June 25, 2007

Overheard in a Baqubah bunker, Monday, June 25

First militant: “Point of clarification, Tahir. What, precisely, is, an ‘arrowhead ripper’, anyway?”*

Second militant: “What does it matter, Brother? Just make sure your weapons are loaded, and that you are prepared to die for the greater good of Allah’s will.”*

First militant: “Oh, of course. That’s a given. Allahu akbar, Death to America, blah blah blah. I’m just wondering what is meant by this strange phrase — one that, from the look of things, will be sending me off to my virgin reward –“*

Second militant: “– Gah. I can practically smell the Paper Tiger’s surge forces all around us. The stink, it is of pork rinds and Pepsi Cola and plastic women pleasuring each other to jazzy bass riffs. Steel yourself, my friend. Prepare to wield Allah’s mighty sword!”*

First militant: “– ‘Arrowhead ripper.’ Such a strange name for an offensive. I mean, why couldn’t we die holding back, say, ‘Operation Arab Slaughter’? At least that would give our deaths a kind of dignity, you know? But ‘arrowhead ripper’? That is just silly and meaningless.”

Second militant: “The barbarians are at the gate, my friend. Raise your weapon!”

First militant: “You know what? Fuck this. I’m not going to fight unless the Americans begin putting some thought into their symbolism.”

Second militant: “But your honor, Brother –”

First militant: “Oh, honor schmonor. At least we show the courtesy of framing this conflict as a clash of civilizations. And for our troubles we get ‘Operation Arrowhead Ripper’? May as well die for ‘Operation Foreskin Removal,’ for all the gravitas such an image invokes.”

First militant: “Christ, how I hate these perpetually unserious Americans.”

Posted by Jeff G. @ 11:05am
21 comments | Trackback

Comments (21)

  1. Oh, how I have missed the Bunker Conversations!  Welcome back, 1st and 2nd Militants!
    "Operation Foreskin Removal"?   I like it.

  2. C’mon, they’re not militants, they’re all Al Qaeda now.  Doncha read Gleenwald?

  3. Jeff, "point of clarification"???

     Does this mean if we use Robert’s Rules, the terrorists have won? 

     Ripping good yarn, though. 

  4. I don’t care who or what terrorist group they represent. They about to die…

  5. Third militant: "You know, Tahir, I’m not real keen on having my arrowhead ripped away. If you know what I mean and I think you do."

  6. Second Militant: Please brother, Islam is the religion of peace, don’t say you hate the Americans. Say you love killing the Americans. 

    First Militant: 

    Second Militant: ‘Cuz there can be no peace without love.

  7. Second Militant: Hey, the innertubes (Allah (PBUH) be praised for Vint Cerf) say that the Arrowhead is Second Brigade, Second Infantry Division. 
     
    First Militant: Okay, fine.  What does Ripper mean?  They seem to be using historic mission titles these days.  Could you wiki Operation Ripper for me?
     
    Second Militant:  One minute… Crappy dialup… Here it is.  Korean War offensive, launched by Gen Ridgeway to retake Seoul and push Chinese People’s Army back to the 38th Parallel, primary goal to kill as many Chinese fighters as possible, territorial gain, while significant, was not the primary goal.
     
    First Militant: 
     
    Second Militant: 
     
    First Militant:  Hey, you want to see if Amazon sells Depends?  I have a coupon for next day shipping.   
     
    Second Militant:  Yeah, sure.  Get an extra box.  Not for me, for my Uncle Mahmoud. 

  8. I can no longer allow Islamic subversion, Islamic perversion, and the International Islamic Conspiracy to sully and impurify our vital bodily fluids!

  9. I think the military has some (pseudo-)random task force and operation naming program.  It picks from the words in a virtual hat, slaps them together, and voila!  Not sure if "foreskin" would ever turn up in the virtual hat, though.  Not since Tailhook, anyway.

  10. Michael Yon reported that Al Queda is cutting off the two fingers used to hold a cigarette as punishment for breaking their no-smoking ban. Maybe Bloomberg can support this as part of his run/not-run for the Presidency.  It would really make him stand out from all the others. No such thing as bad publicity right?  

  11. Operation Wah-Wah Apocolypse.  Sponsored by Axe.

  12. If I ever find a foreskin in my hat, I’d better be stoned.

  13. Michael Yon also reported that Iraqis in Baqubah under Al Qaeda occupation were beaten for carrying tomatoes and cucumbers in the same bag…for "sexual suggestiveness".  Geez, were grocers only allowed to sell one honeydew at a time, too?  Peaches banned cuz a few of them resemble the trophy caboose of Selma Hayek?
    But remember, you can reason with these people.  If we just talk and stuff. 
    P.S.  "Arrowhead ripper" reminds me of a rather intense, yet warm and satisfying, bean burrito fart.

  14. An Arrowhead is actually the name for the emissions one hears around the campfire after franks and beans, sort of like that scene in Blazing Saddles.  Why do you think they used the term Ripper?

  15. Marine Sniper: "…….lieutenant, do I have all clear to finish  Operation Fish In Barrel? The target is in sight.."
    2nd Lieutenant: " That’s a 10-4 marine. Please take out those two idiots with the RPG’s that keep yelling at each other so we can send in some ATV’s to finish Operation Fuck Harry Reid."
     

  16. Next up, Operation Dramatic Chipmunk:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw&feature=active_sharingYes, it’s old.  but not as old as Operation Badger Badger Badger: http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/  

  17. Eh, ’bout as good as Operation Mountain Storm (how is that for originality – q0th Mountain Division…in the mountains of Afghanistan…get it?  huh?  huh?).
     
    As long as they get results, I don’t care if they call it Operation Snuggle Bunny.  Well, OK, maybe I might mind that one…

  18. “Operation Snuggle Bunny” has a really nice ring to it, especially when combined with large numbers of dead or captured jihadists. We could follow up with “Operation Fuzzy Bear”.

    When they start sh*tting themselves over kiddie toys, it’ll be undeniable that we have routed ‘em.

    Extra credit: what should they expect from “Operation LEGO BIONICLE”?

  19. Or maybe operation Fuck Richard Luger:

    http://lugar.senate.gov/press/record.cfm?id=277751&&year=2007&

    Is it possible the old bastard is so senile or stupid he doesn’t realize the incredibly bad timing of this? I would like to think it isn’t just plain fucking treachery.

  20. Is it possible the old bastard is so senile or stupid he doesn’t realize the incredibly bad timing of this? I would like to think it isn’t just plain fucking treachery.

    Never underestimate the power of stupidity.

  21. Pingback: Baqubah « I Think ^(Link) Therefore I Err

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