    Second militant: ….

    First militant: “Oh, sorry Farhad.. I was just thinking about the Infidel Chris Crocker on MySpace … Heh.. Peace be upon him.

  20. #1 jd:

    I love these. Love ‘em. Every one is a classic.

    Yes. This is what that one encomium on the revolving blurb-o-matic up there means, when it says that Jeff is one blogger he’d pay to read in hardcopy.

  21. “Babylon (south of Baghdad). He said that is where the next battle will be fought as that is where those flushed from Baghdad went. The news for the next few months will be from there, but the ass-kicking will be administered by the army this time, not marines.”

    Whee. Guess where I am going this Winter…

  22. We will pray for your safety, and will know that Babylon will be in good and capable hands.

  23. It’s actually interesting that UBL wants us to vote Republican; and then encourages muslims to more or less rage against the machine, as the corporate greed is what is keeping islam down. It’s not as zany as it appears; though it is certianly sick.

  24. When are you going to start the “Overheard in a Berkely Bunker” series?

  25. Very interesting read, I think their would be a lot of mixed opinions on this. Love the theme that you are using, what is it?

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